I feel like ****, what's wrong with them ? or with me

[John Constantine]

Hey all, I've posted a couple thread about my recent experience and now I've just hit a wall and I don't understand.. It hurts, constant rejection and indifference is killing me. As soon as I get more option and the feelings of abundance they always seem to back off for no reasons. Lost my 2 plates.. First one was using me for sex, dont get me wrong I wanted to do the same thing until she showed so much indifference.. After this I've started to freak out even with a better plate available. Now she clearly dont give a **** anymore, Going no contact. I had a date today with another one, everything was fine, High interest and everything and then I wake up and she blocked me everywhere.. I mean WTF ??? She's gone to the club last night so maybe she came back with her ex or something like that.. But I dont understand this ****.. It hurts to face so much rejection. 2 weeks ago another girl was flirting until I set up the date, everything's ok. I pay for the reservation and then she blocked me right after..... WHAT THE FOCK. I'm very depressed right now.. Why are they doing this ?

 

[Dingo]

Hmm...

Honestly getting nuked so often and hard is kind of strange.... Women are fickle but it might be time to do some self evaluation.

Sarge on.

 

[John Constantine]

Hmm...

Honestly getting nuked so often and hard is kind of strange.... Women are fickle but it might be time to do some self evaluation.

Sarge on.

Dude I dont know, I'm working on myself so hard... it keeps getting worse especially when they cancel or block me for absolutely no reasons.

 

[guru1000]

Hey all, I've posted a couple thread about my recent experience and now I've just hit a wall and I don't understand.. It hurts, constant rejection and indifference is killing me. As soon as I get more option and the feelings of abundance they always seem to back off for no reasons. Lost my 2 plates.. First one was using me for sex, dont get me wrong I wanted to do the same thing until she showed so much indifference.. After this I've started to freak out even with a better plate available. Now she clearly dont give a **** anymore, Going no contact. I had a date today with another one, everything was fine, High interest and everything and then I wake up and she blocked me everywhere.. I mean WTF ??? She's gone to the club last night so maybe she came back with her ex or something like that.. But I dont understand this ****.. It hurts to face so much rejection. 2 weeks ago another girl was flirting until I set up the date, everything's ok. I pay for the reservation and then she blocked me right after..... WHAT THE FOCK. I'm very depressed right now.. Why are they doing this ?

The problem is you brother. Women don't behave this way if they were initially attracted to you, unless you are giving out a weird energy. Worse, it becomes a self-perpetuating prophecy which exacerbates with each subsequent rejection.

I presume the weird vibe you are giving is incited by your desperateness. After you bang a girl, it is her job to keep the relation flowing--not yours. Why not just adopt a new philosophy that after the bang, you move on to the next one. This will place the onus squarely on them, kill your LTR desperateness, and give the frame back to you. Once you become seasoned in this one-dimensional approach, then you can become more fluid in your "game."

 

[John Constantine]

The problem is you brother. Women don't behave this way if they were initially attracted to you, unless you are giving out a weird energy. Worse, it becomes a self-perpetuating prophecy which exacerbates with each subsequent rejection.

I presume the weird vibe you are giving is incited by your desperateness. After you bang a girl, it is her job to keep the relation flowing--not yours. Why not just adopt a new philosophy that after the bang, you move on to the next one. This will place the onus squarely on them, kill your LTR desperateness, and give the frame back to you. Once you become seasoned in this one-dimensional approach, then you can become more fluid in your "game."

