I don't know what to do anymore

[Splendidostring]

As of other people said, this post represents me. I'm where you are now, always wondering what life is about, taking a look at my actions, ALWAYS THINKING, my brain can't seem to go off. It's a never ending curse, only thing you can do is to boost your ego and play the mystery card then people just SENSE you're cool and that you have some sort of intelligence or personality they can't figure out so they just go along with you thinking you're some sort of HIGH individual yet it's another problem you're alone in a tower but at least people think highly of you. I got bored of playing this game though, I got lost in it. Being a sociopath is way too consuming, it takes it's toll and I don't want to be alone all my life.

 

[Frog X]

I think I know what your talking about, I get this thought pattern every now and then. I know my brother gets it aswell, where your not sure what your suppose to do with life.

The way I overcome this is to have my absolute goal. Mine is to finish my degree. Then you have your minor goals that come from your hobbies, mine are motorbikes, weights, aquariums, playing xbox, RC cars, surfing. Basically you always have something in the works, me and my brother call them our schemes haha.

If you always have things that your working towards this existentialist view that "everything is worthless" is quickly erased.

Also, the path of temporary highs (ie Drugs) is not the answer, youll end up more fvcked up in the end.

Edit: Im thinking I relate to the above post. I have to make a conscious effort to give a crap what people have to say. But believe me, once you do that you can manipulate interactions, which I know sounds exactly like your putting on a 'mask', but I think everyone does that to some degree, just some people are more aware of it.

The thing is you have to manipulate the interaction from your 'real' persona, so you dont ever even put on the mask. If you say that you cant do this then to me that points out that your not comfortable with who you are.

Basically, be unapollegetically you.

 

[46and2aheadofme]

I like that you are a student of music.

Sometimes it's little things like this that make up who you are, and not what conventional wisdom deems to be a "personality"

I enjoy bands who go so deep in their lyrics you will hear them 1,000 times and come to a new realization each time you hear it. For me that band is Tool. I don't know if they're your style, but if you like analyzing lyrics, they should be very helpful to understand more about yourself and life in general. Listening to their music is like nourishment for my soul.

Or its like being completely stoned while sober.

Interestingly enough, Tool has several songs which pertain to the portion of your original post about the collective consciousness. If you are interested I refer you to "Third Eye", "Parabola" ("Parabol" is like a part 1 to "parabola"), and "Reflection" -all songs by Tool.

Anyway, from reading your post and reading the responses, it seems like people don't exactly know what you're going through and either think they know or are pretending to think they know. I guess that this probably frustrates you.

From the way you describe your problem, it seems like you might have schizophrenia (I heard that your early 20's or perhaps a little before that is when people first experience symptoms). Perhaps I'm completely off on that, but I thought I'd include it anyway.

If not, maybe you are just having trouble separating who you are, or want to become, and years of social stigma which are coaxing you into being someone else.

Or maybe its just an intense superiority complex which forces you into the way of thinking that everyone around you is fake, and that you must "put on the mask" in order to descend to their level. Furthermore, to you, this mask is distorted from what's actually behind it.

But I think that's all just bullsh1t

In terms of the whole mask thing I leave you with this quote from Steven Tyler: "Don't forget it's a dream. I pretended I was someone else until that someone became me, and that's the beauty of it all"

 

[RandallLambert]

I don't think this issue is anywhere near as complicated as you are all making it. The problem is that you all think too much and thus simple answers elude you. The problem is this:

You are not standing up and being a man.

A man decides who he is, and what he is.
He allows noone else to tell him this but his inner passions.

The answer was in front of you from the get go. Look at your skills, you make people laugh and when you are an actor you meet people and women come around you. This is because YOU ARE AN ACTOR / COMEDIAN.

When I try and do anything else from my intended flow, I get very little, I have to struggle, yet when I become a photographer, something that I truly love, I was surrounded by new friends, and yes of course all the lingerie models I could ever ask for. And because I came from a position of enthusiasm, purpose and power, I didn't have to struggle.

