it isnt ''toxic '' per se and its not the end of the world
It should be just water off a duck's back. A man suffers when he sweats about stuff that is outside of his control. Do you know the best way to train a dog....it isn't to shout at the dog and get angry and scream no. by the way, you can observe that behavior with dog owners a lot.....they will slap or hit the dog or shout at it. This scares the dog and often turns the dog aggressive (fearful and defensive) and confused about what is the correct behavior. The best way is to show the dog the correct behavior and give it positive reinforcement. for example, if your dog is chewing on furniture or shoes........the owner who has no emotional control and no clue will get annoyed at the dog and maybe shout at it and some will, unfortunately get violent with the dog. They don't understand the nature of dogs. The trick here would be twofold 1) to act assertively in the moment (assertively not aggressively and not passively) by replacing whatever the dog might be chewing on with a toy or distracting him with playtime , by using a tug rope or similar . You can also use clickers to train him so he drops whatever he is doing when you click it and he comes to you, sits and gets his reward 2) Ask yourself why is he doing the behavior ......is it normal "chewing" or "digging" that may be expected from a dog or is it coming from the fact that he is not getting enough exercise , enough play time, enough attention....
The clueless, unprepared owner will curse the dog making the dog worse. You will even get this type of person trying to logically talk to a talk to try get it to change its behavior. this dog will probably end up abused and abandoned. The owner will blame the dog. "we got a bad one".
but it was such a dumb thing to lie about
Let's exam this statement a bit.....
You've assumed that she has lied and made a value judgement based on that assumption. You see how much of a subjective leap you've made after a non-event.
You've surely heard the phrase "it is what it is" been thrown around almost like it is a cliche. It's a stoic phrase that simply means......"I'm going to deal accordingly with the situation WITHOUT ADDING TO IT"
This is a hole that people end up digging for themselves. They add more weight onto a "perceived" bad situation.
It's raining. It is what it is. Dress accordingly and drive safely. .............it's raining. Oh what a ****e day out (adding to it) damn I don't feel like doing anything when it's like that....the descending emotional spiral begins.
my relationship is over. Fvck it is what it is, I can't change. (going further you might add positively ...what opportunity is there for me to pull out of this situation? Hmmm I can practice facing adversity (you've already positively FRAMED how you will be forged through fire......) .....hmm damn I can travel, have more time for myself (whatever....)
or the opposite....adding to it and putting weight on. it.....my relationship is over........damn I'm old/short/bald I will never meet anyone like her again. Damn my life is practically over now. damn all women are selfish biatches ........you've added to the situation, burdened yourself further and made yourself weaker as a result.
it is what is, act accordingly.
www.thetimes.co.uk
