I had an awkward situation in my date tonight

[Deicide]

I went out with a Taiwanese girl tonight that I had met through a cold approach. The date itself was good and fun. I took her to a restaraunt and I would tease her about things, touch her arms, shoulders, and hands, and talk about our backgrounds, etc... She was interested in me and talked about meeting again Then when we got outside to my car, I decided to go in and kiss her on the cheek. And this started the awkwardness. She said we needed to be good friends first before we went further. I told her we didn't need to be in a relationship to become involved with each other. I said I didn't take you out just to be good friends either. And of course, if I'm taking you on a date, I might have some interest in you. All of this seemed foreign to her, one because of her culture, and two because her English isn't great. She probably isn't used to guys trying to become involved from the start. She said she would consider my offer of dating but no relationship, but honestly, I'm not betting on it. She said she was worried about her friends thinking she is easy for dating an American man. I told her "Do what the f*ck you want. Don't do things because of friends or peer pressure. Be an individual. Think for yourself." She said she would pay for my meal the next time we go out, and that doesn't bother me. But I'm not wasting my time on being someone's beta male best friend. So, if she says she doesn't want to consider my offer, I'll find someone else. Has anything like this ever happened to you, and what would your advice be?

 

[runner83]

But I'm not wasting my time on being someone's beta male best friend. So, if she says she doesn't want to consider my offer, I'll find someone else. Has anything like this ever happened to you, and what would your advice be?

Answered your own question, didn't you?

It might be a cultural thing, so depends how much you value your time as to whether you think it's worth continuing with this girl or not.

Your attempts to negotiate with her were bad, cut that kind of thinking out.

Attraction is spontaneous, not a negotiation:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It's sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to ƒuck you will find a way to ƒuck you. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, ƒuck the sh!t out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work - women who want to ƒuck will find a way to ƒuck. The girl who tells you she wants a relationship first is the same girl who ƒucked the hot guy in the foam cannon party in Cancun on spring break half an hour after meeting him.

If a girl is that into you she'll ƒuck regardless of ASD or having her friends in the room videotaping it at a frat party. All women can be sluts, you just have to be the right guy to bring it out in them, and this happens before you go back to her place. If you have to plead your case cuddling and spooning on the bed or getting the occasional peck on the cheek, you need to go back to square one and start fresh.

EDIT: And one more thing, why the hell are you taking her to a restaurant on the first date?

That automatically tends to put a girl into a "make him work before I give it up" way of thinking.

Remember:

Food = Sleep
Alcohol = Secks

 

[Deicide]

Answered your own question, didn't you?

It might be a cultural thing, so depends how much you value your time as to whether you think it's worth continuing with this girl or not.

Your attempts to negotiate with her were bad, cut that kind of thinking out.

Attraction is spontaneous, not a negotiation:



EDIT: And one more thing, why the hell are you taking her to a restaurant on the first date?

That automatically tends to put a girl into a "make him work before I give it up" way of thinking.

Remember:

Food = Sleep
Alcohol = Secks

Because I always go eat at restaraunts on Friday nights, even if it's by myself. So now that I have numbers, I can put these situations to use. I'm not much for alcohol, and I would be the one driving to a bar, so that isn't a good idea for me(Potential DUI). Well, considering I don't have any live numbers except for the Korean girl I'm dating(I'm going on our second date next week), I'll probably go out with this girl and try like hell to attract her through kino and kissing. If that doesn't work, I'll move on to other girls I'm interested in. This was the second date I've ever been on in my life also. So, yeah, I guess I messed up on the negotiation thing, but at least I didn't submit and I say "Ok, we can go out and just be friends". I need to keep in mind that women don't think like I do. haha

 

[Sophomakhos]

Oh yeah, this happened to me in the last couple of months. I went out with a Russian girl who's fairly new to the country, and she was obsessed with the idea that a date implied absolutely no commitment on her part at all. In fact, the second time I met up with her the very first words out her mouth were, "This is not a date!" The next time we met up she was all over me. Honestly, it's best not to pressure her too much; for a girl who's new to the country (and who doesn't speak English as her first language), she'll get scared quite easily and you'll only make it more difficult for yourself.

Just accept whatever she says at the time, but keep on dating her anyway. I found in my case that, even though the girl kept talking like we weren't dating, in fact her emotions (and these are always the most important factor) were running just like any other girl's on a date. Don't be pushy, but be patient and persevere. Flirting, kino etc. are all advisable, though you may have to be somewhat more subtle than usual. Even so, it's still possible for you to get results out of this.

 

[Huffman]

Well they have all kinds of "standards" set for themselves. Or ways in which they think they should act. Best thing is to never argue about it, shrug it away. Ask her out again, see what happens. What happens is that after next date, she might throw her own standards away because the guy is "so special"? Yeah we've heard that before

People here always say "maybe means NO!" but I don't believe it. I say "maybe means YES" if you're lucky! So shrug it off, ask out again. Shrug and continue! It's the best way to overcome this defense. Next date, do again what was working, and only if after 2nd or 3rd date you haven't gotten any further, then you can put it all on the line.

You can't blame her for not putting out on the first date can you. Especially since she didn't know you from before. Most quality girls I've come to know would never put out on the first date.

P.S. I've always gotten bad results from a cheek kiss. I often wondered why, but it seems to me that it's 1) not sexual, 2) putting pressure on her. So essentially it has all the risks of a real kiss, without the opportunities. I'll try to not do it again.

 

[Poonani Maker]

She's probably not a good lay. She Could be good in bed though. Her profile in certain positions probably won't excite you. Most asians just don't do it for me sexually. I've only had the best sex when fvcking my own kind. However, I did fvck a Hispanic young'un last year and she was petite and tight, but sort of a man-as5 plus her face was manish. She jumped and devoured me though, thus the sex was pretty decent. She barely spoke English too. She had a pocket translator with her which helped. She had a very unusual name for a Hispanic person, not the usual Maria, Mary, Ana, Juliana, Lola, Rose, Mia, Nina etc.

 

[iliketennis]

if you take someone who barely speaks english you can't expect them to have similar values about sex that you do

 

[Masculinity]

People here always say "maybe means NO!" but I don't believe it. I say "maybe means YES" if you're lucky! So shrug it off, ask out again. Shrug and continue! It's the best way to overcome this defense. Next date, do again what was working, and only if after 2nd or 3rd date you haven't gotten any further, then you can put it all on the line.

I agree with the maybe idea. Remember to judge a woman by her actions so if you're making a move on her and she says maybe, but gives you that look that cuts through her B.S. then you know it's on.

Quality girls I've come to know would never put out on the first date.

This is also true about half of the time. Keep in mind you might be one of the girls guys who has his game together with whom she's gone out; hence, she' very likely to give it up a liiitle faster just so that she doesn't ruin it and lose you.

P.S. I've always gotten bad results from a cheek kiss. I often wondered why, but it seems to me that it's 1) not sexual, 2) putting pressure on her. So essentially it has all the risks of a real kiss, without the opportunities. I'll try to not do it again.

I'm actually going to disagree with you on this one. I don't want to talk about myself, but I'll keep it to the point. I used to kiss most females with whom I hung out socially (friends, friends of friends, heck..even my ex-gf's hot friends) buuut, I did it since the beginning so there was nothing malicious in it. It was just the way I am. Ever been around a labrador dog? They're always crazy happy to see everyone and sniff your butt and crutch. You can't be anything but charmed cause he's so enthused to see you. I stole that idea and I had quite a few girls just go "woah! and smile, especially in front of my ex-gf). Kiss her on the cheek right after you number-close; it's magic then and it sets up the ground for the 1st time you hangout so that you can go for the REAL thing

Overall, Huffman gave you good advice. We're all different and what works for him may not work for me and vice versa. Find the place where you succeed and that'll be your gold mine.

PS: COme back to the forum and lets us know how it goes!

 

[mustfirstregister]

next time take her to your place and **** her like a real man.

 

[Deicide]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Yes, I will ask her out and call her tomorrow to set up an early week date(through Thursday). She did resist me and act awkward, but when she was sitting in my passenger seat and I was touching her hair and wrist, she just sat there calm with no resistance. The Korean had similar resistance telling me "I don't want to kiss". Last time I saw her she hugged me and held my hand.
I haven't kissed a girl on the lips before, so I need to set that up right.

 

[Sophomakhos]

Don't be drunk when you make the move. I did that once... Oh boy.

 

[Adonis PUA Trainer]

Man first of all dating is a waste of time....but a dinner date when you just met the girl? That's not the right frame.

Anyway at the end of the night you didn't build enough sexual tension. Next time your staring at a girl across a table start off like a fun guy and start leading her to a conversation that's laced with attractive qualities. As your talking introduce some pauses into your speech while you MAINTAIN eye contact, this will build sexual tension. Slow your speech down, OWN your reality! If this isn't enough dial it up even more, use the triangle technique to build even more tension. Look into her right eye, then her left, and gaze down at her lips.

Don't ever try to negotiate out your feelings with logic! That's the worse example a member from 2007 can be setting for the new aspiring Don Juans around here. They're looking up to you thinking that might be a possible way to handle Last Minute Resistance. You don't use no logic and you definitely don't start attempting to negotiate with her feelings! 2 steps forward and one steps back

 

[Deicide]

Man first of all dating is a waste of time....but a dinner date when you just met the girl? That's not the right frame.

Anyway at the end of the night you didn't build enough sexual tension. Next time your staring at a girl across a table start off like a fun guy and start leading her to a conversation that's laced with attractive qualities. As your talking introduce some pauses into your speech while you MAINTAIN eye contact, this will build sexual tension. Slow your speech down, OWN your reality! If this isn't enough dial it up even more, use the triangle technique to build even more tension. Look into her right eye, then her left, and gaze down at her lips.

Don't ever try to negotiate out your feelings with logic! That's the worse example a member from 2007 can be setting for the new aspiring Don Juans around here. They're looking up to you thinking that might be a possible way to handle Last Minute Resistance. You don't use no logic and you definitely don't start attempting to negotiate with her feelings! 2 steps forward and one steps back

Thanks for the advice. I'm proficient at teasing girls about things and getting numbers, but the next phase is something I have to work at.
And hey, I didn't get my sh*t together until September 2010. I was an AFC up until that time that couldn't approach women or make moves when I was with them, and I used to wonder "Why can't I get girls?". Now, I know why. I was a sporadic AFC user of this place from 2007-2010. I guess I had to grow up to finally become who I am today. And I'm still not where I need to be. But, I will try to build more sexual tension for the next date with her. She started talking with me about wanting to go to a strip club of all things our first date! That surprised me, but I can run with this for another time. I'll call her tonight and set up a date.