I F'd up.

[Woodrow68]

Sorry, but this may get long.

I met a girl. We hit it off. She was sayin stuff like "This is the most fun I have ever had". Spent time together on 5 days of the following week. I was worried it was going too fast. She was too but I didn't know this. She instigated many of our meetings. The following Friday night she text me to meet her. We had no plans, she was supposed to be out of town. I pulled back a bit by stalling in meeting her but finally did. The next morning we exchanged one text message. Later that day I was unable to get hold of her. When I finally saw her she waved and walked on by. I lost it and sent several texts saying what's your problem, fine be that way, etc. I thought she was blowing me off. Later that evening I saw her again and she told me she didn't check her phone till later and was going to talk to someone when she saw me and was not blowing me off. For the record I agree I overreacted in any case. I apologized but didn't really try to console her. Went to the bar and drank while she sat with her friends. Didn't talk the next day. Monday morning I text another apology. She was really upset. Said she had been having a great time but my actions reminded her of a bad relationship. Now she doesn't want to see me. I pleaded my case finally got her to say she would think about seeing me again but it wasn't likely. Waited two days and asked if we could talk. I said I was sorry and wanted to see her. She said maybe later we could be friends but stop texting for now. I said I wasn't wanting to be just friends, but It was really a pleasure spending time with you. Please take care of yourself and signed my name. Other than saying hello in passing, I have left her alone at this point. We did have a real connection and I blew it.

CAN THIS BE FIXED????

 

[boomerick]

woody---

(I just posted most of this to another guy who is new)

First off....slow down and write with sentences and paragraphs.....

Second ....you are worried about the girl too much....

Third.... you spent too much time too fast....

Fourth....you became emotional and then began to suplicate....

I know this is said here over and over again ...BUT (here goes)....

Go to the DJ Bible....read at least Book of Pook and Antidump's Machine.....

Then the Bible articles as you see fit.....

You are pedistilizeing your chick ....

You presented yourself as too available....

And you totally gave the frame (control) away.....

Don't start off with the forum here ........read the 'reference' material first....

It has most if not all of the answers to the many questions you probably have right now about chicks.....

Spend some 'real' time educating yourself with the info availible on this site....

It will open your eyes and guide you towards the ideas and tools you need to deal with the above situation.......

Like my signature line says..... go to the bottom of the page and click on the bible link....

I know this isn't direct advice regarding the above situation but from what I read most of what happened to you could have been avoided by just familiarizing yourself with the basics....

Over and Out.

 

[Woodrow68]

Boomerick,
Sorry about the writing structure. I'll do better. I agree with you on just about everything. I have read similar material to what you suggested. This is why I'm saying I screwed up, on just about every point.

What I wonder though even though it was awesome, you say don't worry about her. Maybe because we went too fast and not enough time to know if she's really special or not. Is that what you're saying? Because we did complement each other very well. You know, the whole opposite personality types thing.

Still wonder though if this can be fixed? Just some insight.

Thank you

 

[zekko]

I don't know if this can be fixed. You really screwed the pooch on this one. You gave all your power away.

The only chance I see is don't initiate contact with her at all. Read the reference material boomerick suggested, you need to learn the proper mindset. Try to improve yourself. Then maybe at some point maybe she'll come back to you, and if so you must act more manly this time. But maybe she won't come back, and if that's the case I'd say it's over.

 

[boomerick]

I pretty much agree with Z--...

Let it go cold for awhile.....

It's not impossible that she could contact you I guess.....

I would say the odds don't favor it though....

Once you start over apologizing and getting angry and getting 'maybe someday friendzoned'......

Wow.....

That's a hole you need rockets to get out of.....

And yes you made her too important too fast....

You need to be the important one....

Educate yourself as much as possible....

This can be a learning experience if you choose to make it one....

Again read at least The Book of Pook and Antidump's Machine.....

Then see if you don't read the situation and your behaviour choices differently....

Good Luck Woody

Over and Out.

 

[Trader]

Check yourself. It's just a girl.

