I got shot down and I hate it ;<

[Somedude_UK_31]

There's a cute girl at work, I stopped her last week and introduced myself last week and said we should have lunch sometime next week she said yes.
Anyway not to get into details, it was a pleasant encounter last week and very friendly.

This week:
OK I hate this :<
I went by her desk looking for her she wasn't there. I then ran into her in the halls it goes like this:

Me: Hey I was looking for you
Her: You were looking for meeee??? hahaha

Her tone sounded sarcastic. In my head I was like what the hell.

Me: I was wondering what you're doing for lunch today
Her: Today I'm busy, maybe next week, I will walk by your desk
Me: Oh I see
And I just kept looking into her eyes, she looks down and looks ready to walk away
Me: Alright see ya

I seriously hated her overall reaction.
I don't think I should remind her next week and I think I should ignore her completely when she walks by my desk unless she starts talking. Honestly guys I'm really pissed at her reactions, made me feel so unimportant :/

Anyway I think I should've shown more power when she made that funny comment with that funny tone:
Her: You were looking for meeee??? hahaha
I Should've said: YES I was looking for you, to see what you were doing for lunch.

Please senior DJs, what to do?
And why am I so pissed at myself AND at her?

Man I felt she had more power than me during the encounter...BIG FvCK!!

 

[betheman]

There's a cute girl at work, I stopped her last week and introduced myself last week and said we should have lunch sometime next week she said yes.
Anyway not to get into details, it was a pleasant encounter last week and very friendly.

This week:
OK I hate this :<
I went by her desk looking for her she wasn't there. I then ran into her in the halls it goes like this:

Me: Hey I was looking for you
Her: You were looking for meeee??? hahaha

Her tone sounded sarcastic. In my head I was like what the hell.

Me: I was wondering what you're doing for lunch today
Her: Today I'm busy, maybe next week, I will walk by your desk
Me: Oh I see
And I just kept looking into her eyes, she looks down and looks ready to walk away
Me: Alright see ya

I seriously hated her overall reaction.
I don't think I should remind her next week and I think I should ignore her completely when she walks by my desk unless she starts talking. Honestly guys I'm really pissed at her reactions, made me feel so unimportant :/

Anyway I think I should've shown more power when she made that funny comment with that funny tone:
Her: You were looking for meeee??? hahaha
I Should've said: YES I was looking for you, to see what you were doing for lunch.

Please senior DJs, what to do?
And why am I so pissed at myself AND at her?

Man I felt she had more power than me during the encounter...BIG FvCK!!

Youre Fuc ked off with yourself because you gave her all the power, you handled it wrong, came over as desperate and needy, big attarction killers, deep down inside you know it.

"Me: I was wondering what you're doing for lunch today"

"me: Im grabbing some food in [x time] you Coming?

Her: A, Yeah cool....B, Im busy...next! unless of course SHE gives an alternative plan

 

[Mike32ct]

The hardest lesson to learn as a DJ is not give a F.

I know you like(d) this girl. But sadly, you can't get too excited because they are flaky and unpredictable.

At the same time, try to keep it fun...

You: I was looking for you.

Her: You were looking for me?

You: Well, not really. I looking for someone else right now <slight grin>.


Anyway, it sucks because when you meet someone you like, you WANT it to work out. But the reality is, despite all the DJs tricks, we don't control whether she wants to see us again or F us.

So some indifference is a must.

 

[SgtSplacker]

If a girl is not interested in you sometimes you can get a sarcastic attitude like this. She is prolly embarrassed or something and doesn't really know how to deal with the situation.

I personally never make the date or lunch or even number my prime objective. If I meet a girl i'll try to get to know her first before going for a number or date or whatever. The way I see it she needs to earn that from me first by being cool and making me want to spend time with her. Remember you are number one here bud. It also is a great way to avoid any rejection from either party. Remember there's always a chance you take this girl out to lunch, everyone sees you two together, then you decide she's not for you and she's stuck telling everyone she doesn't know why you are not hanging with her anymore. Build trust and get to know her first...

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Youre Fuc ked off with yourself because you gave her all the power, you handled it wrong, came over as desperate and needy, big attarction killers, deep down inside you know it.

"Me: I was wondering what you're doing for lunch today"

"me: Im grabbing some food in [x time] you Coming?

Her: A, Yeah cool....B, Im busy...next! unless of course SHE gives an alternative plan

I feel like I had all the power last week when I stopped her in her tracks as she walked by and led the convo. Today I felt WEAK as hell, I swear I transferred ALL the power to her and AFCed the fvck out the situation to the magnitude of 10.

This is terrible, I want to escape this situation I'm gonna forget her %100 and find me some other cute one to lunch with me.

