I have a problem

[kingNav]

This may sound a bit weird, but I cannot bring myself to "fall in love" with a girl. I don't know if its because of a fear of relationships, or maybe because of getting screwed over by girls I really liked in the past, or maybe I just can't seem to find that perfect person.. A couple girls I know are into me, one of them really into me, but I just can't show anything other than purely sexual interest towards them. As much as it sucked in the past falling in love with girls and getting sh!t on, I miss that feeling... the way my stomach would drop whenever I saw them; I'm sure alot of you know what I mean.

another problem I have found I have is that I don't really have anything to live for. I dont mean that in the suicidal ultra depressed way, but... I go out every night with my friends, drink have a good time, come home and goto work the next day. the cycle keeps on going, and it is just boring to me. I work for the money, but at this stage in my life where I don't have any degrees yet, the money isn't enough for me to buy anything worth working that much for.. i spend the rest of my time sitting around at home lifting weights or playing video games. There is really something missing, I just don't have a passion for anything.. any of you guys have any ideas on howto help me out

thanks

 

[RKTek]

Depression.

Although, concommitant with depression is usually loss of libido.

 

[kingNav]

in laymens terms that would mean what

 

[kingNav]

there is certainly no loss of libido, I can't keep the goddamn thing down.. however I am lacking the abilitity to have feelings for any girl other than sexually oriented ones. Example, I want to f*** this girl, but I have no interest whatsoever in laying next to her afterwards or even talking to her. Back in the day I thought being like this would be great, no more AFCness or obsessiveness with girls, but I've now realized it is not so fun

 

[RKTek]

For "laymen" (no pun intended. LOL)

You are depressed, more than you're willing to admit to yourself. Your post describes someone who is depressed.

I just did a web search for "depression symptoms" which gave the following checklist. It said that you did not have to fulfill all of these to be depressed. It sounds like you've got the first three pretty well nailed. You didn't talk about any others in your post but perhaps seeing the following might help:

persistent sadness or unhappiness
lethargy
loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
irritability
sudden change in appetite
disruption of normal sleep pattern
physical discomfort
difficulty thinking or concentrating
thoughts of suicide or death

Feeling sad is, well, sad. Sometimes it's not one particular thing, but a change of job, climate, hormones, a tragic or disappointing event, illness, whatever.

Usually eating well, lots of exercise, lots of sleep, and just plain being nice to yourself can help. But the good start is that you do recognize and are able to verbalize your feelings.

 

[Kingz28]

The more I think about this the weirder it gets.. for a while now there has been an unusual "happy" aura about me. I think it started when I realized I was over this girl I used to like, and it was like I no longer had anything to worry about. I am not sad, rarely am I sad, however every once in a while I get one of those days where EVERYTHING goes wrong and it just piles up and I get really f'in angry and get into some crazy moodswings

As for lethargy, I've always been pretty laid back and lazy. I don't let things get to me and I just take everything as it comes.

Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities is somewhat true but not to an extreme where I think it would matter.

When i don't smoke cigarettes I get extremely hungry, and when I do, I usually don't feel like eating. i think that is normal for people who regularly smoke and other than this I don't notice anything weird about my eating

I sleep really late in the day when I don't have work, but thats always been normal for me, I love to stay up late and sleep all day.

I have recently begun to believe that I have some sort of ADD because I have always been pretty smart in school with good grades, but I have never ever done homework or studying, I just cant do it. Ive tried some aderall and it has helped so far

I think about death alot, or atleast used to, but it is more of me being scared of it, not me wanting my life to end. There is simply too much in my life I want to accomplish and prove to others, that suicide is something I would never even consider


Yeah so I dont know, I think I just need to find a really nice girl that I can finally have feelings for

 

[RKTek]

Dude, not only are you depressed and have been for so long it now feels normal, but you're also in denial about it.

Finding a girl will only calm the symptoms.

You need to face this head-on like a man and take care of YOU and make yourself a complete healthy person before trying to bring a girl into your life to help fix yourself. First of all, because you're unhealthy, you'll end up attracting an unhealthy girl. Second, to expect others to rescue or fix you is codependent and will always lead to an unbalanced relationship.

Seek a healthy you first. Please!

 

[Quick]

I don't think it's depression. Take a look at this:

Enneagram

Does that fit you? It does me. I got that link from someone on here. I've also had a lot of similar thoughts like the ones you expressed. The word that I would use is Disillusion. You look out at the world and don't see too much that actually matters. You can get enjoyment form the things others do, but most of time it's like you're going through the motions. I don't think that it's necessarily a bad thing. The society humans have constructed is screwed up and pointless. Seeing that frees you, but it also makes it hard to live in this world. You really need to find at least one thing that's worthwhile, and use it as a focus. For me, it was helping other people. I realized that even though I don't really care about this world, many other people do, and I have the ability to improve their lives.

