i dont know what to do. i really need advice

[theinbornmechanics]

hello everyone. i'll make this sad and disturbing story as brief and to the point as possible.

I used to work with this girl. (rotation work 20 days straight work then 7 days off). It was clear that we both liked each other. I left that job quick for a better offer though and i never got the chance to get her number. (only worked there for a week). But she got my number from a friend of mine after i left and she contacted me. i was very happy to hear from her. So we started texting a lot. and we soon went out on our days off from work. The date went great. it was crazy actually. we were all over eachother. she soon told me that i was all hers and that she told her parents about me already as well. she also said that she would be so proud to be my gf etc.. she said a lot of things i cant forget. she ended up coming over that night but we didn't have sex because she said she was having a period. i didn't believe her but i liked her so much i didn't care. i didn't even want to bang her on the first night. i didn't want her to think i just wanted her for sex because i didnt. her family is very traditional too. she is native american.

weeks went by after the date. we spoke everyday almost. sweet texts etc. it was going great.

At one point i got very sick of my new job and wanted to fly home to see my family and friends for a bit. (i had been away from home for over a year). i told her this and thats where things started to get strange... she started posting memes on facebook like "i wont delete you, ill leave you there to see how happy i am without you" etc... texts became fewer and far between until it got to a point where she let me hang for 2 weeks with no reply.. At this point i was back home "relaxing" and tending to my homesickness. We started texting again because she texted me outta the blue and it was like before again. (She never told me she was seeing anyone else even though she was). she kept asking me when i was coming back. i told her within the month.
a couple days before my flight back to her city and my job, she posts on facebook how she is expecting a baby. and posts about her new boyfriend (she wasnt even on this scum bags friend list because he was having multiple affairs with other girls and wanted to hide her). he had a couple other children with a few of these other girls. clearly the guy was playing her.

This girl only had 1 boyfriend before me. And i cant help but think that she chose this other guy because i made her feel unimportant by leaving and wanted revenge..she must have thought that she didnt mean anything to me and chose someone else to forget me. whats worse is that the girl got pregnant by this guy fast.. and whats even worse, is that the loser who got her pregnant died soon after the pregnancy news. i didnt know him, but he looked like he used some hard drugs like meth, coke and lots of booze. its not out of the question that he commit suicide or binged on drugs when he heard the news about the new pregnancy.

so what i cant figure out, is if i owe this girl something. did i create a butterfly effect of pain in her life? i dont think she would chose anyone else if i never left for home. i hurt for her now and she doesn't even know. i still feel that what we had was pure.. she did something very immature and stupid but i know she has a good heart. she didnt deserve this.
if you were in my place would you feel guilt? why do i feel so guilty for the way her life got ruined? how do i get over it?

i need advice and i havent had the guts to tell anyone about this. i havent even confronted her about anything. its been months and i cant let it all go. what should i do?

 

[Desdinova]

You're going to learn one very important thing from this experience...

i didn't even want to bang her on the first night. i didn't want her to think i just wanted her for sex because i didnt.

When women are highly interested in someone, they don't think about stuff like getting used for sex. You were too much of a "nice guy" and treated her like a friend instead of a lover. Now here's your lesson...

This girl only had 1 boyfriend before me. And i cant help but think that she chose this other guy because i made her feel unimportant by leaving and wanted revenge..she must have thought that she didnt mean anything to me and chose someone else to forget me. whats worse is that the girl got pregnant by this guy fast.

If you're not going to fvck her, somebody else will.

Learn and move on.

Also, scroll to the bottom of the page, click on the link that says "DJ Bible" and READ. Your eyes shall be opened.

 

[piranha45]

You're psyche/mindset seems completely beta (submissive) male. If you want to embrace being a beta male, by not changing your entire mentality towards females, you've come to the wrong place.

If you want to improve your sexual psychology and deal with this situation and all others in the future as an alpha (dominant) male, read that DJ bible as Desdinova said. To summarize a certain portion that pertains to your situation... you need to embrace selfishness and objectify women. They're sex objects.

As already mentioned in the above post, you could have handled the situation better for yourself and gained some fun+sex off this girl.

But whether you adversely affected this girl's life or not, is of no concern to you. You owe her nothing.

 

[ucde]

Hello friend.

I feel for you. This is a slightly more dramatic version of what I have recently gone through, except in my case, I was playing the part of the girl in your story and the girl was playing your part. Here's the dynamic.

she soon told me that i was all hers and that she told her parents about me already as well. she also said that she would be so proud to be my gf etc.. she said a lot of things i cant forget.

This is a clear indicator that this person is experiencing an internal emotional escalation, such that the relationship has become very meaningful for her, very fast. Her emotional life may move more quickly than yours does, and it may be she is dealing with some heavy, intense relationship karma (past life stuff).

