I Feel Like a Loser When My Friend Is Around

[tasty tommy]

Hey guys, this is my first post here but I've been reading the forums for a good while. I'm really excited about being a part of the community here and improving my game in the process.
I have a kind of specific problem right now that I guess deals with self-confidence/esteem. I have a girlfriend right now and we've been going out for about 2 months. Personally, I'm not a much of a talker or outgoing person( which I would like to change). My best friend is in my opinion much more social, better with girls, and more attractive than I am. Whenever I do something with my girlfriend and my best friend is there, I feel like a loser because he usually has the spotlight, and I worry that she'll start to like him more than me. I need some help getting over this and building my confidence levels. Any advice or links or anything are greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Tommy

 

[PrinceBeavis]

Well, I'm a newbie too, but from what I've read, you can use your quietness to your advantage, by being mysterious...unveiling yourself slowly, increasing her interest because your so darn mysterious, and she has to work to find out about you. That or ditch your friend.

 

[Mental]

Hey guys, this is my first post here but I've been reading the forums for a good while. I'm really excited about being a part of the community here and improving my game in the process.
I have a kind of specific problem right now that I guess deals with self-confidence/esteem. I have a girlfriend right now and we've been going out for about 2 months. Personally, I'm not a much of a talker or outgoing person( which I would like to change). My best friend is in my opinion much more social, better with girls, and more attractive than I am. Whenever I do something with my girlfriend and my best friend is there, I feel like a loser because he usually has the spotlight, and I worry that she'll start to like him more than me. I need some help getting over this and building my confidence levels. Any advice or links or anything are greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Tommy

She's YOUR girlfriend, isn't she?

Also is your friend trying to "steal" her away from you? Meaning is he blatently hitting on her? If he is, consider he might not be the friend you deserve. And frankly, if the girl is going to cheat, and if she flirts with him, then she might be someone to watch out for.

But if not, then don't worry about it too much. Just keep on working at being the right man, and if she leaves - plenty more fish in the sea.

 

[NINJA PIMP]

I say kick his ass.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

 

[reset]

Hi Tommy. I was in a situation like this years ago with my good buddy. I am naturally more quiet. I takes a little to draw me out, I tend to say more with less if you know what I mean. But I don't consider myself really that shy.

The thing is, some people need to be the center of attention. I would go on some double dates with my buddy and a girl I was seeing. This guy, like your friend, would completely dominate the conversation. He just needed to be the one people would focus on. I'm not like that, I like to let conversations to be chill, and to develop naturally, in a casual way. Draw it out a little, keep being a mystery. You can't do this with an entertainer around.

I'm sure your friend is a cool guy and is not trying to get her into him, he's probably not aware he's causing you some grief. That's just his personality.
But, if you plan on hanging out with him and your girl again, you may as well just resign yourself to sitting back and watching the show with her. He will be the one getting all the attention.

The only way around it is the simplest way, do stuff with her alone. Do guy things with him, guy-girl things with your girlfriend alone, and you should be fine.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

...My best friend is in my opinion much more social, better with girls, and more attractive than I am. Whenever I do something with my girlfriend and my best friend is there, I feel like a loser because he usually has the spotlight, and I worry that she'll start to like him more than me...

No matter who you are, there is always somebody else who is smarter, richer, better looking, etc., etc.,

You have two choices,
1) stick you head in the sand and feel sorry for youself
2) keep a who gives a **** attitude and enjoy life. If your girl wants somebody else, the sooner you find out, the better off you'll be. Why waste time with a girl that wants someone else?

Don't waste a minute with needless worry, relax enjoy life... it's already too short as it is.

 

[tasty tommy]

Reset, you basically described the situation exactly. I'm exactly like that. So it would seem the best thing to do is to just do stuff with them separately as you said, and I'll try not to worry about things too much and relax some more.
Thanks for the advice :yes:

 

[Mental]

No matter who you are, there is always somebody else who is smarter, richer, better looking, etc., etc.,

Well, :cough cough: that is, unless you're me.

 

[baffledking]

My buddy confronted me about this just recently actually. I happen to be the more charismatic, talkative-type, especially around girls, while my buddy, with whom I go way back, is much more the cooler, quieter, kind of guy.

I like to joke around and make people laugh as best I can; I find it beats the hell out of small-talk. So, naturally, my bud's girl seems to be more reactive to me than she is to him. I wouldn't call it flirting, as I have no interest in his girl and I would never betray him like that but I can understand why he feels uncomfortable with it sometimes. It's a territorial thing.

But in reference to your predicament, I would advise you not to worry too much, that is, if he is a good, trustworthy friend and if your girl is being pleased in the bedroom by her BF!

She most likely enjoys spending time with you because of your quiet personality type. But then again, if hanging out with your boisterous buddy makes you feel sour then don't hang out with him.

 

[backbreaker]

He is no better than you.

The only difference between you and him is he is extroverted and you are introverted.

It's nothing more than a different personality type. He thinks he has to go out and be the talk of the crowd or to do things to put the spotlight on him to have a good time. That's a big sign of insecurity. Actually, the way you are shows more maturity... if only you had more self esteem. It says "look woman.. i'm the ****.. you know I'm the ****, and I don't have to get up in front of everyone and juggle to prove it"

nothing wrong with being outgoing, but I think I know the personality type you are describing. Loud, always drawing attention to himself.. good looking or not, doesn't matter.

if you think you are not good looking hit the gym. if you have self esteem problems, leave your GF and work on yourself.

 

[Ultimate]

Exactly!

Hey,


You said it yourself in the title. " You feel like a loser." Try feeling better about yourself (some confidence) and chances are you won't be worried abut your buddy and more on yourself. Let your friend have his fun. As long as your lady is with you you have no problems.


Peace

 

[The Sperminator]

Your friend isn't hitting on your girl he is just like that. Thats his personality. The life of the party type of guy. If you want to blame anyone blame yourself. It's not your friends fault that people find him interesting. Anyways I don't think you should worry too much. Just because girls find him interesting or funny and etc doesn't mean they like him like that. Lots of clowns are the center of attention but girls just think they are funny but wouldn't date them.

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

Hey,


You said it yourself in the title. " You feel like a loser." Try feeling better about yourself (some confidence) and chances are you won't be worried abut your buddy and more on yourself. Let your friend have his fun. As long as your lady is with you you have no problems.


Peace

Exactly, you are what you think. Be more secure in who you are, and don't let negative thoughts about whether your friend is making you look bad creep into your mind. This is like the episode of Seinfeld, where George is dating the lawyer, and doesn't want to double date with Jerry and Elaine. Because he's worried Jerry will be funnier than him, and his date will think he's not so funny. It's all in your head .

 

[MacDiddy]

Whenever I do something with my girlfriend and my best friend is there, I feel like a loser because he usually has the spotlight, and I worry that she'll start to like him more than me. Tommy

Don't worry, just believe its gonna happen... that is the natural order of things.

Take action now..!!!

Do not drag or be cajoled into bringing your friend along while your GF is there... she has her life in front of her and its in her best interest to select the best male for her life and future... if you are a loser, you are a loser...you lose... period..