I don't think maintaining attraction beyond 6 months is possible

[apprenticedj]

Thinking about it, you have a good point. Except I don't think it's guys who started as "friends" but guys who brought more of a friendshippy rapport into the relationship. There is a lot to be said about that, and I can see why it can be confusing. I've been thinking about this recently:

A lot of guys believe being a good "friend" will lead to being a good boyfriend, and get confused when the girl they are friends with doesn't feel anything deeper towards them. So DJ advice is to pursue women for sex, and let a relationship build from there. That means, don't waste time being friends with a girl, and go for what you want early on. That mentality works, and helps guys understand how to read interest levels. But someone trying to shed his AFC habits may take the "no friendship" thing a bit too far and avoid all or most friendshipy interaction between him and the girl he's seeing. For example, a guy who previously texted and chatted with girls too much recognizes his mistake, and will keep texting to the bare minimum. He wants to pick up his phone and send a friendly text about some inane random topic, but stops himself because that is what he would text his friends - not a girl he was trying to attract. It's not a bad discipline for many reasons, but over time it can be an obstacle preventing a relationship from growing into something deeper.

A DJ lesson is to keep a relationship as a minor part of your life, and the AFC will take it to the extreme because he has a history of giving his GF too much power over him. He may be afraid to open up, get too attached, or let his AFCness leak out, so he builds up a wall. He stops seeing a relationship as "friends with benefits" because his relationships are now strictly sexual. He will work to suppress any feelings he may get, because he knows it's in his best interest.
But the next step is learning how to open up, let some of the walls down, and understand that he can have an enjoyable friendship with a girl he is sleeping with. Sexual attraction is very important, but guys shouldn't be afraid to let it grow into something deeper. That growth is what makes a relationship last longer.

I'm guilty of that myself, and have a hard time with it. It's something i've been working on.

On mother-F-ing point! We, and myself especially, tend to go towards extremes. The middle ground is best, especially if you're looking for a LTR.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Captain55, I think this has a lot to do with how you manage the relationship. My GF and I have been dating 6mos, exclusive for 3, and I still make her as wet as the day we met. Why?
- I only see her 2-3x per week most weeks. Sometimes only once... never more that 4 times. That's about to change as she is staying with me Wed-Sun this week for the holiday, but most of the time, I don't see her days in a row. Why?
- I am busy. I have sh!t going on all the time and I don't include her in all of it. I am traveling for work, riding my motorcycle, working in my yard, watching football with the boys. I have too much to do for her to be following me around.
- I don't tell her too much. I am still reserved with my words and I don't account to her for my whereabouts all the time. We established this very...

EXCELLENT. +1

EDIT: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to MOTU again.



I wrote this a while ago and still stand by it. OP, You must have missed it:

Women want to be led by a man not chased around by a boy. They base their actions on emotions; not logic. This is why you will never win an argument with her: you must appeal to her feelings. When she acts up; withdraw attention. When she behaves; reward her sparingly and intermittently. COVERT COMMUNICATION IS KEY. She knows she is irrational and will forever test your strength to make sure your integrity is not compromised. She wants to feel your masculine energy push back against her. Always remain the immovable oak tree in the face of a hurricane. The more you act like a cool, calm, secure, self-assured man the more she will be an adoring, love-sick, feminine woman.

Pay attention to what she does, not what she says. Start dominating her instead of asking her permission or reassurance. Grab her hand and tell her where you are going. She is a guest in your world and you will continue on with or without her. She wants it that way. Never lose your frame. Never overly talk about your feelings or get emotional; that is for women. You are a man. Never take advice from ANY women on how to treat women: they do not know what makes them tick. Be hot and cold, push and pull, don't text back right away or at all all the time. Look her dead in the eyes and say something outrageous. Tease her. Challenge her. Push her out of her comfort zone. Keep her guessing. Keep her wondering. Never supplicate. Make it known that you have options. NEVER forget who the prize is.

