I hooked up with high school dream girl, but she lives on opposite coast

[Maeisgood]

I finally hooked up with the girl with whom I was infatuated enough in high school to join this forum long ago, but she lives on the other side of the country. I remember being told I had the oneitis and eventually I gave up on her. I deleted her number from my cell phone and I would pretty much ignore her if I saw her out somewhere. I improved myself over the years, had some “practice girl friends” and a real girlfriend with whom I broke up with this summer. A lot of other things happened recently, causing me to talk to this girl again and she came back to her old home town to visit family for the holidays. She knows about my past relationship and even said she was jealous of them, if that means anything. This New Year’s Eve as the ball was dropping, mine seemed to as well, because I grabbed this girl who plagued me for years and kissed her and was not rejected. We were all drinking and it was New Year’s after all. Later that night, as people were passing out, I noticed she was alone on the balcony having a cig, so I went out there and I don’t remember what we talked about, but I just kissed her again, and she seemed relieved and we made out, HARD for a while and I felt her up and we went looking for a place to do it, but every room was occupied save for one room, but its occupant was expected to be home soon. I got her boobs out, and we were about to do it but we decided not to. I really really regret this. We went out into the living room, it was probably 3 am by this time, but I fingered her but we didn’t do it because this guy was supposed to be coming in and I didn’t want to be doing her when he got in. I wasn’t completely black out drunk, but my reasoning and memory were definitely malfunctioning. I gave her a hickie apparently and I had a former post up about it here but I didn’t mean to do it! I eventually learned she found a way to hide it and she wasn’t bothered by it. We hung out after New Year’s before she went back to the other side of the country. She sent me a birthday text message, but for a while I heard nothing from her.
Then, three weekends ago, I hooked up with two different chicks in the same night, whole other story, but in between those two encounters, I got a text message from the New Year’s Eve girl, saying something like, “Hi pal. How are you doing?” That is so strange, its like her ears were burning and she knew something was up, especially since we haven’t talked much since she was in town for the holidays. I just emerged from a horrible break up this summer from a 2.5 year long relationship with someone else and these days I’m just hooking up with random chicks whenever the opportunity presents itself; however, if this girl from New Years was around, I’m pretty sure we’d end up hooking up again and possibly ending up in a relationship. I’m so mad at myself for not banging her and I’m not sure what to do about her.
So far, I’ve basically been not communicating with her because she’s 2,900 miles away, I know that talking to her a bunch would make me needy, I could get attached to her only to have her end up with some other guy, having a relationship would ruin the newly-remade friendship, and I don’t even think I want any relationship for a while, even her. Also, to make things werider, I hang out with her older brother who’s still in town from time to time. I’m something of a “friend of the family.” Even though she is far away, I know she’s coming back home in September for a wedding, which is a perfect hook up opportunity. There is also the possibility that she could ask me to come to the wedding with her, as sometimes happens. Just as in the movie Wedding Crashers, weddings make single girls jealous and filled with feelings of aw I wish I was getting married, so they get horny. There will most likely be alcohol there. So this brings me to my question:

This girl has attraction for me, but lives on the other side of the continent. How should I treat this? Completely ignore her? Check in every couple of months or so? Whatever the case, I still plan on hooking up with other chicks, but I know I can do this one and I really want to! I got this new job and once the money comes in, I’d be able to visit her, but that’d be rather silly maybe. It seems there is some sort of future opportunity still around, but this is such an odd situation, what do you all think about it?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Stay in touch every few months or something. If you ever visit her region or she visits your region, just set something up.

 

[Maeisgood]

Update.
She and I talk once or twice a month. That's enough for us to "be in touch" but I don't think I'm talking to her too much. We talk about people from around here, jobs, us making each other laugh, and the possibility of me coming out there to see another part of the country (and her). Sometimes she calls me, sometimes I call her. She called me this week to talk about my dead friend’s birthday party and said she's going to be in town in mid-September for a wedding for 3 days. Sometimes, single people invite someone opposite gender to go to a wedding with them, but I do not think I've been invited. Maybe I will be. She did say she wants to see me though while she’s around.

I want a second chance to do her (obviously haha) but its so hard to know how she feels. If a girl hooks up with you once, I'd imagine she's probably do it again? Drunk, I think she would. Completely sober, I'm not sure what rapport we have with each other, we have long a long awkward history. If she lived in my area, I know eventually we'd hook up again, but with such a brief window of time, I'm not sure. If I felt time pressured to just kiss her in a hurry, it might be super bad and completely ruin everything I've achieved in regards to her in the past year or so.

