I got to thinking...

[slitherjef]

A DJ is suppost to be a man, right? A man who has goals and ambitions and such, right? Well, I came to the conclusion, I actualy have goals and ambitions. Hobbies, stuff I like to do and enjoy doing to keep me happy. For a while I was thinking, well, damn, I am almost 30, I live at home (I help take care of my dad and help keep the house) and I don't drive, though I am trying to learn.

I don't drive!? No not really and why you might ask? Its NOT A PRIORITY to me! There I said it. I am TIRED of sitting at home at night thinking I am just some f**king loser who can't get a girl because I live at home and don't drive. And look what that thinking has got me? NOTHING! I got to thinking about things and started to ask, is this really a problem? Do I really need these two things to get a woman? How is a car going to get me laid? It may help me get to a place that would get me laid, but really thats about it. Think some chick wants me to bang her because I can drive? Not really, I would think the chick would want me to bang her because of ME not some object.

Same with living at home. Hell, why not? I save money on rent and besides my credit is so f**ked up I can't even get a credit card from barns and nobel. Actualy, I don't think I have any credit. Oh well, if I can't pay for something up front, I really don't need it. Besides, why rent, one of these days this house will be half mine. So what if I bring a girl home? My older sister has a boyfriend that stays over about half the time so.

Going this route I get a disposable income and I am able to do things that make me happy... Play guitar, my photography, astronomy. I can actualy write as well, but it has been so long since I have done so See, REAL hobbies. In the back yard, I have an 10' x 12' area etched out and I have started to build an observatory for my astronomy.

So, is the living-at-home-and-no-car-thing actualy a problem? I am starting to think its not as big of problem as I thought it was. Actualy I think the bigger problem is thinking that I was a f**king loser because of this, and if you think you are a loser, I guess you become one right?

You got to be happy with your self right?

I got to change my way of thinking... got to stop thinking of my self as a loser because I am not offering a chick a car or my own place, but ME, right?

Sorry about this being a long post.... wait. No, I am not sorry

Comments welcome

 

[Interceptor]

Er...I think you are rationalizing here. I also think you're making a failing into a virtue of sorts.
Make sure yiou are headed in the right direction as a mature masculine man.
make sure you understadn the hardwired needs a woman has, and what her criteria for being with a man are.
That is, if you want to take out a girl, how could you?
If you acually found a girl who wanted to go home with you, how could you?
If you wanted to present yoursefl as a mature masculine man, how could you knowing that you live at home and dont even have a car, and no credit?

Stop rationalizing.
Get two jobs if you have to.
forget abou thobbies untilyou get yourself financially solvent and own a home, a car, and have money in the bank.
Hobiies are great. But they can't be your priority if your living situation is fvcked.

And Jeff...it IS fvcked.

Dude, tough love, bro.

Get out there and make it happen.
No more excuses.
DO courage, and really be a Man.

Don't become dependent on dad, and the comfort zone you have now. It's keeping you in a self imposed immaturity, and self imposed leash.

Live up to your potential, jeff.
No more excuses.

 

[MooseGod]

Sounds like "failure to launch." It's not so much the money that women care about, it's what it takes to get that money. Agressiveness, confidence, seeing the opportunity in everything, and having that "killer instinct." Some people have it and some people don't, not everyone is going to be the next Donald Trump.

Now if you think you're a loser in the back of your mind because of your situation, then maybe there's something more to it. What do you do for a living? Do you have a college degree? Is there some kind of dream you've given up on, or are you just living for the minute?

By age 30, most people (men and women) expect you to be financially independent, and driving is something that most people do from the age of 16. But if this lifestyle makes you happy, I mean really happy, not just faking it to make yourself feel better...then more power to ya, bro.

 

[Maxtro]

Slitherjef, you sound like somebody who is still in high school. Do you have a job, an education, are you going to school? Where do you see yourself in one year, five and ten years from now?

Also it doesn't really matter what your sister is doing. Men obviously have different requirements when it comes to the women they want. Meaning it's not a big deal to a man if the girl still lives with her parents. In some cultures the woman keeps living with her parents until she gets married then she moves in with her husband, into his place. But a woman who looks at you and sees that you are almost 30 and still living with your parents will think that something is definitely wrong.

