I had a flirt session the other day. Ran into her again today. What to make of her behavior?

[Vanderdonck]

There's a cafe in my office building. On Monday, a female cafe employee did what could be viewed as a flirt session with me.

She talked about my hair an awful lot. She asked if I dyed my hair, she said my hair looks good, she said she likes my haircut, she said my hair looks good a 2nd time.

After the 2nd time she said my hair looks good, I said "You look good too."

She said "Thank you."

Then today, I ran into her for the first time since our flirt session. She was back to business as usual today. She only did the basic customer service stuff. No side comments or flirting. And no, it's not that there was a line today. I was the only customer in there.

What should I make of her behavior?

(To give you an idea of her looks, she's a busty Latina. I'd estimate she's early 20s. And even if she's older than early 20s, I'd say the odds are close to 100% she's below 30)

Nobody owes you a perfect interaction every time. People are subject to moods, events, physical well being, and a whole lot of other variables.

I haven't read the whole thread so maybe you came to this conclusion but I'm just putting it out there for people. When a girl is flirty once a lot of guys start telling themselves stories and casting narratives on the girl.

 

[GoodMan32]

Agreed. The idea that one should go out and get rejected a thousand times and that it would somehow make him more confident is absolutely nuts, just like most PUA advice. Anyone who has ever played sports knows that you gain confidence from your wins, not from your losses.

Yeah.

As for the idea that you can learn from your failures, that can be true to some degree. But when you continue to fail and fail, that's different.

What was the point of asking if you knew they were not into you? Were you following the advice of some PUA "guru"?

What I said on that post was I had no reason to think they were into me. That's different than saying I knew for a fact they weren't into me.

Being a socially stunted autist, my 23 year old self didn't necessarily see anything wrong with asking total strangers for sex (and even though, in retrospect, I can see that asking total strangers you've never said a word to for sex is a surefire way to get rejected 100% of the time, my 23 year old self thought there was a chance they might say yeah)

In other words, my mentality was "OK, since I have no reason to think they're into me, I at least won't feel like an idiot if they turn out to be uninterested. But I won't know for a fact whether they're into me until I ask. It's worth asking"

In addition to my ASD, it's possible the advice of pickup artists played a role in why I did what I did. I remember discovering pickup artists online shortly before.

 

[SW15]

it's possible the advice of pickup artists played a role in why I did what I did.

I don't think pickup artists played a role in this behavior.

I can't think of any well known pickup artist from 2010-present that has ever advised asking for sex immediately. Pickup artists that promote the concept of direct game don't even promote using an opening line of "want to have sex?"

There are 2 well known YouTube social experiment videos where men walk up to women and ask 100 women for sex immediately. In one of the videos, the guy has above average looks (not top tier aka Chad) and only average height. In both videos, all 100 women say no immediately.

 

[GoodMan32]

All your topics read the same; almost every thread is more than 5 pages long despite your question often being answered in the first few responses. You spend all day replying to each individual post you get instead of doing literally anything else to improve the situations you're constantly complaining about. Whether they're your fault or not, spending all day arguing your points on a forum isn't helping you fix them.



The fact that your field report is 10 years old makes it irrelevant - so much has changed in 10 years. If we had guys writing field reports every time they got some girl's number that's all this forum would be.



This is kinda weird dude. You recall a comment she made almost a year and a half ago calling you "above average" in response to her saying you're nowhere near her husband looks-wise AND you went and dug it up to link it.

And this is all because she said you need to go to the gym, which you do.

I know you have some autism or whatever, but take a step back and look at your behavior and try to see how some of the stuff you say and do comes across to people, especially these women you want to impress.



I want to briefly disagree with this point because it's exactly what I did. You shouldn't "enjoy" getting rejected, but you should expose yourself to it enough that you don't fear it. The idea is to get a lot of reps in so that when you're shot down you can understand why and avoid making that mistake in the future.

Do this enough times and you'll make very few mistakes, leading to better interactions.

She's the only female poster who regularly posts on this forum. As a result, what she says stands out. On the other hand, if one of the many male members on this 99% male forum said something a year and a half ago, chances are I won't even remember which poster said it.

