I don't think maintaining attraction beyond 6 months is possible

[captain55]

Unless you are a good few points above the women you are dating and she knows she can't do better..., but since we are don juans we should always be dating a girl above us in looks and status anyways so that is irrelevant.

In my experience no matter how well you bang a chick , no matter how much better you were or bigger you were than her ex, no matter how hard she falls in love with you she will get bored and attraction will drop off around 4-6 months. In fact I would say the MORE physically attracted to you she was in the beginning the quicker she will lose the attraction. Pay attention to the relationships that last the longest....its usually guys who started out as non threats..just friends with the girl.

All this talk about maintaing attraction, keeping her chasing you is just going to be an uphill battle past the first few months. You'll know when its time to bounce and leave her....and at that point you can either put your ego aside and stay in the relationship to bang her a couple more weeks until she loses interest in you.... or dump her before she dumps you.

Im not saying keeping a chick in a relationship after the attraction has dropped a bit isn't possible...Im just saying I don't think its worth it unless she is wayyy out of your league and you know you won't do better.

 

[dasein]

Past the physical part, attraction is a measure of what extent she believes you are a man of higher value than her that she can never fully have or control. There is a tightrope to walk here, because if she believes you are so far above her and subject to no control whatsoever, she will implode, begin to resent and behave badly.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Yes, but most people here are dating the worst type of girls. Most of the good american girls are taken by high school.

 

[Starfvcks 64]

Pay attention to the relationships that last the longest....its usually guys who started out as non threats..just friends with the girl.

Thinking about it, you have a good point. Except I don't think it's guys who started as "friends" but guys who brought more of a friendshippy rapport into the relationship. There is a lot to be said about that, and I can see why it can be confusing. I've been thinking about this recently:

A lot of guys believe being a good "friend" will lead to being a good boyfriend, and get confused when the girl they are friends with doesn't feel anything deeper towards them. So DJ advice is to pursue women for sex, and let a relationship build from there. That means, don't waste time being friends with a girl, and go for what you want early on. That mentality works, and helps guys understand how to read interest levels. But someone trying to shed his AFC habits may take the "no friendship" thing a bit too far and avoid all or most friendshipy interaction between him and the girl he's seeing. For example, a guy who previously texted and chatted with girls too much recognizes his mistake, and will keep texting to the bare minimum. He wants to pick up his phone and send a friendly text about some inane random topic, but stops himself because that is what he would text his friends - not a girl he was trying to attract. It's not a bad discipline for many reasons, but over time it can be an obstacle preventing a relationship from growing into something deeper.

A DJ lesson is to keep a relationship as a minor part of your life, and the AFC will take it to the extreme because he has a history of giving his GF too much power over him. He may be afraid to open up, get too attached, or let his AFCness leak out, so he builds up a wall. He stops seeing a relationship as "friends with benefits" because his relationships are now strictly sexual. He will work to suppress any feelings he may get, because he knows it's in his best interest.
But the next step is learning how to open up, let some of the walls down, and understand that he can have an enjoyable friendship with a girl he is sleeping with. Sexual attraction is very important, but guys shouldn't be afraid to let it grow into something deeper. That growth is what makes a relationship last longer.

I'm guilty of that myself, and have a hard time with it. It's something i've been working on.

 

[yoyoing]

Of course it is possible to maintain strong attraction beyond 6 months. The key is not too move too fast and wait to move in etc.
Also having sex 1-2 times a week no more with build up in between is grate way to keep more sexual tension in the relationship.
With one girl we had more attractio-better sex more then 2 years on the relationship ...

 

[jurry]

It seems clear from the words you are using that you are looking at this as effort and a project to maintain, a longer term relationship (or any relationship really) should not feel like that.

Who cares if shes attracted or not, bang other girls or do something else you enjoy. If it fizzles out it fizzles out, you shouldnt be forcing it or trying to make it last, reeks of desperation. I like starfvcks points above, relax and dont worry so much about it.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I know a man in his late 50s/early 60s who obstinately stands by a personal rule of his to not date a girl for longer than three months because by the three month mark, according to him, they become either too expensive or too annoying, sometimes both. Once the relationship reaches the three month point, he burns it to the ground - always - regardless of how well it may be going.

