I fear I'm maybe Gay

[Leuven]

Hi,

I like some advise because I'm very confused. I'm actually several years very confused, but since a couple of months, I'm even doubting my sexual thoughts.

Some background info, I'm 25, still virgin, never have had a girlfriend.
When reading the bible, I did some approaches but always failed terrible.

But I did made some changes. Some years ago I disliked homo's and lesbians, but now I didn't care anymore. I like music popular within the gay public, I try to dress well and spend more and more time on my outside.

On the other hand, I've never intended to approach a guy for the same reasons as a girl, I never think of guys in a sexual way, but I find myself thinking, that guy is hot, he can get anyone he wants.
I went a couple of times to a gay-bar, but that is a while ago, and don't intent to do it again.

Can anyone give me some good advice? I'm very confused, maybe it is just a stupid thought because I saw some gay movies last time. I'm not feeling attracked to guys, but on the other hand I'm not dating any girls.
I want to date females, but maybe it's my confusing that is standing in my way, and that confusion make me somewhat scared.

Please help

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Something tells me that society, throughout your whole life and your childhood, has molded you into believing that you "should" be gay, you obviously sound hesitant about being truly gay, but nonetheless you are curious and you aren't sure.

Try having sex with a guy, see if you like it. And then have sex with a chick. Ask yourself if which feels more right, and then you can decide which lifestyle is right. by the way, you could be bisexual as well

 

[Tomatoes]

I would see a shrink. You sound extremely confused in your own head about your sexuality.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Without making some lame-assed joke I will tell you this.

I think that everyone in the world has questioned his/her own sexuality at some point in their lives. It's just one of those things that comes up after a certain amount of experiences has left the person feeling confused. This will be short lived. The "what if I am gay" question is pretty common.

Don't sweat it.. chances are you're not gay. If you were, and were in denial, you'd still probably find guys attractive but never admit it. you'd be in the closet, as the saying goes.

 

[squirrels]

LOL this website gets better every day.

If you're not sexually attracted to men, you're not gay. But it sounds like you're not QUITE in touch with your masculinity. There's nothing wrong with trying to look good, BTW.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

LOL this website gets better every day.

If you're not sexually attracted to men, you're not gay. But it sounds like you're not QUITE in touch with your masculinity. There's nothing wrong with trying to look good, BTW.

and yes, losing touch with your manly side can bring on these questions. Great observations, man.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

I think that everyone in the world has questioned his/her own sexuality at some point in their lives.

That's funny because ever since I had the ability to have memory, I've only been attracted to females. Maybe I have thought once in a while "oh that guy is good looking" but does that make me want to have sex with him? No. We all are attracted to the same gender TO SOME DEGREE, but this doesn't really equate to QUESTION our sexuality, I don't think most people even asked themselves "well am I straight or gay?" at least not me, ever since I was 3 I've been into girls.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

That's funny because ever since I had the ability to have memory, I've only been attracted to females. Maybe I have thought once in a while "oh that guy is good looking" but does that make me want to have sex with him? No. We all are attracted to the same gender TO SOME DEGREE, but this doesn't really equate to QUESTION our sexuality, I don't think most people even asked themselves "well am I straight or gay?" at least not me, ever since I was 3 I've been into girls.

I'm not talking black and white... gay or straight. I'm talking more about a state where you think there might be a chance, even though you've never been attracted to a guy in your life. This is not about attraction to the same sex.. this is about questioning wether or not you're gay, when there's no proof suggesting you are.

It's all in the head, and i believe that many people go through this at some point. it may only last a day or two or it might just creep in for a minute. It's just a symptom of self doubt.

and yes, I've loved women since i was in kindergarten. i was laways chasing them on the playground.

 

[Ace of Flames]

Try having sex with a guy, see if you like it. And then have sex with a chick. Ask yourself if which feels more right, and then you can decide which lifestyle is right. by the way, you could be bisexual as well

Lol. By the time he's had sex with both a guy and a girl, he'll already be bi-sexual.

And how would he just "go have sex with a chick and see if he likes it"? That's the whole reason that he's questioning his sexuality in the first place. He can't get a girl. You really know how to read the situation, huh?



Anyway, I don't think you're gay. You're just confused and frustrated. I suggest you stay here for a while, build up some confidence, learn better ways to communicate, get better body language, whatever else you think you need. Then, go out and try to get women again. You should get a number or two, at least. If one of those works out and you end up going all the way, then I guess you have an answer to your question, eh?

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Yeah you're right that it's not a shade of black and white, as a matter of fact in 1st grade, I joked that I would marry this fat guy I was friends with, I HOPE i was joking and not serious, but I can say for sure that I am straight... right now at least lol.

but all joking aside, I think a person's sexuality is a sensitive topic, people need to tread carefully because you never know when you offend somebody who might be, say, 45% gay. Again, the whole black/white thing being false like you said, I totally agree.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Try sucking d*ck and taking it up the a$$. If you like it, then your a f*g. If you don't, then your straight.

 

[wayword]

Sounds like you're slowly coming out of denial...