She's married, I only know her from a forum, and even if she were single (and I knew her in person), she thinks men my age are too young. It really doesn't matter whether I impress her.

Lastly, to address your claim that you'll learn what to fix if you get rejected enough times, that's not true in my case. When you have ASD, you can learn a few basic social rules, yet your instincts will always be lacking. There are too many complexities when it comes to pursuing woman.

Furthermore, studies show neurotypicals have a negative impression after a mere 10 seconds of meeting an autist (which would explain why many a neurotypical through the years has hated me for reasons totally unknown to me)

He would not be on Men's Health cover because his body is not shredded like the cover guys on those fitness magazines. Men's Health has very shredded fitness models who have some bulk. He is more sleek, less bulk, but defined enough that a fashion editor would put him in a print ad or a cologne ad or on a runway in Milan in a heartbeat.

So yeah, his looks are model good looking. Period.

Your quote about a guy looking good, even if not Men's Health magazine material, was about me (not your husband)

For full context, here's the linked post:

 

[GoodMan32]

This is what many undersexed dudes believe today.

And they make posts in places like this seeking validation.

When I was in college, a female friend talked about her then 14 year old brother. He sounded like he was on track to grow up to be an incel (He hated girls because every girl he had expressed interest in up to that point wasn't into him. And he was a porn addict)

He's now married (doing the math, he'd be in his late 20s right now). Obviously whatever was holding him back was fixable.

On the other hand, the fact I'm still an incel/borderline incel at 33 shows that whatever is holding me back isn't fixable.

Don't get me wrong; I totally think I can do better than I currently am. But a woman remaining fond of me long enough to marry me is out of the question.

 

[GoodMan32]

Nobody owes you a perfect interaction every time. People are subject to moods, events, physical well being, and a whole lot of other variables.

I haven't read the whole thread so maybe you came to this conclusion but I'm just putting it out there for people. When a girl is flirty once a lot of guys start telling themselves stories and casting narratives on the girl.

With how rarely a girl is into me (and with how quickly a girl who's into me typically loses interest in me), I end up second guessing myself any time a flirtatious girl's demeanor changes.

I don't think pickup artists played a role in this behavior.

I can't think of any well known pickup artist from 2010-present that has ever advised asking for sex immediately. Pickup artists that promote the concept of direct game don't even promote using an opening line of "want to have sex?"

There are 2 well known YouTube social experiment videos where men walk up to women and ask 100 women for sex immediately. In one of the videos, the guy has above average looks (not top tier aka Chad) and only average height. In both videos, all 100 women say no immediately.

Remember, I'm an autist. Even if pickup artists don't specifically tell men to ask for sex immediately, pickup artists at least tell you to shoot your shot on a woman you're attracted to in public.

Between hearing pickup artists say to shoot my shot, combined with the fact my ASD caused me to not realize how cringeworthy asking for immediate sex is, it's no surprise I did what I did.

 

[GoodMan32]

View attachment 13765

I wouldn't mock a man for being afraid to get a Brazilian.

I'd appreciate it if you don't mock me for being afraid of misreading an IOI.

Every man is different in what he fears.

 

[Vanderdonck]

With how rarely a girl is into me (and with how quickly a girl who's into me typically loses interest in me), I end up second guessing myself any time a flirtatious girl's demeanor changes.

Stop operating based on how you think she perceives you.

 

[GoodMan32]

Stop operating based on how you think she perceives you.

Easier said than done.

With my extremely low self-esteem, a woman's opinion of me is my everything.

 

[SW15]

With my extremely low self-esteem, a woman's opinion of me is my everything.

It's true that men develop self perceptions based on their levels of success in mating with women.

A man needs to look within and find his own value.

Once he has found his own value, he needs to figure out how to express the value that he offers to women.

You have not defined your value. You have not been able to communicate your value to any woman. Women need to know how they benefit from having you as a boyfriend. That's an important step, especially since you want to have some longer term interactions.

You have self-improvement that you need to do both within (fixing your mindset as many posters have told you) and on the outside (weight training).