Saying "i don't know who i am" is something a woman says.
Women don't really know who they are, which is why they look for that mythical 'The ONE'. When they find him, their identity fuses into him to the point where if you ask her anything like "what do you do" her answer is "oh i'm such and such's woman."

Can you define yourself? Step out of the shadows and say who you are. What are you about? What clothes do you wear?

Who you are and who you want to be are not separate. They are one and the same. Don't see any kind of disconnect between them, for who you intend to be is a reflection of where you are now and thus intrinsically linked.

Good luck to you.

Randall
putdownthepickup@gmail.com

 

[GlennCoCo]

Your just stuck in a reality that you aren't ready for just yet.
I was in the exact same boat my friend.

After reading and absorbing all this information I never knew existed such as, How females REALLY work, How *******s get women, Nice guys finish last, and etc.

My mind was so wrapped around, "What do I say next?", "She said ___, so I have to say ____".

The way I overcame this was by sitting back and looking at where I wanted to be in life and what I wanted in life. DO NOT PUT WOMEN IN THE EQUATION!

Think about yourself. If your overweight or toned down. Go work out. Go find a new hobby, If you already have one, excel at it. Wanna make money? Find a job you love.

I'm only 17 going on 18 and I have all this knowledge ahead of me for my life. When you come back knowing yourself better. It will become so much easier to communicate with people. (as well as women you find attractive)

This, plus the knowledge you know now. Will get you very far in life as long as you make a EFFORT towards it.

Everyone one of us on this forum took the red pill. It's impossible to turn back now.

 

[Waking Up]

I like that you are a student of music.

Sometimes it's little things like this that make up who you are, and not what conventional wisdom deems to be a "personality"

I enjoy bands who go so deep in their lyrics you will hear them 1,000 times and come to a new realization each time you hear it. For me that band is Tool. I don't know if they're your style, but if you like analyzing lyrics, they should be very helpful to understand more about yourself and life in general. Listening to their music is like nourishment for my soul.

Or its like being completely stoned while sober.

Interestingly enough, Tool has several songs which pertain to the portion of your original post about the collective consciousness. If you are interested I refer you to "Third Eye", "Parabola" ("Parabol" is like a part 1 to "parabola"), and "Reflection" -all songs by Tool.

Anyway, from reading your post and reading the responses, it seems like people don't exactly know what you're going through and either think they know or are pretending to think they know. I guess that this probably frustrates you.

From the way you describe your problem, it seems like you might have schizophrenia (I heard that your early 20's or perhaps a little before that is when people first experience symptoms). Perhaps I'm completely off on that, but I thought I'd include it anyway.

If not, maybe you are just having trouble separating who you are, or want to become, and years of social stigma which are coaxing you into being someone else.

Or maybe its just an intense superiority complex which forces you into the way of thinking that everyone around you is fake, and that you must "put on the mask" in order to descend to their level. Furthermore, to you, this mask is distorted from what's actually behind it.

But I think that's all just bullsh1t

In terms of the whole mask thing I leave you with this quote from Steven Tyler: "Don't forget it's a dream. I pretended I was someone else until that someone became me, and that's the beauty of it all"

Cool. Yes I do dig Tool. They're in my top 10. They're very deep and introspective and I have studied quite a bit of their lyrics, mostly Lateralus though.

Modest Mouse (particularly Moon & Antartica) is the deepest, darkest, most introspective and complex lyrics that I've read to date. If you listen to Moon & Antarctica and digest it first song to last lyrically and musically, I guarantee you'll be in for a shock especially if you're high. Songs such as Lives (essence of life again), Life Like Weeds (the nature of life and it's meaninglessness), The Stars Are Projectors (talks about the circular nature and infinite complexity of the universe.) Definitely take a look.

