I feel like my GF is drifting away, what do you guys recommend?

[Shivastorm_88]

She's currently visiting her family for the holidays. Left last Tuesday (the 16th) and is coming back next Saturday, the 3rd.

At first, she was very active in maintaining contact with me. We exchanged Facebook messages here and there (nothing extreme), and usually chatted for about half an hour at night.

However, I feel like she's putting less and less effort into maintaining contact with me. She answers less and less (say we initiate a conversation, she will quickly let it die out). I wished her a Merry Christmas this morning, to which she hasn't even taken the time to reply (despite the fact that she read the message).

At first I was simply thinking she must be busy with her family and childhood friends. However, when we skyped yesterday she told me she spends a lot of time at home relaxing, she's not really going out (or so she says).

We've never been really big on texting, but I'd figure being away for so long, she'd be more keen to stay in touch with me. It seems like its not the case.

I was thinking of simply no longer initiating any form of conversation. We had agreed to skype sometime next week, and I already decided I won't initiate that either.

What do you guys recommend?

 

[sylvester the cat]

Initiating less? Talking less? Giving her space?

All pretty basic stuff.

 

[BraddH]

What are you even talking about? If that is "gf going away." Then you have serious insecurity problems. Focus on that first.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Move on. Princess is in another castle fam.

 

[Poon King]

This is why I say women are the pragmatists and men are the emotional queers.

Here is a crazy idea: If you don't approve of a woman's behavior.. then don't date her!

It always blows my mind when men are totally "in love" and crying, whining, sad over a woman who behaves like a cold, careless b!tch. Exactly what are you afraid of losing in this situation?

The other stupid thing men like to do is blame themselves for the behavior of women. Don't be stupid, women know what they are doing at all times. Women behave the way they do because of themselves.. not you. In most cases they start drifting because they have someone better in mind.. OR their priorities are changing and you no longer serve a useful enough purpose for them.

Women are like large companies.. when their priorities change.. they will coldly trim the dead weight... stop giving raises, cut pay, re-organize, etc. Your performance has nothing to do with it. All that matters is their priorities and how you fit into them.

Women are more pragmatic than men. If you are not in a position where the woman wants you badly.. then you are basically her beta puppy dog slave. Any man who would accept that position doesn't think much of himself.

 

[RangerMIke]

Women do this all the time just let her have her space and come to you. Everything is going to be fine... just don't get clingy or try to figure out wants wrong.

 

[stevo]

Girlfriend is drifting away, what to do? You drift away too. No harm no foul. We all have the power to drift.

 

[Amilz]

This is why I say women are the pragmatists and men are the emotional queers.

Here is a crazy idea: If you don't approve of a woman's behavior.. then don't date her!

It always blows my mind when men are totally "in love" and crying, whining, sad over a woman who behaves like a cold, careless b!tch. Exactly what are you afraid of losing in this situation?

The other stupid thing men like to do is blame themselves for the behavior of women. Don't be stupid, women know what they are doing at all times. Women behave the way they do because of themselves.. not you. In most cases they start drifting because they have someone better in mind.. OR their priorities are changing and you no longer serve a useful enough purpose for them.

Women are like large companies.. when their priorities change.. they will coldly trim the dead weight... stop giving raises, cut pay, re-organize, etc. Your performance has nothing to do with it. All that matters is their priorities and how you fit into them.

Women are more pragmatic than men. If you are not in a position where the woman wants you badly.. then you are basically her beta puppy dog slave. Any man who would accept that position doesn't think much of himself.

Truth

 

[Mr_Stinky]

Poon King knows what's going on

 

[Mr_Maximus]

It sounds like her interest level is dropping and I am with the other guys,

Pull back, stop initiating contact with her and let her come to you.

 

[RangerMIke]

Women are like large companies.. when their priorities change.. they will coldly trim the dead weight... stop giving raises, cut pay, re-organize, etc. Your performance has nothing to do with it. All that matters is their priorities and how you fit into them.

Oh man.... so true. Women will change like the wind. What you have to understand that it is almost MEANINGLESS to look at what a woman has done and build any consistancy. They will act in the moment, and they do this without any real regret. It only really matters how she feels in the moment. This is how women get seduced... they go into emotional overload. Once you understand this, and pick up on the ques, and she is attracted to you it's freaking easy as hell.

One minute shes ready to dump her whole life and chase a man overseas to live with him.... then she gets back from having spend two weeks with him, happy as fvck and ready to go.... realizing she missed her home and her kid, and BAM! She's staying. (BTW this happened to a female friend of mine).

The thing to remember is that she was DEAD serious about leaving, and is just as DEAD serious about now not wanting to go. It's all about the moment.

As what is normal with women she has a back-up plan.... But this guy is no fool. I know him well, and even though he knows nothing about being a DJ he is a natural. He's divorced (like her) has kids about the same age as hers. He likes her and has made a couple of runs at her, which to her credit she rejected (since she had a BF)... and like a DJ has moved on... and showed up to a holiday party with a HOT blond... HB 9.... this is driving her bat sh!t crazy, you could tell that she DID NOT LIKE this one bit.

Here's the funny thing... she tells most others in her social circle about her BF, but the back-up plan guy is under the impression that he's just a passing fancy... just fun. I told him that this woman and the guy overseas is about to get engaged, the Natural DJ just laughs and said "Sh!t she never tells me, she never even mentions him."

Now this is a smart women... put together, super fun and really funny. She has a lot going for her... but she is an emotional mess... and has no idea what she wants. I half expect her one day to just throw herself at the natural DJ (who is confident, loaded with self control, and social status) and fvck his brains out.

 

[Octogonal]

Do your own thing while she is gone. If she still is being aloof after she comes home tell her so long.

 

[Moroder]

While the mini-NC may be justified, I see a specific problem here. Your GF is staying with her family. Lots of female relatives, I suppose? Mother, aunts, cousins, neighbors etc. will inevitably be questioning her about "how do things go with Shivastorm".
I don't know your reasons for not being there. It doesn't matter to us men anyway. But women will give her the 5th degree about why YOU are not there, and some may even suggest that you do not care enough etc.
So I would consider to skype all the same. Make it short and sweet and by doing so (not saying so!) remind her that you are her man. Don't refuse to give her (and you) that small act of confirmation and validation just bc you want to "be cool".

 

[Sir James]

Be patient and let her contact you. It is one of the many bits of wisdom I've picked up on this site. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. In the meantime focus on yourself and your plan to meet other women. Do some research on outcome independence as well if you aren't familiar with it; that mindset has also been a big help for me.

 

[Poon King]

Oh man.... so true. Women will change like the wind. What you have to understand that it is almost MEANINGLESS to look at what a woman has done and build any consistancy. They will act in the moment, and they do this without any real regret. It only really matters how she feels in the moment. This is how women get seduced... they go into emotional overload. Once you understand this, and pick up on the ques, and she is attracted to you it's freaking easy as hell.

One minute shes ready to dump her whole life and chase a man overseas to live with him.... then she gets back from having spend two weeks with him, happy as fvck and ready to go.... realizing she missed her home and her kid, and BAM! She's staying. (BTW this happened to a female friend of mine).

The thing to remember is that she was DEAD serious about leaving, and is just as DEAD serious about now not wanting to go. It's all about the moment.

As what is normal with women she has a back-up plan.... But this guy is no fool. I know him well, and even though he knows nothing about being a DJ he is a natural. He's divorced (like her) has kids about the same age as hers. He likes her and has made a couple of runs at her, which to her credit she rejected (since she had a BF)... and like a DJ has moved on... and showed up to a holiday party with a HOT blond... HB 9.... this is driving her bat sh!t crazy, you could tell that she DID NOT LIKE this one bit.

Here's the funny thing... she tells most others in her social circle about her BF, but the back-up plan guy is under the impression that he's just a passing fancy... just fun. I told him that this woman and the guy overseas is about to get engaged, the Natural DJ just laughs and said "Sh!t she never tells me, she never even mentions him."

Now this is a smart women... put together, super fun and really funny. She has a lot going for her... but she is an emotional mess... and has no idea what she wants. I half expect her one day to just throw herself at the natural DJ (who is confident, loaded with self control, and social status) and fvck his brains out.

Good point about women never having regret. I actually never noticed that until you said it, but its true. Women don't seem to ever regret anything.

To have regret you have to take full responsibility for your actions. Women rarely take any responsibility. They usually blame their behavior on others.

Even when Hillary Clinton got questioned about some of her bad political decisions she said: "I made the best decisions based on what I knew at the time". See? No regret. No accountability.