The more you can take her on an emotional roller coaster (happiness, anger, wonder, dread, relief) the more she will become addicted and attracted to you. The more she will think about you and desire you. The more she will "love" you. It's not about money, looks, or what you do for a living. She may ideally want those in a man but they are completely irrelevant if she is not attracted to you. LUST IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVE. Women want excitement, they want drama, they want unpredictability, they want to FEEL. Make them jump through hoops for you THEN show her you appreciate her. They don't want everything handed to them on a platter. WOMEN WANT TO EARN YOUR LOVE. THEY WANT TO FEEL THERE IS SOMETHING MORE TO CHASE...FOREVER. It is ingrained in their DNA. Give them that opportunity by being the intoxicating confident jerk with a sprinkle of nice guy here and there. Open then door for her and slap her on the @ss as she walks through. Bring her to the verge of deeming you uncatchable and then do something sweet for reassurance time and time again. Don't be afraid to show her you like her every once in a while. Always do things she may appreciate without expecting anything in return. Always make her believe the best is yet to come.

She will be yours forever.

 

[hudpes]

Accept that relationships, like everything else, are subject to change, it grows and grows old. It is impossible to keep the feeling of the first date, or first sex for years, it changes and if it changes right it becomes not more of a routine, or more boring, but rather it becomes, more polished and deeper. An Indy race car driver doesn't get bored with the boring looking track, doing circle after circle after circle... there are challenges on the circle and within himself, and you, banging the same girl for months or years... it's the same one girl, same vagina, same oohs and ahhs, but each time, it's slightly different, you both are in different states of mind each time, you change constantly and therefore, sex is not the same even twice. You can't keep the same attraction, you can either lose it, or keep deepening it.

 

[El Payaso]

She should be the one trying to maintain attraction after 6 months. She should be the one worried about losing you. The moment you start getting worried or afraid of losing her attraction is when your inner AFC will break out and manifest in the form of AFC actions e.g. getting needy, becoming supplicating and such.

However, if you realize that attraction is not a permanent basis and is something that comes and goes in a relationship, your inner core will be very strong. If you notice a drop in her attraction, you won't flinch. You'll just go on about your life like you're not even fazed.

Ironically, this behavior will only drive her attraction up for you ten-fold. If she realizes that you don't care if she leaves you. If she realizes that you can replace her like a light bulb, she will hold on to you for dear life.

As a man, you have to realize that you cannot control people's emotions or feelings. You cannot control the events that occur around you. You can only control you reaction to them. Be confident in the fact that a woman can leave you at the drop of a hat. Be confident that even if she says you're a sex god (in the moment), she will think you're worthless scumbag the next minute. The sooner you realize the better off you will be.

 

[captain55]

EXCELLENT. +1

EDIT: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to MOTU again.



I wrote this a while ago and still stand by it. OP, You must have missed it:

Women want to be led by a man not chased around by a boy. They base their actions on emotions; not logic. This is why you will never win an argument with her: you must appeal to her feelings. When she acts up; withdraw attention. When she behaves; reward her sparingly and intermittently. COVERT COMMUNICATION IS KEY. She knows she is irrational and will forever test your strength to make sure your integrity is not compromised. She wants to feel your masculine energy push back against her. Always remain the immovable oak tree in the face of a hurricane. The more you act like a cool, calm, secure, self-assured man the more she will be an adoring, love-sick, feminine woman.

Pay attention to what she does, not what she says. Start dominating her instead of asking her permission or reassurance. Grab her hand and tell her where you are going. She is a guest in your world and you will continue on with or without her. She wants it that way. Never lose your frame. Never overly talk about your feelings or get emotional; that is for women. You are a man. Never take advice from ANY women on how to treat women: they do not know what makes them tick. Be hot and cold, push and pull, don't text back right away or at all all the time. Look her dead in the eyes and say something outrageous. Tease her. Challenge her. Push her out of her comfort zone. Keep her guessing. Keep her wondering. Never supplicate. Make it known that you have options. NEVER forget who the prize is.