As for the other responses, thanks. And yeah. The problem is that the mind can never define who you are, often times depending on the situation my mind tries to come up with a pattern of behavior characteristics (the ego) and I'll act on a limited identity, instead of my infinite nature. So it frustrates me. I'm very aware of the ego but even when it goes on I can stop it but by trying to stop it I become limited again. I'm almost convinced just to wear the ******* hat again, and just act egotistical on purpose and just say the hell with it. I tend to have more fun when I'm egotistical than when I'm trying to transcend it in any social interaction.

 

[Waking Up]

I don't think this issue is anywhere near as complicated as you are all making it. The problem is that you all think too much and thus simple answers elude you. The problem is this:

You are not standing up and being a man.

A man decides who he is, and what he is.
He allows noone else to tell him this but his inner passions.

The answer was in front of you from the get go. Look at your skills, you make people laugh and when you are an actor you meet people and women come around you. This is because YOU ARE AN ACTOR / COMEDIAN.

When I try and do anything else from my intended flow, I get very little, I have to struggle, yet when I become a photographer, something that I truly love, I was surrounded by new friends, and yes of course all the lingerie models I could ever ask for. And because I came from a position of enthusiasm, purpose and power, I didn't have to struggle.

Saying "i don't know who i am" is something a woman says.
Women don't really know who they are, which is why they look for that mythical 'The ONE'. When they find him, their identity fuses into him to the point where if you ask her anything like "what do you do" her answer is "oh i'm such and such's woman."

Can you define yourself? Step out of the shadows and say who you are. What are you about? What clothes do you wear?

Who you are and who you want to be are not separate. They are one and the same. Don't see any kind of disconnect between them, for who you intend to be is a reflection of where you are now and thus intrinsically linked.

Good luck to you.

Randall
putdownthepickup@gmail.com

I like this post because it reinforces my actor's mask more. It makes me more comfortable with using it. Who you want to be and who you are are the same. So being the ****y, confident guy is me, if that's how I act and who I want to be.

 

[Relations]

I think I've found a diagnosis

Guess what? I may have found part of your actual problem, as I have been suffering from it for at least two years. It's always been in the back of my mind, eating at me, making my mind a constant place of operations. I couldn't enjoy myself on the outside, no matter how I faked it because of problems I thought I comprehended. For the most part, I did, but my discovery gave me such a consummate and comprehensive understanding and acknowledgment of it that I kind of feel as though I know who I am now; and in a positive manner as my guilt complex has been attacked ferociously with this new knowledge. Of course, I am a student of my life, so I wiki'ed until I found a component, a major component to how you and I act and how we are. And at least to me, it fits me perfectly. I have schizoid personality disorder. Not schizophrenia, schizoid personality disorder. It really has nothing to do with schizophrenia, so you don't have to worry about all the stigmas that come with schizophrenia. Though it's a somewhat rare disorder, it has nothing to do with intelligence or sanity or health; rather your mental and behavioral constructs of emotion, socializing, life, and much more. It probably affects me waaaaaaaay more than it does you. I've been grappling secretly with it for so long, and I resemble it to a greater degree. It's very likely yours is mild, but it's still significant. It is incredibly unique. I'm pretty sure you feel as though you are different from other people. The page highlights and addresses everything that has been me or my mind for the past years, possibly my entire livelihood as well. But I'm so grateful, a slight but poignant weight, alot being guilt-confusion-self-hatred, has been neutralized for the time-being so I can fully understand what is going on here. This is a must-read article. Read it once, then think, then scan it over again, and think, read it with insight and internalize it, then think again; don't stop contemplating. Maybe it's not what is happening to you, but I'm damn sure that young people our age with so many striking similarities between us, aside from me enduring this condition for a longer time, has to have a connection to a similar mental source. So please find time to read it; it is helping me understand everything about me now, the confusion is starting to clear away. I'm definitely sure it will help you too.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality

Remember, read it all, not just bits and pieces of it. And if the link doesn't work, go to wikipedia and type in "schizoid personality".

Anyway good luck. Hope Modest Mouse is as good as you say it is, I'll see if I can check out their music sometime later.

