I feel like A POS - I broke a good woman's heart. How do I deal with it?

[Free_Agent]

Just venting – you guys could be ruthless on me. I don't know why I was doing the things I was doing.

After my last disaster of a LTR, I was playing the field and having lots of fun. Back last November, my sister wanted to set me up with her hairstylist who owns the salon. The girl was from Venezuela ( not a US citizen) in the first night I met her. I was blown away by her beauty and typical Latin fire. Awesome personality. Smart. Business owner.

Everything went perfect from the very first night and we kicked it off really good. I'll add that this was a LDR of about 4 hour flight, but it didn't bother me as much as I could see my sister and see my girlfriend and then I would go home and get back to work and she would do the same.

Only things that worried me was the early declaration of love and the fact that she was a non-citizen who needed to get married to become a citizen.

Other than that, this girl worshiped the ground that I walked on. She bought me gifts. Called me all the time. Sent me sweet nothing messages. Her family opened their house up to me. She let me sleep with her in her bedroom right next-door to her daughter. I honestly believe she truly loved me.

Long story short, she caught me texting a few women. Nothing intimate or sexual just bull**** conversations that I honestly shouldn't have been having but knowing my personality I hate saying no to people and letting people down so these conversations kept going on. One sends me a pic ( when I asked her how short she cut her hair) Some people would try to set me up with other girls, and I would say sure but never had the intention to follow through. One reached out to me after i ghosted her when I met this girl and I said "Lets grab a wine". I don't even know why I would entertain these women as I had no intention of following through. I should've just told these chicks I had a GF.

I feel like an absolute POS for breaking this girls heart. It devastated her and her daughter and right now I'm finding it hard to live with. I apologized to her for ****ing up. For doing something that hurt her so badly.

I tried to be a good person in life and truly feel terrible for hurting this person and her whole family. Maybe it's because I have a daughter and I wouldn't want some guy to do the same.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She caught a few texts that mean nothing to you? That doesnt seem like such a big deal imho.

Men are the ones who approach, we get used to it. Its hard to turn it off "de la noche a la mañana". At some point you are just "going through the motions" when interacting with hot girls even if you dont plan on following through. I though she caught you banging another woman in your house or something. This is a big nothing burger.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

The fact that she was so willing to dismiss her chance of getting potentially easy citizenship screams one thing: Options.

LDR is a joke, the more you qualify this woman, good looking, business owner, the more ridiculous this becomes.

Notice how the 2 above points conflict with each other? Her story makes very little sense.

Ive dated extensively LDR in my early teenage years, every single one of them had multiple irons in the fire, they haven't banged any of them but she's got the same thing with them that she's got with you.

LDR is a complete waste of time, this post is ridiculous and her story doesn't make a ton of sense to begin with... If she's not within driving distance, goodbye

 

[The Duke]

Just venting – you guys could be ruthless on me. I don't know why I was doing the things I was doing.

After my last disaster of a LTR, I was playing the field and having lots of fun. Back last November, my sister wanted to set me up with her hairstylist who owns the salon. The girl was from Venezuela ( not a US citizen) in the first night I met her. I was blown away by her beauty and typical Latin fire. Awesome personality. Smart. Business owner.

Everything went perfect from the very first night and we kicked it off really good. I'll add that this was a LDR of about 4 hour flight, but it didn't bother me as much as I could see my sister and see my girlfriend and then I would go home and get back to work and she would do the same.

Only things that worried me was the early declaration of love and the fact that she was a non-citizen who needed to get married to become a citizen.

Other than that, this girl worshiped the ground that I walked on. She bought me gifts. Called me all the time. Sent me sweet nothing messages. Her family opened their house up to me. She let me sleep with her in her bedroom right next-door to her daughter. I honestly believe she truly loved me.

Long story short, she caught me texting a few women. Nothing intimate or sexual just bull**** conversations that I honestly shouldn't have been having but knowing my personality I hate saying no to people and letting people down so these conversations kept going on. One sends me a pic ( when I asked her how short she cut her hair) Some people would try to set me up with other girls, and I would say sure but never had the intention to follow through. One reached out to me after i ghosted her when I met this girl and I said "Lets grab a wine". I don't even know why I would entertain these women as I had no intention of following through. I should've just told these chicks I had a GF.

I feel like an absolute POS for breaking this girls heart. It devastated her and her daughter and right now I'm finding it hard to live with. I apologized to her for ****ing up. For doing something that hurt her so badly.

I tried to be a good person in life and truly feel terrible for hurting this person and her whole family. Maybe it's because I have a daughter and I wouldn't want some guy to do the same.

How long were you seeing this girl?

 

[pipeman84]

Other than that, this girl worshiped the ground that I walked on. She bought me gifts. Called me all the time. Sent me sweet nothing messages. Her family opened their house up to me. She let me sleep with her in her bedroom right next-door to her daughter. I honestly believe she truly loved me.

Only things that worried me was the early declaration of love and the fact that she was a non-citizen who needed to get married to become a citizen.

The fact she is a single mom didn't worry you?
IMO, you're way over reacting with both the significance of your texting and her supposed love for you and breaking her heart. C'mon man, she's a single mom who emigrated from Venezuela AND is a business owner.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You treated a single mom like a single mom. And that breaks her heart? Always so dramatic, those Latinas.

