I Just Can't Let Go of my Past

[jerrycalahan]

You posted some photos already. You received some common sense advice to lose weight and get contacts. Have you tried either yet? At your current looks level, none of this other "game" (inner or outer) talk is going to make much of a difference.

 

[nicksaiz65]

You posted some photos already. You received some common sense advice to lose weight and get contacts. Have you tried either yet? At your current looks level, none of this other "game" (inner or outer) talk is going to make much of a difference.

Yup. I just got back from the gym actually. Put in an order for contacts yesterday.

I disagree. I think you should work on your game in tandem with your looks. So by the time your looks are together, you have the game to go with it. Inner and outer.

 

[ubercat]

In that case go find a mixed soccer or futsal group and train hard. For time efficiency that addresses all 3 wins. Gym is good but at your age you really should have a team sport in your life.

I agree with Jerry game is a special sauce not a main ingredient. Game is there to amuse yourself as much as anything else. You've had enough input buddy. Time to pay us old guys who live vicariously back with salty field reports

 

[nicksaiz65]

In that case go find a mixed soccer or futsal group and train hard. For time efficiency that addresses all 3 wins. Gym is good but at your age you really should have a team sport in your life.

We have intramural soccer at my school.

Problem is I don't have an athletic bone in my body, I was humiliated in high school P.E. all the time lol. That's part of the reason I got into lifting and running actually.

 

[ubercat]

Perfect there is something to work on straight away. Find a secluded Park. Buy yourself some cones and one of those mini portable soccer net things. Find passing striking and agility/come drills on YouTube. Put up on your local FB groups student noticeboard wherever that's you want to try out next season does anyone want to do the same and interested in training together.

Don't worry about the sports aspect you will be teaching your body how to move. and sorry not being comfortable in your own body means not being comfortable in your own skin always leads to inner game problems.

One of my ex's kids was autistic. When I first tried the kid literally could not kick a ball without falling over. I taught him basic movement drills just as I have advised you. A year later he tried out for and made the team in soccer and basketball.

Come on Nicky boy you can't tell me that you are going to be shown up by some little sperg. That's not the DJ way.

 

[jerrycalahan]

One thing I've noticed about guys who fixate on game is that they are very inflexible. They try to stick to a formula taught by a guru. They quickly realize it doesn't work, then they start to either blame themselves and try harder and harder, or they walk away because of burnout.

When you read posts from guys like nicksaiz and biggoal, the main thing you notice is how repetitive their posts are. Every post is just like the other, and the more they post, the more deeply ingrained their beliefs become. It's impossible to help them because they lack the capacity to adapt.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

In reality, they'd be best served getting away from ALL pua/game/redpill sites and just doing normal healthy things like eating right, getting in good shape, joining organizations that truly interest and fulfill them and pursuing their careers. Instead, they keep going back to the same well that has netted them absolutely nothing in the past and will give them the exact same results in the future. Truly sad.

 

[nicksaiz65]

One thing I've noticed about guys who fixate on game is that they are very inflexible. They try to stick to a formula taught by a guru. They quickly realize it doesn't work, then they start to either blame themselves and try harder and harder, or they walk away because of burnout.

When you read posts from guys like nicksaiz and biggoal, the main thing you notice is how repetitive their posts are. Every post is just like the other, and the more they post, the more deeply ingrained their beliefs become. It's impossible to help them because they lack the capacity to adapt.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

In reality, they'd be best served getting away from ALL pua/game/redpill sites and just doing normal healthy things like eating right, getting in good shape, joining organizations that truly interest and fulfill them and pursuing their careers. Instead, they keep going back to the same well that has netted them absolutely nothing in the past and will give them the exact same results in the future. Truly sad.

I'm guessing you didn't read the Bang Report I posted? I just had a date last Sunday as well. Have another one coming up next week.

I'm happy with my progress. I ask these questions because I want to get even better and maximize my potential.

If it weren't for PUA/Redpill I'd have zero clue how to deal with women. Maybe you all can do it, I can't lol.

Already doing all of that.... once again I'm staying in the gym/hanging out/working towards my degree in tandem with improving my game. Even with all that, if you don't have game you still won't get laid. You all have been referring to it as frame. That's cool. But you still have to learn it from somewhere. Otherwise this site wouldn't exist. You need both so I'll work on both at the exact same time.

I agree that working on the basics will have huge results though. I have 10 months to finish all that, plenty of time.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Perfect there is something to work on straight away. Find a secluded Park. Buy yourself some cones and one of those mini portable soccer net things. Find passing striking and agility/come drills on YouTube. Put up on your local FB groups student noticeboard wherever that's you want to try out next season does anyone want to do the same and interested in training together.

