I feel depressed/loney

[skinnydart]

Well, I turned 18 a couple days ago and had to move out of my parents house, now I live in this 19th century home in this huge room by myself in the middle of this "bad neighborhood", or at least that's what it's known as by everyone I know. I've been living her a week and I still haven't met the other 5 guys that supossedly live here, that's how boring it is.

I'm a junior in college and I don't really have any friends or girlfriends, not really any serious guy buddies either.

I just got a 2nd job today, to be able to afford living on my own and going to college because my parents don't pay for anything anymore. So in a couple weeks i'll be working until 10 pm every single day, which only depresses me more seeing that the little dating / social life I have will go out the window.

Like today, I come back home after work at 6:00 and don't have any homework, so after changing and pacing around my room for a half hour I realize it'll be another 6 hours before I'm tired enough to go to bed. I don't have anything to do. I want a social life so bad.

I knew you guys would say to take some action, to get out and just do something, so I did, changed into some nice clothes and drove back onto campus. I couldn't find anyone I knew, I walked into the weight room and all these athletes are working out, I'm 6' 125 lbs and don't know even what the names of the different machines are and don't know the 1st thing to do when I walk in there so I walk out, watch the basketball team practice for a while and the people swim then finally just leave to go see a movie by myself.

I even im'ed everybody that was online on my buddy list and they were either "going to study all evening" or doing some other exclusive activity. I ended up going to see a movie by myself.

I'm almost going crazy I'm so bored, this should be the funnest time of my life, I graduate in 1.5 years and then it's not going to get any better than college life.

It sucks being a commuter but I don't have the money to live on campus.

I know I should have the power to change it but I don't know how. I've been so depressed I haven't really eaten a meal since I moved out (party because I don't have the money).

Thanks to anybody who has listened/given any suggestions.

 

[Buck Naked]

Is there any bars around where u live that have sports teams, like sand volleybal or softball? Those are good places to meet new people.

I tend to get depressed at times too, u just have to ride through the dark days. Find something that gives pleasure, no matter what it is. If u like kids, find a volunteer gig somewhere, etc.

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

so your parents just kicked you out of the house and wont pay for your college just because youre 18? sorry man but you got cruel and ****ty parents. I would make sure to never talk to them again and disown them if they're gonna disown you.

But i thought you were talking to that girl, isn't she a friend? cant you meet people through her? or what about work or school? And why exactly are you only now 18 and a junior in college? why didnt you just wait and go and be around people your own age?

 

[JonJack]

I've got a question skinnydart. Do you think that other people enjoy your company? If you feel they do, then take Buck Naked's suggestions. If you feel they don't, then you've got to work on that first.

If you don't already have good friends you can spend time with, then I suggest looking for other people who seem lonely too. They'll probably be more receptive to getting to know you. If you manage to build a rapport with one, then look for another lonely soul and just build that clique up. Be relaxed and honest. Even telling a stranger how the boredom is driving you crazy can be a good start depending on how you say it.

With friends you've got to add lots of humour and try and do lots of stuff together. Enjoying the company is the key here. Once your confidence is built up from there, other people will be able to notice you having fun and they might want to get into some of that action.

All that I've mentioned is from my own experience. Although I never actively did all those things, I understood why things changed for me. I was lucky that other people approached me and other people asked me out to do stuff. From there, the whole thing just exploded as my new friends had other friends who became my friends too. I participated in whatever they planned to do and the experience really helped. That's another thing I should point out. Never be afraid to take part in whatever plans your friends might have. Do it, see how it goes and then decide if you like it or not.

 

[frivolousz21]

I'm almost going crazy I'm so bored, this should be the funnest time of my life, I graduate in 1.5 years and then it's not going to get any better than college life.

dont be so sure about that....if you think that..and college life is how it is for you..then just hang urself!
jk. you need a better attitude

 

[Disconnect]

Ok, you're 6', 125 lbs. Get a trainer (preferrably one of those hotties). She will show you what every machine does. So.. 1st step - get built. That's a must, dude. Chicks go for big strong men.

2nd - join a social circle, if you have none. Now that includes clubs and teams. There's so much crap going on at campus at any single time. How can you be bored? Do you have a social events calendar? If not, go on the campus website. There ought to be info regarding social activities.

