I got NEXTed. I shouldn't care, but why do I?

[stormwriter]

OK, i think my new record is lowering a girl's Interest Level from pretty darn high, to her not calling or emailing me, is less than FOUR DAYS.

She sent mixed signals near the end. I kept my friend updated throughout the situation, and he said, "Dude, just cause you haven't heard from her in a day doesn't mean she's not interested!"
I said, "Dude, you don't feel what i feel. I'm very perceptive about a chick losing interest."
Then the chick fooled me even, cause we dropped by her work where she was a waitress, and she gave me some great signals. That kept me in the game for another day, and when she didn't return my call the next day, i knew it was done.

The thing is, i shouldn't care that she NEXTed me, but i do. She had a laundry list of red flags, including a daughter, a big ego, she had a crappy part time job, she was two years older than me (31), her face was starting to show some wear, she had a crappy childhood, she has a disease, is a beligerant drunk, blah blah.

And here's me: as good looking as a man as she is a woman, i make $60k a year, great shape/nice frame, TALL, dark hair, blue eyes, i'm nice, friendly, funny, published author, certified engineer, killer jazz musician, can play guitar too, cool modified sports car, no children, and chicks love talking to me.
(and gosh darnit, people love me!! haha....)

So, why does it bother me? I think it's because i didn't DJ her as well as i could have, and this might happen again in the future. I have to stress about what i did wrong, cause i don't want to happen again with a chick in the future that has more going for her than this one did.

I'll tell you one thing though, chicks are making me MAD. I'm getting sick of their crap.

 

[Bill]

Originally posted by stormwriter
"Dude, you don't feel what i feel. I'm very perceptive about a chick losing interest."

Ok you need to stop that. Being "perceptive" of feelings is plain impossible. On the other hand, nothing is holding you back of FORGETTING ABOUT HER. In any case unless you're exclusive, you shouldn't have only ONE girl around, you should have some (or even many). Who cares if one doesn't call or email, she's just one girl -- nothing important in the big picture. Move on, look for better, rely on facts not feelings. Best of luck.
Peace.

 

[dontmindme]

Well, you're human. DJ != emotionless

 

[squirrels]

Ego.

Problem is, you're hinging your own self-worth on your success with women. It's unrealistic to expect every girl to be into you. Some just don't know what they've got, and this one you're talking about seemed like a real winner to begin with.

You're like me...you tend to forget that this is just one big game. You're not going to make every shot, you're not going to score on every drive. Sometimes you put up an honest effort and get shot down by pure fate.

All you can do is learn and improve. Take pride in your abilities and your potential. Women come and go. YOU will be with you for the rest of your life.

 

[Reto]

BIOTCH SLAPPPP !!!

You always want what you cannot have.

Just keep thinking about her negative traits and start looking for a girl with positive ones...the feeling will pass...

You saw the red flags? Learn from them...

Man, you can do a helluva lot better than a part time waitress...So, do it!!

Too, if she still showed HL, chances are you wouldn't after a while...Think about it...too much baggage...

 

[Frosty]

And here's me: as good looking as a man as she is a woman, i make $60k a year, great shape/nice frame, TALL, dark hair, blue eyes, i'm nice, friendly, funny, published author, certified engineer, killer jazz musician, can play guitar too, cool modified sports car, no children, and chicks love talking to me.

Sh!t, with all of this, it's her loss. I am sure you won't have trouble sampling more of the chicks out there.


I remember several years back when I was driving somewhere with my father who has a lot of experience with women. We never really talked about women all that much before but on this day I was feeling pretty bad because a chick I was starting to get into nexted me for no apparent reason.

I began to relay the whole story to my father....how we met and all. As soon as I got to the part "and she just stopped calling and won't return my calls...."

This is when he interrupted and said, "DON'T even waste your time trying to figure it out. Move on!" After he said that, we rode for a while in silence.

I sat there and thought about his advice during our silence. Here was a guy with so much experience with women and we never really had spoken about my relationships with freaks my whole life and this is all that he had to say to me on something that was important to me.

After much more experience with women, I realized my father had said so much more than I had first realized, especially during our silence that followed.

