I feel trapped....

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I like a girl at work but she's not into me (asked her out once and she said " I'll let you know" of course she never answered), the difficult part is that she likes to talk to me a lot and I like to talk to her also, I know I have no future, she sends me mixed signals but I really don't want to ask her out again and be rejected. I see her every day, we talk very often and I can't seem to think in anyone else (God damn oneitis!), Im trying to be a challenge but the further I get into it the more I like her. I know I should move on, I just don't know how...

Sugestions....

Are there any other women in your state that you could talk to?

 

[Bonhomme]

grinder wrote:

A DJ has two very powerful tools at his disposal that ALWAYS ALWAYS work: Indifference and Scarcity.

Do not cut her off completely, but systematically scale back both your contacts and your response to her inevitable queries as to why you are scaling back.

At the same time you absolutely must force yourself to do other things ANY other things, obviously, with other women if possible.

Your responses are never angry or mean, they are indifferent.

So true, provided there is sufficient interest on her part to start.

This is exactly how to beat a siren at her own game.

 

[mystic03]

If you have been on this board for a while you know there are approximately 5000 threads on OneItis. So I know you have read the common and easy advice (i.e. go date more women, spin plates, etc, etc…).

So I will take a different tack.

You ARE Trapped:

And it’s far worse than you realize.

OneItis should legitimately be considered a thought disorder, a type of mental illness that cripples the higher thought processes.

You enter an infinite loop of fixation on one woman.

You are a DEAD MAN WALKING.

It’s a pernicious type of mental paralysis of which you cannot reason your way to freedom.

You must ACT. You can no longer trust your own thinking and certainly not your feelings.

A DJ has two very powerful tools at his disposal that ALWAYS ALWAYS work: Indifference and Scarcity.

Do not cut her off completely, but systematically scale back both your contacts and your response to her inevitable queries as to why you are scaling back.

At the same time you absolutely must force yourself to do other things ANY other things, obviously, with other women if possible.

Your responses are never angry or mean, they are indifferent.

I’ll quote you actual emails I have received from a few I have done this to: “What’s up, I never hear from you any more…”. Where’d you go…”, “Did I do something wrong?”.

My responses are “Busy, busy…”. “Whew, got a lot on my plate lately…” “Hummm?? I had no idea…” “Your sweet…gotta run…”.

The easy part is if they really are not into you they will let you just back off until you give no response. You are then free.

The hard part is what will most likely happen, they will be sucked into the vacuum you leave and begin to pursue you some. What’s hard about this, and this is brutal, is its false interest.

You can generate interest, but if they really have lost it for you, this interest will not last and then you will enter another loop where you pull back, they get interested, you come back, then they lose interest. Sometimes I think this is worse because it gives you a false sense that there is some relationship that really is not there.

The real goal is to pull out of this nosedive long enough to refocus on other women. That is your ultimate goal.

I finally stopped talking to her since last week and I only saw her monday morning and just said hi to each other and that's it, haven't seen her near my desk since that. I'm now 100% sure there's nothing going on and now can move on. It took a lot of determination but I'm glad I did it.

Thanks to all who helped me.