Unless everybody still rides horses in Colorado you should get a license. There's no charge and nothing preventing you from getting it. You dad can help you learn, and it's insane that he didn't teach you back when you were a teenager.

 

[DonGorgon]

It is important to learn tat money is the most important thing in life ,,, everything comes after that so make sure your money is in order..

 

[BLebowski]

Well, I'm going to start a bit differently but...you say you mention you take care of your dad. Is he sick or disabled? If so, respect and thumbs up to you. People who actually give a **** about their parents and are willing to do that are RARE. Both my parents passed away when I was younger and sometimes it would be nice to feel what it's like to help them out in some way, as their son.

On the other hand, disabled or not, he surely has to see you need to 'launch'. At 30, you must feel the need to have your own place? It makes all the difference in getting selfconfidence. Same goes for getting a job and doing well at it: it isn't so much about the job, it's more about the feeling of having it done yourself. PAY OFF THOSE DEBTS, another big one. Getting those parts of your life in order will increase your confidence by a huge amount.

I don't really get why a license has this much importance attached to it. Of course, it depends on career wants and other reasons might simply be geographical and cost reasons. I got my license late in life as well, purely because driving ed is REALLY expensive over here. Moreover, when I have a date and it was fun with a little liquor, I'm not driving. I just get a cab for us. If it doesn't cost you anything at all, then I would say get it ASAP, even if you can't afford a car.

 

[sav]

ask yourself what exactly is it that would make a girl want to be in a relationship with you??


u dont drive... you live at home ... you have no money...

its not about these totally material things specificially but as somebody already pointed out to you, its in attaining those things that will attract women to you, its the proccess...

you could be a deadbeat, as long as you have other things going for you...

take this as constructive criticism... and good luck.

 

[slitherjef]

Yes, my dad IS disabled. And truth is, I still don't make enough money because of odd hours at work... BOTH jobs. I dropped out of high school, maybe I am a loser after all because I can't really afford to move out, well I can but be broke as hell and would not be able to pursue my hobbies.

 

[lurker]

i live with my parents,im 27 but i pay the bills turned the garage into my love pad(lol). and drive too, i was in financial mess. and had to move back..but apart from that i do everything for my self. i buy the food from the store with the money i earn weekly..i do it outta choice..sometimes my dad offers to pay for the shoping but i refuse.that makes me fill like i aint living off-no one.besides it was my own moms fault i was in a mess -anyway beause i loaned her money-because she can't manage her own money to save her life that why my dad divorced her ass.(dont get me wrong i love my mum).
so basically im saving to move out.one girl constanly comes to visit me..that my fucc-buddy. but iv got an entrance to my space at the bad so she dont really interfare with my main house.she come in once in a while to eat and thats it. my dads happy -im happy.he was happy i made an effoert and mow im going to university..for business..which i took a loan for..

.but in your case slitherjef..dont let your dads disability be on your shoulders alone ,you got a sister share the workload. if it saves you money and your dad dont mind then stay at home.untill you get a place as long as you are working towards it. id say get a car thoguh even a cheap-ass one.

 

[Interceptor]

jeff,

do you go to the gym?
Do you have a physical outlet for stress?
Do you have a hobby that stimulates you physically?
Do you have a hobby that stimulates you mentally?
Do you have a hobby that stimulates you spiritually?

Have you seen David DeAngelo's On Being a Man DVD series?
Have you looked up Dr. Paul Dobransky's Mature Masculine Power ebook or DVD?

Look up info on Dr. Carol Tuttle.
Look up info on Carol Look.


What are your goals in life?

What would be your dream job?

If money were not an issue, what would you want to be doing right now?

If your Dad was well taken care of, and you coudl be free to move ahead, what would you do?

Do you use Time Management techniques to arrange your day?
If not, why?
You should. You may well NEED to.

Have you look into debt consolidation?

have you looked at pursuing a Degree Online?

Have you thought about what kind of career you would like to have? And what steps you need to take in that direction?

If your goals is "A Better Life", what steps are you taking to make it a better life?
Have you tried to analyze the Shame you feel? Have you tried to root out ny resentment, guilt, animosity you may feel?

Have you gotten your GED at least?

Don't 'settle' and call it being 'content'.
Complacency is not a virtue, IMO.
Focus everything you got into making your life better.

