I finally got some answers and understand why I get rejected

[The_411]

the_411:

why do women drum up some fantasy profile of you because you dress and look a certain way? and when you dont meet their fantasy, they disqualify you?

ok sure its good to tone down the comedian act but they should also tone down these expectations of theirs.

I think it's that when you glook dark and brooding women secretly crave that type of guy while all the while they spout off how they want the ncie guy etc. So in essence they feel tricked because they pegged you as a dark brooder but you turn out to be a joking comedic guy.

It's the same reason why we can find a girl hot as hell but when she opens her mouth and comes off like a vacuous void or ignorant racist we can't get away fast enough.

 

[Jariel]

Well I thought I'd update this post. Lately, I'm really bombing and getting the same results by being more serious than I was being a joker.

I went on a date last week. It seemed to go really well, I got a lot of positive indicators of interest and at the end of the night she walked with me to my train platform so we had some privacy to kiss.

Next day, she texts me to say she feels it wouldn't work between us.

Today I had another date. Again, very positive to start with, she played with her hair, touched her neck, complimented my eyes and my looks and gave me positive indicators. Then she makes an excuse to leave after an hour and gave me a peck on the cheek goodbye. She did say to text her and we can meet again, but those final 10 minutes were very cold.

So I'm back to square one. I didn't completely cut out the humour and lighthearted banter as I tried to find some middle ground, but I wasn't playing the joker. It seems these girls are all going for me based on physical appearances, but something about me is scaring them off....and whatever it is, it's not showing through emails or phone conversations.

However, it's not all women. Quite a few of the women I've dated, and consequently rejected have ended up obsessed with me...for over a year in some cases. It's only the ones I like that lose interest and it's getting very disheartening now.

 

[DjVita]

It seems to me you're beating around the bush, and see how it's a pattern? STOP. Take charge. What do you want from them? You wanna "joke around"? Or to get to business- "bend over!"

Don't be soft, never let that go, cuz the moment you do, you're dead meat for them, another one that bites the dust!

 

[Thundernuts]

This is interesting. But it makes me think of a jester in a kings court. Everybody loves hime, but when u think of the jester do u ever think of him with women. Hell no.

Being funny will definately score you some points, the key is to be mysterious. If all you are as funny, then eventually that wont be enough. You got to have layers man, you got to change things up before the woman thinks she has you figured out and moves on. Its worked for me a few times being funny but you got to have a serious side, a spontanious side, a caring side, a sexual side, etc, etc.

Ive just finished rereading the book of pook and he talks about this almost exactly. Always change but stay consistant if that makes any sense.

You should do fine once u get this speed bump figured out.

 

[Jariel]

It seems to me you're beating around the bush, and see how it's a pattern? STOP. Take charge. What do you want from them? You wanna "joke around"? Or to get to business- "bend over!"

Don't be soft, never let that go, cuz the moment you do, you're dead meat for them, another one that bites the dust!

I find that when it comes to just sex, it's quite straightforward and simple. I have a fvck buddy at the moment and it's no effort at all, as with all women who are up for no-strings fun. I just flirt sexually and raise the tension to the point where they can't help themselves. Simple.

The "keepers" on the other hand are the ones I'm losing. In fact, the 2nd of the above dates seemed to take a turn for the worst after I made some sexual comments. She told me "sex is coming up too much for a first date" and it wasn't long after this she made her excuse to go. Another "keeper" I was dating also told me I talk about sex too much (albeit not that much really) and she backed off too.

I wonder if girls like this are just too defensive and any mention of sex is a warning sign indicating that I'm a player or just after one thing. But if I don't show sexual interest, I'd just get dumped for being "too nice" or get the LJBF speech. See my confusion?

 

[gaspipe]

Well I thought I'd update this post. Lately, I'm really bombing and getting the same results by being more serious than I was being a joker.

I went on a date last week. It seemed to go really well, I got a lot of positive indicators of interest and at the end of the night she walked with me to my train platform so we had some privacy to kiss.

Next day, she texts me to say she feels it wouldn't work between us.