 

[Iceberg]

I feel like I had all the power last week when I stopped her in her tracks as she walked by and led the convo. Today I felt WEAK as hell, I swear I transferred ALL the power to her and AFCed the fvck out the situation to the magnitude of 10.

This is terrible, I want to escape this situation I'm gonna forget her %100 and find me some other cute one to lunch with me.

It's some broad you barely know. Why do you even care? "Transferred power." "AFCed the situation"....for all you know, this girl never liked you anyway, and wouldn't have gone out with you whether or not you "transferred power." I mean sh!t....maybe she just doesn't like you. You know, that can happen too, right?

This whole scenario sounds ridiculous. Find some other prospects. Getting all frustrated because of one girl. Jesus.

 

[omega05]

you shouldnt have told her you were looking for her. You're saying she has all the power because you're GIVING her all the power. Now you're crying to us because you didn't like the way she responded to you? Pull your skirt down and be a man

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

It's some broad you barely know. Why do you even care?

This whole scenario sounds ridiculous. Find some other prospects.

To add even more insult to injury, she is probably a HB6 at most.

Man I don't get it , when I go desperate and ask the average to sub-average ones I have to literally insult them and hurt them to get them to leave me the fvck alone. The average ones shoot me down all the time, isn't there a damn middle ground here?

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

you shouldnt have told her you were looking for her. You're saying she has all the power because you're GIVING her all the power. Now you're crying to us because you didn't like the way she responded to you? Pull your skirt down and be a man

I'm not crying to you guys, I'm just....honestly confused.
For fvck's sake, why does it have to be so damn complex like this to get them? It defies logic: There are so many of them, obviously fvckable otherwise humans wouldn't be multiplying by the millions each year.

I know I'm doing something wrong, I'm not here crying, I'm here to find out what the hell I'm doing wrong.
Dude, I never think I'm better than anyone but I'm 5'11, 200lbs solid, the guys come to me at the gym asking me how to get my body...so I know I should get a decent looking woman. I wanna be myself and not turn it into mission impossible to seduce someone...I'm here to find out what I'm doing wrong.
As I said earlier, when I make the mistake and give a green light to an average girl I have to literally insult her and tell her off multiple times so she can give up on me and leave me alone.
I'm so frustrated

 

[VladPatton]

Sometimes you can be on your game 110% to a point where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the girl is into you. But you can only control 50% of the equation, and you never know what's in her head. They are natural-born signal mixers.

Give it some time, lower your expectations, cool off your game with her and see what happens. Backburner time.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Sometimes you can be on your game 110% to a point where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the girl is into you. But you can only control 50% of the equation, and you never know what's in her head. They are natural-born signal mixers.

Give it some time, lower your expectations, cool off your game with her and see what happens. Backburner time.

What is backburner time? Please explain.

 

[SgtSplacker]

SomeDude,

When dealing with work girls, it's best to slooooow down and let her see how cool you are over time.

It sounds like everything you did was going at Mach 5. That will make a girl in that kind of environment very nervous. Relax, just be cool and fun and THEN, after you have generated interest and attraction on her part, she may be ready to hang with you at lunch. This could take a couple of months of working together. It's not a race, it's a marathon.

People at work see something once and it's the conversation topic of the year. I have taken a girl out to lunch ONCE and had three different people ask me if there was something going on, they didn't even believe me when I said it was only lunch. As far as everyone was concerned we were banging each other and in a secret sultry relationship full of lust and deception. Mind you this was in a law firm of 400 employees.

Asking her to lunch and saying it's on the DL always comes across as creepy if you don't know her well enough.

The only option you have is to just get to know her well enough at work, then as soon as she starts talking about after hour and weekend stuff with you try to set something up like that. Maybe wait for a happy hour or Christmas party opportunity.

 

[HalfAddict]

Who cares, why do you care? She doesn't care. WHY DO YOU CARE!

 

[Dom João]

Maybe change the way you say it next time, like you could have said "hey there you are... Want to go for lunch? I know a great place etc.
The "I was wondering" bit might come of as insecure, also try and turn her sarcastic ball busting around on her.
Also if you don't know her well, maybe invite her to lunch with friends.
Another thing, try not to care so much, you made a mistake, you will learn from it, move on.

 

[Kbomb]

There's a cute girl at work, I stopped her last week and introduced myself last week and said we should have lunch sometime next week she said yes.
Anyway not to get into details, it was a pleasant encounter last week and very friendly.

This week:
OK I hate this :<
I went by her desk looking for her she wasn't there. I then ran into her in the halls it goes like this:

Me: Hey I was looking for you
Her: You were looking for meeee??? hahaha

Her tone sounded sarcastic. In my head I was like what the hell.

