I failed the no contact rule... Heres what happened

[Jolil2019]

Hi guys,

A situation here for your perusal, something to share ideas upon and think about.

An outline of the situation - In October this year, me and my fiancee had a major argument and she stormed off to work in a rage. As a result, she subsequently moved out and got her own place.

I was well aware of no contact rule, and generally as a rule of thumb the earlier you implement it after a breakup the better. I should have started it as soon as she walked out of the door, told me it was over and refused to answer her phone.

I didn't. This is an excellent example of what happens if you do not put in place the NC rule and you keep trying to reach out to your ex. I was reaching out to her multiple times a day like a beta, texting, chasing and trying to persuade her to come back to me. One day I even rang her 25 times a day, only to be red buttoned each time. She would reach out to me occasionally, with the odd call or text, yet I was doing roughly 80% of the contact.

Whenever we did talk, when would say she did not want to lose me, wanted to stay in contact and still loved me.

Today however, I decided enough was enough. I couldn't live like this any more and decided to grow a set of balls. I rang her and told her we cannot contact eachother anymore, I was not happy being just friends and to contact me if she changed her mind.

Something she said though was key:

Her words were "I tried missing you, being jealous knowing you were out, wondering what you were upto - but I was unable to feel that way"

My response was "You wont miss me I was contacting you every day"

I've now gone no contact with her after 2.5 months of chasing and am wondering if even at this late stage it will have any effect.

Any ideas as to what I can do?

 

[touma.akagi]

While there may have been a few things you could've done to change what happened, the tells of an impending breakup are sometimes not as present. Don't beat yourself up over it too much. Grieve if you've got to, but try to move on as best you can.

I never understood things like the NC rule to apply to LTR and it seems like you didn't either.. If your fiancée is acting this way, then sad to say maybe she was already considering breaking up with you. You blew up her phone out of an understanding, however mis-placed, that because you two were engaged increased texting was normal. That's not necessarily your fault entirely. An engagement break isn't always expected, yet it can happen to anybody.

Just wait a couple more weeks before reaching out and don't blow up the phone again. I hate to say it, but at the end of the day you can't make someone do what you want. You can influence, you can manipulate, but you can't make. And if the person was willing to turn tail on an engagement ring then perhaps she's not mature enough to be marrying at all.

 

[Jolil2019]

Interesting enough, she told me tonight that she "loved me a year ago".

Yet it was only yesterday she was texting me telling me she loved me.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Other than self-healing and moving on, going"no contact" is intended for no other motive. Do some women return (to some varying degree) as a result? Sometimes, but this shouldn't be your goal. And, from those of us that have recycled a bad relationship, it never seems to work.

You may start out good, but eventfully (and quicker than before) it goes sour again. Then... you think to yourself... "if I had let it go the first time, I'd be in a better place now." Instead, the healing process starts all over again.

It's probably a blow to the ego to hear that she didn't miss you. It shouldn't be and here's why. Her lack of missing you was due to fact that you were always there. If she had initiated 80% to your 20%, the missing someone roles would have been reversed.

Mixed messages are to be expected. It's confusing as hell, but trust your gut and not heart on this.

 

[Glassguy]

So you called her to tell her your plan of going NC? Seems like you gave her an ultimatum......which is another of many beta things you have already done.

You CANNOT negotiate attraction or interest level. Her actions say she has interest in someone else. She did when she left. You are just the beta schmuck who is hanging around for more emotion punishment.

Stop contacting her and go date other people.

 

[Billtx49]

She couldn’t be jealous of you…
Usually caused by unavailable love if she Was jealous, but she’s Not
She loved you a year ago…
She doesn’t now

It’s over, you were only adding to her personal validation and easing any separation anxiety she may have had until now.
Consider her two above statements as your final notification that she won’t ever be back.

 

[Jolil2019]

Her lack of missing you was due to fact that you were always there. If she had initiated 80% to your 20%, the missing someone roles would have been reversed.

I'm wondering what happens with this....Up to now she's had me literally every day, calling to check up on her, texting her, running errands for her (she dosent drive) helping her load her stuff in the van etc. She essentially kept me around to do things for her, for services, free goodies etc.

