I just asked my "Friend" out

[Baruch]

Long story short,

Ive know this girl for a few years now, few months ago she had interest in hooking up with me, I was to scared her "rich" family doesnt like me. She didnt know why I wasnt interested, got *****y and looked down upon me. After a few mind games of few months, I started to get mixed signals from her not to long ago, but the ***** attitude is gone.

I was talking to her just now online, and since I was going to fancy shmancy dress party ive been invited to go to, i told her she should come. (it took me some guts to ask her that, and all of the sudden it just came out!)

She didnt reply for a minute or two, and when she did, she said she "doesnt know what she is doing this Saturday. I gtg. bye"

I said "is that a yes or a no?"

her: " its an i dont know.bye"

me: "aight bye"

and that is it. ****, i thought i would feel like **** after she rejects me, but honestly, I couldnt stop laughing for why I was stressing so much.

Its alright, I'll find some other girl while teachin her how to play craps table or something...

 

[t00dumb]

grrr can't stand that kinda crap from women. i'm still in that situation, the best thing for anyone in that situation to do is just be cool, act confident as if nothing happened, and just next her. yea i've said it! it appears that she just wants your attention from time to time but when it comes down to the whole "do you wanna go ___?" and they can't give you a straight answer, or an excuse. it just means they're not interested but appreciate you being around. **** like that sucks and i don't wanna stay around i let myself get splatted by **** when it hits the fan. main point being is, brush it off even though you might really be into her. just act normal and confident as if nothing happened and maybe she'll come around when she starts seeing she might be missing something out from you.

 

[Baruch]

yea i wont let it bother me when i see her next time

i only wish i had a back up plan for this event, going alone there is pretty bad after being rejected, but leaving with someone wont be as bad i hope

 

[Dapper Swindler]

She probably didn't know that you wanted her to come. Maybe she thought that it was a very casual invite and you didn't care either way. That's why she said she didn't know what she was doing.

I wonder what you did to give her that impression . . . could it be .. . you ASKED HER OUT USING A COMPUTER?!

 

[DrSoSuave]

Dapper Swindler, there is nothing wrong or weak about asking someone on a date through a computer using email or instant message.

If someone is interested, they will respond. If they're not.. and the weather is good (people are reluctant to go out when the weather has a lot of rain/snow.) then they might not be that interested.

Baruch, playing mind games or trying to stir interest with a girl is OKAY in an established relationship or a girl you just broke up with, but trying to be her friend for several months and then try to get a date is the worst ways to start a relationship. When you hear women say "Friends first" thing - it only applies to them. Women can be friends with guys and they're the ones to initiate it after several months - it is rarely the other way around despite what Gunwitch or other pseudo-intellectual technique you use.

 

[Baruch]

Originally posted by DrSoSuave
Dapper Swindler, there is nothing wrong or weak about asking someone on a date through a computer using email or instant message.

If someone is interested, they will respond. If they're not.. and the weather is good (people are reluctant to go out when the weather has a lot of rain/snow.) then they might not be that interested.

Baruch, playing mind games or trying to stir interest with a girl is OKAY in an established relationship or a girl you just broke up with, but trying to be her friend for several months and then try to get a date is the worst ways to start a relationship. When you hear women say "Friends first" thing - it only applies to them. Women can be friends with guys and they're the ones to initiate it after several months - it is rarely the other way around despite what Gunwitch or other pseudo-intellectual technique you use.

I didnt play mind games to make her to be my friend again, I did it so I could let her know that I am not going to tolerate her chidlike behaviour and I do not care if she feels superior to me or not. I was simply being indiffrent, when she dropped the act and I saw that she changed her attitude and treated me with respect again, is when I decided that I need to ask her out sometime, this week was a good opportunity.

As for using any techniques, i never really read the gunwtich and I do not know anything about it. I just did what I thought was neccessry from doing other research while transforming out of my rAFC state.

And asking anyone online, i dont think its a big deal with people you know for a while now.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by DrSoSuave
Dapper Swindler, there is nothing wrong or weak about asking someone on a date through a computer using email or instant message.

I couldn't disagree more. Let me ask you this, why do people choose to IM each other? Is it physically easier? No, in fact it's physically harder. The reason is because when you call someone you are putting yourself at risk, you don't have time to think out clever things to say, you have to worry about tone of voice, there is more of a confrontation, and phone calls are expected to have more of a purpose (you wouldn't usually call a girl for no reason, chit chat, and hang up, while you would on IM). So for these reasons, it's a lot harder to make phone calls than it is to IM. That's why IMing is so popular with people now; they can avoid those dreaded phone calls that make them so nervous. Now we have this casual unintimate format that you can use to avoid all that. So what does it say when you IM someone? It says that "I don't want to make the effort to give you a phone call, I'd rather take the easy way out and type you a message. You're not worth the pain of confrontation, I want to hide behind a computer." I believe it is disrespectful if someone does not think I'm worth enough to make the effort of a phone call. I used to know a girl who had no problem talking through IM but would never ever call me. How many of you have been in the same situation? I know some of you have because I've seen it posted here several times. When this poster asked her out through IM, he gave her the impression that it wasn't important and he didn't really care if she said yes or not. He should have been more direct about it by calling her.

