I got dumped for saying the L-word!!

[logicallefty]

5 month long relationship. She had just told me she wanted to "pick things up". Told me over and over "I like you a lot I really really like you a lot". I thought maybe she was just being a female DJ and holding back. I knew I had fallen in love with her, so I said it. She immediately said "well I really really like you a lot but I dont love you yet. We cant be together if we dont feel the same"..Dumped me, on the spot, right then and there...

I always read how dangerous it was to say it first, but I really didnt think it was this dangerous given my situation. But I have learned the hard way now. Its really true.. Never never never will I ever say it first again..

 

[Tazman]

Think about this really hard. Do you honestly think saying "I love you" is the reason you were dumped? It doesn't make sense that saying something like that would be grounds for getting dumped instantly.

She used it as an easy (actually is seems a bit harsh) out because she wasn't into you that much regardless.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yeah, women always come up with 101 excuses and rationalizations, but the only real reason for getting dumped is that you don't make her feel the same emotions as you used to. It happens.

But still, never say 'I love you' until the woman says it first.

 

[joekerr31]

lets make lemonade out of lemons.

you actually did yourself a big favor. you found out her true colors. she was not in this for 'love' - if she was, after five month, she would have been happy that you said you loved her (YES I finally got him!).

you were pet dog. i don't mean that in a mean way. what i mean is that women can't stand being alone. some women get cats. some women get a dog. and some women get a guy. some women get all three.

these things are there to appease her. she doesn't 'love' them so much as she 'wants' them. big difference.

moreover look at things this way... provided you weren't AFC during the relationship, there is nothign wrong with telling a woman you love her (oh boy, im going to get a lashing for this! hehe).

as the prize, as the take charge person in the relationship, as the one who CAN live without a woman - you SHOULD guide the relationship in whatever direction you want. you wanted to take it up a notch to a 'love' relationship, she didn't, so good riddance.

what was your alternative? waste years of your life with her? wait until she got bored of you and she dumps your ass for another guy?

naw, you escalated it because you wanted things to move forward. she didn't. better you find out now than later.

the whole thing about not telling a woman you love her makes sense initially during a relationship. it also makes sense if you haven't developed a close bond. it also makes sense in the pespective that odds are if she is feeling the same way as you she will beat you to the punch in saying those words.

but all that being said, if you find yourself 'in love' with someone (provided you know what love is and don't view it as some co-dependent AFC bullsh*t like most guys do) - AND provided you still remain strong and independent after saying it (and don't suddenly become give her your balls) - then i don't see what is wrong with saying it.

yes, its better to wait for her to say it as a general rule. but you know something, life isn't forever and time is a commodity. so if that is how you feel and want to accelerate the relationship, i don't see anythign wrong with - provided you are able to cope with teh reality that it make clearly show you that the two of you are not on the same page and its time to go your seperate ways.

 

[Metro3pilot]

she already had you sighted in, ....saying the " L " word just gave her a reason to pull the trigger ...

don't beat yourself up,

try and objectivly look at the situation and see what your were doing when she suddenly changed
to get even more technical a chick that wants you ...does not matter what you do ...if a chick can drop you quick .... she did not like you that much ..sorry man thats the way it goes

:rockon:

I had a girl chased this biyatch for 11 months ...got the cookie, thought I wanted a relationship ...have not heard from her in over a month ...guess she just wanted the bologna pony ...... damn I was used for sex, I can think of worse things ...some chicks just don't want a relationship beyond sex ..get used to it ...the older I get the more chicks I see just looking for the hook up .....

 

[joekerr31]

another point...

its VERY common for guys to pull out the 'love" word when they feel their girl is slipping away. that is NOT the time to say it. that is totally AFC.

the time to say it is when things have never been better. you are closer than ever. the trust level is higher than ever. etc.

but most guys say it when they sense their woman's IL is going down - for some reason they subconsciously think this will raise it again.

always the wrong move in that scenario.

 

[logicallefty]

thanks fellas', I know you guys are right on target, she just wasn't into me.. I wouldn't have been surprised if it wasn't for her "I really like you a lot" over and over, and her telling me just one week before "We need to get to know each other better, you can call me more often" (cuz I was being DJ, we were only going out 2-3x a week and texting maybe 3 other times and that was it).. I thought for sure it was time to say it and escalate things. I wouldn't have been phased if she hadn't said it back, but I figured she was into me enough that she wasn't gonna dump me for saying it.. Good news is, I'm taking it better than I figured I would. Already got 1 lunch date and one visit to an old "friend with bennes" lined up for next week... I've been through a divorce after a 12 year relationship, and after getting axed from that, this doesnt feel nearly as bad.. Even though I had more in common with this chick than I ever have with any other, including my ex wife or any of the 50 others I have dated over the past 3 years.. ahh well, what can ya do?! sarge on I guess!!! :rockon:

 

[Metro3pilot]

No Offense my brother but :

"I really like you a lot" over and over, and her telling me just one week before "We need to get to know each other better, you can call me more often"

I knew I had fallen in love with her, so I said it.

apples and oranges man ......

Even though I had more in common with this chick than I ever have with any other

be careful of becoming fixated on this chick ...we all think the chick we like or at the time is the best chick for us ..or we would not want her right ?

truth is ..it may take time ..but you will find another " best chick "

sarge on my brother

:rockon:

 

[STR8UP]

Joe got it right on, but i noticed something i think everyone missed....

I wouldn't have been surprised if it wasn't for her "I really like you a lot" over and over, and her telling me just one week before "We need to get to know each other better, you can call me more often" (cuz I was being DJ, we were only going out 2-3x a week and texting maybe 3 other times and that was it)..

This is one of the best crafted "sh!t tests" I have ever seen.

What better bait to find out if you were more into her than she is into you?

Don't feel bad. I'm sure a lot of guys would have taken it hook, line and sinker.

Like Joe said, I don't think you did anything wrong. I personally would have waited for her to say it first, but in this case you saved yourself from wasting any more precious time with a chick that was already setting the scene to dump you.

 

[grinder]

I cringe when I think about what else you could have done with those 5 months. I’m with Joe, she did you a favor, but, I have to wonder if you had been seeing one or two others if she would have been so quick to dump you.

I’m not criticizing you, as unpleasant as it is, it’s a painful lesson.

Serial dating is not good use of your time and it leaves you vulnerable.

When you have options you can afford to break every DJ rule in the book and come away unscathed.

I have to go now, but I’ll leave you with a brain-scrambler:

Saying “I love you” does not mean exclusivity.

 

[penkitten]

Joe got it right on, but i noticed something i think everyone missed....



This is one of the best crafted "sh!t tests" I have ever seen.

What better bait to find out if you were more into her than she is into you?

Don't feel bad. I'm sure a lot of guys would have taken it hook, line and sinker.

Like Joe said, I don't think you did anything wrong. I personally would have waited for her to say it first, but in this case you saved yourself from wasting any more precious time with a chick that was already setting the scene to dump you.

omigod i have been on this site too long, because i noticed the same thing and was going to say it sounded like a baited trap all along.
its exactly what player men do to women and its exactly what player women do to men all the time.
i've even fallen for it in my past and so has probably most of the other people on the site.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Were you sexing her?

 

[jophil28]

This is one of the best crafted "sh!t tests" I have ever seen.

.

It was perhaps more an AMBUSH than a sh!t test...Disgusting !

 

[Victory Unlimited]

When most women have EMOTIONALLY divested from a relationship and have decided to move on, ANY excuse they then "come up with" to give you for leaving will do...

I've been experiencing this A LOT lately.

If you KNOW that your motives were right, and you know that you were always doing your best to be THE MAN in the relationship, NEVER internalize "her" decision to leave as being YOUR fault.

Sometimes it's not so much JUST a lack of attraction as it is a lack of compatibility, a lack of shared core beliefs, and therefore, a lack of "vested" interest.

You can only live through it, learn FROM it, try to CONTINUE to be a better man, and...

...March on.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You didn't get dismissed because of the "L" word - you are delusional if you think such!!

Was she your wife? No? Then you were never dismissed!!! There is never a commitment, except in marriage, when will you dudes understand this - obviously the women do!!! Wake up - The Matrix has you!!!

 

[blueguy]

Were you sexing her?

Don't answer that... It's a trick question!

 

[STR8UP]

It was perhaps more an AMBUSH than a sh!t test...Disgusting !

True. She wasn't testing him because her mind was already made up. She was just walking him into the trap, so to speak.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There is never a commitment, except in marriage

There's a commitment in marriage? Maybe in some of them.

 

[STR8UP]

There's a commitment in marriage? Maybe in some of them.

That's what I keep trying to tell everyone, and they still hold on to the idea that marriage is some kind of a sacred bond that is held in high regard by all.

One word of advice- don't put the blindfold on yourself when you put that ring on her finger.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Don't answer that... It's a trick question!

Hahaha, this made me laugh!

Marriage is the final stage to commit fully to your mate, as a promise!! This is why it is important to marry a woman who you will still be attracted to after she gains 40 pounds and one who is submissive and supports your life agenda! I encourage men to marry later in life and find a much younger virgin! But if you find a woman who is totally the best for you at a younger age then keep her, or else you'll regret it later in life!!

That's what I keep trying to tell everyone, and they still hold on to the idea that marriage is some kind of a sacred bond that is held in high regard by all.

One word of advice- don't put the blindfold on yourself when you put that ring on her finger.

Then don't marry at all!!