I don't know, should I apologize?

[Levler]

I'm gonna be as brief as possible, maybe fill in some more along the way...

The girl I've been dating for 3 months is mad at me for sending her a dirty comment (that will be italics):

HB: I'm staying at my mothers' tonight.
Me: Don't you want to hang out? (We had planned this earlier today)
HB: She invited me for dinner but I want to see you tomorrow?
Me: Alright
Me: I guess you'll eat sasuage another time
Her: ?
Me: Haha nothing. Enjoy your evening
Her: I don't think we should see each other tomorrow.
Me: Why not?
Her: I don't want to anymore. I didn't like your joke.
Me: I only meant it as a joke, but as you wish.

I don't think I was rude or anything and shouldn't apologize, but then again maybe I'm a douchebag? Fill me in guys. Is this a **** test? Thanks.

 

[Real Talk]

Is that over text or im? Just call her up and say sorry, or do it in person. It doesn't diminish your value or assertiveness if you just be a gentleman and apologize. If you apologize in an articulate manner it'll give you good vibes, know what i mean?

It WAS kind of crude, and by her reaction you probably haven't built the rapport to drop a line like that. Just man up and sincerely apologize but then immediately move on and don't dwell on it. It can't be like you're begging for her approval. good luck

Dudes here will be like "no dont apologize" but heres the thing. In this situation it will seem immature not to. Just address the emotions she showed you and move on.

 

[Iceberg]

It was a funny joke, although it was totally out of place in the conversation.

If she can't take it, then F*** her. It's not like you made a joke about cancer, and her mom's in the hospital.

Apologize if you want. It won't destroy your relationship. But she's being too sensitive. I can't date girls like that.

 

[Levler]

Real Talk: It was over text. Maybe I'll call her up tomorrow and apologize if she was hurt by it. But I will not accept if, after that, she'll hold a grudge. Then I don't think I should see her anymore...

Iceberg: 'Nuff said

 

[amoka]

This was not a joke. If a girl says something of similar connotation to me, I am kicking her on the curb.

 

[Levler]

This was not a joke. If a girl says something of similar connotation to me, I am kicking her on the curb.

I'll guess you'll eat tuna salad another time.

Why would this offend you? Please elaborate so that maybe I'll see why she got upset.

 

[ghandi_mojo]

I could see how she might be upset. It was a little out of place. I cant see how that would be a big deal though. I think she is trying to punish you by saying she didnt want to see you the next day. Youve been with her for 3 months so Id assume youre sleeping with her, otherwise it would be completely out of line. We're men, and we make crude dirty jokes. Women know this. They arent always the best audience, however. Ive been in a similar situation too many times to count. I like to avoid the apology and saying "Im sorry" as much as possible, especially when Ive done nothing wrong. Just say you feel bad about making a joke to her like that, and she should get over it really quick. If its a big deal to her still, get out quick. I mean, hows she going to react if you REALLY screw up??

 

[jophil28]

Why would this offend you? Please elaborate so that maybe I'll see why she got upset.

Your comment was interpreted by her as," I am annoyed that you want to spend time with your mother instead of sucking my dyck. I only want you for what you can do for me and I resent the time that you spend with others- you mother is just an obstacle."

I realize that you did not mean that, or say that -but you just trampled on one of two tabboo areas with women. Never criticize their physical appearance, and never criticise or denigrate or diminish their parents.
Land mines ahead...you just stepped on one.

 

[iqqi]

That is a joke you would make to your male buddies, not a chick who you want to see you in a romantic and sexual light. There was nothing suave or witty about your comment, and it was actually pretty disrespectful, let alone tacky.

That was a douchebag move, and a big turn off.

If she is a ditz, she will forgive and forget easily. Otherwise she is probably questioning her attraction to you.

 

[FairShake]

Big time overreaction by her. Saying "that's not funny" or even being silent for awhile would suffice. But not wanting to see you after a stupid joke that doesn't really hit close to home...meh.

You can apologize if you want to but only if she realizes that she's being to sensitive.

 

[Scars]

Your comment was interpreted by her as," I am annoyed that you want to spend time with your mother instead of sucking my dyck. I only want you for what you can do for me and I resent the time that you spend with others- you mother is just an obstacle."

I realize that you did not mean that, or say that -but you just trampled on one of two tabboo areas with women. Never criticize their physical appearance, and never criticise or denigrate or diminish their parents.
Land mines ahead...you just stepped on one.

Agreed.

However, I wouldn't apologize. Stand your ground. This is your kind of humor. If she can't handle it then it's her loss. This probably won't be the last time a joke like this slips out. This girl is just over sensitive. I do agree it was a little rude and demeaning, but at the same time I also believe she is over reacting a little bit.

Cut contact with her. She'll be back in a few days. Once she initiates the conversation then maybe apologize. But not unless she brings it up. Act like it never happened, because your mindset is it was a joke and shouldn't be that big of a deal. So show it through your actions. She may get a little aggravated, but deep down she will secretly love it.