People bond through activities better than any other way. It's much easier to make friends by being on the same team, rather than through a cold approach. Sorry, but not many people are friendly enough to become best buds with you just by talking to you on the street.

So... what are you waiting for?

 

[skinnydart]

so your parents just kicked you out of the house and wont pay for your college just because youre 18? sorry man but you got cruel and ****ty parents.

Well, they said I either move out or start paying rent there, and I didn't like their rules and stuff anyway so I just left. Plus they live like 30 min away from my school.

But i thought you were talking to that girl, isn't she a friend?

Even telling a stranger how the boredom is driving you crazy can be a good start depending on how you say it.

Yeah, like yesterday after I decided to head back into school to do who-knows-what I put an away message up that says "man this house is so frieken boring, I'm leaving, call my cell if you want to join". Like min later, the girl I was interested in me called. We already had a date set for Thursday. I asked her what she was doing that night and she said she was going to see a movie with her sister and some other friends from her dorm. I was waiting for her to invite me to join them but she never did, even after I hinted at it by saying "so you want a ride there?" (she doesn't have a car) but all she said was "no, I'm going with my sister". Whatever, well we talked for a while anyway, actually I've never talked with a girl that long on the phone (30 min). I know, don't kill me, but I needed it.

 

[jcj001]

Just try to find something that you like and get involved in clubs and/or activities. Your in college, there gotta be something going on. I meet a lot of people by joining the Catholic Student Center. Another thing you can do is if you see a group of people playing sports, ask them if you can join em. I do this a lot when I see people just shooting around on the basketball court. I just say if they would like to play a game and most of the time they will say yes.

 

[00Kevin]

You have been programmed to think that you HAVE to find a girl.
This is what is causing your depression and your desperation.

You have to stand on your feet and accomplish your goals before you will find a great girl.

You are only 18 and you will have to grow up quick living on your own. You have to focus on your life and how to improve it.

Get your **** togeather and when you find that you are in a stable position then go out and find a good girl.

Your life is busy right now but do you really think that you will be any happier with a girl? I can tell you that it won't always be that way. The single life is easy because all you have to do is suck up a little lonelyness. As a man you should be able to do that. As a man you should be at one with yourself. Being alone should be a pleasant experience for you. If it isn't then you are lost and you are a fuc-king whiner.

On the other hand, having a girl can be even more of a responsibility and sometimes even more of a distraction. It can even set your life back a step. Having a girlfriend isn't always easy. It isn't a fantacy world of bliss and endless f-cuking. Sometimes it is like having a second job that you just don't fuc-king care about.

So don't get depressed. Your struggle in life will make you a man long before most of these guys on this board ever become one.

Don't listen to anyone that says you have to change your personality. Be true to who you are. That is what it means to be a man. Stick up for yourself and do it well. If you are an ass-hole then be an ass-hole Just be yourself and don't let women or other people complain about who you are or about what you think.

There are millions of girls out there for you to chose from. You don't have to change one f-ucking bit.

All you have to do is accept the fact that as a man your life is a struggle. You must fight your way through it. Every time you are depressed and you pull out of it you become stronger. It is just like lifting weights. The more **** you have to deal with and the harder life is for you and the stronger you will become. Look forward to the day when you feel like a man. Everything will click and you will find that women are easy to deal with because you are so much stronger then they are.

Don't be like a woman always in need of a relationship and in need of contact with other people. Be a man who doesn't need anyone and who is confident enough to be alone.

If you want a woman then you need to fight for it. You need to endure the pain and put the effort into finding her. No pain no gain. Suck it up now because your lesson in life has just started.


one last point.
Finding a woman is just like finding a job. If it takes 1000 resumes then so be it!

This is all part of what I like to call "GET OFF YOUR FAT LAZY F-UCKING ASS THEORY"

Be sure to say this to yourself three times a day and you will be fine.

 

[CraigMack]

What gives here, on the same day you posted:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=72612

I don't think this forum is the place to air out your emotional problems. Try seeing a school psychologist.

 

[Hellboy]

Originally posted by CraigMack
I don't think this forum is the place to air out your emotional problems.

Sorry Mack, but that's not just unconstructive, it's plain stupid. Emotional problems are the biggest thing that brings and keeps people here.

Skinny, the thing about depression is that it's self sustaining. Someone with a depressive or avoidant personality will find ways to validate the way they expect to feel.

