For some reason, I don't really have a desire for women. I used to, but it died off, mainly because of crushing rejections. Now, I don't even feel like trying anymore. I'm in high school and I haven't had a crush in a year. I don't feel like getting numbers or flirting. I barely even talk to girls...or anyone for that matter. It stopped since last year when I stopped dealing with this ****. girls...people were making me so depressed, so I shut off my desire to deal with them. Now I don't cry everytime I come home from school. now I don't feel the urge to throw up evertime I talk to someone I am interested in. Now I don't pretend so much that I give a **** about other people. my self-consciousness died down. It was shyness at first, and the constant rejections and depression were to painful, so I killed it. I stopped trying for something I didn't even really want in the first place. Teenagers are so stupid, such a waste of my time. At least when i waste my time, I am having fun and comfortable doing it. not wasting it in school talking about dumb s sh1t and getting so emotional and obsessed about nothing. I don't know how I ever dealt with it for 4 years so far. Funny thing is that I'm not depressed. I feel content when I can be left alone and not bothered by other people. Mostly, I just end up observing other peoples' behaviors. I mean, I still have friends, but most of the time, they approach or start conversation with me. And I start to get nervous whenever the spotlight is shifted over to me. Like when I'm telling a joke or a story and I know people are listening, I get oddly self-conscious, start tripping over words, blank out in between sentences. So I tend to try and keep attention off of me. I used to have girl friends. I even knew a few who had crushes on me. but I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere. I didn't want to date, get a girlfriend, get laid, or bother with this whole gaming ****. It seems like too much trouble for such a little reward? I've never been on a date, never had a kiss, I have been LJBFed so many times that I don't even want anything to do with women. I have forgotten how to flirt, and I feel stupid everytime I try. Sometimes it works, but I only do it just to raise my confidence ever so slightly. It won't ever go anywhere. I don't want it to go anywhere. Being in a relationship sort of freaks me out. So many social demands, so many personal demands. Hell, I don't even know what really sustains a relationship. I think it is better to wait until college. A bigger pool of women to choose from and more freedom to do with it. My friends aren't any better: One once had a relationship with a whale for 2 months, and it is obviously over. Now he gets LJBFed all over the place, but he still has so many girls' numbers, it makes me jealous. rather, embarrassed because while I'm around him he ends up texting a girl, and the both seem to be having so much fun, and I just sit there without my phone because no one ever texts me ever. In fact, it makes me glad, I don't want to deal with them, texting was such a big pain last year when I are. I only ever care whenever my friends are around. My other friend is more socially awkward, but he still has friends who he texts. I don't have many friends as well. Don't want many friends. They're a pain in the ass. What is the appeal of Facebook in the first place? I mean, I get it people like interacting with each other nonstop. I couldnt' do that. I have a Facebook but I never use it. I maybe only use once every 3 or 4 weeks. And when I do I don't talk to anyone, just browse the comments, update my profile, and accept friend requests even though I won't ever talk to these people (Currently I have less than 200 friends). Socializing is ****ing hard. How do people like it so much? Anyway, back to the problem at hand. Actually, not getting girls is not really a problem to me except that it is an embarrassment sometimes around my few friends. Oh well, maybe it will fix itself.
I have a problem.
- Thread starter Relations
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Doc Freezy
Don Juan
Troll, emo, Closet homosexual, biggest AFC in the world. Take your pick.
It's a case of Fox/grapes (sauce-head reference) for you my friend.
It's a case of Fox/grapes (sauce-head reference) for you my friend.
Please show where in my fvcking post that it possibly shows that I am any of these things. You must be fvcking stupid to think you are that smart, don't fool yourself. Rather tr to help people instead of trying to bring them down to your level.
And what the hell is this Fox/grapes sauce-head reference?
lol this better be a joke cause your just contradicting yourself. You want friends, then you don't want them cuz its a waste of time same thing goes for the rest of of your post. If your serious here then your in a bit of a mess with your ego. For starters get rid of your ego, then you won't have these ridiculous thoughts and troubles about your social life.
Dankenstein
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based on your post you seem somewhat younger.
i didnt have my first kiss until i was 15-16, which was older than a lot of my friends. granted, this does not help you, but here are some things i think you should keep in mind:
relationships at early ages are bull**** (it took me to near the end of my senior year to find a girl I was "dating" that was actually dtf... sad huh?). just because your friends may have a girlfriend doesnt mean they are actually getting anything
find something you enjoy doing and surround yourself with it. women should not define your happiness, you are the only one who can do that.
it takes time for some people to be truly socially content. for me it took to my sophmore year in college before I truly was happy with my social life. **** takes time, it will definitely work itself out
change the things you dont like, dont mope about them
also, things can only get to such a low point in life (as well as such a high point), just keep that in mind when feelin down
i didnt have my first kiss until i was 15-16, which was older than a lot of my friends. granted, this does not help you, but here are some things i think you should keep in mind:
relationships at early ages are bull**** (it took me to near the end of my senior year to find a girl I was "dating" that was actually dtf... sad huh?). just because your friends may have a girlfriend doesnt mean they are actually getting anything
find something you enjoy doing and surround yourself with it. women should not define your happiness, you are the only one who can do that.
it takes time for some people to be truly socially content. for me it took to my sophmore year in college before I truly was happy with my social life. **** takes time, it will definitely work itself out
change the things you dont like, dont mope about them
also, things can only get to such a low point in life (as well as such a high point), just keep that in mind when feelin down
Doc Freezy
Don Juan
These guys are afflicted with what I am calling "Fox/Grapes" Syndrome. I am of course alluding to the classic Aesop fable for children here:
“ONE hot summer’s day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. ‘Just the things to quench my thirst,’ quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: ‘I am sure they are sour’ ”
Basically the fox fails to get the grapes, so he comforts himself by deciding that they were probably sour anyway. In other words it is easy to despise what you cannot get.
