I just dont know man....

[In2theGame]

Tonight i went downtown with some family that came to visit from California (specifically South Street Seaport, for those that live here in NYC) anyway it was cool, Hung out and relaxed a bit but damn memories of me and my ex wouldnt stop bothering me in my mind and it really brought me down. There were gorgeous girls around and many were lookin my way, even some gay dudes lol my uncle says "that fag was eyeing you" He's big anti gay anyway,.... the point is that i was looking at these girls and i just felt like i didnt care... in fact when i saw couples it made me not so much sad but anger starting to build up. Its been about 8 months since she left me and im over the really sad and depressed stage and wanting to just move forward but that feeling wont go away. I mean WTF,.. i dont want to feel like this anymore but its as if my ex is still "close" to me. Maybe its the way she did me in that has me angered? I posted a long while ago when she left me what happened but i didnt have the full details yet... But what happened was, out of the blue she cried for days and wouldnt tell me what was wrong no matter how much i pressed her for an answer to why she seemed so depressed and down, then she started saying her mind is running non stop and feeling suicidal, i tried hard to talk to her and be there for her. I found out she started taking Xanax and combining it with drinks and when i tried talking to her it was as if she was in another world, i felt totally helpless as her attitude towards me was so distant i felt like an evil vibe, I couldnt believe her attitude with me. I also found out she was going out to bars and hooking up with random guys and sleeping with them after they took her to hotels and to add, without condoms and even having to buy the morning after pill. As you can imagine, i was hurt to say the VERY least but the bomb was when i saw her telling another guy on Facebook that he was the love of her life and that she was moving in with him and getting married. It felt like a mike tyson punch in the gut. Maybe im still wondering wtf happened really,... i just dont know. Im a good looking guy, 6' , black hair, tan skin, green eyes, muscular lean build etc.. I dont have problems with the ladies but let me tell you, that feeling in my chest,....i dont know how to describe it,....but its horrible. Some of you may say i sound like a b*tch but i was close to marrying her and she was very sweet and loving towards me for 5 years then turns around and does a complete 180 and that destroyed me. maybe when i see these girls at the bars or hanging outside wearing short skirts, it reminds me of her when she went out banging dudes left and right... i dunno but im not going to lie, i loved her VERY much and maybe the scar is still fresh. My mind may want to move forward but my feelings wont let go no matter how much ive tried. No doubt she did me dirty, she told me, convinced me even, that she was totally in love with me and was looking forward towards marriage and i let my guard down fully after the 4th year together, once i did that,.. i got the plunger. I was not the perfect bf but i loved her without a doubt. Gave her jewelry, cards, took her to Hawaii, gave her my 40" lcd tv... those are just material things but i did romantic things for her too. Its VERY hard for me to trust a female like this again....Any advice guys?

 

[loser-it]

I feel like I am in the same boat. My ex left me and married someone else and I look at other girls thinking they are just not the same. I even feel disgusted with the thought that I will have to throw myself back into the game and deal with all the dramas and hos.

Bottom line is I don't think nobody else can ever replace my ex in my heart. Nobody will but we still have to move on.

If it can make you feel better, you should feel lucky that she left you. Her behavior were at least 10 times worse than my ex and definitely not a keeper. She did you a favor by leaving you. Trust me!

 

[In2theGame]

I feel like I am in the same boat. My ex left me and married someone else and I look at other girls thinking they are just not the same. I even feel disgusted with the thought that I will have to throw myself back into the game and deal with all the dramas and hos.

Bottom line is I don't think nobody else can ever replace my ex in my heart. Nobody will but we still have to move on.

If it can make you feel better, you should feel lucky that she left you. Her behavior were at least 10 times worse than my ex and definitely not a keeper. She did you a favor by leaving you. Trust me!