But it happens even before sex, even if my game is tight, my game is ok until I bang them. I can understand that my desperateness is the problem after I've banged her, but why do they behave this way even with high interest ? I mean, the girl that blocked me today was very interested, always initiating and everything, even yesterday's evening ?? I work at night and I havent text her since then and I woke up this morning realizing she had blocked me on facebook for no reasons and ignoring my text message ? Wtf


PS: Thanks for your help brother

 

[sosousage]

Why would you pay for anything for any new chick? it means you are desperated beta that hopes if you buy stuff for her she will fk u.

first one was using you for sex, yes, she probably found better ****buddy. and one blocked u after a night in club, where she is approached by trillion guys, she probably made out with one.

women like to go indifferent for no reason. if you cry about it, you lost.

just find your inner power and calm

 

[John Constantine]

Why would you pay for anything for any new chick? it means you are desperated beta that hopes if you buy stuff for her she will fk u.

first one was using you for sex, yes, she probably found better ****buddy. and one blocked u after a night in club, where she is approached by trillion guys, she probably made out with one.

women like to go indifferent for no reason. if you cry about it, you lost.

just find your inner power and calm

First of all, I'm not always paying for the date unless I'm doing something that I REALLY want to do and the girl seems to deserve it. If I plan to **** only, I invite her at my house and I **** her. I'm not desperate to ****, it's easy. I'm desperate for love. Even when I have it, it's never enough, at this point I become a total afc, not before. I know what to do, it's just that my emotions are overwhelming and I get a brain fog that is making me act like a complete beta. AND they always say that I'm arrogant. It's just that I say what I want when I want, very open about anything, I'm always making fun of them, having a ****ty attitude but I cant help it, I'm like that. I just dont give a **** about anything except her interest and it seems to be contradictory and they find it repulsive.

My theorie is they think that I'm a ****boy as I look and act like one so they're saying to themselves '' Well it's gonna be easy, we gonna **** and thats it, simple and he wont bother texting me after

But when they realize that I'm not like that, they automatically back off.

What do you think about that @guru1000 ?

 

[Atom Smasher]

If there was one guess as to what is causing them to back off, what is your guess?

Work with me here, I'm going somewhere with this.

 

[John Constantine]

If there was one guess as to what is causing them to back off, what is your guess?

Work with me here, I'm going somewhere with this.

Hmm Realizing that I'm not a ****boy ?

EDIT : It's kind of the only thing that would legitimate getting nuked for no reasons before the date. They want sex and sex only with me but when they realize that I'm not what I look like I am, they back off. Honestly dude, I don't know.

 

[guru1000]

I'm desperate for love.

This ties in with your other thread where you chase women away by triple-texting and overly pursuing.

When you are desperate for love, women sniff you out quickly. You have the same problem as @Tenacity. Tenacity blames the market and black women. Here you are, a good-looking guy and I'm sure a decent demographic of women, but with the same problem. The problem is you are "desperate for love."

What you are essentially doing is bringing your thirst bucket (of love) to each woman and asking her to fill it. No woman wants to fill your thirst bucket as that belies your masculine nature.

Anti Dump had a metaphor that I like a lot:

"You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to capture the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment).

When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do."

Women aren't complicated, our feelings just get in the way of what we WANT to do rather then what we SHOULD do. We elevate them. Instead, we should demand respect and reward them only for good behavior.

True passion can only be achieved when the man is willing to walk away at a moment's notice. After all, if you say "I love you!" after a coffee date, then the passion is gone because you have shown that you will not walk away. The mystery is gone. Challenge is dead. Especially in the beginning stages, err on the side of uncertainty (as to how you feel about them). Give her the frame of, "Meh, I'm not too sure about you yet. Let's see what you got." Start here. Then your game will fluidly evolve into authenticity.

Don't look for love from women. They aren't that special, believe me. You have buckets of need that will never be filled by a women. Enjoy their presence, sex and companionship, but remove your "need for love" from their utility.

 

[Elias.Barbarian]

Being Alpha means to not mind being alone.

If you have such a strong emotional reaction to rejections then this should be a wake-up call to do some work on yourself dude. Don't get me wrong, rejection always sucks, but there has to be that voice in your head that tells you that it is her loss. Also, there is no reason to freak out - I mean it wouldn't have worked anyway right?

