I feel anxious when they pull away, confident when they are responsive

[Lutz]

I had been seeing this girl for about 7 months (I'm 26, she's 22). During that five months she was extremely responsive, totally into me, pursued me, and dtf all the time. We literally had sex about 100 times over the span of three months, was over at my place almost five days a week, and adored me. This was an amazing feeling. One night she tells me she needs space, then one week later she wants to be exclusive, then two weeks later she wants space again, then one week later we start hanging out again like nothing happened, then another three weeks go by and she wants space again only for us to have sex about one week after that. During which she tells me she loves me. Since then she has begun to become more and more distant but still maintaining contact but more in a friendly manner.

I've not begged or pleaded or supplicated. I just let it go, gave her her space and went on my own merry way.

Thing is, at the beginning of the relationship I did not worry at all about texts or interactions or lags in responses between the two of us. Now, after things have begun to slow down between us I get anxious when she messages me, I feel anxious when I message her, and to be honest I feel bored by our interactions now that we are not having sex. She's still fun to talk to, I just do not feel the spark I did when we were originally seeing each other. When she does respond to me sometimes that anxiety goes away. I've noticed I've done this with alot of women in my life. They are very into me in the beginning, I'm supremely confident during that time, then interest drops on their part, and I begin to become self conscious and anxious. I do not show them this, but I notice it in myself.

Any advice or help anyone may have for me? Where does anyone suggest I go from here? I'd like to break this cycle within myself.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

You don't feel the spark caused you banged her out 100x in 3mo!

First it 7 mo then 5mos?

You gave her to much power and let her visit 5 days a week! She got bored of you for being to easily available besides she's 22 she'll be riding the carousel until she's atleast 30.

Anything under 25 is going to give you the same story, I want to be with you and then next week oh we need space. Aka some other guy gave me tingles, I'm going to f him while we have some space.

Plate her to side, she's just a side piece nothing serious.

 

[Asmodeus]

Your anxiety with this woman is going to kill you in the long run... Where does that anxiety stem... You mention this as if it is not this one girl. You use the word "they" alot, yet pull back to this one case as if you want to focus on this. Yet I sense a bigger issue. I cannot psychoanalyze you as we cannot meet in person, but you language... In it I detect something... You had this happen before, you had a girl lose interest before in much the same way. You mention "interest drops on their part".... Not "your" part.... You had this happen multiple times before and now you are concerned. You saw a trend, and now you have assumed that you are the common factor in that trend.
You perhaps lost a bit... You loved a few women and then they lost interest while you did not. You see the same thing playing out..

 

[Asmodeus]

You may not win her back. If she lost interest I doubt it will regrow... These things, they rarely do. I bet she does not even look at you the same way anymore, you do not sense that same desire in her eyes. You will have to move on from her... She is already moving on from you. That is the fate of this, you can try to fight against the current here. But you will find out that I am right in the end, and your efforts will be in vain. Your desire to keep her, not just that to keep her in the same capacity you had her in during those first few moments of passion. But it will never return, once passions flame had burnt out it does not reignite.
Let me tell you some wisdom from what I have witnessed about love... I do not understand it much but I see trends, I analyze people, deduce things.
What you went through was called "the honeymoon stage" it is all neuronal.. Biological... An ecstasy of emotions that surge when you meet a new love. That coupled with the initial body exploration of a new partner, new sexual experiences. It is almost as if nothing they do annoys you. But nothing lasts forever. People in this stage idolize the other they are with, but in time they begin to see the reality of it all. You may still think them a great person but you no longer have clouds above your head about who they are. Now you have had so much sex with them that it has become routine, those little annoyances you did not notice now become poignant, and you enter a new phase. Some people... They cannot deal with the changes. Their notion of love is as false as my own, based simply on desire and infatuation, not actual love. Thus, when their lover changes in their mind, when the idol is no longer on the pedestal they cannot continue loving. My suggestion is that you are still young, continue exploring and do not get held up on one person. In time perhaps you will find one who loves you and not the idolized image they created of you in the honeymoon stage.

 

[Lutz]

I'll admit to enjoying the honeymoon phase almost too much. This girl adored me before we even slept together. Always following me around and showing extremes signs of interest when we first met. This was also while she had a bf whom she made out with me while she was with him. She also admitted to messing around on him before as well. Is this common behavior of women this age?

And you're right, Amadeus. I've been in several relationships that have ended after a few months. They started out hot and heavy, very much like the girl I mentioned earlier, and then died out. It's beginning to effect my self confidence and I wonder if I am doing something wrong. I'm supremely confident with these women in the beginning, but once they begin to pull away I begin to feel that anxiety. I literally get shaky when they call or message me after they have left and I can't relax when I'm with them because I'm questioning if the things I say are pushing them away more than they already are. When I do spend time with them I feel resentment towards them and though I've never acted on that anger to them I am definitely not my best self at those times. I feel like any contact with them after they have left pushes them away even more, even when I don't initiate that contact. And things I did in the beginning have the exact opposite effect at this point. I would like to find a way to get over this anxiety brought on by these women.

 

[RangerMIke]

She is 22.... that explains everything.

 

[AllDay85]

You don't feel the spark caused you banged her out 100x in 3mo!

First it 7 mo then 5mos?

You gave her to much power and let her visit 5 days a week! She got bored of you for being to easily available besides she's 22 she'll be riding the carousel until she's atleast 30.

Anything under 25 is going to give you the same story, I want to be with you and then next week oh we need space. Aka some other guy gave me tingles, I'm going to f him while we have some space.

Plate her to side, she's just a side piece nothing serious.

Hockeyfreak knocked it out of the park with this one.

 

[Lutz]

Hockeyfreak knocked it out of the park with this one.

Clarify for me. Pretty much write her off because of her age or anyone around that age? Also, if I want to strike up a casual thing with her in the future then how would I go about that?