All the time she was saying she wanted space, to be alone didnt know what she wanted etc bla bla bla

If she suddenly loses that cold. By myself going NC, will that have any effect on her? Will she even notice?

 

[dude99]

Hi guys,

A situation here for your perusal, something to share ideas upon and think about.

An outline of the situation - In October this year, me and my fiancee had a major argument and she stormed off to work in a rage. As a result, she subsequently moved out and got her own place.

I was well aware of no contact rule, and generally as a rule of thumb the earlier you implement it after a breakup the better. I should have started it as soon as she walked out of the door, told me it was over and refused to answer her phone.

I didn't. This is an excellent example of what happens if you do not put in place the NC rule and you keep trying to reach out to your ex. I was reaching out to her multiple times a day like a beta, texting, chasing and trying to persuade her to come back to me. One day I even rang her 25 times a day, only to be red buttoned each time. She would reach out to me occasionally, with the odd call or text, yet I was doing roughly 80% of the contact.

Whenever we did talk, when would say she did not want to lose me, wanted to stay in contact and still loved me.

Today however, I decided enough was enough. I couldn't live like this any more and decided to grow a set of balls. I rang her and told her we cannot contact eachother anymore, I was not happy being just friends and to contact me if she changed her mind.

Something she said though was key:

Her words were "I tried missing you, being jealous knowing you were out, wondering what you were upto - but I was unable to feel that way"

My response was "You wont miss me I was contacting you every day"

I've now gone no contact with her after 2.5 months of chasing and am wondering if even at this late stage it will have any effect.

Any ideas as to what I can do?

The effect will only matter if she feels a sense of loss. You destroyed that by chasing her for nearly 3 months.

It is over. She walked out. She blew her chance. The best (and only) thing to do now is to start dating other women and move on.

If by some chance she reaches out you ignore.

 

[Epic Days]

Hi guys,

A situation here for your perusal, something to share ideas upon and think about.

An outline of the situation - In October this year, me and my fiancee had a major argument and she stormed off to work in a rage. As a result, she subsequently moved out and got her own place.

I was well aware of no contact rule, and generally as a rule of thumb the earlier you implement it after a breakup the better. I should have started it as soon as she walked out of the door, told me it was over and refused to answer her phone.

I didn't. This is an excellent example of what happens if you do not put in place the NC rule and you keep trying to reach out to your ex. I was reaching out to her multiple times a day like a beta, texting, chasing and trying to persuade her to come back to me. One day I even rang her 25 times a day, only to be red buttoned each time. She would reach out to me occasionally, with the odd call or text, yet I was doing roughly 80% of the contact.

Whenever we did talk, when would say she did not want to lose me, wanted to stay in contact and still loved me.

Today however, I decided enough was enough. I couldn't live like this any more and decided to grow a set of balls. I rang her and told her we cannot contact eachother anymore, I was not happy being just friends and to contact me if she changed her mind.

Something she said though was key:

Her words were "I tried missing you, being jealous knowing you were out, wondering what you were upto - but I was unable to feel that way"

My response was "You wont miss me I was contacting you every day"

I've now gone no contact with her after 2.5 months of chasing and am wondering if even at this late stage it will have any effect.

Any ideas as to what I can do?

What effect are you trying to create? What’s your end game?

 

[Hal9000]

Going no contact should never be a strategy for reconciliation. Its a strategy to never interact with them again, and an effective one with a little self discipline.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If your goal is to get her back you may want to invest in one of those ex gf recovery programs. Had a buddy who did that and it worked amazingly well. But don't do this if you are not willing or have not yet corrected the issues that caused the first breakup or she will basically see you are the same person she dumped pretty quickly.

However before considering this make sure you have thought all of this through and this is what you really want.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

I'm wondering what happens with this....Up to now she's had me literally every day, calling to check up on her, texting her, running errands for her (she dosent drive) helping her load her stuff in the van etc. She essentially kept me around to do things for her, for services, free goodies etc.

