I finally figured out what is wrong with me. A day in prodigy746 life (LONG READ)

[Prodigy746]

This is gonna be a long read but i am SURE some of you will be able to relate and IT MIGHT CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

I have been single for past 2+ years, not because i cant get a girl or because i am antisocial but because i dont care enough to get a girl. I am not braggin, when i think about it i am really pathetic...I am 6'3 descant looking, somewhat muscular (been lifting weights for past 8months). I get clear signs from girls, the signs that are 100% sure a girl likes me/ is interested in me and what do i do? i ignore it. I see it happening ,not like i dont realize that the girl is showing me IOI's.. i tell my self this girl is flirting w me and wants me but i have no urge to go after her. I know exactly why i dont care enough to pursue, its because i know when i get home i will be able to masturbate or i have masturbated in the morning which kills my sex drive or the urge to look for a HB.

Now these girls are not HB 10's, far from it.. i would estimate HB 6-7's but hey its better then being single for years. Ill explain what happened to me today, this is only one day in the life of prodigy746.

- Woke up around 10am did some hw, read a chapter for one of my college classes, browsed some net and what do you know, i end up masturbating.

-Went to my first college class, i sit next to a HB7.. like i said i am not antisocial and i talk to lot of people including girls. I talk to her for a min and class starts. The whole class she looks at me periodically , and playing w her hair CONSTANTLY on my side. This has been happening since the semester started... i know she is interested wants me to get her number I KNOW that 100%. Class is about to be over everyone starts putting their supplies in their bookbag including her . I dont do it , i still listen to the proff... after 5mins proff lets everyone go, and everyone storms out of the class. Everyone except her, she has all her supplies ready but is just sitting there while i pack my stuff. 2 mins later i get up and she gets up after me, i get out of the class and she goes behind me...nope i had no urge to persue.

-Later that day i am in the library need to plug in my laptop, See the plug next to a HB 6.5. I say "Hey is it cool if i plug in my laptop" She smiles and says yah no problem, starts touching her hair... I respond with "I appreciate it" and dont say a word to her for another hour. For the next hour she is periodically looking at me, touching her hair etc.

-I am walking from the library and spot a HB7 i know w her male friend. Her friend recognizes me and waves i go up to him shake his hand, she sees me and asks for a hug. THIS IS THE SAME GIRL THAT HAS ASKED ME TO HANGOUT W HER LIKE 7-8 TIMES already, and i have made up an excuse each and every time. She asks me to sit w them and help her out a bit, i say i have to go but will sit w them for a while. After 2 mins, she leaves and goes to the restroom... she comes back and i clearly notice that SHE HAS FIXED HER HAIR. We all talk for another 5 mins later, i say i need to leave finish doing an assignment for my next class.

-Last class of the day.. i am sitting next to a Indian HB 7.5 girl... I know her too, got her number last semester, know i can get her if i want to but dont feel like persuing. During the class, she asks me about 4-5 random questions clearly just trying to talk to me, again she is fixing her hair periodically and smiling at me when talking to me. Class ends i get up she gets up, i ask her something she starts talking to me, literally fallowing me and telling me about her sister and her classes...blah blah I am focused on talking to another girl that sits up front and has another class w me... no i am not trying to get her number and trying to bang her.. i am rushing toward her so i can get her to email me the practice test questions for our other class. I start talking to her, the Indian girl eventually leaves.


I have decided to limit my self to masturbating only once every 2 weeks.

 

[DanelMadr]

OK. Stop choking your monkey.

But you should know that you are getting rid of symptoms and not the illness itself.

You have problems not because you masturbate. You masturbate because of the problems. And they will be most likely more complicated to cure.

Most likely it is FEAR you suffer from. Of rejection, of failure, of responsibility and possibly all of them and couple more.

Basically you need to be honest with yourself, not letting your fragile ego distort the reality. And then you need to get rid of the fears, failures, take full responsibility even for stuff seemigly out of your control etc.
It is a long way. If you just stop pleasuring yourself, it won't cut it. You will start soon again, because it is just a stress compensation.

Good luck.

 

[Prodigy746]

OK. Stop choking your monkey.

But you should know that you are getting rid of symptoms and not the illness itself.

You have problems not because you masturbate. You masturbate because of the problems. And they will be most likely more complicated to cure.

Most likely it is FEAR you suffer from. Of rejection, of failure, of responsibility and possibly all of them and couple more.

Basically you need to be honest with yourself, not letting your fragile ego distort the reality. And then you need to get rid of the fears, failures, take full responsibility even for stuff seemigly out of your control etc.
It is a long way. If you just stop pleasuring yourself, it won't cut it. You will start soon again, because it is just a stress compensation.

Good luck.

First of all thanks for reading man, i know its a long read.

I think you might be onto something, i have asked girls out and for their numbers many times and i have succeeded every single time because of one thing. I am 24 and still never been rejected. I do not ask until they show me like 10 diff IOI's and am like 95% sure they will say yes. This has caused me to lose on some HB9's because i always see the IOI's but usually they are not as clear as other girls.

So yah fear of rejection, fear of failure, fair of relationship might be my problem too.

But i also think that MBing is the problem too because its so much easier then going up to the girl, asking for her number, calling her up setting up date, making sure date goes fine, making a move for sex, hoping she dont reject you etc.

Not to mention once you fap you literally dont care about girls... atleast i am like that. If i see a girl and i like and think wow shes cool and good looking... and if i go to restroom mb and come out, see the same girl i will be like BLAHHH not interested. Thats why i think MBing is causing this to some extent too.

 

[saber]

I think you are on the right track prodigy746.

I'm 24 and also in the same situation because I just don't care enough to make an effort.

Mbing is always in the back of my mind as the culprit by a means of chemical deficiency and by raising the benchmark for arousal.

Good luck on the two weeks, that's a long time. haha

 

[Pierce]

I think we are nearly the same. We don't actually ask until its 1000% sure. I think the problem is fear of rejection since you never been rejected before (This is just like me). I'm going to start taking way more chances and seeing how it goes. Hopefully you do to.