I think maybe its not so much that i feel like "i will never find another like her" but rather the shock i remember with the way and fashion she did it. It was HEAVY on myheart bro, ive never felt so kicked down before, ever. If she didnt love me anymore and felt she didnt care anymore, thats fine but why the dramatic crying, she threw herself on my bedroom floor crying hysterically when she asked me if i would take her back after "a break" i said no. 3 weeks after that she went to the Jersey shore with her party girl friend i hated, they were filming a Jersey shore season, she went to one of the clubs there (i forgot the name) anyway, i tried talking to her on the phone and i swear i felt like i was talking to satan,.. you know what she tells me?.. Im like "are you alright? you sound strange and after you told me you were taking xanax you shouldnt be drinking" she says "Eh i dont care, im smoking now and thinking of getting a nose ring" I was like huh? "you dont smoke and a nose ring?" she says "yeah, i only had 8 shots of patron anyway, and i fukked a guy at the club and i let another put his hands up my skirt and finger me outside, it was hot" Can you imagine how i was feeling? this is the same girl who i was about to Marry and not too long before that we had a large family gathering to talk about marriage and her telling me she loves me in front of my to be in laws........

I think thats what im trying to get over,, the traumatic experience... im not sure. To make matters worse,... when she returned to New York,... i continued to try to talk to her and ask her WTF she was doing to herself... at this point she was full blown out of control.. taking mental medication. I went over to where she lives without telling her to try and talk to her and when she heard i was outside she went into a dramatic anxiety attack, she popped xanax and then came down to talk but acted like she could care less about anything i was saying. she tells me she she let 2 guys double her in a hotel without condoms and she dont care with a smerk... I could not believe what i was F*king hearing. i was in Hell i thought. Clearly this was not the same girl i was dating for 5 years. She ended up going to get a STD test and stuff. I never heard alot more than that. i stopped calling and contacting her,.... out of the blue one night, she calls me and we talk.. she sounded extremely nervous and anxious then she tells me to hold on... i hear her drinking something and 5 min later she sounded so relaxed and care free, i assume she took something. i didnt say much.. but she tells me she went to play pool and bowling but she wanted to do these things with me and she still has feelings but her friend told her to stay away from me. then she says shes seeing someone with an attitude,,... i stood shut. then she blurts out "but i dont know! im confused!, i wanted to be with you, im so mad!." Im thinking wtf!? .... ugh! what a horrible experience... Now the guy she tells me shes was so confused about, shes getting married to him and moving in with him but i heard about that 5 months ago. Crazy enough my step brother calls me up 2 weeks later to tell me he knows the guy from High School,... Small world isnt it,.... he tells me the guy is 7 years older than her, has a kid and has been divorced,.... I was like whatever man.... But after all this. why i still feel hurt.. i dont have problems with girls,... in fact a month ago,...i went to a friends BBQ in Jersey and i ended up talking to my best friends girlfriends friend... Totally hot, tan skin brown hair greenish blue eyes and a real sweetheart with a rockin body, after some casual talk and me drinking a bit,... i gamed it up,... to make a long story short.. it got hot and heavy between us. i should be feelin good right? wrong... im still feeling a void.

 

[In2theGame]

Any other inputs?

 

[Inquisitus]

1. No contact. Do not talk, text, call, email, IM, whatever... Those are all the little claws she has on your soul.
2. Find something else to do other than women for a while.
3. I hate to say it but grow a pair. She treated you badly; use that anger to push her away.
4. Forget all that drama she pulled, you don't need understanding beyond knowing to avoid that stuff.

 

[typical]

Your hurting yourself guys, you need to take yourself out of the picture and look at it as if you were looking at a bestfriends life and then decide the right course or action. Once you do this you will very quickly find out all the flaws your realtionship had since you first met, the signs will have all been there during the first 3 months.

Also your not in love with her the actual person but your in love with the image in your head, stop creating these images in your heads and learn to love people for who they really are not what they would like you to believe or how you think they are.

The person in reality is vastly different to the one we are normally in love with, stop the lies and open your eyes before you get hurt again with another woman.

Just remember that some people are just plain messed up in their head, and nothing you do say or think about will ever change that, just take it at face value and move ahead.

Always remember there are at least 3 billion women on this planet and most of them will be mental but a few won't be, its your job as a man to weed through the mental ones and find a decent girl and trust me there are many many many hot looking normal women out there for any guy willing to go out and weed through the rubbish.

 

[st_99]

I won't even get into how psycho this girls sounds, dude, you dodged a bullet, be thankful and jump up for joy that she is somebody elses problem.

Your feelings are normal though, nothing new under the sun, it takes time to 'get over it', you will and then you'll say, whew, thank freaking god i am no longer with her.

The faster you start dating another girl, the faster you wont care anymore. You're human, you can't just turn off the negative emotions overnight but eventually they'll be gone. Just all simple stuff here.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Any other inputs?