The more you can take her on an emotional roller coaster (happiness, anger, wonder, dread, relief) the more she will become addicted and attracted to you. The more she will think about you and desire you. The more she will "love" you. It's not about money, looks, or what you do for a living. She may ideally want those in a man but they are completely irrelevant if she is not attracted to you. LUST IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LOVE. Women want excitement, they want drama, they want unpredictability, they want to FEEL. Make them jump through hoops for you THEN show her you appreciate her. They don't want everything handed to them on a platter. WOMEN WANT TO EARN YOUR LOVE. THEY WANT TO FEEL THERE IS SOMETHING MORE TO CHASE...FOREVER. It is ingrained in their DNA. Give them that opportunity by being the intoxicating confident jerk with a sprinkle of nice guy here and there. Open then door for her and slap her on the @ss as she walks through. Bring her to the verge of deeming you uncatchable and then do something sweet for reassurance time and time again. Don't be afraid to show her you like her every once in a while. Always do things she may appreciate without expecting anything in return. Always make her believe the best is yet to come.

She will be yours forever.

Most normal women play games to test men yes but many times it's the girl subconsciously try to push the guy away.

Take the last chick I dated for example, legitimate 8.5. But she had huge daddy issues and even admitted to me that she figured since her dad walked out on her no man would want her.

How do you keep a chick like this? The answer is you can't...because the only way she will respect you is if you walk away. LOL you can only play games for so long before you drive yourself crazy bro. Lets say you do pull it off and do EVERYTHING right, what do you think is going to happen when a year goes by? The chick is gonna realize your still with her and probably not going anywhere.

Your advice is solid but only applies to women who think they deserve a quality guy.

 

[skinnyguy]

Why maintain attraction that long? After a couple of dates/fvcks I'm usually done with the girl. At least the ones I date nowadays. I believe there are relationship types out there but I never meet them, or they're married.

 

[captain55]

Why maintain attraction that long? After a couple of dates/fvcks I'm usually done with the girl. At least the ones I date nowadays. I believe there are relationship types out there but I never meet them, or they're married.

Your either foolish or insecure/afraid of being dumped. You can only improve yourself so much, eventually you peak....and at some point you will meet a girl who you will never be able to do better than. Your not going to be able to keep upgrading forever.

 

[JoeMarron]

You have no clue what your talking about. The more attractive a woman is the less likely she is to have sex outside a relationship anyways so your going to have to commit to these woman in one way or another if you want to get in their pants at some point..at least to a degree.
Secondly the most attractive women usually don't date men equal to them in the looks apartment because they like to be the pretty one in the relationship. I would go as far to say that if your a 7/10 guy you have just as good of a chance at getting a 9 or 10 then an 8. This is based on real world experience and I'm sure a lot of guys will agree with me.

I'm not just talking about looks. Pretty much anyone who knows how game works will tell you that women want their man to be of higher value than they are. You want to date a woman who looks up to you, who can't imagine doing any better than you, who thinks you're the best man in the universe. If that 7/10 guy is more confident than most dudes, more socially savvy than most dudes, more masculine than most dudes then yes he can date a 10 no problem. If not then yes, he won't be able to maintain attraction because a 10 will have a ton of better options.

Take the last chick I dated for example, legitimate 8.5. But she had huge daddy issues and even admitted to me that she figured since her dad walked out on her no man would want her.

How do you keep a chick like this? The answer is you can't...because the only way she will respect you is if you walk away.

Exactly. This is also a factor in how long the relationship will last. Don't even bother dating women with these types of issues.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Most normal women play games to test men yes but many times it's the girl subconsciously try to push the guy away.

Take the last chick I dated for example, legitimate 8.5. But she had huge daddy issues and even admitted to me that she figured since her dad walked out on her no man would want her.

How do you keep a chick like this? The answer is you can't...because the only way she will respect you is if you walk away. LOL you can only play games for so long before you drive yourself crazy bro. Lets say you do pull it off and do EVERYTHING right, what do you think is going to happen when a year goes by? The chick is gonna realize your still with her and probably not going anywhere.

Your advice is solid but only applies to women who think they deserve a quality guy.

She most likely suffers from abandonment issues and may be comparable to a BPD. Therefor - remain detached and treat her like dirt until you want off the crazy train.

Typically these girls associate the feeling of "love" with longing and pain - the same way she feels about one of her parents who sh!t on her. The only way to keep them interested is to push them away unfortunately. They will be addicted to you like crack no matter how much she complains about you not loving her and blah blah blah. As soon as she thinks she's got you or she sees the door opening to a healthy, balanced, future: Longing and pain disappears and so does her "love."