His philosophy, like yours, really only makes more sense if you truly subscribe to an abundant mentality. In fact, it may even fuel it all the better since you believe attraction within the context of any relationship will wax and wane within a rather short period of time, relatively speaking, so you know that you'll have to be constantly juggling plates, thus improving your game immeasurably too, presumably. When I first read your post, I could only see a bleak outlook reflected back at me, but I'm not so sure now that I've thought about it a little more - "tragically optimistic", I might call it.

 

[crazyboy]

well the friend zone dont exist it just inaction from men that put them "there" But after you past the initial game of dating in your in actual relationship you need to build an actual relationship with that woman which going be very close to a friendship. Of course you need to have your boundaries, you need maintain the same of level attraction or even improve it, and of course not be a doormat or simp. Also you shouldnt have to force it should come naturally. If it fizzles it fizzles. You should always treat a relationship like a friendship. What I mean by that is you dont tell somebody you just met all your secrets, your fears , and your dreams. You tell a person that information as you build trust and rapport. In business we always say make a person miss your presence because if they miss your presence you know you have value. You always want to bring value and make sure she bringing what you want her to bring table as well. This how relationship last. Also control things you can control if she feeling some type of way and nothing you can do about it. Move on.

 

[foreverAFC]

i think its possible but only if you are psychopath who is able to play enough headgames with her to keep her preoccupied, for most regular guys its pretty hard

 

[Meisterman]

i think its possible but only if you are psychopath who is able to play enough headgames with her to keep her preoccupied, for most regular guys its pretty hard

Yes, at some point the game becomes so "hard" that you're better off just walking away. Paradoxically, it is the man who is willing to walk away that is most likely to secure a plate longer than 6 months.

So there you go. Detach, be outcome independent, drop her from your life and move on, and if she still pursues it then continue to fu*k her.

Sometimes randomly I'll just delete a girl's number and contact from my phone for no apparent reason, when things are going great and focus on other things. If she messages me again (which she always does), I'll reply of course but it's just a way to practice self control, detachment, discipline, and patience. If she's not doing most of the chasing, I'm not interested anyway.

 

[Comatozed]

I'm sorry but no.

I have seen first hand almost all my friends and family be in LTRs way longer than 6 months.

This site is so cynical at times.

 

[captain55]

I'm sorry but no.

I have seen first hand almost all my friends and family be in LTRs way longer than 6 months.

This site is so cynical at times.

You didn't even read the thread. First off your talking about the transition from compassionate love to romantic. Bottom line is women get bored with monogomy quicker than men when it comes to sex and if she thinks she can do better she will leave unless your willing to play head games with her like another person said. This is just something guys need to accept if they're going to date highly desirable.women. and if your hotter than the chick your dating or pursuing your doing it wrong a real dj always dates up

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Usually I just go with the flow when it comes to relationships and seriously I think that's the best way to do it. Enjoy it for what it is and enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Of course if you really love the woman you're with you'll put some effort into the relationship and try to steer it into the right direction and that's really all you can do, really all you should do. If you're doing that and she still loses interest in you after 6 months, then either your game isn't tight enough or she just wasn't long-term relationship material for you. Whatever, just move on. Your life is about you, not her. Women come and go, but you got to live with yourself for the rest of your life. I know that sounds cliche as ****, but it's true.

With the above mindset I've had relationships ranging in length from merely 2 months (my shortest relationship) to 2 years (my longest).

EDIT: I'd like to add that when it comes to long-term relationships, you still need to keep your game tight. The game never ends guys. But that doesn't mean you should let the game consume you. If you see it as work or as a hassle you're doing it wrong and you've got to take a step back. In the end, game can only get you so far, being a decent human being who has something going for himself and who actually cares about the woman he's with will get you a lot further. I fully believe that if you want to find a life-long partner who you can stay with for the rest of your life, you need both game and a heart and keep both in top condition. Keep the game on, but never forget that the woman you're with is also just a human being with her own needs and feelings.

