I have an opportunity to step outside my comfort zone

[Rubato]

I just want to make sure I capitalize on it rather than evade it like I would have done as an AFC.

I haven't had to "break a girl's heart" in a while. I did destroy one earlier this month, but after she literally backhanded me across the face with a pretty decent blow. I didn't feel bad about explaining to her exactly how I felt about her.

I let go of all of my plates last week because I just wasn't feeling it with any of them and felt like the act of going forth and finding new ones would be good for me. And that was all true. Things worked themselves out with all of the plates but one. I had just been ignoring them and they all got the message. Except this one. She texted me a little while ago and said:

"I wouldn't want to bother you, but could you give me a call when you get a chance? thanks."

The week prior to this, she brought me to a Christmas party with her grad school class and was going around introducing me to everyone as "her boyfriend". I was already on the fence about her, but that put me over the edge. We had never even talked about exclusivity, and her assuming that we were was too much. As I think about it, I never planned one date with this girl after the first one 2 or 3 months ago. She planned them all. I don't know that I've ever called her, after the first time I did to set up our first date. She was texting me up last week trying to get plans made to spend Christmas together or to just do something, but I deflected everything and may have just ignored her.

Now she wants to talk.

The reason I'm asking for advice about how to handle this isn't because I don't know how to tell a girl I'm not interested in her. I've done that before. What I'm not sure about is where the line is between being a d*ck and being honest. To compound things, she is the niece of one of the most well respected cardiologists at the hospital my dad works at (and that I hope to work at in the next few years) as well as a very good friend of my dad's. He has a lot of really great connections I've been hoping to access and don't want to irritate him because I broke his niece's heart.

I'm looking at this as a growing experience because most of my life, I've tended to shy away from conflict. I think it's uncomfortable and I don't like it. I'm finding situations that make me feel a mix between really excited and like I've got the stomach flu are really great growing opportunities. And this is one of them.

My biggest gripe with the girl, honestly, is that she's already letting herself go. This may be a personal thing with me that some guys wouldn't mind, but the last 3 or 4 times we've "hung out" the girl didn't f*cking wax her upper lip. And she's got a legit mustache that comes out and you can even *see* and (*gasp*) feel when you're making out with her.

No.

That's not happening. She either needs to have some laser procedure done to get rid of that stuff permanently or be willing to vigilantly wax it.

If she could get that under control, I would have a much better attitude about this. She's not the hottest thing I've ever fooled around with, but she's definitely good enough.

What's the best way to handle this in light of her uncle the cardiologist that I don't want to p*ss off? Thanks

 

[Atom Smasher]

In view of the political situation you find yourself in, the best thing to do is to talk with her and vaguely tell her that you are going through some personal issues and really can't do a relationship right now. It would not be fair to her, blah blah.

You already know you need to walk delicately here so there is nothing wrong with sparing her feelings and also keeping your eye on your higher purpose (not offending the uncle).

It's no fun making out with Teddy Roosevelt, that's fer sure!

 

[window]

just tell her the truth...

 

[Racecar]

Something needs to be done about her calling you her boyfriend. Jon Sinn says passive acceptance of a frame is just as good as verbal compliance. Ideally you pull her aside after she made the first boyfriend introduction and address it, but what's done is done.

What you may consider doing is introducing her to one of your friends/family members as "...your good friend (HB)." This way, she understands that she is NOT your girlfriend and you see her differently. You're also demonstrating that you, the man, DEFINE the relationship parameters and they don't change without you changing them.

As for the lip hair, I mentioned earlier you could negg her into taking action. After you two kiss, noticeably laugh a little. When she asks what's funny, point to her femstache and tell her it tickled your nose! Repeat this every so often until you condition that behavior out of her.

Punish/reward!

 

[PokerStar]

welcome to dumpsville, population, you. - homer simpson

 

[Tovansky]

jokish kind of response: act AFC and she will go away.

serious response though, whitewash, sweet talk her that you can't do a LTR right now blah blah blah. That will work with women whose dads you don't want to piss off.

if you want to try it out with her, and if she is into you, then she will follow whatever you tell her. So tell her to get laser treatment or wax her upper lips. she will be startled, but she will definitely pay much more attention to it from that point on.