A person who tells you these things, if they observe that you do not respond in a slightly similar manner, is likely to rush towards other states of feeling. Attachment, love, desire, can quickly become loneliness, estrangement, and aversion -- if the person feels the feelings aren't reciprocated, and if the person is working with heavy karma.

This woman chose to get in a relationship immediately after you. That signals to me that she wasn't particularly stable and her emotional life is very rocky and turbulent (not saying that being with her would not be desirable or fulfilling for you). If a person is going through that, the only thing you can do is be there for them, nurture them...

and between us, it frankly means being almost constantly on the phone, always taking her emotional temperature, always reassuring her, always supporting her, and letting her know that "you really mean it". It sucks that there is so much insecurity that you have to step up this much, but in this case, being in any way distant or non-committal or aloof will kill your chances. Being a "DJ" is basically the worst thing a person could do in this scenario.

That's my reading, anyway. Full of my own biases, to be sure. She probably still loves you and the connection can be reactivated.

 

[Suspens]

But she got my number from a friend of mine after i left and she contacted me[great, skyhigh interst level]. i was very happy to hear from her. So we started texting a lot. and we soon went out on our days off from work. The date went great. it was crazy actually. we were all over eachother. she soon told me that i was all hers and that she told her parents about me already as well. she also said that she would be so proud to be my gf etc.. she said a lot of things i cant forget. she ended up coming over that night but we didn't have sex because she said she was having a period. i didn't believe her but i liked her so much i didn't care. i didn't even want to bang her on the first night. i didn't want her to think i just wanted her for sex because i didnt. her family is very traditional too. she is native american.

weeks went by after the date. we spoke everyday almost. sweet texts etc. it was going great.[That almost killed the sexual tension, which has been building up during all those months. ]

At one point i got very sick of my new job and wanted to fly home to see my family and friends for a bit. (i had been away from home for over a year). i told her this and thats where things started to get strange[She expected to see you again. She did indeed love you.]... she started posting memes on facebook like "i wont delete you, ill leave you there to see how happy i am without you" etc... texts became fewer and far between until it got to a point where she let me hang for 2 weeks with no reply.. At this point i was back home "relaxing" and tending to my homesickness[Cute. looks like you didn't give a F about her anyway lol]. We started texting again because she texted me outta the blue and it was like before again. (She never told me she was seeing anyone else even though she was). she kept asking me when i was coming back. i told her within the month.
a couple days before my flight back to her city and my job, she posts on facebook how she is expecting a baby. and posts about her new boyfriend (she wasnt even on this scum bags friend list because he was having multiple affairs with other girls and wanted to hide her). he had a couple other children with a few of these other girls. clearly the guy was playing her.[You were the guy who played with her, though due to your naivety and lack of experience]

This girl only had 1 boyfriend before me. And i cant help but think that she chose this other guy because i made her feel unimportant by leaving and wanted revenge[[Mos great oppurtuntuies don't wait for you forever. And once they are gone, they are gone]]..she must have thought that she didnt mean anything to me and chose someone else to forget me. whats worse is that the girl got pregnant by this guy fast.. and whats even worse, is that the loser who got her pregnant died soon after the pregnancy news. i didnt know him, but he looked like he used some hard drugs like meth, coke and lots of booze. its not out of the question that he commit suicide or binged on drugs when he heard the news about the new pregnancy. [He is dead, don't be bitter]

so what i cant figure out, is if i owe this girl something. did i create a butterfly effect of pain in her life? i dont think she would chose anyone else if i never left for home. i hurt for her now and she doesn't even know. i still feel that what we had was pure[Definitely].. she did something very immature and stupid but i know she has a good heart. she didnt deserve this.
if you were in my place would you feel guilt[Maybe slightly. But life goes on. You didn't hurt her intentionaly. Perhaps you couldn't be a great lover for her due to your life conditions at that time.]? why do i feel so guilty for the way her life got ruined? how do i get over it?[She was the only one responsible for fvcking a druggie trash.]

i need advice and i havent had the guts to tell anyone about this. i havent even confronted her about anything[wtf]. its been months and i cant let it all go. what should i do?[Don't be a confused fool next time and know what you want.]

Hope that helps.

Hello friend.

Her emotional life may move more quickly than yours does, and it may be she is dealing with some heavy, intense relationship karma (past life stuff).

You mean she was living in her second life at the time she met the mechanic?

 

[Mr_Maximus]

First of all you don't owe her anything,

Secondly, I think you kind of dodged a bullet with this one. It took you being home sick and wanting to go visit your friends and family for a bit for her to dump you and quickly get impregnated by a low life.

That speaks volumes about her character.

Move on.

 

[pyros]

yo dont owe her anything, besides your way better off without her in your life, trust me.

Go find a responsible, normal, stable woman if you're looking for a LTR, not a crazy/stupid like this one.