I have a lot of self doubt sometimes

[Baibars]

It’s been more than 3 months after my last break up and I managed to meet a few women but they were not super good looking I would say.

I have a date on Friday and have another girl that consistently gives me sex.
Couldn’t keep the other 2 women I dated right after my breakup because I pushed them away since I was hurt and still attached to my ex.
Right now I only rely one online dating to get women.
what makes me doubt myself and feel unhappy/insecure sometimes is the fact that I don’t get a lot of matches and I believe that I’m not good enough because of that. I mean I do get women sometimes but the majority of women seem to reject me.
im a guy that mostly gets „niche“ girls and it seems like the average local women here don’t like me that much.
as soon as I have girls text me and are interested in me I feel good again. But when I don’t get any matches or any attention I question myself.

is this feeling justifiable or am I just hurting myself for no reason?

 

[Stanley]

Please do not use OLD as your metric for measuring your worth. In fact.. NEVER MEASURE YOUR SELF WORTH BY YOUR ABILITY TO ATTRACT WOMEN, EVER!

Seriously. If your self esteem is rooted in the self interest of women you are going to have a rough time.
Instead, focus on cultivating a new and better you which in turn will make your ex regret things and allow you to meet new women who offer new opportunities in life. (A nice side effect, but let things in the past be)

Take your low vibrational state and apply yourself towards things that are conducive to your own personal growth.

Focus on your career, fitness, health and existing relationships with friends and family. Prioritize enjoying yourself and engage in hobbies that pull your mind away from your ex... nothing wrong with distracting yourself in a healthy manner.

3 months is not a long time and if you had a good connection with her it will take awhile to let go and move on... So, be okay with that and start the process of actively removing your attachments to her physically, mentally and spiritually. Quit comparing yourself to her, quit comparing new women to her and don't entertain writing more posts here about her. Let it go. Acknowledge her and the effect she had on you and let it pass on. She and the very thought of her no longer serve you.

Also, if you find women are not interested in you to begin with, ask yourself why that is? And why do those that are interested in you make you feel euphoric and high on their attention?

If you get off on the thought of feeling desired by women then that indicates to me that you are lacking in self assuredness and have some internal work to do. Care less whether a woman likes you or doesn't like you. All that really matters it that you like you.

Rooting for you brother

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

is this feeling justifiable or am I just hurting myself for no reason?

The latter. Your popularity on dating apps has little to do with your actual value. Most men on dating apps are thirsty, most women on dating apps are seeking validation.

Go and join some activity that attracts both men and women and get your dates from there.

 

[corrector]

is the fact that I don’t get a lot of matches and I believe that I’m not good enough because of that

That means you are not a Chad/Chadlite and your LOOKS are not good enough. These women don't know you enough for any rejection to feel that deep. A break-up (ie back-end rejection) is allot worst because the woman knows you, as well as the memories of the high-points together with her, and she STILL rejected you in the end.

All you can do is gymmax/looksmax and max those things out and try OLD again.

 

[soulforge]

It’s been more than 3 months after my last break up and I managed to meet a few women but they were not super good looking I would say.

I have a date on Friday and have another girl that consistently gives me sex.
Couldn’t keep the other 2 women I dated right after my breakup because I pushed them away since I was hurt and still attached to my ex.
Right now I only rely one online dating to get women.
what makes me doubt myself and feel unhappy/insecure sometimes is the fact that I don’t get a lot of matches and I believe that I’m not good enough because of that. I mean I do get women sometimes but the majority of women seem to reject me.
im a guy that mostly gets „niche“ girls and it seems like the average local women here don’t like me that much.
as soon as I have girls text me and are interested in me I feel good again. But when I don’t get any matches or any attention I question myself.

is this feeling justifiable or am I just hurting myself for no reason?

Hey man, I tend to get 8-9 matches daily & the vast majority fizzle out.

