"I don't think it's a good idea"

[Digitz]

Hey guys,

I left my work recently and had flirted with a colleague of mine for just about the entire time I was there (2 years). She always had a boyfriend and I was always with someone so it never amounted to anything until we got drinks the other night the week after I left.
We sat down together and caught up at my local bar and were treated like royalty basically. She told me she had just broken up with her boyfriend and we continued to have a great time and went home together.
Right after the first round she said something along the likes of "I know this isn't what you want to hear but I'm going to regret this tomorrow." Okay, whatever we had sex a few more times and then I took her home the next morning.

I texted her some joke making fun or her today and also to say let's grab a drink this week. She responded saying " Haha while last week was fun and all...i just think it wasn't a good idea" which I responded to as I was just saying let's hang out, relax basically. She says "okay just making sure."

Wondering what you guys think as I do want to keep it going with this girl. She's smart and sexy as hell; possible reasons why she would want to put the brakes on is that she's indian and I'm a white guy. You think I just keep playing coy and keep working game until it's done or forget it.

Cheers

 

[Die Hard]

Your wish to find a girl who you can settle down with, is messing with you.

I'm not gonna expand on that. I know you can connect the dots, being an SS member for over 10 years and all.

 

[Digitz]

I read you loud and clear. Thanks brotha

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Digitz,


For some reason, how you've just reported on your experiences with this girl, she comes across as a little too comfortable, in-control, and self-satisfied for MY tastes. I think she's in TOTAL control of what happens between the two of you------and she KNOWS it.

Review the scenario and tell me if I'm right or wrong.


If you believe I may be right about her, then here's my quick assessment of the situation:

I believe that if you REALLY want to snatch the rug out from under her, throw her off her game, and shake up her preconceived ideas------------you'd make plans to meet up with her again and treat her more like a "coworker" again and LESS like a potential love connection.

Now that could be a risky move, but it "could" pay off BIG TIME depending on just how much passionate interest she really has in you.

Again, one of the problems here may be that she thinks she KNOWS who you are, what you're about, AND what you "really" want (which is....HER). I also believe that she consciously or subconsciously is under the assumption that she did YOU a favor by hooking up with you-----rather than it being a true mutual desire for each of you.

If possible, your mission, should you choose to accept it, should be to SHOW her that hooking up with her the other night was actually no big deal to YOU.

Let HER be the one stressing over what YOU think. Let HER be the one wondering if YOU thought hooking up that night was something that YOU regretted. Let HER be the one posting threads on Internet message boards asking for advice on how to get with YOU----rather than the other way around.

And notice what I said at the BEGINNING of that ranting paragraph above:

I said SHOW her, not "tell" her.

Why? Because she won't believe it otherwise.

Here's some Hardcore Truth for you:

You've probably only got a less than 50-50 chance of actually flipping that script that she's got running around in her head. BUT----if you take her out and act the complete opposite of hungry, horny, and HOT for her, you could knock her off her imaginary pedestal of power that I believe she's standing on.

You'll find that the MORE that you can make a woman STRESS over WHY you aren't stressing over HER----then the better position you'll be in in order to SEIZE control over any future interactions that you may have with her.




V.U.

 

[The Duke]

Her interest isn't there. It could be she isn't over her ex boyfriend. Maybe you just don't have enough to suck her in. Who knows, that part doesn't matter.

What matters is a girl that is super interested in you won't say what this one has said. She will go out of her way to please you. This girl is trying to control the speed and direction of this relationship because she is nervous, uncertain, insecure about it.

I'd put her on the back burner and go find something else to occupy your time with. Come back to her at a later date. She might have a change of heart! ;-)

 

[Warrior74]

How do you know she's actually single? Probably just wanted some strange on the low low. Or she didn't like your performance, or shes just nutty. Who cares, move on.

 

[AlphaGhost]

when a women allows you to fluck her, I think you do have some sort of power.

Id suggest like the others have and just try to shake it up a bit. Stop talking to her, go NC, spin plates. Get her thinking "what he just flucked me and isnt gonna speak to me no more" or she'll never speak to you again, which there is nothing wrong with that.

Either way you won. Don't go crazy for her cause then you'll lose.

My theory: If you treat a bird right, and leave the cage open it'll fly back, if not let that bird fly... that what birds are suppose to do.

So convenient calling some of these broads birds lol

 

[Alvafe]

say if he would answers I also think its not a good idea, but let me decide later" would be a good line or way off?

he did **** her so i'm taking this as a buyer regret or a play to cehck how much interest he have on her, you guys think I'm taking this of right?

