I have no social filter.

[danielzxc]

I think a lot of guys fall short of being charismatic and fall into the "nice guy" pit.

Yes, exactly. They run around trying to PLEASE everybody.

Being the charasmatic, charming type is WAY harder than those books and vypros make it seem. Being "nice" is far easier, and that's what people get stuck on, and either stay nice forever, or realize how crap it is being so nice to people that either just end up using you or only just "tolerating" you and give up on it.

And yes, what the hell is wrong with "copying" people? Obviously that's one of the main ways we learn, duh. I am suggesting he take conscious control of whose example he follows. I never said anything about "imitating" in a direct, carbon-copy way -- I explicitly warned against this. Naturally you don't wanna make it THAT obvious that you're copying someone and trying to act like them. But you can learn a LOT before it ever gets to that stage. For you to call this the worst advice in world history, lol, that sounds pretty desperate.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well, then, that's their own dumbness. Seriously, if you think you have to be an ******* to be attractive then you really are just part of the problem.

That's my view on the subject.

You're preaching to the choir. It's hard to watch people who are looked upon as popular just because they boost themselves up at the expense of others; it's hard to deny that it doesn't happen most of the time in school environments. It's worse to see adults who haven't learned how to outgrow that method and actually become popular by effectively interacting with people. It's as if it's a bad thing to treat one another well.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Stop trying so hard, that's why you are coming off as annoying.

I'm sorry Mr. d'Anconia... I know you're pretty experienced and what not but I have to disagree with you on this point.

I think that this gent just needs to hold his own. It doesnt matter what you say or even how you say it after you have built rapport of coarse I believe.

Just hold your own kid.. demonstrate power, just dont give a ****.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... demonstrate power, just dont give a ****.

It may just be me, but people who come off as not giving a sh1t are that way when you don't agree with them, that's pretty annoying.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Ok? I'm pretty sure I can't even understand what you're saying.. you sound like a scientist bro.

 

[Altoidss]

well... look.

My problem is this. I'm getting into a group of friends who go to parties all the time and hook up with girls from this all girls school (the same one that the girl I messed up with goes to... that's why I'm worried) and I'm worried they think I'm annoying and/or don't like me at all. I doubt that's the case, but that's what cripplingly low self confidence will do to you.

I just want to know how not to be annoying, how not to say what I'm supposed to say. If I mind what I say too much, I just sit there awkwardly saying nothing. If I don't think at all, I make everyone else uncomfortable. It's the worst feeling in the world causing an awkward silence. I get it all the time.

How can I find this middle ground?

 

[Altoidss]

come on guys, I really need help...

 

[jaymo]

well... look.

My problem is this. I'm getting into a group of friends who go to parties all the time and hook up with girls from this all girls school (the same one that the girl I messed up with goes to... that's why I'm worried) and I'm worried they think I'm annoying and/or don't like me at all. I doubt that's the case, but that's what cripplingly low self confidence will do to you.

I just want to know how not to be annoying, how not to say what I'm supposed to say. If I mind what I say too much, I just sit there awkwardly saying nothing. If I don't think at all, I make everyone else uncomfortable. It's the worst feeling in the world causing an awkward silence. I get it all the time.

How can I find this middle ground?

Get some hot female friends, and genuinely try to be their friend man. Be INTERESTED in their lives. Ask about what they like, how their day was, etc etc. All the typical "nice guy" stuff, and make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that you're just interested in them as friends and that you are NOT hitting on them. You might have to go out and say it cuz they'll probably assume you are even when you are not. Why do I say this? Because hanging around hot women all the time WITH NO INTENTION OF GETTING WITH THEM is good practice. It'll get you used to talking to hot women without being do dang nervous all the time around them, and it helps your image if you're seen hanging around hot women. If people start asking if you two are together, you're on the right track. Just be sure to be the one that answers "no, we're strictly friends" instead of having her be the one saying that. If you're lucky, it'll blow her mind away.

As for the confidence thing, just go around, make eye contact with everyone, SMILE and say hi to 5-10 people (preferably girls) EVERY FREAKING DAY. Make it a goal to greet at least 10 people a day.

