I've always been a nice guy, and even though over the past three years I've changed into more of the "azzhole" bit (trying to find the perfect balance), and even though I may make a good first impression my nice guy attitude still subtly shows through. Well, maybe to help clarify, by nice guy I mean like "I don't want to stir the waters" or something like that. I've lost all of my nice guy and ch0de tendancies, and I can be a d!ck to people I don't like and the right kind of d!ck to people I do like (a lot of girls playfully call me an azzhole), so its not like I'm not some push over. But at the same time, its like I really am when it comes down to escalating things with women. Its almost as if I'm bi-polar in the sense that I want to live in abundance like a lot of people on this forum do, but at the same time I want a solid relationship and not just hit it and quit it.
Let me see if I can explain with some examples.
For instance, I don't want to make a girl feel uncomfortable (like the thought of me going up to a girl and grinding on her just doesn't sit well with me because I'm worried about how awkward it might be even though I want to do it) or feel awkward (which makes me shy away with being more bold in my actions), I'll go out of my way to avoid making situations awkward, I never take that "either my way or the high way" stance, if I feel like I'm unwanted at a party but there's a girl there who I like and who likes me I'll avoid making the move on her as to not upset everyone else, and the examples go on and on. There's even been a few times where me and a girl have genuinely liked each other and I've neglected to pursue her because I don't want to "mess it up". It's like I'm just an observer in my life, that I try to focus just not stirring the waters or making a splash all the time and as a result I get nothing that I want.
It's like I try to please everyone but in the end I'm not personally happy. I have gotten and lost so many hot girls (one of them was considered the "golden girl" of my entire school) because of this kind of "please-all" attitude and before I go off to college I want to try to kick this habit as best as I can.
How can I desensitize myself and become less concerned with the well-being of everyone else and preserving their mood and become more self focused on me? Because its definitely getting to the point where its detrimental to my confidence and inner game. For lack of a better term, how can I just not give a ****?
EDIT: I just realized that this post marks the three year anniversary to the day that I've been apart of this community. Its interesting to look back on all of the ups and downs I've had and how I've utilized this place. And while I've had some success thanks to this forum, its interesting how after all of this experience I can finally put into words the problem that originally brought me to this site and has plagued my game for all this time. A lot of the problems I've had with women over my high school career really all relate back to this.
Let me see if I can explain with some examples.
For instance, I don't want to make a girl feel uncomfortable (like the thought of me going up to a girl and grinding on her just doesn't sit well with me because I'm worried about how awkward it might be even though I want to do it) or feel awkward (which makes me shy away with being more bold in my actions), I'll go out of my way to avoid making situations awkward, I never take that "either my way or the high way" stance, if I feel like I'm unwanted at a party but there's a girl there who I like and who likes me I'll avoid making the move on her as to not upset everyone else, and the examples go on and on. There's even been a few times where me and a girl have genuinely liked each other and I've neglected to pursue her because I don't want to "mess it up". It's like I'm just an observer in my life, that I try to focus just not stirring the waters or making a splash all the time and as a result I get nothing that I want.
It's like I try to please everyone but in the end I'm not personally happy. I have gotten and lost so many hot girls (one of them was considered the "golden girl" of my entire school) because of this kind of "please-all" attitude and before I go off to college I want to try to kick this habit as best as I can.
How can I desensitize myself and become less concerned with the well-being of everyone else and preserving their mood and become more self focused on me? Because its definitely getting to the point where its detrimental to my confidence and inner game. For lack of a better term, how can I just not give a ****?
EDIT: I just realized that this post marks the three year anniversary to the day that I've been apart of this community. Its interesting to look back on all of the ups and downs I've had and how I've utilized this place. And while I've had some success thanks to this forum, its interesting how after all of this experience I can finally put into words the problem that originally brought me to this site and has plagued my game for all this time. A lot of the problems I've had with women over my high school career really all relate back to this.