Today I had another date. Again, very positive to start with, she played with her hair, touched her neck, complimented my eyes and my looks and gave me positive indicators. Then she makes an excuse to leave after an hour and gave me a peck on the cheek goodbye. She did say to text her and we can meet again, but those final 10 minutes were very cold.

So I'm back to square one. I didn't completely cut out the humour and lighthearted banter as I tried to find some middle ground, but I wasn't playing the joker. It seems these girls are all going for me based on physical appearances, but something about me is scaring them off....and whatever it is, it's not showing through emails or phone conversations.

However, it's not all women. Quite a few of the women I've dated, and consequently rejected have ended up obsessed with me...for over a year in some cases. It's only the ones I like that lose interest and it's getting very disheartening now.

Could it be that somehow they are intimidated and dont see you as LTR if thats what they are after? Maybe they were hurt in the past and it has nothing to do with you.

Sometimes being good looking or physically attractive is a double edged sword.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks Thundernuts. I'm sure that once I get my head around this, I'll have mastered the game.

When I thought it was my joking around that was killing my chances it all made sense, but now I'm failing at being more mature and serious too, so I'm baffled.

 

[Jariel]

Could it be that somehow they are intimidated and dont see you as LTR if thats what they are after? Maybe they were hurt in the past and it has nothing to do with you.

Sometimes being good looking or physically attractive is a double edged sword.

It is very possible and I've spoken to a lot of women who say they always feel more comfortable being the more attractive one in a relationship. However, some of these women I'm dating are definitely hotter than me.

 

[gaspipe]

It is very possible and I've spoken to a lot of women who say they always feel more comfortable being the more attractive one in a relationship. However, some of these women I'm dating are definitely hotter than me.

I think when you talk about sex early on, some of these women may get the impression that you are shallow and one dimensional. Im talking about the quality keeper types. Maybe thats the reason you may have turned off your second date.

When Im talking to a potential LTR I always talk about sex but I always counter balance it by also talking about my moral side, i,e religion, christianity, the Bible. I dont do it as a ploy, because it is actually who I am and women see that I am for real. That is why I believe that talking about sex early on with a woman has never failed me because they also always get a multidemensional perspective on me that seems to fascinate them.

 

[Jariel]

I think when you talk about sex early on, some of these women may get the impression that you are shallow and one dimensional. Im talking about the quality keeper types. Maybe thats the reason you may have turned off your second date.

When Im talking to a potential LTR I always talk about sex but I always counter balance it by also talking about my moral side, i,e religion, christianity, the Bible. I dont do it as a ploy, because it is actually who I am and women see that I am for real. That is why I believe that talking about sex early on with a woman has never failed me because they also always get a multidemensional perspective on me that seems to fascinate them.

I think you're spot on there and to be honest I remember my exact thought process during this date. We'd been getting to know each other, asking questions etc and were getting along well and I started to think "maybe I'm being too nice here, I need to show my sexual side". I consciously slipped in a comment about being an animal during sex and joking about waking the neighbours.

In retrospect, it's just another one of my routines. I've got the humour routine I've talked about previously on here, then I've got the sexual routine I use to escalate things to a physical level. This works like a charm with certain girls, but only ever for fvck buddies or flings.

I was just chatting to a hot girl on POF and I asked her what puts her off the most about the emails and profiles she sees. She said that it's guys who talk about sex too soon and too much.

Once again, I'm back to thinking my fvck ups are down to me trying to run routines and play the game instead of just being my genuine self.

 

[Warrior74]

This is me. I actually look like a cop. No seriously, people think I'm a cop. Mexicans whisper INS, la policia, drug dealers think I'm under cover, cops come up and talk to me. I'm a graphic artist and I make pretty pictures for a living. Me and my buddies write comedy skits and action film scripts. I keep every one who knows me laughing. But women think I'm this tough guy. If I show the other side too soon, they lose interest. They have to discover it for themselves over time for them to stay interested.

 

[st_99]

It's only the ones I like that lose interest and it's getting very disheartening now.

Story of my life, when you figure it out, let me know.