 

[GirlCrazy]

It bothered you because she bruised your ego.

squirrels is right, your self worth shouldn't be tied to any woman. Once you overcome that, dealing with women will be so much easier. Don't take it personally.

 

[Starman]

FROSTY & Squirrel are right..

Getting nexted is like getting insulted..and you don't know the reason for the insult..or why it was directed to you..

so you have this URGE to learn WHAT is WRONG with you..that you should get insulted

and then this is where Your OWN sense of Self-Worth should kick in .. IT DOESNT/SHOULDNT matter who insults you/or cuts you down..or doesnt return High IL,..

you have to know whatever the reason behind this chicks behavior..that SHE is fvcked up! and not let her Jilt your sense of self worth

and as Frosty said..you can spend an ETERNITY trying to figure out WHy?? why?? why??? and the irony is YOU WILL NEVER KNOW! its like trying to find out if God Exists or NOT..and spending your whole life in search of this knowledge..YOU WILL NEVER KNOW

So dont spend ANY energy or mental effort trying to find out WHY..its a waste of TIME!

and what kind of disease does this girl have? Just this fact alone would have me bolting

 

[tiburon]

My 2 cents

I agree that you shouldnt care that much if you got nexted, but ithink you were calling to damn often and seen her to many times. Man a Dj only sees the girl twice atmost for the first 3 weeks, you need to send a signal that you are busy and not giving her all your attention..Read the Bible and some of the articles in the bible....

Finally another great advice ..you are probably a superman, but being so full of yourself is a quality as bad as the other ones you had were good and ofcourse that doesnt include the car.

Tiburon

READ THE BIBLE PEOPLE

 

[KiInCollege]

In these situations, it's better not to self-analyze. Focus on getting more women. If you don't have other women as a distraction, you WILL dwell on negatives.

 

[bugsquish]

And here's me: as good looking as a man as she is a woman, i make $60k a year, great shape/nice frame, TALL, dark hair, blue eyes, i'm nice, friendly, funny, published author, certified engineer, killer jazz musician, can play guitar too, cool modified sports car, no children, and chicks love talking to me.

It seem plausible that she decided you were too good to be true, and nexted you to protect her own ego....

 

[KiInCollege]

I doubt that bugsquish. Girl in general practice upward mobility. It's more likely that stormwriter just left a crucial detail out.

 

[bugsquish]

Even so, isn't that a good mindset for a NEXTed DJ to take?

 

[KiInCollege]

lol, I understand the big picture now, sensei Bug.

 

[Mac]

why?

. . . . becuase your human.

and as much as you want to rationalize that she didn't mean anything to you. She was less of a catch, call it what you like. You felt soething for her and still do or you wouldn't feel as you do. There is not something wrong with this everyone has this happen form time to time.

We spend so much time on this site talking about how women respond differently (not rational to us) and that how attraction is not a choice. How most of the love game is a product of evoltuion over the last 5 million years. But I think we forget to realize that we are also a prodcut of that evolution. That when someone you cared for dumps you, you will feel like ****. Thats your natural reaction, and I don't think its positive or healthy to tell yourslef that you shouldn't feel, or you should be some standard other than the best human you can be.

Even if this was a relatively insiginificant relationship, and you were lukewarm to it, there was some connection, its probably a good idead to admit it.

If nothing else, and all the above happens to be wrong, being dumped makes you feel like ****. A true DJ would accept this and use these emotions to make his life in the future better via self-improvement. A DJ would not be in some narcisistic denial.

Long as these feelings are dealt with and not made into some unhealthy obsession (being in AFC if youd like to call it that). I wouldnt worry.

Its good that your tryign to figure where thigns went wrong, though.

-Mac

 

[Starman]

"Its good that your tryign to figure where thigns went wrong, though."

NOT when you are looking WITHIN yourself to try and find out where things went wrong..

My take is..there are just some whacked out crazy broods out there..and thats a fact of life..and she was just one of them

if this is any consolation..I once dated a chick I really liked..she kept brushing me off..not returning my calls..and I was determined to find out what her deal was..

then one night she just broke down..cried..and said "I reallly like you..but there are just some complications that would make this relationship fail." I pressed on..later I found out she had Herpes..and NO I didnt sleep with her.

