I have a slight problem about the way I act around girls... help?

[BannedGod]

When I'm with guys, I have no problems at all to really fool around and I really don't care about what I sound like or how stupid I look. Yet when I'm with girl (mainly with girls I'm flirting, but also some of my close friends) I cant help but being all serious and I barely kid around. I still do the funny+****y formula, but I dont think I act like myself in the sense that I fool around so much more with guys. How can I change this to act the same with guys and girls?

 

[danielzxc]

I think I know what u mean bro. With people I am familiar with, I am pretty good. (In high school, I was the ultimate classroom clown, for example.) But with strangers, it takes me a while to warm up. If I get positive reactions, I can build it up, but one negative, or just not so good, or even just neutral, reaction at the start can stall me. And sometimes you just don't have all day to get warmed up, and they leave before you get a chance to show your stuff.

It's mainly just a confidence thing really. You have to be happy and assured with the way you are, and then who cares what kind of reactions you get. You gotta know beforehand that you're never gonna please EVERYBODY, so there are always gonna be some people that you don't impress. But the point is u just say to yourself, ah fvk 'em, their loss, because u know you're good and sooner or later you'll come across people who give warmer receptions to u.

Easier said than done, I know.

 

[BannedGod]

I think I know what u mean bro. With people I am familiar with, I am pretty good. (In high school, I was the ultimate classroom clown, for example.) But with strangers, it takes me a while to warm up. If I get positive reactions, I can build it up, but one negative, or just not so good, or even just neutral, reaction at the start can stall me. And sometimes you just don't have all day to get warmed up, and they leave before you get a chance to show your stuff.

Yea well me it's not only girls I just met, but girls I've known for a while and which who I am friends with. I don't know why though... Any theories?

It's mainly just a confidence thing really. You have to be happy and assured with the way you are, and then who cares what kind of reactions you get. You gotta know beforehand that you're never gonna please EVERYBODY, so there are always gonna be some people that you don't impress. But the point is u just say to yourself, ah fvk 'em, their loss, because u know you're good and sooner or later you'll come across people who give warmer receptions to u.

Easier said than done, I know.

That's probably the best approach, but how can I manage to do that? Like you said, easier said then done

 

[Vypros]

That's probably the best approach, but how can I manage to do that? Like you said, easier said then done

You take baby steps. You keep thinking that you have to be all confident, smooth, and swass immediately. You think that you are going to go from being a shy, nervous person to a "don juan" overnight. That just simply doesn't happen.

So what do you do? You start on the INSIDE first. You're right, you ARE acting, because you aren't COMFORTABLE acting this way in front of girls but you try to do it anyways. So it is just a huge act, and in essence you're still not getting anywhere because girls can tell when you are acting.

So, the idea is, then, to get inside and figure out WHY you are so nervous around girls.

So, before I go on, let me pose that question to you:

Why are you so nervous around girls? Be honest now, let it all out there. Don't just say "just because I am". I want actual reasons. If you have to think about it, then do so. The reasons you come up with greatly affect the approach you need to take, so you have to be honest as well.

 

[Snow Plowman]

Yes this takes time, TD talk a whole lot about stuff like this. In the past few months I've manage to change myself pretty drastically.

It really has to do with state and confidence. Most people have confidence based on who there with, what they have, or anything that can give them acceptance. That is why you could be doing dumb stuff around your friends and not in front of strangers. Because your already accepted by your friends.

One thing that has helpped me was that I started really nothing give a fuk what anyone think whether it was good or bad. This helpped so much because I then started noticing that I was doing things I would've never done previously.

The thing is your being reactive towards the girl so now your real self is being affected because she is there.

 

[jesusrules]

practice being more fun around chicks. just keep practicing.

 

[BannedGod]

So, before I go on, let me pose that question to you:

Why are you so nervous around girls? Be honest now, let it all out there. Don't just say "just because I am". I want actual reasons. If you have to think about it, then do so. The reasons you come up with greatly affect the approach you need to take, so you have to be honest as well.

I think the honest and quick answer would be: I tend to make a big fuss out of them. By that, I mean I tend to believe that they are more important then other guys, therefore I try to make a good impression. That might be why I have such a hard time to be myself completly around girls. For now, it's the only plausible answer I can find, at least...

 

[Vypros]

I think the honest and quick answer would be: I tend to make a big fuss out of them. By that, I mean I tend to believe that they are more important then other guys, therefore I try to make a good impression. That might be why I have such a hard time to be myself completly around girls. For now, it's the only plausible answer I can find, at least...

Eh, at least you can come up with SOMETHING as an answer, that's a huge start in and of itself.