It's tough when you're starting out. It really is. I'VE BEEN THERE. Even now I still have a natural tendency to not talk to people, and I keep to myself a lot unless I make a conscious effort to be social.

If you go to that party, MAKE IT A GOAL TO GREET AND SAY "HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.....WUDDUP?" TO EVERY FREAKING PERSON YOU DON'T KNOW AND GET TO KNOW THEM.

Oh, and don't worry if they don't like you. If you do, you'll only make it worse. Is your personal hygene in order? Some people will form a negative opinion of you just because of body oder or bad breath. It happens.

You might want to volunteer to be the designated driver if you can drive and NOT drink. Why? 1) If you forgo drinking and be the one to drive, it means everyone else doesn't have to worry about it and you'll be cool like that 2) If you're bad with women when you're SOBER, you're prolly not going to have better luck if you're drunk.

 

[nicenomore]

found this golden article about nice guys..a must read:

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/goodmen.htm

It will clarify a lot of points

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

found this golden article about nice guys..a must read:

http://www.sosuave.com/articles/goodmen.htm

It will clarify a lot of points

Good find. Doc Love likes this guy too. His ideas are more toward the concept of lifestyle changes than tips and tricks.

 

[danielzxc]

Lol, the kid just wants to know how to avoid saying stupid crp that annoys people or makes them uncomfortable, not how to rebuild his life from the bottom up.

Altoids dude, there just isn't any easy way to change that overnight. There's no set of rules out there that says explicitly say this, don't say that, that you can look up and memorize and then all your problems are solved. It just doesn't work like that.

The easiest way to avoid saying DUMB shyt, is to say COOL shyt instead. What is the cool shyt? Like I fkkn told you buddy, start fkkn PAYING ATTENTION to the COOL people around you. Notice the kind of things they talk and say, and compare that to the kind of shyt YOU typically say and notice the difference. Then slowly start incorporating changes into your style to the point where you AUTOMATICALLY generate cool shyt yourself.

Realistically, you can expcet to fkk up MANY times while you're still learing and adapting. The point is to just keep working at it and keep getting better. I'll be honest, if it's DUMB shy that comes more naturally to you at the moment, then it's gonna take quite a bit of work to get to the point where COOL shyt comes naturally to you. It's up to YOU whether you're prepared to do that work.

 

[danielzxc]

Get some hot female friends, and genuinely try to be their friend man.

Yeah, just pop down to your local Hot-Female-Friends-R-US. Hot highschool chicks just can't get enough of being friends and hanging out with socially awkward highschool guys... in jaymo's world.

 

[jaymo]

Yeah, just pop down to your local Hot-Female-Friends-R-US. Hot highschool chicks just can't get enough of being friends and hanging out with socially awkward highschool guys... in jaymo's world.

Best way to "learn to talk to girls" without being all awkword all the time (sure helped me), and it's called "social proof". But I guess if you don't know how to even make new friends well........that's a problem.

But that wasn't the only advice I gave..........

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Keep unmainstream hobbies and the vernacular associated with those same hobbies to yourself or with people that follow that ****...mainly guys.

Pro-wrestling/MMA talk,comic books,(they're coming back..lol)Videogames(even though they are the mainstream thing out there now and more and more women play them,women frown upon it),Horror movies,action figues(you're a real weirdo then if you mess with this **** still),card games,nascar(yes),arena football,sci-fi books,etc...

lol....keep that **** to yourselves nerds....

And try to brush up on things women can relate too...movies,music,clubs,parties,clothes,fashion,etc...

Basically watch MTV everyday for at least 3 hours and you'll pretty much see what women think about all day long..No,seriously..you talk politics,personal finances with women and you'll put her to sleep.

Talk Cell Phones rates and Comedies and you're "cool,smart and funny".

Notice how they always put those words together..like MTV.

 

[Chosen1]

Hey guys. I need help. Bad.


I have no social filter. I didn't talk to many people for the first 15 years of my life (I turn 16 next month) so when I finally came out of my shell I had no social experience and I kept making awkward comments and **** like that.

It's not much better now. Talking to guys, I usually come off as annoying, and talking to girls I come off as creepy and sex obsessed, and just wierd.

So what usually ends up happening is I can't think of anything to say at all and just sit there awkwardly not saying anything, or I say something so stupidly blunt and strange that I make everyone around me feel uncomfortable.

