I killed the nice guy in me, but something's missing?

[f283000]

Most guys who call themselves "jerks" are just trying to mask the insecurities of being a nice guy that they've hid all their lives.

There we go again. You are no different than a feminist. This is how society wants you to think. Society wants you to feel wrong about showing authoritative masculine behavior to the point of labeling such behavior as "jerk" behavior or insecure.

You are no different from those that say that you are some closet homo or not secure with your sexuality just because you find a man sticking his rod in another man's butt sick and appalling. Stop playing to their tactics!

This is the way society holds men back by keeping us from trying to unleash and discover our inner masculine selves.

 

[Chosen1]

I should be so fortunate you are blessed sir do not I repeat do not get attached. I keep getting hurt in one way or another I'm a free man right now and so are u

 

[CuriousGirl]

Some of you people sound downright crazy. Why do you need to be a jerk or a nice guy? How about being a fairly normal guy who doesn't come across as insane?

I vote this.

 

[thegator39]

So f28, you condone beating women, intentionally taking advantage of them (i.e. pretending you want a relationship, having sex with them, then ditching them) or hating women in general?

That's what the majority means by being a jerk. You can be an assertive, dominant man, without being a jerk.

 

[be.the.man]

To get what you want, you need to become an Alpha male. Thats the best way to get rid of the "Nice Guy" image you seem to be saying you have. You need to become the "Good Guy". You just need to get lots of Alpha traits to do that. Its not hard, I am 18 and I consider myself to be Alpha. My main code is that, as long as I show I am confident in myself and abilities, I will always do more then good and girls will love it. I just be a really sociable person, act ****y funny and take the piss out of people, talk to anyone, and be proper flirty with any girl. Anouther major thing I do is posture and clothing. I always try to wear things that suit my figure best and walk properly so, back straight with chest out. If you have social value where people want to hang out with you (being alpha and a good guy) and not be the person that people dont mind you coming out with them, but not one of the first people they want to ring to invite out (beta male/nice guy). Act confidence act like someone you want to know, be someone you want to know! You should get rid of this nice guy image you seem to portray. It will take time, but you will eventually see results. Its like doing free weight training at the gym. Your not going to wake up the next day with tonned big abbs. It can take months for you start to see benificial results but it is totally worth it. Get and Create Higher Value for yourself!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Semantics

First of all, it´s important to label things.

There are "two" kinds of jerks. One who is not really a jerk, someone who doesn´t let himself be pushed around and doesn´t bow to anyone yet has moral and values. The other is the pr!ck who is incredibly selfish and is as insecure as the nice guy, he only appears to be stronger.

Women will always call a man they cannot control, a jerk. The power of the *EMOTIONALLY unavailable men is that the girl´s main power (emotion) doesn´t work, so these men usually have the upper hand. The girl may pout, make a scandal, and these dudes remain unfased while the girl goes nut.

*By EUM, I mean, a person who is not easily duped by feelings, and tends to be rational, who doesn´t turn into an AFC and gets mushy with a woman. There are other definitons, such as: commitment phobic, Mr elusive guy, players, Cluster B folks, and so on. So again, we have to be careful with what we mean by using certain labels.

This is an interesting article about "EUM":
http://www.relationshipatoz.com/emotionally-unavailable-man.htm

 

[PapiChulo]

Revolt! Revolt once and for all!

 

[Radharc]

Radharc...my ex was kind of like that...and when things were good, I've never had such a connection with anyone who isn't a family member. She drank casually, but she didn't go to bars often or clubs ever, and she had a few girlfriends she saw occasionally but that's it. Was more into her work than anything else. It was fools gold though because she wasn't into me beyond a casual dating/"he's cute but not the man for me" kind of way.

Hakuna...thanks for articulating what I was trying to get across. I want to be a real man. I don't hate women, I just don't need the connection to be a whole person.

The way I see it working is if you yourself have some passions in life, you both are on about the same level and manage to find a balance. Another factor is if you both are passionate about the same thing, or things that are related - with the two I mentioned that was the case. But yeah, they can be "unavailable" sometimes.