 

[MooseGod]

Actually I once lived with a girl in colorado, littelton i think the place was called near to boulder and colombine. Anyhow she begged me to move in with her, seriously she begged me, I warned and warned her," listen to me, my life is a mess right now and I have no money or car etc" but she pretty much pleaded for me to stay with her, so I made the fool mistake of breaking my own rules and man I ended up feeling like I was nothing. Needless to say me and her did not last long and it was BAD.

Man that sounds really similar to what I went through a while back...I flunked out of college right after high school, but still had a plan for achieving my goals in life. I was pretty down about my grades, and the fact that I was moving back in with my parents (not a damn thing wrong with that, parents love you when everybody else turns their backs on ya). But I started working out, tanning, flying again (I'm working on being a commercial pilot) and getting my head on straight. After only a month of doing this, I ran into a girl I had a huge crush on in high school and we started dating. Well, long story short, I had a decent job, but still the young immature mindset, thought I would be a "loser" if I lived with my parents, so we moved in together. Loved her to pieces...still kinda do.

In the end though, my fiscal immaturity and cannabis-inspired laziness (due to the boredom and frustration of working at a job I didn't like just to pay my rent, coupled with the fact that I had no time to fly or pursue my other passions) was what broke us up. Goes to show that women may make your life better for a while, but in the end you've gotta do what makes YOU happy. I was really depressed for a while and thought it couldn't get worse. I was right. Once you hit bottom, there's no place to go but up.

Now I'm back in school with my parents backing me financially (thanks to paying for a full semester by myself), making good grades, and have my confidence back. You see, it wasn't the failure at school or the breakup with my GF that was depressing me...it was the fact that I knew I wasn't living up to my potential. And regardless of what some may say, everyone has potential to some degree or another. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.


Damn, that was long as hell. I hope it's a little motivational to some.

But to the OP, you need to get your GED at the least. Academics may not be for everyone, but if you want to belong to the ever-shrinking middle class instead of the lowest rung of American society (hot chicks don't like being poor) then you need an education. Don't think of it as a burden to undertake. It's an opportunity.

 

[slitherjef]

Thanks for the talk everyone. I probably could move out, but then I would just be broke and friggin lonely. Right now hours are down at work so that will be a while, but in the mean time, I am sure there is stuff I can do that will help me out. Like learn to drive. Maybe take a couple of classes and perhaps get my GED.

Parents don't mind that I am staying here, it actualy helps them out, Lurker. I do have a car, but I sold it to my parents because I don't know how to drive really and its a b*tch trying to get some one to teach me

 

[The Sperminator]

Is this what you want for the rest of your life man? To live at home forever and not have a car. You need to better yourself. First thing first get a license. Almost 30 and no license? Thats crazy. I mean I got mine at 21 and everyone couldn't believe that I didn't have a license earlier. The thing was I had no car and no money to buy one so it I just waited until I could afford one to get my license. But I'll tell you it was a ***** not having a car. Taking the bus sucks plus hard to go on dates with. It's kind of embrassing to ask girls for rides on dates. I mean sometimes I did but I'll be honest makes me feel less of a man. Once I got a car though the freedom to go where ever you want felt good and it helped my dating life extremely. You need a car to take her places like restaurants, movies, her house or your house, etc. So yeah car helps a lot. How do you expect to see the girl if you don't have a car? Make her drive you everywhere? She will get tired of it after a while. Plus a lot of girls will think you are a loser if you don't have one. Secondly you need to get your g.e. so you can get a better job. Without that you can't do ****. You will get paid ****. After you get your g.e. apply for better jobs. Once you have a good job then get a small apartment or share an apartment with a roommate. And once you get a car you can get a better job.

 

[MacAvoy]

Thinking is bad, DON'T ever do it again.

 

[crackers444]

I feel the same way! I will be 24, still live at home and work a minimum wage job. I dropped out of University, it wasn't making me happy and wasn't for me. I have been on dates, they haven't really worked out and didn't really feel like dates. I am a good looking guy, the girls really dig me online. I however am very shy/not many friends. I don't follow trends like: smoking,drinking, drugs which most young people partake in. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs. Why is having a car so important?? I really connect with girls online, esp girl I met online and have been chatting with for several months. She is my internet girlfriend, we share similar personality/interests and even the same birthday! She however lives several thousand miles away from me! Ugh! How do I change my life situation?