There is a reason to believe she might actually like me somewhat because in high school before she friend zoned me, she asked me to go to prom with her. 7 years passed, I had some other girl friends [one of whom were serious girlfriends giving me experience (more confidence with women) and some social value], improved myself worked out, etc, I backpacked Europe alone (she thought that was cool), then a tragedy happened recently that made me talk to her again. I don't know how to tell this part of the story because it makes me feel really werid, but it could be important so I can't leave it out. My best friend and a mutual friend of hers died and I had to give a eulogy and when you do that, you can't really screw up because the audience so forgiving and I was able to get through with it without crying. People told me they liked it, or maybe they were just being nice I don’t know. People act very strangely when death happens, especially a young death (24 years old). Have you seen funeral crashers? That stuff could be true. As I type this I don’t like what I’m typing because it sounds like I’m taking advantage of a dead friend, but other than that time and last New Year’s Eve, there is no other recent history of this girl’s interaction with me.

I’ve given you all a lot to talk about, but I don’t want to screw this up for myself and I want to make the most of her time here. I guess I need to see how much time she has here. The reason I’m worried about it is that if this was a normal situation and she lived around here, I’d know how to bide my time and not be too clingy, but because of the 3 day window of time, there is a lot of pressure.

 

[Maeisgood]

The girl from this old thread is coming to town soon and I can’t stop thinking about the fact that if we lived in the same city we’d have hooked up again eventually… Not many responses to my old threads, but this is important enough that I feel obligated to ask for help again. Asking too much about one girl is needy behavior; however, this is not a normal situation because she lives on the other side of the country. Two years have passed and she texts me 5-6 times a year just saying what’s up, then the conversation ends. We have almost an occasional pen pal type thing, but with texting. I can’t tell if she’s messing with me or if she does sort of like me. In high school she just saw me as a friend (and she had a reputation for being a flirt), but two years ago she witnessed me do something that a woman would consider… sexy and I feel awkward and guilty mentioning it. Two years ago, my best friend died and I gave a eulogy and people loved it. I’d rather have my friend, but I can’t help but think that the speech had something to do with this girl hooking up with me (other than drinking at a New Year’s Party). I hope that talking about all of this here doesn’t’ jinx me somehow.

She’ll be here tomorrow through the 30th (no chance for a New Year’s Kiss excuse as an icebreaker, worked last time …) and I’m guessing if I see her it’ll be the weekend after Christmas. Things are different now for me personally because I finally got a real job and I live in the city but she’ll be staying 17 miles away in the suburbs where we grew up so it’s not like she’s a walk away from where I live. (Although it is owned by our mutual friend.. but I don’t think they ever had a thing). I sent her a text early this month asking if she’d be around and she said hi!! And told me the times she’d be here. When I suggested that she come see my new place and the pets my roommates and I have I didn’t hear anything else from her. I don’t go on Facebook much so I don’t know if she’s in a relationship. If I knew too much about her present life from Facebook then it may just end up looking like I’m stalking her.

I know I can’t be the only person that lives still lives in the town they grew up in and occasionally has opportunities to see old crushes. Does anyone have any similar stories or advice for me? Not f’uck’in her brains out is my biggest regret in life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I get a second chance!

 

[BraddH]

There is no such thing as dream girl

 

[LearningSlowly]

If she liked you, she would have agreed to come to your place over this break. This girl isn't interested sorry. You like her more than she likes you.

 

[TheVirtualMind]

If she liked you, she would have agreed to come to your place over this break. This girl isn't interested sorry. You like her more than she likes you.

This. Although one question...Where you two talking for a bit back and forth before you asked if she would come over? If so...She's not that interested. If a female is texting a guy back and forth, then suddenly stops replying that day after he says something, then she is going "oh nooooooo."

 

[Maeisgood]

Good points and all, but I must respectfully slightly disagree.

@ BraddH,

In this context, the phrase “Dream girl” is more of an archetype everyone knows or at least understands what it means. A “Dream girl” is a girl that evokes powerful, almost supernatural feelings of attraction, but is usually out of reach. I know her, it would be cool to live happily ever after with her, but she is very human and not without some room for improvement… When it comes to any type of long term relationship, the odds aren’t terribly great for anyone. (Although according to the http://www.iflurtz.com/ our whole class did in high school, we were compatible if anything could be said for that thing haha). “Dream girl” is just a symbol I didn’t honestly believe we were a match made in heaven.