How can I possibly fix this?

I'll tell you right now GET A JOB. One that requires you to talk to people NORMALLY. I will tell you that people said I was weird when I first started working because I didn't talk to anybody. I'm one of those guys that you'll never forget once you see me. Another tip is just to listen and don't say anything except your 2 cents. Don't talk all the time and if anyone does that to you just say I gots to go. The simplest thing to say to some one is "whats happenin or whats up" Thats all you have to say even if you don't know them. Sometims you can get into other topics but if they don't want to talk you can tell if they look away really quick. Also look people in the eyes. I'm still working on that but I'm good for it now. Thats all I gots for you today grasshopper, I'll be back tomorrow I needs some sleep.

 

[Bonhomme]

The Scott McKay article is excellent.

I agree with the others who say you're trying too hard. Just flow with the conversation. Silence is OK if you don't know what to say. It's OK to ask a question, too, like you did in the middle of your convo:

Same convo, with an illustration:

You: Do I know you?
Her: not really...
You: I definitely recognize your name...
You: oh right you're [guy]'s girlfriend aren't you
Her: yeah.... how did you know that one?
You: I've just heard your name before I guess
Her: u friends with him>?
You: I used to be. Ever since the beginning of this year we've grown apart.
Her: tough love?
You: what's that supposed to mean
Her: ha... i dont really know... nvm
You: lol
throws it back in her court...

Dunno. May be something similar to Tourette's syndrome. If you do slip up, don't go overboard in apologizing. Just move right along. Don't add any more energy to the screw up, if you catch my drift. Let the screw up fade away in isolation.

 

[mrRuckus]

Pro-wrestling/MMA talk,comic books,(they're coming back..lol)Videogames(even though they are the mainstream thing out there now and more and more women play them,women frown upon it),Horror movies,action figues(you're a real weirdo then if you mess with this **** still),card games,nascar(yes),arena football,sci-fi books,etc...

lol....keep that **** to yourselves nerds....

.

To hell with that. I don't hide anything.

I like knocking a girl on her ass when I mention some geeky thing that I do. They're like "what? you??" And then they don't care at all because they can see that I don't care what they think about my geek hobby because I openly admit it like it's completely normal without blinking. And they know I'll just mock their dumb "cool" hobbies. Hell half the time I almost put it up as a challenge, "I dare you to make fun that I just said I used to play dungeons and dragons." I've never really seen that they care about you doing some geeky things if you've already shown to be a cool guy otherwise.

I have all of deep space 9, battlestar galactica, and farscape on my computer. Suck it.

(arena football??)

 

[Touchout]

Keep unmainstream hobbies and the vernacular associated with those same hobbies to yourself or with people that follow that ****...mainly guys.

Pro-wrestling/MMA talk,comic books,(they're coming back..lol)Videogames(even though they are the mainstream thing out there now and more and more women play them,women frown upon it),Horror movies,action figues(you're a real weirdo then if you mess with this **** still),card games,nascar(yes),arena football,sci-fi books,etc...

lol....keep that **** to yourselves nerds....

Have to agree with MrRuckus, if you like those things and the girl makes fun of you for liking them, **** her, why would you want a friend/gf whose so shallow?

I'm not trying to rip on you, but people who hid their true selves always come off as try-hard, and nobody ends up liking them anyway. My example, I play in the band in high school, and while I don't go around telling everyone I know about it, if it comes up in a conversation I talk about it confidently. I enjoy it, and if some girl doesn't like me for that...**** her (by the way, no girl has ever talked down about it, in fact after I'm done a lot of girls tell me how cool it is)

And try to brush up on things women can relate too...movies,music,clubs,parties,clothes,fashion,etc...

Basically watch MTV everyday for at least 3 hours and you'll pretty much see what women think about all day long..No,seriously..you talk politics,personal finances with women and you'll put her to sleep.

Talk Cell Phones rates and Comedies and you're "cool,smart and funny".

Notice how they always put those words together..like MTV.

I kind of agree with you there, but instead of watching MTV for three hours (jesus) you should just go out and experience life, then you'll have tons of "cool, smart, and funny" things to talk about based on personal experience.