I couldn't find anyone I knew, I walked into the weight room and all these athletes are working out, I'm 6' 125 lbs and don't know even what the names of the different machines are and don't know the 1st thing to do when I walk in there so I walk out.

You could have thought "cool some conversation fodder, let's ask someone about this stuff", and thus learned what you needed to know and possibly made new friends. Instead you took that action that matched your (mistaken) self image and chose a reason not to interact. So you're skinny, so are most people when they start out. So you don't know the equipment, but neither do most people when they start out.

You have to look at a given situation and ask yourself realistically if you are making excuses to stay depressed when the option to change is right in front of your face. It's hard, believe me I know, but all you have to do is make the right choices and keep making them. Think of it as learning to tie your shoelaces in a new way. Eventually you won't have to think about it, you'll do it automatically.

 

[yunghova35]

you have 400 plus posts, LEAVE THE HOUSE

 

[SchuhSohle]

Cool Hellboy. That reply to CraigMack needed to be written.

skinnydart: What you wrote doesn't sound like such a bad situation.
When I was 18 (about 6 years ago) I fell into a big hole.
I wasn't even bored. I had no energy.
I'd understand that you are depressed if you didn't find any free time to build up a social life.
I always had the bad feeling that I wasn't progressing.
Pretty much for 6 years. You must think: I'd rather die that living like that for so long.
But people can endure a lot.
( Should have tried to make the best of the situation instead.
No dreaming what could be if I was cool and if my healh was better )

You don't know what you have until it is gone.
For me that was soccer. Had to stop playing.
I had to stop other things as well before that. Martial Arts, personal projects, playing the keyboard ...
Soccer was the one thing I missed most.

Is there something you really care about if you think about it?
What was the last time when you had a feeling of success?

You know what you have? You have enough free time to do SOMETHING (time when you are bored) and you get job experience(will look good on your resume).
You discovered this site. I'm pretty sure ...
if you decide to change your life you'll see the advice here in a new light.
I have read about seduction theory 4 years ago. Had pretty high hopes.
And still couldn't get a social life. I too went out and returned without any success stories.
I see the whole stuff in a new light now.
Awareness is most important. I wasn't actually aware of how things work.
Things you think you know are probably wrong or connected with way too extreme feelings.

I used to think ... hell this was supposed to be the best time of my life.
I FAILED.
Now my attitude is ok and I think things are not as bad.
There are so many chumps ... I can still be far above average in 5 years if I'm different.
Now I think: even if I was 40 now ... what would be different?

I'd think about what my goals are first ...
... read a lot here, then question the goals ...
... then think about what they SHOULD BE and go for it.


Getting a girlfriend? Possess cool toys? Being able to impress others?
It shouldn't be something like: being more like other popular guys.

ONSs, LTRs? Bulking? Better health? Earning a lot of money? Not feeling down when things are bad?
It should be: becoming the person I always wanted to be.
That is the big difference between sosuave and other seduction theory sites.

Maybe start a diary so that you are forced to think while you write.
You'll keep track of your emotions and you can take a look at what you achieved when you are down.

Thoughts, emotions and actions can trigger an avalanche.
Get rid of your self-made barriers.

 

[skinnydart]

you have 400 plus posts, LEAVE THE HOUSE

I'm heading out now. I found out that the campus gym has free personal trainers so I'm going to sign up.

I don't think this forum is the place to air out your emotional problems.

thanks for you suggestions buddy

I guess the problem is that whether I'm sitting alone at home bored to tears, or working 2 jobs until late at night, I still can't seem to get a social life, no matter how hard I try. I can't seem to get any friends, partly because I'm a really quiet guy and finding other people like me is tough.

You're right, I don't need a girlfriend, but I do want some type of friend, something to do in the evening that I don't have to do alone. I spent most of my high school alone, and I enjoyed that, in fact I didn't even go to hs, I taugh myself at home, now I'm realizing that relationships are worth something I need, and I feel loney without one. I realize that being in college, there are thousands of people similar to me around me each day. Like when I walk into a wal-mart or even drive to my home I shocked by the type of people. It's like it's weird to see a person my age, they're all old, fat, or black, middle age, homeless/lower SES people. So college should be the easiest time of any to be able to hook up with some cool people and have some fun.

Ok, I'm heading out.