Don't worry about the sports aspect you will be teaching your body how to move. and sorry not being comfortable in your own body means not being comfortable in your own skin always leads to inner game problems.

One of my ex's kids was autistic. When I first tried the kid literally could not kick a ball without falling over. I taught him basic movement drills just as I have advised you. A year later he tried out for and made the team in soccer and basketball.

Come on Nicky boy you can't tell me that you are going to be shown up by some little sperg. That's not the DJ way.

I told myself that after high school I would never play another sport again lol. I'd just lift and run. But I could give it a shot, it doubles as cardio. I'd just have to do it after I lift to avoid burnout.

Very good point. I honestly could stand to get better at moving in my own body. Dancing is a big issue I have too.

 

[ubercat]

Dancing at your age don't worry. Just go to ****y venues with loud bands and mosh away with chicks too drunk to notice your bad dancing.

Yeah honestly movement and sports can be learnt like a recipe. I was the most unco guy in the world. Any time we had some sort of assessment my sadistic gym teacher would use me is the bottom base line.

Now my martial arts knowledge is to the point where I'm not allowed to spar with my blackbelt friends because their wives complain about them getting injured. I play a grade tennis at Melbourne Park the home of the Australian open against 25 year olds. And competitive social badminton doubles.

and just learn a couple of show pony tricks that make you look like you know what you're doing and are cool. EG with soccer it's bouncing the ball on your knee and on your head and shoulder. using your foot to roll the ball towards you and then picking it up on your toes is another one I see it soccer training all the time.

which soccer tricks are cool will be obvious there will be a million vids on YouTube.

In tennis you walk up alongside the ball use your racquet to trap it beside your foot and lift up your leg and pick the ball up that way instantly makes you look like an experienced player.

if you turn up to a try out and mess around with your showpony tricks up front and can pass and strike with your left foot you make the team.

if the soccer thing doesn't work out for you I would suggest a karate class ideally something traditional like goju Ryu. it's flexible enough to actually be useful as self defence but traditional enough to be easy to learn and to have those character development aspects. I wouldn't bother with taekwondo that seems to have just degenerated into a sport and MMA seems to just be for thugs.

And if you need the clincher it's makes you better in bed I don't know why it just does. I've had plenty of girls I was wildly unsuited for hang around over the years just for the sex.

 

[jerrycalahan]

The vast majority of people are just not good athletes and can't learn how to play a certain sport properly, regardless of how hard they try. This is especially true for women, but also true for many men as well.

I knew quite a few guys in high school who made the basketball team every year even though they had no athletic ability at all. They practiced two or more hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week throughout middle school and high school. They never, ever improved. They were however the tallest kids at our school and they played significant minutes as a result of it.

We watch so many hours of tv and videos of exceptional athletes who make it all look effortless and then forget about the vast majority of people who can barely walk, much less perform athletically at a high level.

Don't push the guy, he knows what his limits are, and trying to get him to do something he cannot is just a waste of time for everyone.

 

[jerrycalahan]

He's got some sort of a weird calculator in his mind that leads him to believe he missed out on x number of lays or slowed his progress by x number of months or years from becoming Super PUA or something like that. There's really nothing you can say or do when a person is fixated on an a bizarre goal.

 

[ubercat]

Right so in a year I trained an autistic kid who spent all his time on the couch in martial arts soccer and basketball. I stopped all the bul**** special excursions with the other special kids and encouraged and pushed.

No doubt the kid hated me for it hating the world is a teenage prerogative but fortunately he had an Asian Mom who of course saw the opportunity. I remember her telling me that they were working in the garden and a large tree branch fell on the kid and he sidestepped and ducked out of the way. And told her that that would have hit me if Uber hadn't trained me. Asian kids are smart too.

Are you saying that Nick is more special than that kid? Nick is a smart guy he doesn't see the world as black or white this or that he will treat this place as the buffet it is and pick up what he can use.

 

[Ohso-Phresh]

This is like an inner game issue I've been having. I want to get rid of it, wanted some opinions.

I've finally gotten rid of my victim mentality. Everything that happens to me is my own fault and it's my responsibility to fix it. I'm taking the steps to make my life right: getting grades, building a nice body, learning Game, chasing my dreams, lots of stuff. I'm seeing some results.

But I still have this nasty voice in my head: "God, you're so stupid. You should've known about this sh*t ages ago. Had you been on SoSuave since your freshman year of college, you would've had all this handled. You could've put all this stuff into 4 years instead of cramming it into 1, and success would've been easier."