Anyway, Alpha does not mean being attractive to women. Alpha is a state of mind and a way of life. Your self-esteem should not come from women's opinion about you. If these girls don't want to date you, your life should not get any less awesome. These women should get much more from hanging out with you, rather than the other way around.
So make sure that you work on making your life awesome. lt sounds like you are trying to fill a void in your life through girls and that isn't healthy.
Instead, focus on yourself:

Work on your career.
Are you working out enough and eating right?
Do you have a hobby that you enjoy getting better at?
Are you working on creating multiple sources of income?
Do you read enough?
Are you working on your game?
Do you spend enough quality time with friends and family?
Are you discovering new things? Travel locations, Restaurants, Clubs, Activities, People, Topics, Podcasts, Newspapers...
Are you continuously challenging yourself - both physically and mentally? Don't just work out - Sign up to a 10k. Also, work on social and mental weaknesses - expand your comfort zone.
Are you giving back? Are you working on improving the lives of others around you? This can start with just being nicer to people on the street and smiling more often.

If you work on all of these things and slowly get better at all of them - your life will become an amazingly adventurous ride. And don't think that just because you make a lot of money, or because you already work out a lot you don't have to improve and evolve further. There is always some exciting quest to embark on - always something to learn!

Living your life like this has the neat side effect of making you very attractive to women. But that is not the reason you should pursue any of the stuff described above. Because if you do it all for women then deep down you are still the same chump we all started out as. And that is the attitude you seem to show and what makes you lose these ladies.
You do this for yourself! You do this because it's fun and because life can get quite dull if you just float around without any purpose. There might not be any purpose to this life, but that does not mean that you cannot make it epic.

You seem to be having a rough time and I hope this helps.

Best,
E.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I have a couple of ideas based on the behavior you are describing from the ladies. Also I can tell you that you are not alone in this dilemma you refer to. The dilemma of sex on tap but no love. Sex becomes meaningless after so many hook ups for a man. Sex is NOT intimacy in a full way. Physically intimate? Yes. But that isn't intimacy. Here's a link written by a 73 year old man that I think sheds some light on what men REALLY want at the end of the day. It's the reason to be jealous of the truly happily long term married couples out there. It's intimacy on a deep level and men crave it.

https://goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/the-one-thing-men-want-more-than-sex-wcz/

Because I go out with men who are in their 40s and 50s I hear a constant refrain. It is a lamentation that they can get sex if they want it but that's not all they want. They want intimacy/connection/chemistry/to be understood/to be real, call it whatever label you like. They know how women work, they understand game in most instances (well the men I chat with certainly understand "game") and they honestly are kind of over it. Copious sex with plenty of new strange is great and all but it's not the fulfilling lifestyle they were thinking it would be.

Then disillusionment sets in. As my friend in Vegas puts it: "My sex life is awesome...but my love life stinks." So men keep going around the kitty carousel enjoying women and plating them and so forth and yet in many instances (not ALL to be sure - some men actually are all good with this lifestyle for the rest of their days) they still feel this void within themselves. In many cases men do not think they are ever going to find a woman worth a LTR, so they rationalize that by saying things like AWALT and so forth.

@guru1000 is correct. You can't come into an interaction with a woman expecting her to fill your love bucket. I don't care who you are. That is NOT her job. You are supposed to fill your own love bucket to overflowing and then have the women yearning for a sip of your precious libation. If you are a player type it's especially bad, because if you come across as the player or the fvckboy or the boy toy or whatever, two things happen. One is that the women you sleep with who at first thought you were a hard bull to lasso find out you are really Fernando (and they lose interest in ol' Fernando because he's just so sweet and docile after all) and this incongruity kills their attraction and kills it yesterday.

The other thing that happens to women who might have interest in actually dating you are actually put off by the player vibe typically or if they already slept with you they tend to Monday morning quarterback it to death and decide they cannot appear chaste, the gig is up, its embarrassing, and they move along to save face. They don't want to feel like they slu t t ed it up with you thinking it was all in good fun/what the hell anyway and then turn over all that insecurity that sets in if they actually date you, wondering whether or not you think she's a good girl or not.