 

[Ronin I]

OK, i think my new record is lowering a girl's Interest Level from pretty darn high, to her not calling or emailing me, is less than FOUR DAYS.

How is this possible unless you acted AFC or made yourself WAAAYYYY too available, too soon?

Then the chick fooled me even, cause we dropped by her work where she was a waitress, and she gave me some great signals. That kept me in the game for another day, and when she didn't return my call the next day, i knew it was done.

So let me understand this - you go out on an initial date and then drop by her work, unannounced, two days later? Then call her again the next day? If that is what you are saying then to me you are coming across as way too available.

The thing is, i shouldn't care that she NEXTed me, but i do. She had a laundry list of red flags, including a daughter, a big ego, she had a crappy part time job, she was two years older than me (31), her face was starting to show some wear, she had a crappy childhood, she has a disease, is a beligerant drunk, blah blah.

Sounds like a real winner there! What disease? STD? How the hell do you know all of this? (disease, belligerent drunk, etc)...


And here's me: as good looking as a man as she is a woman, i make $60k a year, great shape/nice frame, TALL, dark hair, blue eyes, i'm nice, friendly, funny, published author, certified engineer, killer jazz musician, can play guitar too, cool modified sports car, no children, and chicks love talking to me.

Dude you sound just like me the last time I got fvcked over. I can list a similar laundry list of why I'm the man - bottom line - b!tches are stupid - the things they do do not make sense - the best thing you can do is not even bother to figure out what she is/was thinking.

As Frosty's pop said:
"DON'T even waste your time trying to figure it out. Move on!"

Trying to figure it out is a waste of time because women are highly illogical beings.

I'll tell you one thing though, chicks are making me MAD. I'm getting sick of their crap.

I'm with you there my brother. Look on the bright side - what's worse - a b!tch that just NEXTS you completely (at least you know where you stand) or a B1tch that strings you along for awhile (months) never actually LJBFing but never letting things progress as they should. (recently happened to me - still pisses me off).

 

[NewMan]

Then the chick fooled me even, cause we dropped by her work where she was a waitress, and she gave me some great signals. That kept me in the game for another day, and when she didn't return my call the next day, i knew it was done.

Ronin is right..... you made yourself far to available. Cut that sh#t out. She's after you remember? She's lucky that a guy like you is even interested in her...... Calling, dropping by her work - get a life, hit the gym or something. You should have a number of chicks your working on - that way you don't concentrate all your thoughts and efforts on the one.

 

[stormwriter]

Yeah, i know now that i was being too available, and talking too much to her. At the time, during the fog of lust, it's hard to STOP talking and seeing them. You like them, so you want to see MORE of them.

But, it's just another lesson learned, and another obvious sign that i need to REALLLLLLY stick to the DJ mindset, cause this is about the 4th time this has happened to me. (being too AFC, and then the girl loses interest.)

More about this girl: She was HOT, there's no doubting that. She was 5'11, thin, fake boobs, tan, etc. She told me, "i'm the star attraction when i go out..." So, she KNEW she was hot stuff.

Remember when i told you guys i successfully lowered her Interest Level at dinner, cause i admitted i liked her? She said, "Confidence is sexy... What if a girl admitted that she really liked you and also said, "i hope you like me back.. i hope i'm good enough for you...""

So, i made about 5-6 mistakes in 5 days. Just gotta move on and learn from it.

(oh yeah, and she TOLD me her childhood, her bad boyfriend stories, and what her disease was. (not an STD) Also, of the four times i saw her in real life, two of those involved drinking, and those are where i saw here being beligerant and borderline annoying.)

 

[spanky]

Yeah, i know now that i was being too available, and talking too much to her. At the time, during the fog of lust, it's hard to STOP talking and seeing them. You like them, so you want to see MORE of them.

Discipline, just as much as confidence, is what set us apart from the AFC. I am sure we all want to spend time with the real hot one that we are DJing but our discipline is will be why we are DJing her in the first place.

Keep at, buddy.

then one night she just broke down..cried..and said "I reallly like you..but there are just some complications that would make this relationship fail." I pressed on..later I found out she had Herpes..and NO I didnt sleep with her.

Whew, I know you count your blessings every night after that narrow escape. Not too many people are that considerate.