For some reason, I don't really have a desire for women. I used to, but it died off, mainly because of crushing rejections. Now, I don't even feel like trying anymore. I'm in high school and I haven't had a crush in a year. I don't feel like getting numbers or flirting. I barely even talk to girls...or anyone for that matter. It stopped since last year when I stopped dealing with this ****. girls...people were making me so depressed, so I shut off my desire to deal with them. Now I don't cry everytime I come home from school. now I don't feel the urge to throw up evertime I talk to someone I am interested in. Now I don't pretend so much that I give a **** about other people. my self-consciousness died down. It was shyness at first, and the constant rejections and depression were to painful, so I killed it. I stopped trying for something I didn't even really want in the first place. Teenagers are so stupid, such a waste of my time. At least when i waste my time, I am having fun and comfortable doing it. not wasting it in school talking about dumb s sh1t and getting so emotional and obsessed about nothing. I don't know how I ever dealt with it for 4 years so far. Funny thing is that I'm not depressed. I feel content when I can be left alone and not bothered by other people. Mostly, I just end up observing other peoples' behaviors. I mean, I still have friends, but most of the time, they approach or start conversation with me. And I start to get nervous whenever the spotlight is shifted over to me. Like when I'm telling a joke or a story and I know people are listening, I get oddly self-conscious, start tripping over words, blank out in between sentences. So I tend to try and keep attention off of me. I used to have girl friends. I even knew a few who had crushes on me. but I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere. I didn't want to date, get a girlfriend, get laid, or bother with this whole gaming ****. It seems like too much trouble for such a little reward? I've never been on a date, never had a kiss, I have been LJBFed so many times that I don't even want anything to do with women. I have forgotten how to flirt, and I feel stupid everytime I try. Sometimes it works, but I only do it just to raise my confidence ever so slightly. It won't ever go anywhere. I don't want it to go anywhere. Being in a relationship sort of freaks me out. So many social demands, so many personal demands. Hell, I don't even know what really sustains a relationship. I think it is better to wait until college. A bigger pool of women to choose from and more freedom to do with it. My friends aren't any better: One once had a relationship with a whale for 2 months, and it is obviously over. Now he gets LJBFed all over the place, but he still has so many girls' numbers, it makes me jealous. rather, embarrassed because while I'm around him he ends up texting a girl, and the both seem to be having so much fun, and I just sit there without my phone because no one ever texts me ever. In fact, it makes me glad, I don't want to deal with them, texting was such a big pain last year when I are. I only ever care whenever my friends are around. My other friend is more socially awkward, but he still has friends who he texts. I don't have many friends as well. Don't want many friends. They're a pain in the ass. What is the appeal of Facebook in the first place? I mean, I get it people like interacting with each other nonstop. I couldnt' do that. I have a Facebook but I never use it. I maybe only use once every 3 or 4 weeks. And when I do I don't talk to anyone, just browse the comments, update my profile, and accept friend requests even though I won't ever talk to these people (Currently I have less than 200 friends). Socializing is ****ing hard. How do people like it so much? Anyway, back to the problem at hand. Actually, not getting girls is not really a problem to me except that it is an embarrassment sometimes around my few friends. Oh well, maybe it will fix itself.