Anyways, this is a bit besides the point because women like that appear once in a blue moon, its not really for those that you need to prepare everyday (or is it?).

 

[zekko]

Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved

Women are capable of loving a man a great deal, however. I think what you are saying is that women will not love a man UNCONDITIONALLY, as they might love their child. A man has to be deserving of love. You cannot expect to turn into a weak spineless pvssy and still expect a woman to love you. Or for that matter (despite what some say on this forum), you can't expect to be a totally self centered abusive pr!ck and keep her love either. At some point she will tire of it.

You might also reverse this, by the way. Do you think a man will love a woman the way she expects him to be capable of? Maybe in the short term, but a guy is always going to be checking out other women.

All of this red pill/blue pill BS aside, I see no reason for the OP to become bitter. It's good to have realistic expectations. But no need to become bitter. There are good women out there, although yeah, they're rare.

Having an emotional bond with a woman isn't a bad thing. Being CONTROLLED by an emotional bond with a woman, is a bad thing. It's not wrong to look for love, but it's wrong to aim for love over other things and to be ruled by it.

Well said.

 

[thegator39]

Well I feel like I've missed out...all those years with low self-esteem, making it impossible for me to talk to ANY woman...and also on top of it, the past couple years with better self-esteem, still holding onto dear life to idealized images of love.

I'm sure one day I'll find a woman that I can be physically attracted to and also deeply respect as a person and connect with, but it will likely happen at a later age. For now, I'm trying to find a way to get what I want (sex and fooling around) without being abusive or manipulative about it. Like I've said, I'd like to be the kind of guy where women know I want sex and can't help themselves from being curious about me i.e. Sam Malone type.

 

[joe henny]

You have to lie to them. You have to enojoy it too. They lie to us every day when they put on make-up, when they wear hills. Ever been with a chick who has the most perfect ass in jeans but when she takes them off its just fat that drops to the floor? Then your like dam, oh well Ill fck her anyways.

Every guy who turned into a player had that nice guy in him. But they got tired of being screwed over by women so one day they took that nice guy grabbed him chocked him out and cut him up then let the evil take over. Enjoy being bad

 

[5string]

Why is it you just can't be who you are? If you are naturally a good guy, it does not mean you cannot display and project masculine traits.

For example, you can spend some time with a woman having fun and enjoying her company right? We all can. It does not mean that by being a good guy you have to be needy, clingy and put the princess on her pedestal. All the while not being a jerk or an a hole. Being a "jerk" with the sole belief and intention of getting some cooch is just kinda lame imo. One thing they teach on here is to be confident and in control. You can still be a good guy and display those same traits.

 

[thegator39]

I'm a guy who's very selective about who I date. To date, I want common ground, similar personality, etc., not just her being "hot." In fact, one of the girls I'd currently date if she wanted to would be a kind 5 to most guys on this site...but I think she looks good and we seem to have similar personalities.

The majority of women i check out or notice, I don't think there would be any future between us. I don't go to bars or clubs and hardly drink at all, I'm kind of a "sit at home and watch reruns" kind of guy unless I have a music rehearsal/gig, a pickup football game, or traveling plans and the like. I also don't have mainstream, top 40 type interests. My match other than a quiet/artsy/musical type woman would be a 38 year old milf that listens to similar music and has watched the TV shows I watch.

So in the meantime, I'd just like to get my groove on, have casual, guilt free sex with cute girls that probably aren't right for me. I'm willing to make changes (put on more bulk, be more assertive) but I'm not willing to become a douche. Even David Dangelo says that his advice isn't meant to be a jerk or *******, but to be a well-rounded confident man.

Would a guy look up to someone like Russell Crowe or Kiefer Sutherland in their roles, or some douche wigger or abusive guy or false ****y guy? I want to be the former, a guy that men respect and women love, not a guy that gets trim because he abuses girls and acts like a wigger or criminal.