Stay away from chicks like this - they are typically hot, freaks in bed, and will make you feel like a GOD. UNTIL, you start reciprocating her feelings like a normal man would need to in order to keep a NORMAL chick around for an LTR post sex/dating.

The Highs with these types of girls are not worth the lows associated with her unaccountability, irresponsibility, manipulation, attention whoring, pvssy whoring, childish, emotionally charged abominable behavior she self destructively vomits in order to fill the giant gaping void in her black soul.

See passed the hot pvssy and you'll spot the signs from a mile away.

 

[captain55]

She most likely suffers from abandonment issues and may be comparable to a BPD. Therefor - remain detached and treat her like dirt until you want off the crazy train.

Typically these girls associate the feeling of "love" with longing and pain - the same way she feels about one of her parents who sh!t on her. The only way to keep them interested is to push them away unfortunately. They will be addicted to you like crack no matter how much she complains about you not loving her and blah blah blah. As soon as she thinks she's got you or she sees the door opening to a healthy, balanced, future: Longing and pain disappears and so does her "love."

Stay away from chicks like this - they are typically hot, freaks in bed, and will make you feel like a GOD. UNTIL, you start reciprocating her feelings like a normal man would need to in order to keep a NORMAL chick around for an LTR post sex/dating.

The Highs with these types of girls are not worth the lows associated with her unaccountability, irresponsibility, manipulation, attention whoring, pvssy whoring, childish, emotionally charged abominable behavior she self destructively vomits in order to fill the giant gaping void in her black soul.

See passed the hot pvssy and you'll spot the signs from a mile away.

HAHA I'm impressed. She actually did turn out to BPD...went from wanting to marry me to "falling out of love with me" in the time zone of three weeks. I've come to the conclusion that while being a sociopath may protect you against the toxic tortures a borderline brings to a man's life, it still won't keep her from cheating on you. Is there any way to keep a borderline loyal in a long term relationship? That is a question I ask myself on a regular basis. Obviously they never cheat in the honeymoon phase because they're too infatuated with you, their new "toy"

 

[GS750]

BPD's are all about the chase man. Once they know that they have you, they lose interest. They are head cases no doubt. Amplify chick drama/manipulation/emotional behavior x 10 and there you go. They create drama wherever they go because chaos makes them feel like they are feeling "something" whereas most of the time they feel nothing. They are huge attention wh0res and emotional basketcases. I swear I have never seen anything like it before, and I hope never to again.

To answer your question...keeping a BPD in a LTR. Damn you'd have to be on your game 110% of the time. They are usually very bright and are master manipulators. Know when to pull away, know when to re-engage, know when to be nice, when to treat her like sh*t, keep one foot out the door at all times. You'd have to be a narcissistic a**hole to do it. Plus you'd have to possess the patience of mother Theresa to keep yourself from going insane from her antics. Sounds like a sh*t ton of work.

 

[bukowski_merit]

For a casual (FB) relationship - I think 6 months is more accurate. And it's not really getting bored - it's more or less - they'll start pushing for something more or will eject at that point (not all; but most.)

For a LTR - I think the 2 year mark is a little more accurate.

These are generelizations based on my own experiences. Which, is a limited sample size (as all our sample sizes will be limited.)

 

[BraddH]

Seems to me that hotter the woman is the sluttier she is, its always amazed me. Sex is a more obvious priority and goal in their life.



You're pretty dense, did you ever consider WHY this site tells people to spin plates? Read the Bible.

By the way, do you guys have any idea what slut means? Having a lot of sex does not mean that one is a slut.

 

[playa99]

JoeMarron has it bang on the money!

Women want a high value man, period. Not just looks, the WHOLE package.

If your trying to date women who you view as 'higher value' than you, are you not pedestalizing them?

As the leader of the relation ship and a man you should be high value to a woman, this is the key to keeping them.

For one night stands and casual flings you can be lower value and just be attractive but for LTR's women look for high value. I have never been an ONS type of guy because I plain and simple value myself to highly to waste time having meaningless sex with someone I wont see again.

I would rather date and weed out the sh!tty girls!

A relationship can be maintained more than 6 months, millions of people are living proof of that, stop being ridiculous, improve yourself and get the hotter chicks cause you are the MAN who deserves it!