All the time she was saying she wanted space, to be alone didnt know what she wanted etc bla bla bla

If she suddenly loses that cold. By myself going NC, will that have any effect on her? Will she even notice?

Dude, it's over. Time to move on the best you can.

-Augustus-

 

[bcude]

If your goal is to get her back you may want to invest in one of those ex gf recovery programs. Had a buddy who did that and it worked amazingly well. But don't do this if you are not willing or have not yet corrected the issues that caused the first breakup or she will basically see you are the same person she dumped pretty quickly.

However before considering this make sure you have thought all of this through and this is what you really want.

Getting your ex back programs are just people taking advantage of emotionally vulnerable guys who would do anything for a desired outcome. It's pure garbage.
The only principle you need is no contact, working on yourself and the issues and let her come to you since it's impossible to negotiate someone's desire for you.

OP, you're only human with emotions. Don't be hard on yourself, we all make mistakes. At this point you have no other option than to stay away. Since you blew up her phone like crazy i certainly think she will get a sense of loss but you're not in a place right now where you would be acting in the right way if she would start blowing up your phone so start focusing on you.

 

[Pajeet Singh]

Well. Nice you hear from you OP. I recently failed NC rule as well and where did it lead to ? More restrictions and finally I let go. From a negative side of women perspective, I was always thinking she is chatting to someone on phone, some other guy is probably flirting with her and she is giving IOUs and getting wet and soon she will give her body to him. She is having her own new world where she is laughing, smiling, her dirty organs are oozing liquid involuntarily while just talking to her new man who is just commenting about her dress which is 2 years old. She is laughing, smiling and having fun in her new brand world. And she is not talking to one guy, there is another guy who see is liking and liking his insta photos. That guy responded with thank and she got more horny.

And there you are, in your old world, still in wait state, waiting for her to just give a text message reply, or receive your phone, or
look in the direction you are in. Fortunately she texts you "Hey! do you know where did I keep my *insert something* dress ". With a blink you remember it and give her direction. She says "Thanks!" . Hey with ! and Thanks with !. Wohooo! you said to yourself. Never before she texted me with such carefully put exclamation symbol. You become the happiest person in the world. You do 100 pushups, you do 50 pull-ups, you walk your neighbour dog and clean its potty but the police saw you and fine you $10 for it. You take bath, clean your house, cook at home, start working on your project. Everything is alright. We are getting back.

Surprise. She just wanted to know where her thing was and instead of scratching her head she thought her doggy would remember it. She is wearing that dress to meet her two new ****boys. She got so wet that she had to actually find another dress. She didn't wear underwear or bra. She just put the long top and went to enjoy her new life. She enjoyed threesome. She liked it. Nobody got her feeling this great ever before. She is staying for more.

Night has fallen and you are tired of your all your productive work. You want to sleep. You have been jerking off lately but today is a good day. Today you have won your ex's heart by remembering the location of her favourite dress. Today you want to give up and sleep thinking about holding her hand again. You sleep.

Guess what. She didn't message you next day. Or the next to next day. She might be packing her stuffs. You text and she says "busy". You ask her if she is ok, she says yes. You ask her if she needs any help, she says no. You ask her if she is coming back, she says "absolutely not"

There. There you are. Just stay alone buddy. I have done this and women are my time anymore. If I don't **** the day 1 and leave her by day 2, not doing it.

 

[stovepipe]

Adding "Any ideas as to what I can do?" shows only 1 of your balls dropped.

There is only 1 thing you can do right now. And thats to take your 1 nut and start smacking it against a new sloots booty.

If you ex ever contacts you again, you better not answer your phone or reply to a text EVER again! Once you conquer that temptation is when your other ball will drop. When it does, which I know it will, then take both your balls out a celebrate. She's in your rear view mirror now, so stay looking forward.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

Well. Nice you hear from you OP. I recently failed NC rule as well and where did it lead to ? More restrictions and finally I let go. From a negative side of women perspective, I was always thinking she is chatting to someone on phone, some other guy is probably flirting with her and she is giving IOUs and getting wet and soon she will give her body to him. She is having her own new world where she is laughing, smiling, her dirty organs are oozing liquid involuntarily while just talking to her new man who is just commenting about her dress which is 2 years old. She is laughing, smiling and having fun in her new brand world. And she is not talking to one guy, there is another guy who see is liking and liking his insta photos. That guy responded with thank and she got more horny.