Fix the problem at the source.

That gal sounds like a train wreck in process leaving massive amounts of damage in her wake..with anyone who is involved in her life.

My bet, is that her destructive behavior is way of enjoying the pain and misery she can cause you. This is why she tells about all the details of her getting double teamed, etc.

This woman is toxic. You need to see that.

The best advise anyone can give, regarding almost any challenge in life..is to allow good people into your life, and remove the bad ones. Good people should be an inspiration, a joy, and that can feed and build upon each other.

No contact with her ever again.

Think of all the hurtful things she's done to herself, and you. What you need to do, is do the exact opposite. Fill your life with good things, grow and succeed with good goals. Find a passion, that doesn't involve women, and tackle and conquer it. Travel, do something HUGE. Climb the biggest mountains. Kayak the greatest rivers. Start heading your life in the direction that champions take.

 

[In2theGame]

I won't even get into how psycho this girls sounds, dude, you dodged a bullet, be thankful and jump up for joy that she is somebody elses problem.

Your feelings are normal though, nothing new under the sun, it takes time to 'get over it', you will and then you'll say, whew, thank freaking god i am no longer with her.

The faster you start dating another girl, the faster you wont care anymore. You're human, you can't just turn off the negative emotions overnight but eventually they'll be gone. Just all simple stuff here.

Thats the thing, she was not like that our whole relationship, she was very sweet until she just turned around and i was so shocked by the change that i was trying to comprehend what i was experiencing. im not sure if the medication made her act different, I dont have any experience with xanax or any time of drug like that so i dont know but the change was dramatic. My best friend tells me the same thing that i dodged not a bullet but a missile lol maybe i did i guess but sometimes i wonder. One of his theories is that she messed up and had sex with another guy, didnt know how to tell me therefore couldnt even look at me when i would try to talk to her... She just cried and cried when i asked what was wrong. after a while she just chewed me out indirectly on facebook, of course all her friends were on her side and God knows what she told her parents about me and "what i did to her". Things i read she told people were like "my new BF is so much better than in2thegame, hes so crazy and fun and i think this is what i need" ... I really felt like sh*t and back stabbed after her telling ME that she wants to marry and loves me for 5 years. Im recovering but things like that anger and sadden me at times. Cruel words when a man is already down maybe,... but sometimes things that she said to me after she left messes with my head like "I ended up in a hotel with a guy and he got me in the azz good" ,.. maybe she was trying to get me to go to her house and punch her head off but all it did was hurt me more.

 

[st_99]

Thats the thing, she was not like that our whole relationship, she was very sweet until she just turned around and i was so shocked by the change that i was trying to comprehend what i was experiencing. im not sure if the medication made her act different, I dont have any experience with xanax or any time of drug like that so i dont know but the change was dramatic. My best friend tells me the same thing that i dodged not a bullet but a missile lol maybe i did i guess but sometimes i wonder. One of his theories is that she messed up and had sex with another guy, didnt know how to tell me therefore couldnt even look at me when i would try to talk to her... She just cried and cried when i asked what was wrong. after a while she just chewed me out indirectly on facebook, of course all her friends were on her side and God knows what she told her parents about me and "what i did to her". Things i read she told people were like "my new BF is so much better than in2thegame, hes so crazy and fun and i think this is what i need" ... I really felt like sh*t and back stabbed after her telling ME that she wants to marry and loves me for 5 years. Im recovering but things like that anger and sadden me at times. Cruel words when a man is already down maybe,... but sometimes things that she said to me after she left messes with my head like "I ended up in a hotel with a guy and he got me in the azz good" ,.. maybe she was trying to get me to go to her house and punch her head off but all it did was hurt me more.

You're just overanalyzing everything right now. All this what why who coulda woulda shouda. Again, totally normal, we all do it but none of this sht matters.

Only the bottom line matters and that is her behavior is outrageous , you're no longer together, maybe you learned a couple things about dealing with women and take that knowlege to the next relationship and thats it. Now you can start thinking about how much better the next piece of azz is going to be. :rock:

 

[Zunder]

What does Karma Sutra say,,,,something like "It 'aint your job to fix a broke b!tch"... never truers words spoken.