A guy with fox/grapes syndrome is making a similar mistake by convincing himself that women or sex is sour, because he needs to deal with the fact that he is not getting any. He is finding a treatment for the problem, not a cure. I have been there. I have done that. It sucked. I hope I can spare other guys the pain. He simply needs to learn how to do what is necessary to get the grapes, instead of learning how to live in some form of denial.
Here is my thesis: any man (over 16 or 17, with normal sex drive) who is not doing his best to get women is hurting himself and probably in some kind of denial.
“ONE hot summer’s day a Fox was strolling through an orchard till he came to a bunch of Grapes just ripening on a vine which had been trained over a lofty branch. ‘Just the things to quench my thirst,’ quoth he. Drawing back a few paces, he took a run and a jump, and just missed the bunch. Turning round again with a One, Two, Three, he jumped up, but with no greater success. Again and again he tried after the tempting morsel, but at last had to give it up, and walked away with his nose in the air, saying: ‘I am sure they are sour’ ”
Basically the fox fails to get the grapes, so he comforts himself by deciding that they were probably sour anyway. In other words it is easy to despise what you cannot get.
A guy with fox/grapes syndrome is making a similar mistake by convincing himself that women or sex is sour, because he needs to deal with the fact that he is not getting any. He is finding a treatment for the problem, not a cure. I have been there. I have done that. It sucked. I hope I can spare other guys the pain. He simply needs to learn how to do what is necessary to get the grapes, instead of learning how to live in some form of denial.
Here is my thesis: any man (over 16 or 17, with normal sex drive) who is not doing his best to get women is hurting himself and probably in some kind of denial.
Doc Frenzy - Don't be a douche bag. (not that second post. That was solid. The part where you called him emo/troll/homo)
Relations - Boo-****ing-hoo.
You want help. I want to help you. But the pity party ends now.
What I'm getting from your post is that you want a social/romantic life, but have became so jaded by failure that you have lost your drive to pursue it.
You have ambition, but no motivation. I don't think you are a homosexual. I do think that you need to seriously re-evaluate where you are going in life, decide where you want to be, and take action to get there.
Just by reading what you have written, it is clear that you do not have a lack of desire for success with women -- it's not that you don't want these things (social life, romantic life), its that you have so little confidence in yourself that you feel like you are better off not trying than dealing with possible dissapointment. It's a classic defense mechanism - as humans we avoid pain by avoiding activities that cause us pain. It makes sense in theory, but in regards to a social life this is majorly self destructive.
I've been in the same place. Guess what? Getting out of that place all starts with you. Ask yourself this: Is rejection/failure any more painful than what you are going through right now? I think we both know the answer to this. You've got yourself caught in an emotional mind-****, that you can either break or live with.
If you want some solid advice given from experience, PM me.
Relations - Boo-****ing-hoo.
You want help. I want to help you. But the pity party ends now.
What I'm getting from your post is that you want a social/romantic life, but have became so jaded by failure that you have lost your drive to pursue it.
You have ambition, but no motivation. I don't think you are a homosexual. I do think that you need to seriously re-evaluate where you are going in life, decide where you want to be, and take action to get there.
Just by reading what you have written, it is clear that you do not have a lack of desire for success with women -- it's not that you don't want these things (social life, romantic life), its that you have so little confidence in yourself that you feel like you are better off not trying than dealing with possible dissapointment. It's a classic defense mechanism - as humans we avoid pain by avoiding activities that cause us pain. It makes sense in theory, but in regards to a social life this is majorly self destructive.
I've been in the same place. Guess what? Getting out of that place all starts with you. Ask yourself this: Is rejection/failure any more painful than what you are going through right now? I think we both know the answer to this. You've got yourself caught in an emotional mind-****, that you can either break or live with.
If you want some solid advice given from experience, PM me.
Gangster Of Love
Master Don Juan
bump
magickarl, you're so close to cracking the code except for one part. I don't experience pleasure from socializing. Most people do. I get the rejection part, I'm so jaded, blah blah blah. But I think the bigger problem is that I don't even like socializing because it's not fun. I do think I must have shut some part of myself from earlier pain of rejection and inadequacy, but honestly it's not even fun when I try. I think that I could actually be the best at this stupid little game everyone plays if I gave a **** and if it mattered to me. I don't know what other people get out of talking to everyone and spending every living moment with someone else. What the fvck ever happened to alone time?
magickarl, you're so close to cracking the code except for one part. I don't experience pleasure from socializing. Most people do. I get the rejection part, I'm so jaded, blah blah blah. But I think the bigger problem is that I don't even like socializing because it's not fun. I do think I must have shut some part of myself from earlier pain of rejection and inadequacy, but honestly it's not even fun when I try. I think that I could actually be the best at this stupid little game everyone plays if I gave a **** and if it mattered to me. I don't know what other people get out of talking to everyone and spending every living moment with someone else. What the fvck ever happened to alone time?
I wouldn't even call myself in pain from this, it's just people tend to freak out when someone doesn't give as much of a sh1t about certain things as other people do (i.e. socializing, women, etc.)