Find the Moral Offense
Stop thinking about spinning plates for a second. What you're in the middle of is an ethical dilemma. Spinning plates is a bit of a moral gray area for some people so let's make it about something that's more cut and dry... my ethic's professor's standby example for things like this was kicking puppies.
Guys will give you justification for plate spinning, but they don't help ameliorate your concern if you think plate spinning is ultimately wrong. You can see this with the puppy example.
Given - Kicking puppies is morally wrong.
*Poof!!*
Out of the vapors, a figure emerges that bears a very striking resemblance to a cat.
Rubato - "Ahh, I see an ethicist has come to help us."
Ethicist - "I have spent my life dedicated to the discovering what makes a choice morally correct and incorrect. Some of you may think my work is simple, but rest assured, my colleagues and I have made things more difficult than you can think! Why, just consider Immanuel Kant's book..."
Rubato - "Ehh hem, Ethicist, about the puppies..."
Ethicist - "Right so Mr. Rubato! Our friend Racecar is quite the intelligent chap and thus simple arguments are not likely to change his mind. Some people might tell this gentlemen:
1. 'Why Racecar, don't concern yourself and your feelings with these puppies when they're being kicked. Everyone is doing it and it's just a statement of the nature we live in'
^
Bandwagon
2. 'Come now Racecar, these puppies have actually brought this kicking behavior on themselves. After all, the only reason why we kick them is because they're actively encouraging it! If they weren't constantly urinating on our brand new carpets or eating our homework assignments, we wouldn't have much of a need to kick them would we?'
^
Administering "justice"
3. 'Oh Racecar, you're being silly. Why should you concern yourself with these puppies anyways? They're just puppies! You're a *man*! Why... I can't even imagine being a *man* and also being concerned about the feelings of a... a... puppy.'"
^
Superiority
Rubato - "Ethicist, surely these are not the only arguments to be made against kicking puppies?"
Ethicist - "I am sure there are more, but it is not necessary to discuss them. If you ultimately believe it is wrong to kick puppies, do the circumstances surrounding the puppy kicking matter?"
All at once, the ethicist disappeared in to a blinding cloud of orange smoke.
As with the puppies, if you believe there is something inherently wrong with spinning plates, no one is going to be able to give you an effective "moral pass" on this issue. So let's break down what spinning plates actually is.
Suddenly, the Earth began to shake, so much so that people could hear dishes rattling in their cabinets and one poor man says his wife's favorite candy dish fell off their mantle and broke on the floor! A crevice appeared in Rubato's back yard and a bright blue light shot forth; as the crevice opened, immediately there appeared a transparent figure of a very old man with several wooden dowels spinning against his body. On top of each of the dowels were beautifully decorated China plates. He was adorned with ragged clothing and a long white beard. The China craftsmen very carefully approaches Rubato:
Craftsman - "Mr. Rubato, I hear that you're in need of a word from a master plate craftsman."
Rubato - "The heavens have heard the loud echo's of my questioning mind! Yes, Great One, please tell me about your trade."
Craftsman - "As you can see, I have dedicated my life to plates. Others have done this before, but never to the extent that I have. I don't actually create the plates... you see, no one knows exactly where they come from. Some of us like to think that we played some dramatic part in the formation of these things, but I don't think so. I've never started spinning a great Silver Plate before only to see that when I set it down for another that it had turned in to a Blue Plate. But that's not really the point.... Where was I... Oh yes!
Rubato, we're born and grow up being told a stories about how finding these plates are just "what we're supposed to do' as men. It's in our nature and should be the most natural thing in the world. But what ends up happening is that this plate narrative we're told is only spoken of in the singular. This is a big mistake! It's true that in my older days I only spin the most beautiful and ornate China plates. Don't think they're looks are deceiving, they're quite fragile. If I throw it on the ground, it will surely break. But let me ask you this my friend, have you ever seen a China cabinet before that only had one plate?"
Suddenly, the Earth began to shake once more and the Craftsman vanished nearly as quickly as he had originally appeared.
Spinning plates happens when you have some sort of personal interaction occurring with more than one female that you have reciprocal sexual/romantic interest in. I think you need to consider what you said in your OP about the conditioning you've had growing up. In the absence of an expressed commitment between you and another girl, is there anything morally that should preclude you from forming additional relationships with other women?
Don't worry about the arguments people will throw out... like
1. They're doing it too
2. You're better than them so don't worry about them
3. Your feelings are more important than theirs
4. Their feelings don't even matter
5. Whatever
Like I said above, none of these arguments mean anything if the initial premise is wrong. So tell me - is it?
Is it WRONG:cuss: :cuss: :cuss:
In the absence of commitment.
When you are being honest with the girls you're seeing.
Is it wrong.
To do the same thing you're doing with one.
To another?
First, if you can rationalize the behavior with one girl, rationalizing it with another is easy. Where you get in to problems is rationalizing them together at the same time.
Tell me where the moral offense here takes place. You are not breaking your word, for you gave no word to break.
If you aren't breaking your word, what are you breaking? Are you concerned the girl might not like that you are seeing other women? Why? And if she has such a problem, isn't it her prerogative to attempt to "cage" The Great Catch? Are you so concerned with the possibility that she will care that you pedestal her imagined feelings (you don't know for sure what they are do you? This is all conjecture) above your own.
After all, if she was really worth snagging for your own, wouldn't you find a way to direct your relationship with her that way?
You may be confusing spinning plates with cheating. They are not the same. Cheating is wrong because it represents a violation of your word; spinning plates, at least the way I see it, does not.
As I said above, find the moral offense. Just don't become too much of a philosopher/ethicist about this and spend all of your time looking for a cat that was never there in the first place.