 

[christz]

Originally posted by Dapper Swindler
I couldn't disagree more. Let me ask you this, why do people choose to IM each other? Is it physically easier? No, in fact it's physically harder. The reason is because when you call someone you are putting yourself at risk, you don't have time to think out clever things to say, you have to worry about tone of voice, there is more of a confrontation, and phone calls are expected to have more of a purpose (you wouldn't usually call a girl for no reason, chit chat, and hang up, while you would on IM). So for these reasons, it's a lot harder to make phone calls than it is to IM. That's why IMing is so popular with people now; they can avoid those dreaded phone calls that make them so nervous. Now we have this casual unintimate format that you can use to avoid all that. So what does it say when you IM someone? It says that "I don't want to make the effort to give you a phone call, I'd rather take the easy way out and type you a message. You're not worth the pain of confrontation, I want to hide behind a computer." I believe it is disrespectful if someone does not think I'm worth enough to make the effort of a phone call. I used to know a girl who had no problem talking through IM but would never ever call me. How many of you have been in the same situation? I know some of you have because I've seen it posted here several times. When this poster asked her out through IM, he gave her the impression that it wasn't important and he didn't really care if she said yes or not. He should have been more direct about it by calling her.

this is all true but i think honestly a connection is a connection just like 2 + 2 still and will forever = 4

if you connect well online through AIM or whatever it is you use. you can do so as well over the phone, it just takes a little adjusting since talking on the phone is a little more awkward. So if two shy people call each other there will probably be weird silences and what not however online they are chat machines all it takes is a little adjustment

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Originally posted by christz
this is all true but i think honestly a connection is a connection just like 2 + 2 still and will forever = 4

if you connect well online through AIM or whatever it is you use. you can do so as well over the phone, it just takes a little adjusting since talking on the phone is a little more awkward. So if two shy people call each other there will probably be weird silences and what not however online they are chat machines all it takes is a little adjustment

Can you imagine what people did before there were phones? Then they had to actually talk to each other face to face, my god, the horror. I know chatting online is an easy way for shy people to meet. I did it for years and it stunted my social growth. Things never get less awkward unless you do them. If you avoid talking to people all the time, then there WILL be weird silences. That's just part of life, you can't just do what's easiest and expect the same results. Talking on the phone is hard, approaches are hard, asking girls out is hard (at least at first). If it were all easy then we'd all be master DJs.

 

[Baruch]

I am sure that is she were interested, she would say yes even on IM.

We happen to exchange a few words couple of times a week on IM and I brought it up while we were catchinh up this evening.

I think going out of my way and calling her like you said, would actually show her that I am REALLY interested, by messaging her I am asking her to go out and am not making a big deal out of it as I were to call her.

 

[Anhslaught]

Baruch. I'm having the same problem as you man. I've been friends with this girl for a few years now. She sends me mixed signals all the time. Thought she liked me, still don't know for sure. She keeps inviting me to go out and eat with her, I keep declining coz im always busy and all that crap. And she makes fun of me a lot. Doesn't that mean she likes me? I mean when other girls do that to me, I ask them out and bam we're out. With her, she confuses the hell out of me. Well anyhow, I decided to take her on a trip with me. I asked her and she aggreed so easily. I figured...she's in the bag but nope. During the vacation she acted kind of distant to me and she EVEN INVITED HER BROTHER! What the hell? Her brothers cool anyway but moving on. She acted all distant around me all of a sudden. Come on now, we been friends for how long? 5 years and you're acting wierd now? Occasionally she would sit close to me and wanna take a lot of pictures with me. After we got back from the trip we hadn't talked much. I know this is highschool ****, but a friend of mine asked her to go out with me(i never told him to do that) and then he tells me that she thinks I'm ugly and sweat too much! On another occasion..."I don't want to ruin our friendship" What the hell? I don't know what to believe so I thought ahh fug it. Many fish in the ocean, I don't want trouble. So I moved on and still she keeps asking me to go out. I told her i finished editing the home video and she goes "Wow really, i cant wait to come over and see it!" Talked to her over AIM on this, she goes to college an hour away now so yeah. Oh and she keeps telling me she wants to come over to see my niece. Does that mean she wants to see me or my niece? lol
Sorry very confusing! Not sure if i should bag this or toss this. I do like her though.