And as a woman you don't have to look very far on the internet to come to the conclusion that there remains an enormous double standard that its OK for guys to have a notch count but it is NOT ok for a woman to have one. So if she thinks you're a cool guy but she feels she slept with you too fast, that will blow things up as she seeks to preserve in her mind some semblance of a reputation.

Very little of the second things has anything to do with you. But expecting women (external validation or attention) to fill your love bucket is not good at all and has everything to do with you. You gotta fill it with self love and the babes will beat a path to you. When YOU are the common denominator in a pattern you are seeing you ALWAYS have to look in the mirror and begin to sort it out there.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Hmm Realizing that I'm not a ****boy ?

EDIT : It's kind of the only thing that would legitimate getting nuked for no reasons before the date. They want sex and sex only with me but when they realize that I'm not what I look like I am, they back off. Honestly dude, I don't know.

Then you are approaching the wrong kind of women. You said you want love, so you need to re-think your whole approach. If you are into 'game', it might be better if you invested more in day game.

 

[amaterasu]

Being Alpha means to not mind being alone.

If you have such a strong emotional reaction to rejections then this should be a wake-up call to do some work on yourself dude. Don't get me wrong, rejection always sucks, but there has to be that voice in your head that tells you that it is her loss. Also, there is no reason to freak out - I mean it wouldn't have worked anyway right?

Anyway, Alpha does not mean being attractive to women. Alpha is a state of mind and a way of life. Your self-esteem should not come from women's opinion about you. If these girls don't want to date you, your life should not get any less awesome. These women should get much more from hanging out with you, rather than the other way around.
So make sure that you work on making your life awesome. lt sounds like you are trying to fill a void in your life through girls and that isn't healthy.
Instead, focus on yourself:

Work on your career.
Are you working out enough and eating right?
Do you have a hobby that you enjoy getting better at?
Are you working on creating multiple sources of income?
Do you read enough?
Are you working on your game?
Do you spend enough quality time with friends and family?
Are you discovering new things? Travel locations, Restaurants, Clubs, Activities, People, Topics, Podcasts, Newspapers...
Are you continuously challenging yourself - both physically and mentally? Don't just work out - Sign up to a 10k. Also, work on social and mental weaknesses - expand your comfort zone.
Are you giving back? Are you working on improving the lives of others around you? This can start with just being nicer to people on the street and smiling more often.

If you work on all of these things and slowly get better at all of them - your life will become an amazingly adventurous ride. And don't think that just because you make a lot of money, or because you already work out a lot you don't have to improve and evolve further. There is always some exciting quest to embark on - always something to learn!

Living your life like this has the neat side effect of making you very attractive to women. But that is not the reason you should pursue any of the stuff described above. Because if you do it all for women then deep down you are still the same chump we all started out as. And that is the attitude you seem to show and what makes you lose these ladies.
You do this for yourself! You do this because it's fun and because life can get quite dull if you just float around without any purpose. There might not be any purpose to this life, but that does not mean that you cannot make it epic.

You seem to be having a rough time and I hope this helps.

Best,
E.

Well said!

Going back to the basics of djing!

The focus is on you brother, and not to much on women.

It looks like he's venting out, but that is the right thing to do. This is the place that you go back once your confused about women.

 

[zekko]

They know how women work, they understand game in most instances (well the men I chat with certainly understand "game") and they honestly are kind of over it. Copious sex with plenty of new strange is great and all but it's not the fulfilling lifestyle they were thinking it would be.

Some guys are satisfied womanizing forever, but I do think that at some point most guys tire of it and realize they would like something deeper. Sometimes that earlier stage is referred to as "sowing your wild oats".