This is not life or death, put things in perspective

 

[Woodrow68]

I've learned a lot of this stuff from other authors recently. It all makes sense to me now. It's just hell to change old habits. Just when I think I'm doin' better, I blow it. I'll keep tryin' though.

Thanks guys.

 

[Serg897]

Woodrow, I am the king of emotional outbursts that have driven all sorts of women away from me in the past. Trust me, it happens to the best of us. As a man, you must be a rock - unwavering, calm, collected. Women dont care about your emotions - and if you act like a wussy it will only be seen as unattractive.

I do think you screwed this up. But its okay. The important thing is that you a.) accept it. and b.) move on.

It may not be easy right now, but with time you will look at this objectively and see exactly where you went wrong. Then you will hopefully avoid this particular stumbling block in the future - although it took me several rounds before I finally realized my attitude needed to change, fundamentally.

Hope this helps.

 

[Iceberg]

We did have a real connection and I blew it.

CAN THIS BE FIXED????

Boomerick,
Because we did complement each other very well. You know, the whole opposite personality types thing.

Still wonder though if this can be fixed? Just some insight.

Thank you

I have "real connections" with a girl like twice a week. Every girl I date "complements" me well.

She's a girl. There are plenty more. And these feelings you're describing are being invented by you as a way of placing value upon her. "She's different from other girls. Blah blah." She's not different. She's a girl.

A five dollar bill is a five dollar bill. The way it makes you feel doesn't increase its value. The way it complements you doesn't matter. It is what it is.

Until a woman actually EARNS a place in your life, she's just a woman. You're acting as if this is the only girl you'll meet who you'll have a "real connection" with. That's girl talk, dude. The fact that this girl is making it difficult for you to date her shows you how real that connection is. The real connection is in your head. You met a pretty girl, she kind of liked you, and now you're trying to justify it with words like "complements" and "connection." The only girls in my world who I've had a real connection with were the ones I ended up dating long term. All the chicks in between don't matter.

 

[Woodrow68]

Yea, you're SOOOO right Iceberg. I need to remember all of that.

 

[f283000]

There are a lot of things you can learn from this

1. It's not that you spent too much time with her, it's that you NEVER ESCALATED: The real issue is not all the time you spent with her in a short span of time but rather that you never escalated. If you had shown your sexual side at some point you might not have made this thread she might be your gf NOW/you might have had sex with her.

Reading your post all I see is some bs and no good stuff. Just a bunch of dates but no action from you. Nothing about escalation, nothing about kino, nothing about trying to kiss her, NOTHING! Just a bunch of bs is all you did.

If a woman is spending a lot of time with you SHE EXPECTS YOU TO MAKE A MOVE. Women want action just like we do but it's a man's job to make it happen. If you don't make her feel wanted, if you don't make her feel sexy she will get bored of you and move on to the next guy.

If a woman spends a lot of time with a guy it's because she wants something "more" or else she can be spending that time with her girlfriends if she just wants a hangout partner. If you don't make a move you will put yourself in the hangout partner category and move away from the "possible lover" category.

2. Don't ever apologize to a female unless it's really warranted: Women don't respect men that go around supplicating and apologizing to anybody. You did not have to apologize for anything. You think the bad boys/jerks that get the hottest women on campus go around saying i'm sorry and supplicating like a love sick puppy like you did?

Ok so you thought she blew you off when she walked past you. You didn't wreck her car, you didn't kill her kitten by mistake, why are you acting like you freaking did some horrible offensive thing to her?

Not only that but she was probably lying about not checking her cell phone. Females check their self phone every minute of every day. That was a sign for you that her interest level in you was down the toilet. Obviously she checked her cell phone, saw it was you and said MEH!

This case is over brother, NEXT!

 

[Woodrow68]

Actually f283000, I did escalate. We made out the first night we were together and I advanced the level of touch each time we were together. I only stopped when she put the brakes on. Our next meeting should have been the time, just didn't get there.

As far as the cell phone goes I kinda agree, but I have been on the boat with her a couple times and she never checked it.

I do agree with the apology bit somewhat. I think one simple sincere apology would have been enough and then left her alone. I over did that big time.

I realize now that it's not a big loss. I just hate f'ing things up.