 

[Macadellic]

Tons of red flags to list from this girl so I’ll skip.

In regards to LDR in my experience they only work when there’s a start and end date. Example, we will be apart for x-amount of time (3,6,9 months).

Now onto to you OP,
Putting yourself first is the best thing you can do for yourself. So continue having the social life you want for yourself and do not let anyone gaslight you into feeling like a POS.

Are you seriously going to stop interacting with the opposite sex while your single mommy keeps tabs with all her male clients?

 

[Free_Agent]

How long were you seeing this girl?

Since November

 

[Free_Agent]

Tons of red flags to list from this girl so I’ll skip.

In regards to LDR in my experience they only work when there’s a start and end date. Example, we will be apart for x-amount of time (3,6,9 months).

Now onto to you OP,
Putting yourself first is the best thing you can do for yourself. So continue having the social life you want for yourself and do not let anyone gaslight you into feeling like a POS.

Are you seriously going to stop interacting with the opposite sex while your single mommy keeps tabs with all her male clients?

Yeah I know a LDR is a no go.

We did talk about she moving here ( no way I'm moving back to NY ).

Yeah I hear you. My close friend s said the same as everyone here - "Big fvcking deal...you were chatting up with a few people. No sexual stuff and you never took initiative to follow through".

Ah well....I was getting tired of flying back and fourth to NY or paying for her to fly. Well, bye

 

[Free_Agent]

You treated a single mom like a single mom. And that breaks her heart? Always so dramatic, those Latinas.

In all fairness she did a damn fine job of raising the kid. I think because the father ejected as soon as she got pregnant ( IIRC about 19) and she raised the kid without dealing with another along with her family.

The kid was good. Respectful. At 15 would work weekends with the mom. Was in 10th grade and taking college courses.

But yeah, like replied to the the previous poster....My close friends said the same as everyone here - "Big fvcking deal...you were chatting up with a few people. No sexual stuff and you never took initiative to follow through".

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Now not only does she know that you may be cheating, she knows you are weak.

Woman can usually forgive the cheating. They can't forgive the weakness.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why do you feel bad, you manufactured this situation intentionally. Do you feel bad because your actions created a mirror that you don’t like looking into? Players move in silence. Call a spade what it is, you wanted her to notice. Why would you bother texting women back when you’re dropping in for a day or two at a clip and you could just silence them and address when you got to the airport. Do you feel insecure because you’re flying down to see her when she should be coming to you? We all know the feeling, you got burned prior, someone is legitimately hyping you up in the new situation and you push it for what it can to sooth your fragile ego. If you don’t like how you feel, reflect and then don’t do it moving forward.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

In all fairness she did a damn fine job of raising the kid. I think because the father ejected as soon as she got pregnant ( IIRC about 19) and she raised the kid without dealing with another along with her family.

I didn't say she was a bad single mom. I'm a parent myself, raising children is hard work. But, and it's a big but, she cannot expect the same preferential treatment as a single woman without children. Despite what she might think, most single men don't like to date single moms and take care of other men's offspring.

 

[Free_Agent]

I didn't say she was a bad single mom. I'm a parent myself, raising children is hard work. But, and it's a big but, she cannot expect the same preferential treatment as a single woman without children. Despite what she might think, most single men don't like to date single moms and take care of other men's offspring.

I hear you. I have two kids myself. A daughter and a son.

With that said her daughter was 15 years old and two years from graduating so it wasn't like I was raising an infant. Her daughter really is a super kid and the father is a piece of **** that **** the kid over and the short five or six months I was with her. I did more with that kid than the father ever did. I had no problem with her kid. She was respectful. Smart. Hard-working. Just a sweet kid.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I hear you. I have two kids myself. A daughter and a son.

With that said her daughter was 15 years old and two years from graduating so it wasn't like I was raising an infant. Her daughter really is a super kid and the father is a piece of **** that **** the kid over and the short five or six months I was with her. I did more with that kid than the father ever did. I had no problem with her kid. She was respectful. Smart. Hard-working. Just a sweet kid.

So where did you 'screw over' this single mom? Texting with other women? I text with a lot of women, doesn't mean I have sex with them.

 

[Kotaix]

I've done something similar myself. Although I wanted her, that relationship would have been doomed from the get-go and it was best to just break it off rather than string her along.

She's a single mother. She will say and do whatever she needs to secure a provider. I'm not saying that particular woman was like that necessarily, but you need to bear in mind that it's a def possibility.

That said, there is nothing quite like having a woman who wants you like that. Those are the kinds of relationships that will last as long as she doesn't annoy the sh!t out of you.

 

[Free_Agent]

So where did you 'screw over' this single mom? Texting with other women? I text with a lot of women, doesn't mean I have sex with them.

The worst thing she probably saw was one of my customers sent me a picture of his wife's friend and was " X has a friend who's fit and single would you be interested in making a connection". I just said "Sure - I look forward to meeting her".

There were no innapropriate texts sent other than that and certainly no d1ck pics or real sex.

Oh well. Probably a disaster avoided.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I got an old plate coming to visit friday.