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Some guys are satisfied womanizing forever, but I do think that at some point most guys tire of it and realize they would like something deeper. Sometimes that earlier stage is referred to as "sowing your wild oats".

You are assuming that depth is a common category to all. What if depth is only acquired through the process of some kind of quest? What if, in the age of constant distraction, the surface is all we have?

 

[user43770]

I'm with @guru1000. It sounds like you're coming off too try-hard.

Most women try to lock down "fvck boys", not pump and dump them lol.

Don't take it personal, just try to be more aloof.

 

[user43770]

You are assuming that depth is a common category to all. What if depth is only acquired through the process of some kind of quest? What if, in the age of constant distraction, the surface is all we have?

I think the surface is all you can have with women.

I never truly open up to women, because they're going to lose some respect for you after seeing your vulnerability. I've done it in the past and reaped the consequences.

It's like @Howiestern said in the other thread. Women have a lot of qualities that guys don't, so just enjoy those for what they're worth.

Do your best to see reality for what it is, and act accordingly, but it's ok to give in to bullsh1t sometimes in order to maintain peace.

Sh1t, I always ramble

 

[Tenacity]

Lost my 2 plates.. First one was using me for sex, dont get me wrong I wanted to do the same thing until she showed so much indifference.. After this I've started to freak out even with a better plate available. Now she clearly dont give a **** anymore, Going no contact. I had a date today with another one, everything was fine, High interest and everything and then I wake up and she blocked me everywhere.. I mean WTF ??? She's gone to the club last night so maybe she came back with her ex or something like that..

Plates are random like that Sir, it's the state of the current dating market. I've had chicks fvck me on Monday and block me (for literally no reason) by Tuesday. What could have been the reason? Was my dyck not good enough? Did she get back with an Ex? Did she have remorse? Did she convert to a Catholic Nun and felt guilty? Did a unicorn with a rainbow tattooed on its a.ss come down from the sky and tell her, "Block Tenacity"? Who the fvck knows......who the fvck cares....plates come and go.

Stop analyzing plates and stop analyzing women like that.

Your job is to be attractive. That's fix your looks, personality, and finances to where women say you're ATTRACTIVE. Then you go play the numbers game. You approach 20 women, you get 12 numbers, you date 6 of them, and you fvck 3 of them. Of the 3 you fvcked, 1 might be a potential relationship partner.

- Why did you only get 12 numbers out of 20?
- Why did you only fvck 3 of the 6 dates?
- Did you quote, unquote "say" something wrong?
- Did you quote, unquote "come off too hard"?
- Did you quote, unquote "turn AFC"?
- Did you tell her you voted for Donald Trump and that caused it?
- Did she not like the color of your car?
- Maybe she didn't like the color of your tie?
- Maybe a unicorn with a rainbow tattooed on its a.ss told her you weren't good enough?

You get where I'm going with this? Who the fvck KNOWS, nobody has a 100% success rate, including the "anonymous/fake Seduction Experts" like @guru1000 in this thread.

Sir, if you are getting a steady stream of dates, you are succeeding. Just keep playing the numbers. Put it like this, if you are fvcking at least 25% of the women you date, you are succeeding. So if you date 12 women and fvck 3....you WON.

 

[zekko]

I never truly open up to women, because they're going to lose some respect for you after seeing your vulnerability. I've done it in the past and reaped the consequences.

l agree it is not the best idea to show your weaknesses too openly to a woman, but I don't see this as being inauthentic. The essence of maleness is strength, and that's what they appreciate us for. Similarly, as a male, we may be aware of our weaknesses, but we don't wallow in or celebrate them. We try to minimize them and maximize our strengths. We don't feed our weaknesses or encourage them to grow.

Look at how guys are shamed here when they appear too weak or too "beta". Part of this is simply tough love, we send a message here to embrace your maleness, improve yourself, shed your weaknesses. It isn't only women who don't like to see weakness in men. If we are being our best selves, we are not being weak.