That being said, now you have to change your focus. This is a conscious decision, not just something that happens. This is something you do BEFOREHAND and then when you get into a situation where you are around girls, you recall it and use it to propel you forward.

What I mean by that is that you need to start with two things:

1. Change the way you view YOURSELF. This means that instead of thinking of the girl as the "prize", you think of yourself as the prize. How do you do this? Well, you start with baby steps again. How many times do you see a hot girl and think to yourself "Damn! I'd tap that" or "God she's SOOOOO hot!"??? Well STOP THINKING THAT! You have to consciously be aware that you are doing that. Instead, start thinking "Damn, wouldn't she like to f**k me?" or "She thinks I'm hot". Trust me, I had to do this and it worked for me (partially). Next thing you have to do is work on the way you present yourself to them. Take conscious notice of how you work your body. I mean, don't let your head go down, keep it up. Keep your shoulders back. Stand up straight and walk with confidence. Next, initiate eye contact. It's just eye contact, nothing more at this stage. Every girl you see you SEARCH for her eyes and hold eye contact with them as long as you can. Eventually you'll get to where you can keep the contact until SHE turns away. When you get to that point, you're ready for the next baby step. GREET HER. Nothing major, just a "How are you doing?" as you walk past. You're not approaching here, you're not asking her out. You are just asking how she's doing, and letting her answer and keep walking. Trust me, these little things make a HUGE difference when you get to the final stage. Continuing the conversation and approaching. You have to get the inside worked out first, then move to the outside.

2. Change how you view HER. She's not some goddess. In fact, most of the hotter girls have the WORST personalities because they never have to develop it. They just sit back and let people approach them and their life pretty much propels itself because they look good. So, knock her off her f**king pedastool! She eats, ****s, farts, burps, pees, and pukes just like you. She has needs and insecurities just like you. In fact, she's probably more insecure than you are! Keep this stuff in mind. She doesn't deserve special treatment because she's pretty. To hell with that!

Keep that focus in your mind at all times and move slow. You don't have to change overnight. Just change your focus from pleasing HER, to her pleasing YOU.

 

[isoman2kx]

Eh, at least you can come up with SOMETHING as an answer, that's a huge start in and of itself.

That being said, now you have to change your focus. This is a conscious decision, not just something that happens. This is something you do BEFOREHAND and then when you get into a situation where you are around girls, you recall it and use it to propel you forward.

What I mean by that is that you need to start with two things:

1. Change the way you view YOURSELF. This means that instead of thinking of the girl as the "prize", you think of yourself as the prize. How do you do this? Well, you start with baby steps again. How many times do you see a hot girl and think to yourself "Damn! I'd tap that" or "God she's SOOOOO hot!"??? Well STOP THINKING THAT! You have to consciously be aware that you are doing that. Instead, start thinking "Damn, wouldn't she like to f**k me?" or "She thinks I'm hot". Trust me, I had to do this and it worked for me (partially). Next thing you have to do is work on the way you present yourself to them. Take conscious notice of how you work your body. I mean, don't let your head go down, keep it up. Keep your shoulders back. Stand up straight and walk with confidence. Next, initiate eye contact. It's just eye contact, nothing more at this stage. Every girl you see you SEARCH for her eyes and hold eye contact with them as long as you can. Eventually you'll get to where you can keep the contact until SHE turns away. When you get to that point, you're ready for the next baby step. GREET HER. Nothing major, just a "How are you doing?" as you walk past. You're not approaching here, you're not asking her out. You are just asking how she's doing, and letting her answer and keep walking. Trust me, these little things make a HUGE difference when you get to the final stage. Continuing the conversation and approaching. You have to get the inside worked out first, then move to the outside.

2. Change how you view HER. She's not some goddess. In fact, most of the hotter girls have the WORST personalities because they never have to develop it. They just sit back and let people approach them and their life pretty much propels itself because they look good. So, knock her off her f**king pedastool! She eats, ****s, farts, burps, pees, and pukes just like you. She has needs and insecurities just like you. In fact, she's probably more insecure than you are! Keep this stuff in mind. She doesn't deserve special treatment because she's pretty. To hell with that!

Keep that focus in your mind at all times and move slow. You don't have to change overnight. Just change your focus from pleasing HER, to her pleasing YOU.

rock solid post.

 

[FurryFriend]

rock solid post.

I second that

 

[CalmCoolAndConfident]

Heres how you get comfortable with girls or people in general. Bust on them, just alittle and in a funny way so that both of you are laughing. I unno how it work but by doing it Ive gotten girls to actually say they like me because they feel comfortable being around me. Maybe its because I make fun of them a bit that it shows that I dont take them or anything all that serious and they feel that they dont have to act around me.