Online dating leaves most men feeling worthless, however it's not a accurate measurement of your SMV or your level of attraction.

I will give you a tip.

After my break up, immediately I smashed maybe 4-5 chicks.. All of them where average in comparison to my ex.. Dealing with average girls immediately after a break up will always leave you feeling shyte.

Also exposure to porn, watching hot naked girls will add to the frustration, as your struggling to even pull average girls from online.

My advice is to take a little break from dating.

Quit porn immediately, practice no fap/Semen Retention for 60 days.

Rewire/reset your brain. You're urge or desperation for sex will settle down. You will also feel more energetic about talking to girls in the outside world, cold approach etc.

This is just temporary solution that certainly help you.

 

[Baibars]

That means you are not a Chad/Chadlite and your LOOKS are not good enough. These women don't know you enough for any rejection to feel that deep. A break-up (ie back-end rejection) is allot worst because the woman knows you, as well as the memories of the high-points together with her, and she STILL rejected you in the end.

All you can do is gymmax/looksmax and max those things out and try OLD again.

yeah i'm definitely not a chad but i always managed to meet women even when it wasn't consistenly and i was thirsty sometimes. i had bad times too.
It's not black and white like black pillers claim.

 

[corrector]

yeah i'm definitely not a chad but i always managed to meet women even when it wasn't consistenly and i was thirsty sometimes. i had bad times too.

Other posters, such as @BergischerLöwe have claimed to have some mixed results with OLD in the past, but as of recent it has nose-dived for him. He called it diminishing returns and has all but given up on meeting any women at all since he just used OLD. What worked before may not work now.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I get it. I've been there. In fact, most men have.

Here are some psychology type things that are going on in the background;

Women are usually far more perceptive than men. Ever wonder why we seem to get more positive outside female attention when we are already in a relationship? The answer is... because we do not give off subconscious signs of being invested, eager or thirsty. Instead, we give off an image of more confidence and self-assurance.

If a good relationship unexpectedly ends, it's only natural that we're going to need time to process and lick our wounds. Even if we attempt to fake it... unfortunately,women are quite perceptive. They can sense that we are not currently in our 'zone.' And if we receive additional rejection, this will amplify any pain and uncertainties. And of course, the more self-doubt that we experience, the longer the healing process will take (been there myself - most of us have).

Best advice I can offer is... acknowledge to yourself that it's natural and human nature to experience post-break up blues. It happens. Also know that soon you'll be back on your feet, but this will not likely occur over night. We've all had those days when nothing seems to go right. When I have these, I never approach a woman of interest. Instead, I wait until I'm back in my zone. I've learned this the hard way.

In your current situation, I'd suggest finding other things to do rather than skirt-chasing (hang out with friends, pursue hobbies etc...) . This way, you'll heal more quickly and then be ready for your next female conquest.

I've been there and it's not a fun place to be, but trust me. You'll get through this and in no time be adding new bedpost notches.

Good luck!

 

[corrector]

I wait until I'm back in my zone.

How and when does that happen?

 

[Stanley]

How and when does that happen?

That certainly going to depend on the person and how they overcome hardship. I'd argue it is a combination of a concerted effort to better your situation alongside the passage of time.

 

[corrector]

That certainly going to depend on the person and how they overcome hardship. I'd argue it is a combination of a concerted effort to better your situation alongside the passage of time.

What I mean, if you have a negative-loop spiral (ie you are rejected by women, feel down, other women pick it up, think something is wrong with you, etc...) then how do you break out of that? For example, you take a break from dating and pursue other hobbies or interest, as advised on here, then you may find that nothing happens because that takes you even further out of the zone. In fact, some of the things that @Black Widow Void said, such as not being eager, invested or thirsty, does not make sense since I don't feel that I'm like that in real life. You can be quite content and happy with yourself and find that the is just zero flirting interactions with women for a long period of time. You know there is something there, almost like a wierd "woman-shield".