I posted about this a time back but it's really bothering me. I was involved with a married woman for about three months total (told me she was getting divorce) I know, I know, stupid. Four months ago, I asked her if she wanted to hang out, she never called back. A week later I called again and we made small talk and she said I will talk to you soon. Never called me. Haven't talked since. My regret is; I feel like I should have called or texted one more time, I should have pursued it more. But my approach was let her contact me if she wants to see me. I know this is stupid, but why am I feeling regret? I felt if I pursued it more she may have left him. But I guess I could have been killed too. What advice would you have on the regret part? Is it true that if she was interested any longer she would have contacted me as well? I feel like I shouldn't have let it go. Now, it kills me that she may have a booty call on the side. I feel like that could have been me. Please get me out of this thinking. Or am I right to think that I didn't play this one right? My friends say I did the right thing and that she would have called me if she wanted me, but I don't know. I hate this feeling of regret. Have been thinking about her alot, even after meeting others. How do I snap out of it. Anyone have a logical way to think about this? Thanks very much for your responses, you guys have helped alot already.
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I have been regretful about this and need your opinions....
- Thread starter trent81
- Start date
Sounds llike you have "one-itis" for a woman who is marrried. I don't think it would've helped at all to have tried harder. That would've been a bad move IMO. If she was interested still she would contact you. I think you need to just move on a forget about her, no regrets.
TheBucketOfTruth
Master Don Juan
Just move on. You didn't do anything wrong other than getting emotionally involved with a married woman. Did you really want her to get a divorce so you two could be together? Most likely, she eventually would have cheated on you like she did her husband (if that makes you feel any better).
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Lets see, you were involved with a married woman. That means you were her distraction from her boring or unsatisfactory married life. It was your job to rebuild her ego and validate and reaffirm her belief that she is still a desireable woman. Your involvement with her supplied what she wanted from you.
Married women have a huge investment in their marriage, and usually only seek the missing pieces from a lover, BUT in order to "guarantee supply" from their boy and keep him around, they suggest that a permanent relationship is likely after they leave their marriage. This is just a carrot. They do not leave, instead they dump the lover and then return to the 'good provider' with their womanly ego re-inflated courtesy of you.
You are left dangling and confused because you were foolish and naive enough to believe that a cheating woman means what she says.
Do you know why she left you and returned to the husband? The answer is to be found in the laws of supply and demand. There are many more men available to f*ck a woman that there are men to provide for her. To put it somewhat crudely, there are more d!cks out there than checkbooks.
IN other words an attractive woman can secure a FB in one hour, BUT finding another "provisioning" wealthy beta husband is not so easy, so she stayed with the one that she had..
She did not call you back because you did your job, you completed your mission - you filled in the gaps in her emotional life...until she starts to feel neglected in her marriage again. Then she will hit the gym, get into that new wardrobe (thanks to hubbie's checkbook) and hit the night life to locate your replacement.
Lesson learned?
Married women have a huge investment in their marriage, and usually only seek the missing pieces from a lover, BUT in order to "guarantee supply" from their boy and keep him around, they suggest that a permanent relationship is likely after they leave their marriage. This is just a carrot. They do not leave, instead they dump the lover and then return to the 'good provider' with their womanly ego re-inflated courtesy of you.
You are left dangling and confused because you were foolish and naive enough to believe that a cheating woman means what she says.
Do you know why she left you and returned to the husband? The answer is to be found in the laws of supply and demand. There are many more men available to f*ck a woman that there are men to provide for her. To put it somewhat crudely, there are more d!cks out there than checkbooks.
IN other words an attractive woman can secure a FB in one hour, BUT finding another "provisioning" wealthy beta husband is not so easy, so she stayed with the one that she had..
She did not call you back because you did your job, you completed your mission - you filled in the gaps in her emotional life...until she starts to feel neglected in her marriage again. Then she will hit the gym, get into that new wardrobe (thanks to hubbie's checkbook) and hit the night life to locate your replacement.
Lesson learned?
You know, I agree with this. What seems to me with easy sex is that the quality of women has gone down. With so many men available that just want to fvck, a woman doesn't have to bring anything much to the table. But for a woman to secure someone that will stick around requires her to meet a higher standard. All the theories of "beta" guy and "alpha" and provider, might partly explain why or not a woman cheats, but I think the supply and demand theory is more relevant. There sure seems to be a correlation with woman sleeping around and men not so much looking for relationship and quality women and the lack of relationship quality women around. Desirable women can get both an "alpha" and a relationship in one person. It's the less desirable ones that sleep around the most. It's not just a matter of "beta" men but "beta" women too.
You haven't "replaced" what she gave you. You miss her. You are suffering typical withdrawal symptoms. You were in "heaven" for a while, now you're not. You gave in to weakness and contacted her.
You got your juices flowing again with your slight contact. Because you are having a hard time replacing her, your mind started to once again focus on the "good stuff" you had. Your best plan is to try and stay no contact. Then embark on a plan to figure out what drew you to a married unavailable woman (if it was more than pure sex as I suspect).
Meet and go out with available single women and remain no contact with the married X.
You got your juices flowing again with your slight contact. Because you are having a hard time replacing her, your mind started to once again focus on the "good stuff" you had. Your best plan is to try and stay no contact. Then embark on a plan to figure out what drew you to a married unavailable woman (if it was more than pure sex as I suspect).
Meet and go out with available single women and remain no contact with the married X.
ChumpNoMore
Don Juan
Truth!
I think you got a misplaced regret.
Your biggest regret was falling for this married woman and believing her lies all while stringing you along. I think you regret not protecting your heart and not seeing who she was even through all the signs were right there screaming at you.
The reality is that you weren't prepared to get involved with a married woman and as a result you should have gotten out (instead of waiting for it to collapse due to her ondoing) as soon as you realised that you weren't happy with this arrangement.
Your biggest regret was falling for this married woman and believing her lies all while stringing you along. I think you regret not protecting your heart and not seeing who she was even through all the signs were right there screaming at you.
The reality is that you weren't prepared to get involved with a married woman and as a result you should have gotten out (instead of waiting for it to collapse due to her ondoing) as soon as you realised that you weren't happy with this arrangement.
I agree with the majoriy. Try to forget her, I think it won't be worth the effort. She is not interested in a long-term relationship and probably just wanted some short affair. Since she doesn't call you back or contact you, it should be clear that she lost the interest and will probably stay with her husband.