@diehard can I ask next time you explain better new guys can get lost here you know

 

[betheman]

... She told me she had just broken up with her boyfriend and we continued to have a great time and went home together.
Right after the first round she said something along the likes of "I know this isn't what you want to hear but I'm going to regret this tomorrow." Okay, whatever we had sex a few more times and then I took her home the next morning.

I suspect "broken up with her boyfriend" actually meant, they had a big fight, she has always fancied fvucking you and maybe wanted to get back at him...oh and "I know this isn't what you want to hear but I'm going to regret this tomorrow." she was right but she knew the deal, you didnt

 

[Die Hard]

@diehard can I ask next time you explain better new guys can get lost here you know

Okay. Well, this situation isn't really that complicated, you know? The woman is sending out contradictory signals:

1. She has sex with him all night long, but at the same time she says she doesn't want to (not literally, but her line about how she is gonna regret it, comes down to the same thing. Coz if she knows she is gonna regret it, then why does she do it? In other words: she wants to do it but at the same time she does NOT want to do it)
2. She says their first meeting was a bad idea, but at the same time she agrees to meet up a second time (while she knows damn well that his intentions are exactly the same as during their first meeting)

So far, she is going along with him, no matter what her words say. She acts like she doesn't want to have sex, but then proceeds to have sex... She acts like she doesn't want to meet a second time, but then proceeds to meet up a second time...

More of this contradicting bullsh!t will surely follow (my God, women are tiresome!). But as long as she DOES what you want, why should you care about what she SAYS?
If she had backed her negative words up with actions, then Digitz would have reason to worry. Like, if she got up from his bed and went home before he was able to fvck her... Or if she had refused to meet up a second time...

So there is nothing to be really worried about so far, is there? Then why is Digitz so worried, to the point where he opens a thread about it and asks us for help?
Sure, if he was a total AFC who knows nothing about women and the game, I could understand... But he's been a member here for over 10 years, he's not some ignorant fool. Look at a quote by him from another thread:

I'm 27 and have been playing the field for a long time now.

It doesn't make any sense for such an experienced guy to be worried in a situation like this or be unsure how to handle a situation like this. But I'll show you the full quote now:

I'm 27 and have been playing the field for a long time now. I've had my fill and would eventually like to get with someone that fits.

And that's where the problem lies... If you are just going for sex with women, then you won't expect more than that from them and won't get emotionally attached to them. After practicing this for a while, you become good at it. I'm sure Digitz has fvcked quite a few women without expecting more from them and was able to stay emotionally detached from them.

But now he's had his fill of that. He doesn't just want to fvck women anymore, he would like to find one he can connect with and allow himself to bond with. That's okay. In fact, it's wonderful! But only if you pick the right woman to do this with and are able to handle yourself in a relationship...

But I think Digitz' wish to do this, is getting the better of him. He wants it a little too much and this puts him in a weak position in relation to the women he meets. Before, all he wanted was fun but now he wants a fulfilling relationship... Well, if you get your hopes up high, your potential for disappointment will also become bigger. And when the potential for disappointment becomes bigger, you are inclined to act with more caution, coz you don't want to fvck up. You start to doubt your own actions, you start overanalyzing things etc. etc.

Basically, this is the same problem AFC's run into. They think of women as divine creatures, put them on a pedestal...and that's why they act cautiously, they don't want to fvck up! In other words, they are outcome-dependant... This puts them in a weak position in relation to the women they meet.
Because of this attitude, an AFC has basically handed the frame over to a woman even before he meets her. The moment they start their negotiations, he already starts from a weak position (any romantic interaction between men and women is nothing but a business negotiation, from beginning to end.)

Obviously, Digitz is not an AFC. But the same principle applies: Generally, he is putting more value on women now that he is looking for a fulfilling relationship, compared to when he was just looking for fun. That's why he acts more cautious and gets worried about things easier.
His wish to find a good woman with whom he can have a fulfilling relationship had grown out of control and was affecting his behavior and judgment. He needed to realize this and get it back under control.

This doesn't mean he has to GIVE UP on the wish or ERASE the wish. He just needs to keep it under control, instead of IT taking control of HIM! He should just keep meeting women and keep screening them to see if they are good material for a fulfilling relationship. But there's a big difference between wanting a fulfilling relationship and needing a fulfilling relationship. He was meeting and screening women from the 'I need' attitude, while he should meet and screen them from the 'I want' attitude.

I hope that is enough explanation for you, Alvafe

 

[Alvafe]

thanks mate, pretty good one