 

[DonGorgon]

this is the reality.. 95% of women will lose interest quickly anyway cause their interest was never really that high they just decided to let you F them.. thats how it goes these days.. and since most men have a hard time finding Fs we tend to cling on to most of the women that let us F to keep our options list large.. most women have 100000000 guys to F and they seldom want to stick with one particular dude.. basically they are 1Fs one time lays or flings who had no intention of being steady at all..

in todays world since women have all the power men are being taught to blame every thing on themselves when in reality women just dont need to be stable any more when they have so many options in men to F

 

[Jariel]

After doing some thinking I realise that humour has worked well for me in the past with women, but it was used sparingly. I had a good laugh and joke around with girls in my past, we neg hitted each other, flirted in funny ways and these women went on to become obsessed with me and have even told me I'm their ideal man. But I also engaged these women in conversation too and let them see a deeper and more genuine side to my personality.

Humour itself is not the problem, it's the quantity and the type of humour. The odd c+f, neg hit, dry comment or funny anecdote is good; silly noises or faces, self depricating humour and trying to act cute is not, and in recent years I've become guilty of the latter two.

As with everything, I need to discover the right balance.


Warrior: We have some real similarities there. I'm often mistaken for a cop and treated suspiciously over it, I'm also a graphic artist, and I am also prejudged as a tough guy when I'm actually the guy who makes everyone laugh.

st_99: I will do, though I honestly don't know if I will ever figure it out. It's so odd to get loads of female attention, to be told "you can have any girl you want" and yet any girl I actually want to be with is not interested.

DonGorgon: I don't agree 100% but you make a very good point about women and their options. At one time it was enough for a girl to meet a good looking guy with a good personality. Nowadays, she wants someone with good looks, good personality, good job, blue eyes, red car, an interest in shopping and must say the right things at the right times.

Ok, I'm exaggerating a little, but women are much less willing to give guys a chance and overlook their flaws or differences because they believe they can just turn around and meet a guy without those flaws or differences. Women are becoming too selective for their own good, but they are suffering too because they're constantly letting decent guys pass them by.

However, I feel I'm being a bit of a hypocrite here because I do the same thing. I spin lots of plates at all times and if one of these women fails to engage me or is lacking something, I drop her.

 

[The_411]

Jariel I am too of the self-depricating humor and from what I've observed it doesn't work and it turns women off. It lowers your value and highlights your flaws.

The key is to be funny but also make humor something she has to earn. When everything is jovial a woman doesn't think you can take things seriously and as a result they think you'll even turn serious situations into a joke.

Humor is sexy but it needs to mixed in with innuendo and massive flirting. Humor by itself does nothing.

 

[st_99]

st_99: I will do, though I honestly don't know if I will ever figure it out. It's so odd to get loads of female attention, to be told "you can have any girl you want" and yet any girl I actually want to be with is not interested.

To be honest, I must admit that I simply am NOT the same around women I like and women am just blah or no interest in. Until I can learn to be very simalar around ALL women, especially after i have sex with them, I probably have to accept a lot of the blame about failures with desirable women.

 

[evansblue]

People on this forum whether their noobs or veterans still don't seem to grasp the concept that you're not going to seal the deal with every girl. It's pointless to try and dissect your personality, and even a bigger waste of time asking a woman for her opinion. You ask three different meteorologists, you're going to get three different weather reports.

Some girl doesn't call you back or doesn't want to see you again, so you catch feelings. Guess what? That's the way it goes, dude. Desensitizing yourself is an art you must learn to perfect in this game. You don't have it yet. And this is the reason you're not succeeding.

If I took rejection personally like that I would have been out of this game a long time ago.

 

[SSAD.MORGAN]

To be honest, I must admit that I simply am NOT the same around women I like and women am just blah or no interest in. Until I can learn to be very simalar around ALL women, especially after i have sex with them, I probably have to accept a lot of the blame about failures with desirable women.

I don't really post but this is probably my biggest problem too. Once you go and bang a lot of girls you know are just ONS or FB it seems like Christmas when there is actually a girl that is interesting and you want to spend time with compared to girls you spend time with and count down the time until you can play MW3 again (or whatever you do).

Also, while it's good to analyze what went wrong and get feedback, too much and it becomes analysis paralysis. You start second guessing everything like "Am I being too funny?" "Wait, am I being C+F enough?" next thing you know you're just staring at the girl.