Me: I was wondering what you're doing for lunch today
Her: Today I'm busy, maybe next week, I will walk by your desk
Me: Oh I see
And I just kept looking into her eyes, she looks down and looks ready to walk away
Me: Alright see ya

I seriously hated her overall reaction.
I don't think I should remind her next week and I think I should ignore her completely when she walks by my desk unless she starts talking. Honestly guys I'm really pissed at her reactions, made me feel so unimportant :/

Anyway I think I should've shown more power when she made that funny comment with that funny tone:
Her: You were looking for meeee??? hahaha
I Should've said: YES I was looking for you, to see what you were doing for lunch.

Please senior DJs, what to do?
And why am I so pissed at myself AND at her?

Man I felt she had more power than me during the encounter...BIG FvCK!!

Your at level one, and the game has an infinite amount of levels man. Don't get frustrated, be happy, this woman has been teaching you invaluable lessons on what not to do. You just need to stop being stupid and learn them. If you don't want to put in the work, don't get confused by the ****ty results.

 

[foreverAFC]

a lot of times you arent going to get the reaction you were desiring from people, you just have to get used to it. there could be any number of reasons behind it too, may have nothing to do with you really. in fact its totally possible she likes you but is shy or weary. if you are going to stop talking to her just because you didnt get the response you felt you should have gotten you will get nowhere, and its no reason to ignore someone. just be professional and friendly, dont let her see that it bothers you so much. maybe she will like you more if she sees that you are laid back and not easily bothered if you continued to interact with her casually.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Some of you guys are being a little harsh. The guy is coming to us for help and he's just in the beginning stages of gatting a handle on this.

No need to insult him or humiliate him.

OP, you made it a formal "date" in her mind. Next time just say, "Hey, I'm going over to XYZ for lunch today. Join me." or "Why don't you join me?". If she says yes, great. If she blows you off, you know you came off as a real man who commanded her to join you and didn't have much of a stake in whether she said yes or no. You retain your dignity and you have more confidence for next time.

Keep on trying. It will turn around. Just keep it casual and "spur of the moment".

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Some of you guys are being a little harsh. The guy is coming to us for help and he's just in the beginning stages of gatting a handle on this.

No need to insult him or humiliate him.

OP, you made it a formal "date" in her mind. Next time just say, "Hey, I'm going over to XYZ for lunch today. Join me." or "Why don't you join me?". If she says yes, great. If she blows you off, you know you came off as a real man who commanded her to join you and didn't have much of a stake in whether she said yes or no. You retain your dignity and you have more confidence for next time.

Keep on trying. It will turn around. Just keep it casual and "spur of the moment".

You're reply is VERY constructive, thanks man. I agree with you I made it sound like a date, but allow me to explain please:

I read everywhere here how it's VERY important and not optional to show your intentions of interest right from the start, so I followed this advice. I really don't know what I'm doing, I've got no game whatsoever, I was not allowed around girls when I was young due to very conservative parents so to me girls are so new to me and I got not clue how they think/act

So tell me man, do I show my interest or do I not? I'm lost

Many thanks to others too who suggested that I should brush it off and not show her I'm mad because of her reaction. But I have to admit, deep inside it hurt me and bruised my ego.

 

[PapiChulo]

I am with Danger and Atom Smasher on this one. Just take it easy and be indifferent to the outcome as this tends to actually increase the attraction on her part, even though she has rejected you for now.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Y

You're reply is VERY constructive, thanks man. I agree with you I made it sound like a date, but allow me to explain please:

I read everywhere here how it's VERY important and not optional to show your intentions of interest right from the start, so I followed this advice. I really don't know what I'm doing, I've got no game whatsoever, I was not allowed around girls when I was young due to very conservative parents so to me girls are so new to me and I got not clue how they think/act

So tell me man, do I show my interest or do I not? I'm lost

Many thanks to others too who suggested that I should brush it off and not show her I'm mad because of her reaction. But I have to admit, deep inside it hurt me and bruised my ego.

Girls communicate indirectly, so they fully understand that you are interested if you say very casually, "Let's grab lunch" or anything like that.

If you're anything more than casual they feed off your own nervousness and formality and they become uptight.

They also love to guess "Does he like me or not?" so it's good to remain a little mysterious and ambivilant. Offer to have her tag along but convey detachment regarding the outcome. If she comes, great. If she doesn't, it's her loss. A casual attitude is the snare that we set before pouncing on the prey. Women live in a world of subterfuge, and that's how they have to be aought... with tactics and subterfuge. There is no other way. They understand the language on a "feeling" level, while we utilize it on a rational level.

Casualness and fun win the day. Formal "dates" are unfortunately anxiety-producers because women have been media-brainwashed out of the ability to value a man asking her out on a date. It's too formal. They crave safety and they crave the illusion that they are not really on a date.

Keep studying here. It will sink in as you move forward.