 

[SecondHalf]

In2theGame,

It's hard man, but you have to get past the denial stage and start to allow yourself to heal.

As long as you indulge this crap, you're going to float around in emotional purgatory.
The woman had issues, you two (likely her fault) had communication problems, and the most important, she doesn't sound like "high quality" to me.

When you're still asking why/how, it's indicative that you've not yet accepted the break up. Accept it, make a plan, summarize it as her loss, her crappy life ahead.

I went through the same thing. 2 years past, I can't imagine why I put up with such a nut case. And my ex was a professor.

I wish you luck man, but two things...
1) No contact
2) Why/how is irrelevant

SH

 

[Yo'Mama]

Dude trust me when I say that Xanax doesn't make a girl behave like this, lol.

Crystal meth, maybe....

 

[sodbuster]

so, would you rather have married her and have her pull this? your choice then is put up with it and "forgive her"[until she does it again] or lose half your stuff and the kids. Dodged a bullet. The near death experience should scare you more than the breakup hurts you

 

[typical]

Dude trust me when I say that Xanax doesn't make a girl behave like this, lol.

Crystal meth, maybe....

Yup meth coke heroin will all make girls do these things, just expect a huge mess once she stops taking it.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Ok, I know I'm young but I got some advice for you. First of all you should be happy your not with her anymore. Why would you want to be with a girl with all those problems. I'm sure there was signs of something going wrong even before all these things happen. Now it's your chance to meet a girl who is better then that.

Second of all it doesn't matter how you guys broke up. It is over now. So just take this as a learning experience but don't mourn over it. Just remember the lessons that can be learned from this experience.

 

[HeMan]

did you see lots of warning signs in the 5 years when you where dating?

 

[In2theGame]

did you see lots of warning signs in the 5 years when you where dating?

Nope none at all,... i know many will think "there were warning signs but he didnt see them or he payed no attention to them" but im telling you, there were none. In fact not too long before this all unfolded, she was pressing for her family to visit my family for a dinner gathering, i always held off a bit as to not to rush my life forward in terms of marriage and so forth but one day i thought about it and said to myself, let me man up and grow up, this is going to be my wife. So then it happened, we all enjoyed a family get together and i was happy, i enjoyed it and when we were asked "hey so when are we getting the invitations" you know... as to hint for a marriage, she held my hand and smiled. I was thinking.... this is it, I love her very much and im going to move forward in life. everything between us was great, we had our little disagreements here and there but what LTR doesnt. fast forward couple months and everything was fine... until one morning i called her and she didnt answer me for hours, i KNEW something was wrong. Until later in the day i got a hold of her and she sounded in a panic and depressed and eventually busted out in tears. Like ive mentioned before, i tried talking to her and see what was wrong but all i got was crying and more crying. I got her to come to my house and talk... all she did was cry and hug me tight unlike ever before,... of course im thinking "what the F*ck happened that shes acting crazy like this". little by little she started acting mean towards me and pushing me away until her words sounded like i was her full blown enemy and from then on.. she went out partying non stop, smoking, drugs and pretty much banging random dudes. she went on her mental medication and i think even went to therapy... that was it she said that i controlled her and that her friends said to stay away from me. How did i control her? i have no damn idea, i never stopped her from going out, i never questioned her about where she was or what she was doing just to call me and let me know if she was alright, I voiced my opinion on things but never in a fighting or negative way. I was always smooth about everything but strong in my views.

 

[In2theGame]

Dude trust me when I say that Xanax doesn't make a girl behave like this, lol.

Crystal meth, maybe....

Yeah, like i said i dont know how whatever medication she was taking made her react but she could of been taking some drugs i dont know about.

 

[In2theGame]

Just to add, im not extremely sad or real down like i was, im rebounding. i still have those random feelings sometimes that show up out of no where but i guess im just healing. What i think that hurt the most was when i saw her telling another guy she was totally in love with him, moving in with him and marrying him almost immediately after me all i could think of all the times through out the 5 years that she told me she was in love with me, how she never wanted to be without me, even tears in her eyes when she said these things, i mean F*ck,.. weeks before this all happened she said these things in a very serious manner... i think wow was it all a lie?? I felt like i had a bullet proof vest on and her pointing a gun at me saying "take the vest off, i promise i wont shoot, trust me" once i took it off, she unloads the whole clip.