Also, don't forget to search for Interceptor's threads. They reek of amazing!

 

[46and2aheadofme]

Cool. Yes I do dig Tool. They're in my top 10. They're very deep and introspective and I have studied quite a bit of their lyrics, mostly Lateralus though.

Good stuff! Lateralus is definitely one of their deepest albums but you should definitely give Aenema and 10,000 days a look.

Modest Mouse (particularly Moon & Antartica) is the deepest, darkest, most introspective and complex lyrics that I've read to date. If you listen to Moon & Antarctica and digest it first song to last lyrically and musically, I guarantee you'll be in for a shock especially if you're high. Songs such as Lives (essence of life again), Life Like Weeds (the nature of life and it's meaninglessness), The Stars Are Projectors (talks about the circular nature and infinite complexity of the universe.) Definitely take a look.

I will definitely pick up Moon and Antarctica (or just look it up on Imeem for free because I'm poor). I have heard some of their mainstream stuff and I like their sound.

As for the other responses, thanks. And yeah. The problem is that the mind can never define who you are, often times depending on the situation my mind tries to come up with a pattern of behavior characteristics (the ego) and I'll act on a limited identity, instead of my infinite nature. So it frustrates me. I'm very aware of the ego but even when it goes on I can stop it but by trying to stop it I become limited again. I'm almost convinced just to wear the ******* hat again, and just act egotistical on purpose and just say the hell with it. I tend to have more fun when I'm egotistical than when I'm trying to transcend it in any social interaction.

I think you need to come up with some answers as to why you despise the "mask/ hat" you wear in social interactions. If it brings you success with women and friends, I think you should learn to embrace it.

Steven Tyler also said: "fake it until you make it"

Maybe the mask is you, but some part of you despises it.

Forgive me for this unsettling analogy, but maybe your experiencing the same thing that a gay person in denial goes through, where they know who they are but they don't like it because society teaches them to be different.

Except in your case, who you truly are is being suppressed for the fact that you don't want to be what society and popular trend has taught you to be.

I say duct tape the mask on if it makes you feel happier by relating to your fellow beings. Because in the end, that's all we really have that actually matters: the collective consciousness- we are all connected.

 

[hansol]

The problem is that the mind can never define who you are, often times depending on the situation my mind tries to come up with a pattern of behavior characteristics (the ego) and I'll act on a limited identity, instead of my infinite nature.

Action defines who you are. Thought without action is nothing, save for a firing of neurons in the mind of the person thinking it. The interesting thing though is that the mind actively influences action, ergo the mind can very much have a part in defining who you are.

The biggest thing you can do right now mate is stop, and realize that you have two voices in your head at this exact moment, one going "Hey man, cool, I'm the ego, blah blah blah", and at the same time, you have another voice that is sitting in the background observing all this happening, and realizing it's bull****. This is very apparent in the "I act one way, but hate doing it" dialogue.

Harness that second voice, the one that knows what is right/wrong for you. Block out the rest of the whining drivel and self loathing, and focus on that voice in the darkness. It sucks, but it always knows what is best for you. Learn to ACT on its conclusions, and you'll go even further.

 

[PSYCHO]

I know what is your problem - you think too much about yourself!

Think about it!

No! Wait! Don't think about it!

 

[Kevin Feng]

Check my blog out,

It's tough coming from your position, because it's an ache that you need to address immediately.

For you personally, and this is something I did when I first started working with the Asian Playboy. I did a combination of going out for meeting new friends and also cold approach pick up. So for example, one night I would strictly run game one day and the other day I would work on building my social circle and of course they're not mutually exclusive, but it's important to keep that balance because at that time i was having a wicked dry spell but it's also important to build up passive value at the same time:

http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/2008/12/crabs-in-barrel-syndrome-change-your.html

Keep a balance, that's what's going to keep you going, wish you all the best, don't focus on your problems, focus on a solution, moping about your problem is not going to do anything for yourself.

-Kevin