 

[LMFAO]

I've never had a relationship longer than 6 months. The later girl I had I banged her sometimes 8 days in a row. At one point she complaint she couldn't walk straight. Overdid it and saw her too often :yes:

 

[MOTU]

Captain55, I think this has a lot to do with how you manage the relationship. My GF and I have been dating 6mos, exclusive for 3, and I still make her as wet as the day we met. Why?
- I only see her 2-3x per week most weeks. Sometimes only once... never more that 4 times. That's about to change as she is staying with me Wed-Sun this week for the holiday, but most of the time, I don't see her days in a row. Why?
- I am busy. I have sh!t going on all the time and I don't include her in all of it. I am traveling for work, riding my motorcycle, working in my yard, watching football with the boys. I have too much to do for her to be following me around.
- I don't tell her too much. I am still reserved with my words and I don't account to her for my whereabouts all the time. We established this very early on, that I don't play 20 questions.
- I never, ever complain to her about anything or tell her about things I worry about. I have my buddies for that.
- I keep the sex fresh, fvck her six ways to Sunday. Tie her up, fvck her face, whatever. And sometimes, I'll even refuse her sex: "no, we only have 30 minutes and that's not enough for me. Come over tomorrow after work when I can fvck you right". It drives her crazy. It's my view that in an LTR sex quality is far more important than quantity.
- I have progressed very slowly and deliberately with her, and stayed focused on ME more that WE. Don't get me wrong, we have progressed, just and a slow pace. I don't go around telling her I lover her all the time, I don't text her 100 times a day (though I do text her every day) or other needy sh!t like that. She doesn't have a key to my house and I still INVITE her to the stuff I want her to do with me, so it's not assumed she can just be around. I still go to the gym, play open mics, etc, do the stuff I like to do.
- We operated in MY frame all of the time. I call the shots, I tease her, play with her, don't take her too seriously.

So I don't think attraction has to die fast, you CAN keep it alive by doing the things that made her attracted to you in the first place.

Now, if you were too say that attraction is hard to maintain after six months of living together, THAT I would agree with!

 

[JoeMarron]

but since we are don juans we should always be dating a girl above us in looks and status anyways so that is irrelevant.

There's your problem. It doesn't make any sense to be in a relationship with a girl who has more value than you.

 

[captain55]

There's your problem. It doesn't make any sense to be in a relationship with a girl who has more value than you.

You have no clue what your talking about. The more attractive a woman is the less likely she is to have sex outside a relationship anyways so your going to have to commit to these woman in one way or another if you want to get in their pants at some point..at least to a degree.
Secondly the most attractive women usually don't date men equal to them in the looks apartment because they like to be the pretty one in the relationship. I would go as far to say that if your a 7/10 guy you have just as good of a chance at getting a 9 or 10 then an 8. This is based on real world experience and I'm sure a lot of guys will agree with me.

 

[Jaylan]

You didn't even read the thread. First off your talking about the transition from compassionate love to romantic. Bottom line is women get bored with monogomy quicker than men when it comes to sex and if she thinks she can do better she will leave unless your willing to play head games with her like another person said. This is just something guys need to accept if they're going to date highly desirable.women. and if your hotter than the chick your dating or pursuing your doing it wrong a real dj always dates up

Lol women get bored with monogamy quicker? Do you realize what site you are on? For the most part SS and many other seduction websites preach spinning plates and not living monogamously.

anyways I think the reality is that it depends on the individual how well they do with monogamy. But this idea that men are so much better with monogamy than women is silly.

 

[Epimanes]

If you want good advice for long term relationship stuff... Married man sex life is where its at. Pick up stuff is shirt term and provides no relationship comfort for the long haul. You have to create a balance of beta and alpha traits or it just won't last.

Ask me how I know.

Epi

 

[Jaylan]

Pair. Reading comprehension is your friend. The point of my post was that neither gender is more or less monogamous than the other nowadays. Both men and women are struggling out there trying to find decent mates.