Her Complaint Is Content-Free
Women are always wanting divine masculine presence in a man, regard- less of their specific complaint or mood. A man should hear his woman's complaints as warning bells, and then do his best to align his life with his truth and purpose. However, if he believes in the literal content of her complaint, he will immediately go off course, for the content reflects her present mood more than a careful observation of his tendencies over time. Her complaint should be valued as a reminder to "get it together," and perhaps as an indication as to how. But more often than not, the specifics of her complaint do not describe the real, underlying action or tendency that needs to be changed.
Your woman says,
"How can you spend so much time in front of the TV when our rent is due in a few days, we're behind on car payments, and you just lost your job?"
"Don't worry about it. I have a job interview tomorrow"
"Well, why don't you get off your butt! You said you were going to clean out the garage weeks ago. I can hardly get to the car!"
"OK. OK. I'll clean the garage this afternoon."
Your woman stops talking and goes about her business, but you can feel her simmering anger and tension. You don't like to be around her when she's like this. You want to get out of the house.
"I'll be back in a few hours and I'll clean the garage," you say, as you grab your coat and head for the door.
You hear a glass break in the kitchen, so you go in and find your wife furious.
"I can't take this any more!" she wails.
"What? I said I'd clean the garage. What's going on?" you wonder.
"I just can't take it!" she cries out, pulling away from you, closing up, and not letting you touch her.
"I don't get it. I said I'd clean the garage. I have a job interview tomorrow Everything is going to be fine. What do you want?"
You've probably had some version of this conversation with your woman. It holds a key tomasculine growth in freedom. And it reveals a common mistake men make with their women.
The thing your woman is complaining about is rarely the thing she is complaining about. It is a mistake to believe the con-tent of what she is saying, and then respond to her complaints, point by point. When she complains about financial issues, she is usually feeling a lack in your masculine capacity to direct your life with clarity, purpose, integrity, and wisdom. The money itself is secondary. If you were poor but totally conscious, happy, full of integrity, fearless, humorous, loving and giving your fullest gift to the world and to your woman, she wouldn't complain about lack of money.
When you say you will clean the garage, and then weeks pass by and you haven't, her complaint isn't really about the garage. Sure, she'd like a clean garage, but this is a superficial issue. The deeper issue is that you didn't do what you said you would. You gave her your word, and you didn't follow through. She can't trust what you say. And this hurts her, deeply.
She might seem to be overreacting to you. Why is she so hysterical? It's only a garage. But she can feel your lack of integrity. Not having cleaned the garage yet seems like a small thing to you, but it shows that you don't follow through with your word, with your purpose.
Your word is a demonstration of your purpose, of your masculine core. When you don't follow through with what you say you are going to do, she feels that your masculine core is weak. She feels let down. She can't trust your masculine direction. And so she feels a great loss. Over time, she will begin to build up her own masculine protection against your lack of integrity. She will begin to guard herself against the hurt that your lack of carry-through causes. She will harden herself, becoming angular and tense. To you, the garage seems trivial. To her, you have failed at your word. She can't trust you.
It's very much as if your woman were to become slovenly. The core of the feminine is energy or radiance. If she stops taking care of herself, if she becomes dull and drab, always tired and worn out, then she is unable to give you the feminine energy you desire in intimacy. You might still love her, but you will begin to look elsewhere for feminine energy.
At the level of polarity, you are attracted to and enlivened by her feminine radiance. Likewise, at the level of polarity, she is attracted to and relaxed by your masculine clarity, direction, integrity, and presence. When she complains about you watching Tv, it is usually more a complaint about your whole life, your lack of persistence and clarity. If your woman felt you were living totally in your clarity of purpose, if she felt you totally present with her when you chose to be with her, and then you said, "I'm going to relax and watch Tv for half an hour," it would be fine. It's not the Tv watching itself that really bothers her, although that is what she'll talk about.
You must listen to your woman more as an oracle than as an advisor. She usually is speaking in a very tangential, but revelatory, style. She is revealing your unconscious habits that prevent your fullest awakening in consciousness. Your unconsciousness causes her pain. She won't say it that way, but that's what she is indicating.
Don't argue with her about the garage and the job interview. That's not what she's talking about, even though that's what she's talking about. