I got a date! or did I?

[HappyHobo]

Where does a girl draw the line between a hot guy she likes and her girlfriends....

This girl I have been talking to, who likes me, has cancelled at least 2 dates already with me... what is going on..!?
Everytime she has cancelled the date b/c she wants to see her girlfriends... with the first cancellation, the situation was that her friend was leaving town and she wanted to see her before she left... i guess that one is acceptable but THEN...
the second one, the girl i am talking to had just gotten back from her trip and was supposed to hang out with her best friend on sunday so she tells me that we can hang out monday...so i said that's fine.... but she and her best friend didnt hang out sunday and her best friend calls back today (monday) and wants to do something.... the girl says that she planned on doing somethign with me today...but then the best friend throws in the "you are blowing me off" excuse to sway her.... and convinces her to call me back and cancel on me....

What would u guys make of this situation... and how do you think I should tackle it? Is there somethign i should say to her the next time i am on the phone with her??? I have a few in mind... but what do u guys think?

 

[Donny Brasco]

Move on, go meet some other girl. Hopefully she'll see you can't be walked all over or you'll meet a better girl.

Or both, and you can give her the same excuses she's giving you (for cheat on you) for cheating on her.

 

[HappyHobo]

okay i can move on i know that.... but what are my other options..

 

[RKTek]

You are very low priority with her.

If it were me, I'd simply stop calling her. No explanation, no "sorry we have to break up", no nothing. Ignore her from day one.

If you want to try again make absolutely sure you make a specific time/place/activity 'date'. Ironclad she understands the exact time/place/activity. No call backs to confirm, call and make the date 3 days ahead of time, then show up. If she calls to break it, then you must ask yourself, "Why am I here?"

I'd do the 3 strikes and you're out rule.

 

[htemorp]

You're slow. She's playing you for a fool, she doesn't care about you. Ain't nobody cancels the date because some friend is leaving town, that's absolute bullsh*t. Smell the shiet and move on, never call her again.

 

[HappyHobo]

i like the 3 strikes yoru out rule... but the thing is that i know she really likes me... but she also really likes her friends too
i think this could go somewhere... but her friends always get in the way

 

[HappyHobo]

this is what i was thinking about :

She calls me to do somethign on another day and well i just say "I don't think thats a good idea .. i dont want you to cancel on me for your friends again."
"we made plans to hang out and you just totally cancelled because your best friend was upset"
"how dare you do that!"

if i said all that how would that soudn to you guys?

 

[Quick]

She may like you, but she doesn't have the highest interest, and she's definitely taking you for granted. When you make plans, you're also rejecting alternate plans for that time period. You need to be a lot more unavailable, and not let her move you around her schedule as if you're inanimate. It doesn't matter how you do it, just do it.

 

[HappyHobo]

Quick,

I see what you are saying.... i know i should make myself more unavailable BUT...
i also need to let her know that she cant take me for granted..
how should i go about saying this to her..

 

[Quick]

Depending on the maturity of the girl, I would have no problem with sitting her down at a neutral time and laying it out for her. "I have a life and I choose to make time to spend with you. You can't just shuffle me around your schedule as if a change of plans doesn't affect me."

Don't say any of those choices, they all have a whine to them.

If I wasn't going to be direct, when she tried to change to a new day, I would say I have other plans for any alternate days she brings up. I'd say "too bad, maybe some other time, and not let her reschedule. I would do this every time she tried to reschedule, until she got the message that if she cancels the date, she doesn't get another one for a significant amount of time.

 

[HappyHobo]

That's nice i like that.... thanks
but dont you think repeated rejection is a little extreme..
i know i should do it once or twice... but I would eventually like to hang out with this girl..

And do i really need to "sit down and have a talk" with her and say it... why cant i just say it on the phone.?

 

[htemorp]

You're being played, it's that simple. I bet you this girl is playing the same shiet with several other guys. I have little faith in women, when they're warming up to you without much effort, you should expect the same thing that is happening to other guys. You ain't the only wannabe DJ in the game. But you know that you ain't top of the priorities when she's ditching you left and right. Quit acting AFC and move on. Stop boring me with your AFC thoughts also.

 

[Quick]

Repeated rejection isn't extreme. If you have to keep rejecting her, that means that she still keeps canceling. The whole point is that she'll quickly learn to stop canceling if she doesn't want to be rejected.

Sure you can say it over the phone. In person is always the best way to communicate, but you have to do what you're comfortable with.

 

[isotope]

one idea: dont call her fo rlike 2 weeks, then call and act like you dont even give a ****, but be all like "so just wanted to see what was up, if you want to get together soem time."

second idea: give her your phone number, tell her to call you if she ever wants to get together. then never call or think about her again. if she calls you, it means she was indeed interested. and go out with her. if not, just move on.

 

[am4591]

After two cancellations in a row, I'd dump her. If she wanted to go out with you, she would, friend or no friend. There are plenty of other girls who won't treat you like that.

 

[HappyHobo]

Thx for the vice guys... but please consider this before initiating your advice:

-the girl has a great unique fasionable style of dress
-looks pretty hot
-wanted me to come over when her parents werent there
-knows my # by heart
-tells me things she normally wouldnt tell anyone
-we have been on one date, but it was good

can't i work with her a little bit.. and ease things up?
you all are saying drop her.. i was thinking that .. but i want to get to know her and see how her personailty is more.. before I drop her.

 

[matius]

Sure, why not man. I mean, if she isn't interested than who cares what she thinks right? Except how many times is she to cancel before you give up?

If you had a good time with her than sweat her, but don't do it to the point of you becoming unhappy.

 

[smokey]

Just my two cents...

Look man, I'm going to take side with the other guys on this board who say that you are being played. Simply, because I've been in your shoes. It's obvious that your not #1 on her schedule.
From the details you gave, it looks like she is moving you around on her schedule like some pawn. If I were you, I would be checking out the competition. When she called back, I would simply say"Let me check my schedule and get back with you". I'd put her on probation or "the back burner".
Look in life, people make time for the thngs that they want to do.

 

[Mazman]

You asked for opinions and the guys gave it to you.
Somehow you keep posting reasons for not moving on.
Seems like you've made up your mind to keep chasing this girl.

IMO - If you want to keep trying with this girl, then fine, but go out and meet some other girls too. You seem stuck on this one girl.

 

[HappyHobo]

What I am doing, Mazman, is opening my options...
im not a narrow-minded kind of person that will settle for the one way only.

There is also something i must note before you guys go in with you advice; that is, the plans that we made did not have a set time or place.. we just planned to get together on that day.
And I can see im not #1 on her priority list but i can't stand that with any girl and i want to fix this. What i want to do is make her want me so bad that when i back off it kills her so she wants me more. This is the ultimate confidence booster... not getting rejected or cancelled on... i dont see why people on this forum view gettign rejected a confidence booster. I mean, sure if you are getting rejected more that means you are going up to girls more often but after you get rejected it seems like your confidence drops back down to scratch.

I was pissed off about what she did but now im brushing it off..
Next time i talk to her im going to set her straight and lay it out for her raw hard and cold... i dont deserve to be treated that way and im not taking it from her... nor any other girl.