I have issues initiating first

[ChangePages]

Hey guys,

So I've been taking to a lot of girls this past month as an effort to evolve and change but I have an issue initiating with all these girls, here's my situation, I don't like contacting these girls first, I want them to contact me. For example I had several girls initiate me first on OLD and we text back and fourth and then it stops from her sometimes and I don't want to feel desperate and initiate a conversation again. Basically if she leaves me on read I never respond back or I'll wait until she responds so I can text her back ALWAYS. And sometimes I don't bother texting a girl back expecting her to text me again several days later. (They never do) That's another problem I have, I feel like its awkward to text a girl days later after the conversation has stopped. (I'm new)

And yes I even have problems sending messages to girls on OLD even tho I still do it but it's different with the girls I contact because they never seem interested as for girls who contact me first seem interested off the bat.

It's a bad habit that I can't shake. I don't want to text them first and I don't want to be left on read and then text her again the next day. I feel like I'm playing the women's game here.

How do I fix?

 

[sazc]

you really dont need to be drawing out these conversations with females. When possible, you shouldn't let the date change without suggesting a meet up. It is entirely possible that the females are irritated that YOU haven't expressed interest by suggesting you meet up for coffee. There is also the distinct possibility that you are talking too much and they decide you are boring - not because you are boring, but more so because mystery is titillating and real attraction needs to be gauged in person.

 

[Poon King]

Busy men with options don't have much time for "small talk" and women know it.

This is why I don't waste time "chit chatting" with women. All my communication is brief and goal oriented. The purpose is to get a woman alone with you IN PERSON as fast as possible so you can make moves. If a woman needs to chit chat too much, I just NEXT her and move on to less difficult women.

The fact is most women will NOT initiate. And this is perfectly fine. It allows you to spin plates more easily because you control the timeline of communication. More men need to learn to appreciate this.

Initiation is not "playing the woman's game".. its LEADING the woman down the path you want her to go. Remember that.

 

[ChangePages]

its LEADING the woman down the path you want her to go. Remember that.

Yes but its hard when a women has options, not many will walk down this path.

As for the rest of your post I do agree and will take pointers but here's the issue that I have when I do make my communication brief and goal oriented they hit me with the "lets talk first and see where it goes" ALL THE TIME. That's why I spend my time talking to these women even tho I have no interest into talking. Which could very well be a frame shift.

I do prefer less than small talk. Just saying what I have to say and setting up a date but it doesn't work like that with me and I tried. I have more success buttering up the women for a date then brief talks for a date so far. But then again most of the women I talk to do eventually stop or I stop, so theres that.

 

[Poon King]

Yes but its hard when a women has options, not many will walk down this path.

As for the rest of your post I do agree and will take pointers but here's the issue that I have when I do make my communication brief and goal oriented they hit me with the "lets talk first and see where it goes" ALL THE TIME. That's why I spend my time talking to these women even tho I have no interest into talking. Which could very well be a frame shift.

I do prefer less than small talk. Just saying what I have to say and setting up a date but it doesn't work like that with me and I tried. I have more success buttering up the women for a date then brief talks for a date so far. But then again most of the women I talk to do eventually stop or I stop, so theres that.

Stop barking up the wrong tree.

Women with high interest will always be FUN to talk to and flirt with. Also, you should limit your communication to FLIRTING.. not talking. This is what I mean by "goal oriented". Flirting shows obvious sexual interest and requires the woman to either flirt back or reveal her lack of sexual interest (saving you precious time and energy).

Flirt and close. Nothing more.

 

[El Payaso]

If she stops the conversation, it means she's not interested so you move on. Simple.

As for conversation, don't make it too long to the point where it becomes boring. Keep it short and simple and then ask her out.

Not all women will be interested in you. You just have to accept that.

However, if you are seeing a very high no-response rate like in the 90's and 80's, you might want to take a look at yourself. Are you in shape? Are you at least reasonably attractive? Do you have your finances in order? etc.

An interested woman will always make it easy for you. An uninterested woman will always put up obstacles. Remember that.

 

[sazc]

I've stopped replying because there was nothing to reply to. After 2-3 messages where he tells me how fantastic he is and/or what a great life he leads, but forgets to create some way of engaging me, there's simply nothing to say back except "wow, that's great" or "nice " Make sure you always leave something for her to reply to.

TTYTT we should have never gotten to that point, it's just too much messaging. He should have asked me out for coffee before that and told me how awesome he was in person.

 

[AlphaNate]

I've stopped replying because there was nothing to reply to. After 2-3 messages where he tells me how fantastic he is and/or what a great life he leads, but forgets to create some way of engaging me, there's simply nothing to say back except "wow, that's great" or "nice " Make sure you always leave something for her to reply to.

TTYTT we should have never gotten to that point, it's just too much messaging. He should have asked me out for coffee before that and told me how awesome he was in person.

This is what's ****ed up about OLD. Women are always on defense.

Approaches are less about what you say and more about B.E.T. - body language, eye contact, tone of voice. You convey ZERO of those in OLD, so the woman isn't inclined to do her own engaging.

 

[sazc]

This is what's ****ed up about OLD. Women are always on defense.

Approaches are less about what you say and more about B.E.T. - body language, eye contact, tone of voice. You convey ZERO of those in OLD, so the woman isn't inclined to do her own engaging.

Agree. For me these particular exchanges always made me feel as if he really didnt care who was on the other end, as long as he could talk all about how great he is. In hindsight I'm sure he was thinking 'let me strut my qualities so she will be attracted'. Again tho, another reason why there should be some light exchange on OLD and then coffee should happen. In between setting up the date and actually meeting, texting should be kept to a minimum.

One of my previous OLDs told me that, if you text too much before you meet, the other person is going to create a version of you in their head. That version will never match who you really are, so the other person will feel let down. He was right.

 

[backseatjuan]

So I've been taking to a lot of girls this past month as an effort to evolve and change but I have an issue initiating with all these girls

This one girl once told me, "I see a cute guy walking on the street, and I want him to approach me, and talk to me. After all I won't initiate a conversation with him, like I'm some sort of slut."

 

[Trump]

Hey guys,

So I've been taking to a lot of girls this past month as an effort to evolve and change but I have an issue initiating with all these girls, here's my situation, I don't like contacting these girls first, I want them to contact me. For example I had several girls initiate me first on OLD and we text back and fourth and then it stops from her sometimes and I don't want to feel desperate and initiate a conversation again. Basically if she leaves me on read I never respond back or I'll wait until she responds so I can text her back ALWAYS. And sometimes I don't bother texting a girl back expecting her to text me again several days later. (They never do) That's another problem I have, I feel like its awkward to text a girl days later after the conversation has stopped. (I'm new)

You shouldn't be having a 'conversation' on text, you should using text to get them alone so you can have sex with them. Otherwise, it will look like you want a female friend because you don't have male friends.

And yes I even have problems sending messages to girls on OLD even tho I still do it but it's different with the girls I contact because they never seem interested as for girls who contact me first seem interested off the bat.

It's a bad habit that I can't shake. I don't want to text them first and I don't want to be left on read and then text her again the next day. I feel like I'm playing the women's game here.

How do I fix?

On man, it's like you guys have all the time in the world to text back and forth with a girl ONLINE. You don't want to text them first? You don't want to be left on read? Bro these girls are having sex with 6'2 actors while they are texting you. They could care less about you and you don't have time for this crap. Make a date and make a move.

Ideally, in REAL LIFE when you first meet a girl, you should be able to pull her number or get a date in under FIVE minutes. If you can't, you have to step your game up.