@ LearningSlowly & TheVirtualMind,

I get what you’re saying and you’re not completely wrong, but if I listened to such advice two years ago, I wouldn’t have ever hooked up with her in the first place. I can read the “The Kiss of Death” article by Allen Thompson on So Suave http://www.sosuave.com/articles/at/kiss.htm like we all can, but I also know that you miss every shot you don’t take. I’m usually very negative and my exes all told me I am so I have since tried to learn from their criticism because if they’re saying it then the next girl will say it too. I posted a lot here years ago about this girl and I took this forum’s advice and left her alone and didn’t speak to her for a long time, that is, until after the funeral. So much had happened with my best friend’s passing and my misadventures with other females that nothing she had done in the past really mattered anymore. I used to hate her and she knew it, but I forgave her and it may have made her think I’m a little bit more than the many other AFCs she’s known. Maybe I seemed to be a little bit of a challenged for her two years ago because of this? I think I more often err on the side of being too cool, too distant, not aggressive enough, so I lose them. They could be wondering why I didn’t try harder. Why I don’t ass kiss more. Although I usually wouldn’t do so, I know a guy that was “friend zoned” in high school and now he’s in a long term relationship with a girl (although this girl didn’t move out of town..).

@TheVirtualMind
No, we had not texted in a while. She’s a grown up now with a busy life and she lives four time zones away, so it’d be weird to talk every day, I don’t talk to anyone every day. She will send a random hello or something every now and then. In the months after we hooked up she’d send a message for just any old reason at all. Then time passed and they were fewer, but it was more than she sent before the funeral (which was none). I feel bad talking about the funeral so much, but I know my friend, I learned a lot from him when it comes to women and he’d do the same as me.

But anyway, earlier this month when I texted her it’s not like we had a long conversation and then it abruptly ended when I suggested she see the puppy and everything. Because of the time zone difference, the one message I sent asking when she’d be here was read by her when she got up and then she’s either being coy again or her morning weekday rat race had begun

I know the whole meaning of “spinning plates,” I have spurts of awesomeness in which I hook up with a different girl every month, and then long droughts between. This current drought began after I had sex with a different girl this past March and the condom broke and I freaked out and started wondering what the point of looking for action was. It’s months later (she wasn’t pregnant) and I’m ready to be risky again… I’m trying to figure out how to close these pesky gaps… There’s this respawn I’m camping and I thought of something to say to her I’m going to use as soon as I’m finished here. The only reason I’m paying this girl enough head space to come on here and ask for ideas is that this (out of town girl) is an opportunity that is very rare. If she (out of town girl) lived in my city back when I hooked up with her (out of town girl), it would have just been a matter of time before it happened again! The next day she (out of town girl) was using her own kino on me but she had to leave soon.

This is so rare, that I have no experience with having such a narrow window of time to try again. Usually the girl is in school with me, on campus, in town, in the neighborhood, somewhere nearby.

You all know as well as I do that girls are ever-changing and whether or not they’ll hook up with you or show interest in you has to do with lots of factors outside of your control. Factors like their mood, other things going on in their lives, how long they’ve been single, if they feel like they look their best at that moment, if they’re on their period or their most fertile (horny) part of their womanly cycle, if any of their friends have recently been married or had a baby, their age/maturity, how much they’ve had to drink, the phase of the moon, the tides, or an infinite number of variables. Just because a girl doesn’t respond favorably to you one time doesn’t mean she won’t ever.

My main mistake was made two years ago and I regret it every day. It could all be too late. If she doesn’t talk to me again then little has changed, but thinking negatively avails little. People remember not what you say, but how you make them feel. Apparently I made her think I was an alpha and when I kissed her the second time she looked so relieved, it was weird.

This situation is one in which I’m looking for help coming up with a phrase to make her interested in seeing me again, an ice breaker, something. I know inner game is more important than pick-up lines, but I was hoping someone had had a similar situation and could help me.

Am I really the only person here that was tormented by a flirt in high school, only to hook up with her years later? The only person who knows people who left town that come back every now and then?


Am I the only person that has been helped by SoSuave at some time? Can I be helped again?

 

[BPH]

Holy **** this wall of text...

anyone got a tl;dr version?

 

[TheVirtualMind]

Holy **** this wall of text...

anyone got a tl;dr version?

I edited the post and put some spaces in there. I was going :crazy: while reading...

Maeisgood: I don't mean "text every day," I meant if you two were texting during the day. Such as going back and forth with a conversation and then all of a sudden, she stops answering after you say something in particular. Females flake that way all the time. It is kind of a "oh...this isn't what I was expecting" moment. Almost like a "last minute sl*t defense".

You aren't the only one who has been helped by Sosuave, especially more than once. However, sometimes you can't recreate a certain moment. You just have to look back at what happened and realize that you may not have that shot again, or it'll happen when you aren't the one pursuing.