 

[CraigMack]

Hellboy

"Sorry Mack, but that's not just unconstructive, it's plain stupid. Emotional problems are the biggest thing that brings and keeps people here."

I've heard that this site used to be a great place of learning on how to meet women and that emotional men had taken it over.

I guess by your words this is true.


This forum I was told was for meeting women, not letting grown men become like women on the Ricky Lake Show. Maybe if we all work together we can get it back on track instead of this travesty that it has become.

Now if Skinny here were to actually READ the bible and do the BOOTCAMP, he wouldn't be lonely anymore and he would have the tools to handle his situation like a man.

Have you read the bible or participated in a boot camp of your own? Maybe this is why you also think this is a site for estrogen driven men to meet and whine about their lives.


cheers,

 

[skinnydart]

Now if Skinny here were to actually READ the bible and do the BOOTCAMP, he wouldn't be lonely anymore and he would have the tools to handle his situation like a man.

Have you read the bible or participated in a boot camp of your own? Maybe this is why you also think this is a site for estrogen driven men to meet and whine about their lives.

Yes, in fact I have done both of those, and I've read every (meaning every single) article on sosuave.com.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Re: Hellboy

Originally posted by CraigMack
"Sorry Mack, but that's not just unconstructive, it's plain stupid. Emotional problems are the biggest thing that brings and keeps people here."

I've heard that this site used to be a great place of learning on how to meet women and that emotional men had taken it over.

I guess by your words this is true.


This forum I was told was for meeting women, not letting grown men become like women on the Ricky Lake Show. Maybe if we all work together we can get it back on track instead of this travesty that it has become.

Now if Skinny here were to actually READ the bible and do the BOOTCAMP, he wouldn't be lonely anymore and he would have the tools to handle his situation like a man.

Have you read the bible or participated in a boot camp of your own? Maybe this is why you also think this is a site for estrogen driven men to meet and whine about their lives.


cheers,

I see where you're coming from, but think of it this way.

Part of people's difficulty with women is associated with deep-rooted emotional problems. Only by fixing these underlying problems can you fix the difficulties encountered with women.

This site isn't just about "picking up women". That's only the end result. Before you pick up women, you have to grow mentally and emotionally. You have to make yourself into a better person, because apparently the person you are just isn't good enough. Some people need more of a push than others.

There are times when sensitivity is called for, and times when tough love is called for. I guess this is just a case of the former.

 

[JonJack]

Although this topic might be a little out of place, I believe the ultimate goal for everyone in this forum is to be satisifed with their lives with regards to the opposite sex. Confidence would therefore be the ultimate priority here. Because you can enjoy your life with or without a girl if you're confident. But that doesn't mean you don't have any contact with girls whatsoever. Just that you don't really need one to be constantly by your side.

I choose not to think about how well I'm picking a girl up too much. I just do it. Success or failure has little impact on my mood. Becaue in my mind, I'm looking to see whether this girl is an interesting girl. I'm finding out whether or not she disgusts me with her attitude. It's weird, but I find it a lot more intriguing getting to know a girl first then screwing her. It sucks when she doesn't want to screw me, but hey, it's not like it hasn't happened before. Just pick myself up and move on. Best part is I've got one additional female mind to pick apart.

Ultimately, friends are the ones that make you a stronger person, not the girls you lay. You learn so much more from them because they're not just one person but many different people and each one treats you differently. Start with friends first, whether you're successfully DJing girls later or not, you'll be a lot happier.

 

[undesputable]

Originally posted by skinnydart
Yes, in fact I have done both of those, and I've read every (meaning every single) article on sosuave.com.

First i want to know why are you just 18 years old and youre already more than halfway done with college, or are you doing just 2 years? what are you studying?

I read your posts, your situation really sounds kinda sad. Sounds good that youre joining the gym at your school....Try to eat good as cheaply as you can. As you bulk up, start looking better, gaining some confidence maybe you can join groups in your school...whatever it might be, it doesnt really matter, just meet people. Also dont just concentrate on getting laid....first concentrate on making a good male friend, that you can rely on if youre in trouble or going out to pick up girls or anything like that. Then get some female friends, still dont just concentrate on getting laid....You need friends

 

[Ken785]

did get into martial arts or something. youll make loads of friends!! and youll learn to get in shape. learn how to fight, and the ladies love it!! dont worry bro...weve all been there.