Look, if you're that confused, and have actually gone out to gay bars & watched gay P0RN (let's be honest, these weren't just any old "movies" now, were they?), you are probaby not straight. I mean, honestly, you whacked it to this gay p0rn, didn't you?

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Try sucking d*ck and taking it up the a$$. If you like it, then your a f*g. If you don't, then your straight.

you forgot to add "try being a hair stylist"

 

[realsmoothie]

Not sure how well this has been addressed, and I know there's some macho guys on here who are going to freak, but...

...we are ALL at least a little bisexual. There's absolutely no black or white when it comes to sexuality.

For most people this doesn't have any effect. They're pretty much just straight.

For others, who are a little more in the middle (this has to do with hormone levels and other biological things), it's a little more confusing.

I count myself as definitely less masculine than others. It's just the way I am. I'm thin, I'm not into rough and tough stuff like UFC, I'm pretty sensative. Suck with power tools. Am good with colours, dressing, and the such.

Am I sexually interested in men? No. I am all about women. But I certainly find exceptionally attractive men "attractive", though, i.e. hollywood stars and the such. It's not like I'd want to do anything with them, but their charm and looks do appeal to me in a certain way.

Now, I say all this because I think this is your situation. You're not gay, unless you're not telling us everything. You're just not as blatantly masculine as a lot of men are.

These days, this is an increasingly common situation. As a society we have learned that a lot of gender stuff is learned and not biological, which I pretty much agree with. So men and women are being raised more "gender neutral", so to speak, and it can be confusing for some. Some here call it the "feminization" of society... I think that is far too extreme considering our society is still almost completely oriented towards male behaviour.

So it's not a surprise that you have issues with whether you are straight or not. How do you find out? I don't know, but it helps to search your feelings. And why label yourself anyhow? Just go out with women, and if you don't like it, try it with a guy. I'm serious.

 

[azanon]

I think that everyone in the world has questioned his/her own sexuality at some point in their lives. It's just one of those things that comes up after a certain amount of experiences has left the person feeling confused. This will be short lived. The "what if I am gay" question is pretty common.

Speak for yourself. My earliest permanent memories as an adult was when i was 6, and i specifically remember how much I liked the girls my first day of kindergarden. I made out with (kissed on lips) a girl under those mats you sleep on during nap time that year.

I have always liked girls/women, and i'm homophobic. Never for a second have i been confused about this.

Azanon

 

[ValleyDJing]

dawg, dont do nothing stupid with any guy! I wouldn't say you're gay, although the fact that you watched gay porn and went to gay bars troubles me.
like the one guy said, there's nothing wrong with trying to look and dress good. As a matter of fact, I think that should be encouraged. And as far as looking at a guy and saying he's attractive, I think you hit the nail on the head. I could look at a dude and say, "hes a good looking guy, he probably gets the chicks." that ain't gay. Thats just being jealous of another guys looks thats all.
Just dont do anything you're gonna regret, and don't ever go back to the gay bars or watch anymore gay films. You'll be alright.

 

[realsmoothie]

Speak for yourself. My earliest permanent memories as an adult was when i was 6, and i specifically remember how much I liked the girls my first day of kindergarden. I made out with (kissed on lips) a girl under those mats you sleep on during nap time that year.

I have always liked girls/women, and i'm homophobic. Never for a second have i been confused about this.

Azanon

Er, do you know what homophobic means?

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

Er, do you know what homophobic means?

Well he's trying to say that he hates homosexual people,but when he told that the usual response was "you're homophobic" so he uses that term now,even though he knows it's stupid (which it is).

 

[Distant Light]

Omg don't go messing with no guys!

Trust me awhile back I had the sticking point about kiss closing and escalating before getting in friend zone, because i could've done attraction with no problem. So I posted my sticking point on mASF and I included "Am I gay or something because I couldn't just escalate" needless to see Tylerdurden posted something that helpped me out.

I realized your not really gay, its just your comfortable talking and being around guys because you don't think being sexual with them. Why do you think you can talk to your mom or talk to your sister, because your not thinking about them sexually. But now when you see a hot girl your scared because you want to fuvk her, your now thinking sexual, so now your nervous and stuff. What you have to do is relax.

How long have you been approaching during the time you was failing terrible, did you look to see what you was doing wrong, maybe you wasn't opening good enough, your bodylangauge or voice wasn't too good. Maybe you couldn't build attraction. After each approach you should see what you did good and bad. There isn't no way to fail terrible because your actually learning on every approach. So just go back out there keep talking to girls and you will break through, and end up getting some girls.

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Lol. By the time he's had sex with both a guy and a girl, he'll already be bi-sexual.

And how would he just "go have sex with a chick and see if he likes it"? That's the whole reason that he's questioning his sexuality in the first place. He can't get a girl. You really know how to read the situation, huh?

How would you know if you like McDonalds better or Burger King better if you ONLY eat at McDonalds? Your logic makes no sense, he won't be a bi-sexual because he'll have to choose A)gay B)straight C)bi, just because you do it with a girl ONE time does not make a gay person bi.

And also, Ace of Flames, the last time I checked, most guys who lack skills in the getting girls department don't exactly go home, sit down, and think to themselves "well I must be gay then"