I know it's my own fault for not taking action in the past. But how can I rid myself of these thoughts?

I know that my time is better spent fixing my life RIGHT NOW instead of whining about the past.

How do I fix that?

Congrats, you’re awakening to yourself and that you create your own reality.

Energy flows where you focus your attention.

You have internal guidance through emotions that are offered up that has a relationship to your thinking.

You feel good when thinking thoughts that are attracting more of what you want into your life.

You feel bad when thinking thoughts that are attracting more of what you don’t want into your life.

At any point when you are experiencing contrast of not wanted, pivot your attention to what is more wanted in an given moment of experience.

Your language in your post framed your problem as arising from something to fix that which is broken.

Consider the possibility that there’s a volume knob on that inner critic that can be turned down.

One way is to spend 15min daily on quieting your mind by focusing on the space in-between your thoughts, another is to focus on your breath.

Relax, you are just getting started, you’re learning at your perfect pace and will become the man you desire to be by transforming yourself by your daily habits.

 

[Jack12345]

Same here
Dont think that you can let the past go as long as you stay in society. The other path is insanity. Like if you take me, I have no friends, all the women I've picked up in life were bad choices because I thought I will never have a girlfriend in my life, I did EVERYTHING wrong from the beginning because all the role models I had in childhood were absolute trash, grew up in a total negativity.

If ever somebody could tell me "your family is sick" I would go to the streets and start from scratch with clear mind and without doubt

Nothing is really harsh as losing your entitlement

 

[Soldier King]

First of all, you think when college ends your life is over?

2nd, for some people, all the learning is still going to leave them alone. It is good because it gives you courage to approach and that's where you can truly learn what girl is valuable.

3rd. you mentioned God. So you don't believe he has a timing for you? You think everything isn't as it was meant to be?

4th. You mention your past. You definitely can't change that, but what in your past is so important that you can't let go. If it's your failure or pain, then use it as teaching points and a humbling that can be useful to connect to other broken people. If it's a girl you can't let go of, then go and find her and try again.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

First of all, you think when college ends your life is over?

2nd, for some people, all the learning is still going to leave them alone. It is good because it gives you courage to approach and that's where you can truly learn what girl is valuable.

3rd. you mentioned God. So you don't believe he has a timing for you? You think everything isn't as it was meant to be?

4th. You mention your past. You definitely can't change that, but what in your past is so important that you can't let go. If it's your failure or pain, then use it as teaching points and a humbling that can be useful to connect to other broken people. If it's a girl you can't let go of, then go and find her and try again.

What do you consider a broken person?

 

[Soldier King]

a person who can't get back up soldier .

 

[Soldier King]

also I should add, all people are broken in some way, that's what makes us who we are and gives us compassion for others.

 

[Soldier King]

Someone asked me so I wanted to elaborate on an explanation of how G-d can be helping you even when you are in pain or in a painful situation that you can't understand.

If you read the story of Joseph (Yoseph) in the bible: he was betrayed by his brothers who were jealous of him and that he was his father's favorite and sold him into slavery to Egypt. In the end he rose in power and was the one to save all his brothers, his family and Egypt from famine.

G-d may be humbling you, but if it was for a greater purpose could you handle that? Can you accept that he is in control and still give him praise and thanks even in the darkness?

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

How do I fix that?

Meditation. I trip. I am not advocating. I just share my thoughts and experiences. I have been doing game for a while. Do you think I don't ever have ****ty approach or could have been smoother?

I aim to be there. Chalk it up to a W. It is a great way to learn. Infield is king. I approached a chick today with her parents lulz! I had a date Friday. I approach at the gym. It's more flash game. Rsd Alex 4x rule. Once you have approached, it's second nature. You can run flash as in SNL or you can slow play it. Most guys are turbo slow so, hammer flash game.

I always dissect pickup after. I can do better. Still, you do so the way you would your son or daughter. Legitimate concern and for well being. Not to obliterate.

Self love is king. I meditate on Psalms. On Gita. On surrender to what is. Let go. Unattachment to the fruits of your labor. All we have is our duty. To speak and live our truth. Let go after you do your part.

There's a reason why rsd Julien, Sasha day game, James Marshall, and more recently rooshv are seeking God. This is evident in the game. Men worship women. There comes a time where man aims for something beyond. A transcend experience or breakthrough will do that.

Look into heart centered meditation. It sounds gay lol I know but self love is huge. Feelings for self worth, for being deserving, and acting as such is life changing. Start here. It's inner life work. It's about routine, consistency, and doing the work. It's reps.

Nick mate, you got this.