 

[CarlitosWay]

lol funny as hell....Op have you seriously even slept with her yet? If so then it was just a silly joke and she shouldn't have gotten THAT upset. If you haven't slept with her, yeah it was probably way out of line hahaha

 

[Scars]

lol funny as hell....Op have you seriously even slept with her yet? If so then it was just a silly joke and she shouldn't have gotten THAT upset. If you haven't slept with her, yeah it was probably way out of line hahaha

He said he's been dating her 3 months. So it's assumed so. At least, I would hope so. If not, then who cares. 3 months and she hasn't given it up yet? No wonder this girl is so sensitive, she's a fvcking prude! She probably does need a d!ck in her, I wouldn't be sorry at all.

 

[cordoncordon]

I'm gonna be as brief as possible, maybe fill in some more along the way...

The girl I've been dating for 3 months is mad at me for sending her a dirty comment (that will be italics):

HB: I'm staying at my mothers' tonight.
Me: Don't you want to hang out? (We had planned this earlier today)
HB: She invited me for dinner but I want to see you tomorrow?
Me: Alright
Me: I guess you'll eat sasuage another time
Her: ?
Me: Haha nothing. Enjoy your evening
Her: I don't think we should see each other tomorrow.
Me: Why not?
Her: I don't want to anymore. I didn't like your joke.
Me: I only meant it as a joke, but as you wish.

I don't think I was rude or anything and shouldn't apologize, but then again maybe I'm a douchebag? Fill me in guys. Is this a **** test? Thanks.

You're girl is a stuck up prude. I could see if this was some girl you just met, but youve been dating for 3 months???? And she gets upset at THAT??? WTF?

I say things like that to my gf all the time, and she laughs and giggles, and sometimes says something right back to me in the same light. I cannot imagine dating someone so uptight as to get upset as that. Bad sign imo.

I rarely say this....but NEXT.

 

[r0cky]

How old is she? 15?

 

[KingofHearts]

This is a red flag for bigger drama in the future.

Whether she really is a prude or she just doesn't like you very much, it seems like a lame excuse to cancel a date. Sounds like this isn't your girlfriend, so hopefully you'll spend some more time on other girls or do other things to take your mind off this insignificant disagreement.

 

[Joe Stud]

cordon, rock & king got it right. it was a joke... period. dont apoligize. shes trying to "paper train" you. start spinning plates with other hb's, who are fun and have a sense of humor... like cordon's girl <rep>

 

[Gangster Of Love]

For the sake of all of you who like to overanalyze and break down things, there are several things going on here. This is one of those $hit tests that originally wasn't intended to be one, yet it became one, a covenient one too.

She totally did a quick spin job by taking a situation (she changing plans on you), and turning it around and making YOU feel like the jerk, and therefore deflecting the orignal issue. Now she has you on the defense, and she got off free from her flaking.

Couple of things I would have done, of course, it is always easy to go back, pause/freeze, analyze and come up with a quick and effective response.

1. Instead of joking around, I would have seized the opportunity to tease her and give her $hit for flaking. My response right away would have been, "Ok, so you are flaking. How will you make it up to me?", that's it. Put her on the defense. Let her be the one skipping hoops. You take the frame. Your best defense is a good offense. By calling her out on it, you get to be humorous, yet hold her accountable and make her respect your time. Your predicament would have been different than it is now.

2. Once you joked, and she responded with her feigned indignation, you shouldn't have acted like you were taking it back. If you are sleeping with her, and that's the way you talk, she should know that, therefore never be afraid to tease and stand by it. If she is just that much of a prude, you need to ask yourself if this is the type of uptight person you want to spend time with.

That was the part where your lack of assertiveness showed and she took the opportunity to spin it and make you look like the apologetic a$shole. Even after the joke, you could have ignored her response and call her on her flake. I've tried and tested this stuff with some uptight/prudish women, and only good things come out of it. They initially might be thrown off or get upset, but they develop new respect for a man that calls them on their BS, and is a challenge. Never fails.

The only response at this point is to ask her how will she make it up to you? Do this only if she initiates. If she's that uptight, it doesn't look good, but at least you'll come out with some dignity. Live and learn.

 

[Ease]

She's training to be her obedient puppy dog.

She's also the boss of when you guys see eachother.

You should shove our sausage down her throat so deep it makes her cry, then slap her in the heat of the moment. Dont apologise.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

Levs,

Mate, I don't see anything wrong here what so ever. I'd never even think about apologizing for making a slight crude joke. However, I wouldn't have to because I would always throw in crude, sexual inuendo statements from the get-go. Now, were you making these types of joke beforehand? Maybe it was just alittle out of place and she didn't find it funny this time. If you where making these types of jokes beforehand. Keep making them until you get blown out, because who cares right?