I had a real epiphany

[Jack Wealthy]

I was just thinking about how we interact with girls and how most guys interact with girls and I got to thinking how much of some guys behaviour is defined by girls how much is just pretence. For example sitting on your own on a train or bus when by far the best option for you is to talk to someone new. Basically people a lot of the time people take the choice that is worse for them in the long run just because achieving the reward takes effort.

On this I think there is some sort of myth her, in the pick up sphere, that we need to be relaxed 100% of the time. I know I have felt that way before, I have honestly thought that being able to relax around girls was the be all end all to game. But the flaw to that is no one is relaxed 100% of the time. Everyone has occasional bouts of anxiety or excitement and neither can be avoided without long term commitment.

To ever really get better you have to be getting better, that means go out a lot and cutting down on your excuses every day. That means no more "She's with her friends." or "She has headphones in." But not right now. This thing is progress, you start light and build your way up. Let your body get a feel for the action of approaching before you start doing it like crazy, it will soon start building and soon you'll have girls on your arms.

Basically, it's about building perpetual movement and improvement, but not being phased if things go really fast or really slow. This is not a physical process, it takes time and persistence to see improvement. Pace yourself. Give yourself goals. By doing this you build up good long term habits and learn to stay calm in any situation and motivated.

 

[mind]

I partly agree with you, I think being laid-back while picking up girls really works. Also I've actually had great experiences by going clubbing alone, since you just bring something different with you. You actually could train yourself appearing calm in any possible situation, the only small flaw with this is, whenever you like a girl, you appear like a complete moron anyway, no matter how good you are with girls.

 

[LearningSlowly]

long term commitment

The crucial 3 words. This is why a journal is mandatory. Keeping written record is 100% necessary for substantial improvement. (And the only excuse to not update often is lack of time because of all that's going on in your life. And no, Facebook and Youtube are not going on in your life.)

 

[alxrose04]

I agree with everyone. Life isn't experienced in your house. It takes place outside of your comfort zone. That's where all the magic is. Scary and uncomfortable, I know you. You're body is going to be like "Whoa, this is unlike us" but that right there is a sign that that's the direction in which you gotta go. And for being relax, how about being relaxed with yourself? Knowing that no matter what happens in this crazy, new environment, you're going to be ok. I dunno, that's just me ranting. Great post either way! Keep up the great work.

Two thumbs up!

 

[Jack Wealthy]

I'll clarify my original post because I was really stoned when I wrote it. I'd just got back off a great day of lovin da ladiez and realised something was fundamentally different between me and the guys below me socially as well as me and the guys above me socially. I thought: What are these things? First I came up with a list- and I think this is where most people stop. They make a list like: Confident, relaxed, loud, alpha, physical... All very key things but really they're just behaviours. If you just work on your behaviours you will only be good in situations where you can consciously control them. The exception to this is state, but state is fickle. You can't rely on being in state all the time.

..whenever you like a girl, you appear like a complete moron anyway, no matter how good you are with girls..

That's how minds problem comes about. When you see a girl you reallllly like it puts you into a place where you can't focus on projecting the good qualities, you don't get the girl.

Here is the epiphany boiled down into the simplest form, do with it as you may: The only difference between you and those better or worse in any pursuit, discarding variables which cannot be changed such as height, is number of limiting beliefs.

I've really thought this through since I originally came up with the concept. The more I thought about it the more sense it made. Imagine if cavemen had of had our limiting beliefs, we wouldn't even be here. Humanity would have become extinct because the men stood on one side of the continent and the women the other.

I'm not saying all of this conditionings/limiting beliefs are bad though, some like "Rape is wrong" are good. I suppose one could argue I only think they are good because of my societal context but that is a different matter. Here is a list of common limiting beliefs:
-"Lucky" shirts/pants.
-Not looking good enough (either from clothes or good looks).
-Fear of looking weird.
-Fear of what others with think of you.
-Scared of reputation.
-Scared of hurting others feelings (a nice one, but you're always going to hurt someone's feelings sometime.)
-Thinking you don't know what to do (of course you don't- you'll figure that out afterwards, for next time)
-Inability to commit to a long term process to improve.
-Inablity to except failure is going to come along with improvement in any process. (Very important one to get rid of)
-Fear of losing a girl because she is "special"

You can see the obviously flaws in them now that they are all written down now can't you? I bet you've seen yourself do many of them. I know I drew every single one of those out of my life and that's the short list.

Basically, the less limiting beliefs you have the more success you will have. The less you have, the more all those good qualities will shine through and the less bad qualities you will display.

Next in my post I tried to explain methods to destroy conditioning. Here are the ones I've come up with so far:
-Meditation.
-Drug use.
-Physical exercise.
-Achieving state or hitting the zone in an activity you love.
-Sex.
-Achieving a goal (this one is wishy-washy though)

At first I came up with a list of three, then I realised they all had something in common: During every single one of those experiences, except in some cases the last, there is a feeling of time being paused. I suppose the easiest to draw on would be sex, the point where you reach an orgasm is like oblivion. Nothing exists except that moment right there. You are present.

Again I drew a link between this and limiting beliefs: Our ancestors were more present, our ancestors had limiting beliefs. I saw it as a perpetual cycle, getting worse every generation. I see it now as something I will not be a part of. I will live my life for me, be as present as I can and slowly chip away at the conditioning holding me back. It will take long term commitment. I will do it. I hope you all do to.

EDIT: I just wanted to add on that their are physical excuses too. For example, shaking from nerves or being unable to talk around hot girls. These give you the excuse, "Oh, she didn't like me because I was shaking and couldn't speak."

 

[AlexLefty]

I welcome awkward situations.

Get it?

 

[DJ BREN]

Jack, your post nicely sums up the mindset I'm trying to achieve. I used to be very self conscious but after reading stuff i realised that no one is worried about judging you as they are all too busy worrying about being judged myself. I used to be always thinking about what it someone thinks I'm weird and then choose not to do something or make things hard on myself.

Now I try to do whatever I want with caring what or if others think of me, at the end of the day, who gives a ****?