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Don't get me wrong; I totally think I can do better than I currently am. But a woman remaining fond of me long enough to marry me is out of the question.

sez you...

 

[Gamisch]

I wouldn't mock a man for being afraid to get a Brazilian.

I'd appreciate it if you don't mock me for being afraid of misreading an IOI.

Every man is different in what he fears.

I mock the feck put of you because you are a JOKE.

I can't say it anymore nicely. You just keep going on and on and on repeating YOUR pity story WE KNOW you have asd for Christ sake.

Shut up and start lifting some weights . You are already 10 days late, whereas 30 days is approx 10/8 % of the entire year.

If you would spend all this energy you spend on forumS (because I'm sure you're active on more forums) you could see some results by next year.

So yeah, I am mocking you. You a cry baby that's why I posted that pic.

 

[BPH]

She's the only female poster who regularly posts on this forum. As a result, what she says stands out. On the other hand, if one of the many male members on this 99% male forum said something a year and a half ago, chances are I won't even remember which poster said it.

She's married, I only know her from a forum, and even if she were single (and I knew her in person), she thinks men my age are too young. It really doesn't matter whether I impress her.

Lastly, to address your claim that you'll learn what to fix if you get rejected enough times, that's not true in my case. When you have ASD, you can learn a few basic social rules, yet your instincts will always be lacking. There are too many complexities when it comes to pursuing woman.

Furthermore, studies show neurotypicals have a negative impression after a mere 10 seconds of meeting an autist (which would explain why many a neurotypical through the years has hated me for reasons totally unknown to me)



Your quote about a guy looking good, even if not Men's Health magazine material, was about me (not your husband)

For full context, here's the linked post:

View attachment 13771

Then give up man. Go live life as a victim.

Everything is about your problems and excuses. You just like talking.

 

[SW15]

You can solve 90% of your problems by going to the gym and talking to girls in the real world

I know you have some autism or whatever, but take a step back and look at your behavior and try to see how some of the stuff you say and do comes across to people, especially these women you want to impress.

If @GoodMan32 were a neurotypical with something like a mild anxiety disorder, then a good portion of his problems would be solved by going to the gym, making a variety of nightlife venue and non-bar approaches, and doing no porn/no masturbation.

His autism spectrum disorder and other associated disorders would make his problems more difficult to solve. It would be a valid criticism to say that he's not done well solving his woman problems and general social problems. Some of that is his fault and some of that isn't entirely his fault.

The #1 priority now has to be fixing mindset, as many posters have said. Fixing mindset + lifting weights need to be the focus, not doing approaches or arranging dates.

 

[Clockwerk50]

The #1 priority now has to be fixing mindset, as many posters have said. Fixing mindset + lifting weights need to be the focus, not doing approaches or arranging dates.

He should consider going Monk mode. However, OP already mentioned that he tried using his condo gym and didn't get any results. He hasn't shown interest in starting a disciplined, habitual regimen at a commercial gym to gain muscle, improve posture, or gain social experience by being around attractive people, which could enhance his mindset, body, and posture. We're overlooking the fact that improving overall attitude can elevate various aspects of life, such as creativity, stress management, confidence, and relationships, by addressing the interconnectedness of psychological health and the body. My question is, when does the discussion stop? We do noteven know if he read the red pill sidebar or the hall of fame posts here.

I think this is more related to his autism, and we are not psychologists or therapists to provide the help he needs. From the little research I’ve done, autistic people often have challenges with communication compared to what is considered typical. They may tend to get straight to the point without adding emotional context, or their sense of humor might be misunderstood as excessive. They can also be perceived as annoying because of their frequent posts and strong opinions, but they do not have any bad intentions.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Then give up man. Go live life as a victim.

Everything is about your problems and excuses. You just like talking.

It sounds like everyone is at their wit's end here...

 

[BPH]

It sounds like everyone is at their wit's end here...

He spent 75% of his response to me focused on what @BeExcellent and I said about his appearance, and only 25% on the actual message of going out and fixing his problems...

He just likes yapping and wasting time.