 

[DJ_Dud]

I think that the reason she said she didnt know was because of the mixed signals your sending her. she wanted to get with you snd you turned her down. You play a few games with her head, then you pretty much ask her on a date, im pretty sure she's confused right now. What i say you gotta do is talk to her in person, or at least on the phone. With that you then gotta show that you are interested in her and make sure she is still interested in you. if not, then that's your loss and her's. talk to her more and get her back into your comfort zone. and maybe there is that possibility that she feels uncomfortable taking that big of a step after all the crap that had previously happened. But the cards are in your hands, if you feel she is worth it, have the patience to wait and pull some magic on her, if not then move onto the next girl you feel the need to be with

 

[Baruch]

Originally posted by DJ_Dud
I think that the reason she said she didnt know was because of the mixed signals your sending her. she wanted to get with you snd you turned her down. You play a few games with her head, then you pretty much ask her on a date, im pretty sure she's confused right now. What i say you gotta do is talk to her in person, or at least on the phone. With that you then gotta show that you are interested in her and make sure she is still interested in you. if not, then that's your loss and her's. talk to her more and get her back into your comfort zone. and maybe there is that possibility that she feels uncomfortable taking that big of a step after all the crap that had previously happened. But the cards are in your hands, if you feel she is worth it, have the patience to wait and pull some magic on her, if not then move onto the next girl you feel the need to be with

She knew i was interested after my friend told her that, whcih was pretty dumb of him. It was couple of months ago, and she told him that she only sees me as a friend\brother type, while still acting like a ***** towards me. I knew it was bs.

I dont know if I should call her and tell her to join me again to go to this event. Im going one way or the other, I just thought it would be nice if she accompanied me.

 

[Baruch]

haha. recent update!

just happened 15 seconds ago. I was sitting there on AIM, not messaging her and all of the sudden:

girl's screename: i might go saturday
girl's screename signed off at 2:45:20 PM.

so she messages me with that and automatically signs off...lol

I thought it was cute

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Baruch
I am sure that is she were interested, she would say yes even on IM.

We happen to exchange a few words couple of times a week on IM and I brought it up while we were catchinh up this evening.

I think going out of my way and calling her like you said, would actually show her that I am REALLY interested, by messaging her I am asking her to go out and am not making a big deal out of it as I were to call her.

Always stay pratical bro-meaning at this point it is irrellevant why whe might have said no at first-you did you job and that was to ask. Never worry about the ball once its in her court-keep it simple-she's either down or she's not-let her do all the mind worrying.

Good work.

ps.--your name is hebrew-what are you?

 

[MindOverMatter]

You waited too long.

She may have been into you during the first week or two, but once you go on for several months without finding the courage to ask her out, she loses interest and puts you in the no-chemistry zone. She'll give you mixed signals because that means you will give her attention in return while trying to figure her out. But deep down inside, you're just a friend, & the chemistry is not there.

Strike the iron while it's hot next time.

 

[Desdinova]

I said "is that a yes or a no?"

her: " its an i dont know.bye"

When it comes to women, if an answer is anything but a "yes", it's a NO.

Sounds like you just lost a friend. Your attempt to turn a friendship into something more has made things awkward between the two of you.

 

[Baruch]

Originally posted by Royal Elite
Always stay pratical bro-meaning at this point it is irrellevant why whe might have said no at first-you did you job and that was to ask. Never worry about the ball once its in her court-keep it simple-she's either down or she's not-let her do all the mind worrying.

Good work.

ps.--your name is hebrew-what are you?

it is hebrew, but its not my real name

Im not worried, its her ball now. Although, you havent read my latest update above where she messsaged me out of no where...pls read it up.

MindOverMatter- i didnt wait, for about 2-3 years we were only friends and neither of us was intersted in each other. Past summer she started giving me all the right signals, but I was foolishly affraid of her parents approval.

Desdinova - I dont know if I ruined the friendship, but I dont think shje is interested although you havent read my latest update above, ill repaste it.

haha. recent update!

just happened 15 seconds ago. I was sitting there on AIM, not messaging her and all of the sudden:

girl's screename: i might go saturday
girl's screename signed off at 2:45:20 PM.

so she messages me with that and automatically signs off...lol

I thought it was cute

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by Baruch
it is hebrew, but its not my real name

Im not worried, its her ball now. Although, you havent read my latest update above where she messsaged me out of no where...pls read it up.

MindOverMatter- i didnt wait, for about 2-3 years we were only friends and neither of us was intersted in each other. Past summer she started giving me all the right signals, but I was foolishly affraid of her parents approval.

Desdinova - I dont know if I ruined the friendship, but I dont think shje is interested although you havent read my latest update above, ill repaste it.

haha. recent update!

just happened 15 seconds ago. I was sitting there on AIM, not messaging her and all of the sudden:

girl's screename: i might go saturday
girl's screename signed off at 2:45:20 PM.

so she messages me with that and automatically signs off...lol

I thought it was cute

Listen Baruch you already did what you were suppose to do-never worry about the past-it's written in stone and it CAN NOT be changed. You took the shot, and not even MJ was 100% from the field you dig!

 

[Desdinova]

Desdinova - I dont know if I ruined the friendship, but I dont think shje is interested although you havent read my latest update above, ill repaste it.

Well, let's read your latest update:

girl's screename: i might go saturday

She still hasn't said yes. She may be trying to coax your feelings.