I don't know what sh#t you're on brother, but I f*ucking enjoyed how graphic and filthy was your post.

It resumes pretty much every dude's breakup , heartbreak and dashed hopes.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well. Nice you hear from you OP. I recently failed NC rule as well and where did it lead to ? More restrictions and finally I let go. From a negative side of women perspective, I was always thinking she is chatting to someone on phone, some other guy is probably flirting with her and she is giving IOUs and getting wet and soon she will give her body to him. She is having her own new world where she is laughing, smiling, her dirty organs are oozing liquid involuntarily while just talking to her new man who is just commenting about her dress which is 2 years old. She is laughing, smiling and having fun in her new brand world. And she is not talking to one guy, there is another guy who see is liking and liking his insta photos. That guy responded with thank and she got more horny.

And there you are, in your old world, still in wait state, waiting for her to just give a text message reply, or receive your phone, or
look in the direction you are in. Fortunately she texts you "Hey! do you know where did I keep my *insert something* dress ". With a blink you remember it and give her direction. She says "Thanks!" . Hey with ! and Thanks with !. Wohooo! you said to yourself. Never before she texted me with such carefully put exclamation symbol. You become the happiest person in the world. You do 100 pushups, you do 50 pull-ups, you walk your neighbour dog and clean its potty but the police saw you and fine you $10 for it. You take bath, clean your house, cook at home, start working on your project. Everything is alright. We are getting back.

Surprise. She just wanted to know where her thing was and instead of scratching her head she thought her doggy would remember it. She is wearing that dress to meet her two new ****boys. She got so wet that she had to actually find another dress. She didn't wear underwear or bra. She just put the long top and went to enjoy her new life. She enjoyed threesome. She liked it. Nobody got her feeling this great ever before. She is staying for more.

Night has fallen and you are tired of your all your productive work. You want to sleep. You have been jerking off lately but today is a good day. Today you have won your ex's heart by remembering the location of her favourite dress. Today you want to give up and sleep thinking about holding her hand again. You sleep.

Guess what. She didn't message you next day. Or the next to next day. She might be packing her stuffs. You text and she says "busy". You ask her if she is ok, she says yes. You ask her if she needs any help, she says no. You ask her if she is coming back, she says "absolutely not"

There. There you are. Just stay alone buddy. I have done this and women are my time anymore. If I don't **** the day 1 and leave her by day 2, not doing it.

That's because you literally did everything wrong.

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

I've now gone no contact with her after 2.5 months of chasing and am wondering if even at this late stage it will have any effect.

Any ideas as to what I can do?

She WILL contact you.

I have gone NC 3 weeks ago after my ex duped me into thinking she is single again and want to get back together...6 months after the breakup.

She is blowing my phone and sending me 50 messages every day, she wanted to get back together, i thought about it for like 30.s seconds, how she left me to ride on another dude's dck..., so I told her to **** off.

Your probably left you for someone else as well..you just don't know it yet.

 

[Jolil2019]

She is blowing my phone and sending me 50 messages every day, she wanted to get back together.

If I'm honest this is the reaction I want to attain.

She invited me over for a meal tonight at her place with her and her kid who still calls me daddy. Not going to read too much into it, but she is blowing my phone up with texts and the like.

I am wanting to creat the seperation anxiety, I feel this is key to this

 

[CaptainNotSoObvious]

If I'm honest this is the reaction I want to attain.

She invited me over for a meal tonight at her place with her and her kid who still calls me daddy. Not going to read too much into it, but she is blowing my phone up with texts and the like.

I am wanting to creat the seperation anxiety, I feel this is key to this

She is blowing up your phone after 1 day of NC??

I would not go for that meal if I was you.

I would wait until she begs me to take her back, and then make her beg some more.