 

[RKTek]

Unhealthy: Become reclusive and isolated from reality, eccentric and nihilistic. Highly unstable and fearful of aggressions: they reject and repulse others and all social attachments. / Get obsessed yet frightened by their threatening ideas, becoming horrified, delirious, and prey to gross distortions and phobias. / Seeking oblivion, they may commit suicide or have a psychotic break with reality. Deranged, explosively self-destructive, with schizophrenic overtones.

This describes a schizoid personality. One aspect of schizoid is that you don't desire sex...with anyone. Yet he says Mr. Happy still says hello. Hmmmm....

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by RKTek
Unhealthy: Become reclusive and isolated from reality, eccentric and nihilistic. Highly unstable and fearful of aggressions: they reject and repulse others and all social attachments. / Get obsessed yet frightened by their threatening ideas, becoming horrified, delirious, and prey to gross distortions and phobias. / Seeking oblivion, they may commit suicide or have a psychotic break with reality. Deranged, explosively self-destructive, with schizophrenic overtones.

This describes a schizoid personality. One aspect of schizoid is that you don't desire sex...with anyone. Yet he says Mr. Happy still says hello. Hmmmm....

I think it's pretty presumptuous to start diagnosing this guy don't you? RKtek, I like some of your posts but too often I see you jump to conclusions on the basis of way too little information.


This may sound a bit weird, but I cannot bring myself to "fall in love" with a girl. I don't know if its because of a fear of relationships, or maybe because of getting screwed over by girls I really liked in the past, or maybe I just can't seem to find that perfect person.. A couple girls I know are into me, one of them really into me, but I just can't show anything other than purely sexual interest towards them. As much as it sucked in the past falling in love with girls and getting sh!t on, I miss that feeling... the way my stomach would drop whenever I saw them; I'm sure alot of you know what I mean.

Dude, I can relate to this - I guess the only advice I can give is that you can't "bring yourself" to fall in love it just has to happen. Ask yourself this - "Is there anyone in this world that you do love?" For a long time my answer to this question was "No". I mean I would tell myself that I loved my mother but often times I would think that I just felt obligated to love her. It wasn't until my little brother was born and I watched him grow up that I could honestly say I loved somebody in this world. The term love is way over-used.


another problem I have found I have is that I don't really have anything to live for. I dont mean that in the suicidal ultra depressed way, but... I go out every night with my friends, drink have a good time, come home and goto work the next day. the cycle keeps on going, and it is just boring to me. I work for the money, but at this stage in my life where I don't have any degrees yet, the money isn't enough for me to buy anything worth working that much for.. i spend the rest of my time sitting around at home lifting weights or playing video games. There is really something missing, I just don't have a passion for anything.. any of you guys have any ideas on howto help me out

I can relate to this as well in some aspects. Life can get pretty repetitive and tedious sometimes. The same sh!t day in day out just puts your mind to sleep.
So go out and experience new things! Be procative. There's a huge world out there waiting to be discovered. Pick up anew hobby. Do something you've never done before. That in and of itself is a reason to live.

The other thing I would do is set some goals for yourself. Maybe it's to acquire material things. Maybe it's to improve yourself in some way(s). Whatever it is set some goals for youreslf and start working towards them.

ANd while I'm preaching, quit smoking and take better care of yourself. You MAY in fact be suffering from depression. Thinking about death all the time is not normal (unless you have a terminally ill disease or something). Get busy living and you won't think so much about dying .

 

[DJ Girevik]

Originally posted by kingNav
This may sound a bit weird, but I cannot bring myself to "fall in love" with a girl. I don't know if its because of a fear of relationships, or maybe because of getting screwed over by girls I really liked in the past, or maybe I just can't seem to find that perfect person.. A couple girls I know are into me, one of them really into me, but I just can't show anything other than purely sexual interest towards them. As much as it sucked in the past falling in love with girls and getting sh!t on, I miss that feeling... the way my stomach would drop whenever I saw them; I'm sure alot of you know what I mean.

another problem I have found I have is that I don't really have anything to live for. I dont mean that in the suicidal ultra depressed way, but... I go out every night with my friends, drink have a good time, come home and goto work the next day. the cycle keeps on going, and it is just boring to me. I work for the money, but at this stage in my life where I don't have any degrees yet, the money isn't enough for me to buy anything worth working that much for.. i spend the rest of my time sitting around at home lifting weights or playing video games. There is really something missing, I just don't have a passion for anything.. any of you guys have any ideas on howto help me out

thanks

The second paragraph kind of describes me 4-5 years ago (as young as I was back then). Are you religious in any way at all? Cuz a pastor or someone of that sort would be a good person to talk to about it, even if you're not religious. I snapped out of my funk when my mom started taking the family to church for the first time since I was in kindergarten (had previously forgotten everything I had learned from there), and since then I've always been the one draggin' the family to church

 

[Toke]

Wow man, you sound just like me. The only difference is that I havent given up on love.

The part that really spooked me was that you think you have ADD. I've been reading tons about it lately, and am convinced I have it. How did you go about getting Aderall? I'm exactly the same, never do homework or pay any attention, but yet I just smoked everyone in my first year of college. 88% average, most people studied their asses off and still failed. I did homework only if it was to be handed in for marks, even then I did it half assed.

 

[trevjr]

I just have a couple of suggestions;
First I would find a therapist, someone who you can talk with and they will help you sort out your thoughts. Don't put to much stock into the psychobabble until you talk to a pro.
Second, find a hobby, take salsa lessons, spanish, guitar, sing, join a group of something. I sometimes fall in the habit of going to the same bar a few nights in a row and I realize that it is boring and I should be trying to make myself better somehow. I play 3 instruments so I have no time that is 'empty'.
But seriously, find a place that will do sliding scale prices for therapy and speak to someone. They will help you clear up your funk and you will feel more confident talking to woman. Remember you have to have something to offer than 'let's go to my place, smoke cigarettes and play video games'.

 

[Kingz28]

This describes a schizoid personality. One aspect of schizoid is that you don't desire sex...with anyone. Yet he says Mr. Happy still says hello. Hmmmm....

Ok you are going a little far with this.. I said I desire sex, with girls. There is nothing wrong with my sex drive. I want them. Often what I don't want, is a relationship with them. Maybe its because I have a fear of commitment or I'm protecting myself from being 'hurt' again, but thats how it is

 

[RazzleDazzle]

If your not ready for a relationship, then your not ready. No big deal. Don't force yourself into one. Just keep bouncing around until you find a girl who attracts you. Then go for it.

I can totally relate to the whole "not want to get hurt again" thing. I think because as 'men' we don't let ourselves feel pain or admit it when we do. But when we do it hurts 10 times as bad.

Dude, just enjoy your life. If you die happy that's all that matters in the end. I think your just having a downer right now so don't listen to any "go see a professional" advice. A pastor wouldn't be a bad idea, though. They are in it to help people. Some even completely leave religion out of one on one discussions. Those are the best kind.

 

[Framboise]

youve got it all wrong. you think the "right" girl is gonna make your life good. shes not. your going to fall for some girl whose a challange chase her maybe cause you know how to dj youll get her but itll be an ongoing thing. you cant fall for girls that your positive already fell for you.. wheres the fun in that? girls dont make life good they improve on an already good life.

 

[Mizer]

I would tend to agree most with Ronin's post.


KingNav, I also have a problem with falling in love. I am pretty "up there" in the age and I still have not fallen in love. I believe it is because my mother used to scare me from it as a child. She used to always tell me that it could be one of the most painful experiences in the world when it doesn't work out. But I realize that if I ever want to have a family someday, I better be good at relationships so I did get involved with a few LTRs. You don't want to be a thirty-something who doesn't know how to handle simple relationship issues; by then, not many may be patient enough to stick around while you learn.

You should get into more activities that
can advance you as a person and that also contributes to society as well ( the feeling of being here for a good purpose tends to be very therapeutic).

What are you most passionate about? What do you think you could be very passionate about?
Give it or them a try!
It may just change your whole life like discovering my true passion has. After that, things seem to be falling more into place now.
I am still actively getting over the hard-to-fall-in-love thing but I am confident it won't hold me back when the "real one" comes along.

Finally, you should really quit smoking and start running to release more of those endogenous opiods in your body. The feeling of healthier lungs with your heart pumping more efficiently and delivering more of the good stuff through out your system will make you feel 10 times better alone. Trust me...I smoked for 10 long years.

Enjoy life and your youth!


Mizer

 

[Kingz28]

at the moment im trying to cut down on my eating to lose some fat, and exercise a bit more playing basketball for a couple hours a day with my friends, but im scared i'll put alot of the weight back on if I quit smoking. any ideas?

 

[Starman]

King Nav..take this depression test (you have to sign in) but it will give you a general idea of where you stand with depression.

http://www.queendom.com/tests/health/depression_access.html

Let me know what your score is .

Otherwise if your problem is just the inability to form emotional bonds with people (i.e. love) than this maybe a different issue than depression (although it could lead to depression)

Do you have close relations (love) with parents, friends, or others?

Perhaps, you havent met the right person, are healing from an old wound, or are just guarding your emotions from being hurt again.

 

[Mizer]

at the moment im trying to cut down on my eating to lose some fat, and exercise a bit more playing basketball for a couple hours a day with my friends, but im scared i'll put alot of the weight back on if I quit smoking. any ideas?

Yes. After quitting smoking you must do cardiovascular exercises such as running and biking. Matter-of-fact, you may beging to confuse your urge to smoke with urges to run. When you run, that fat will seem like it is just melting off of your body. Your lungs will work more efficiently, you will look and feel more in shape and there fore, will want to work out even more. Before long, you won't be able to imagine hurting the wonderful temple you build with that nasty tar from a cigarette.
I can assure you that it will turn you into a new man.
Good Luck!


Mizer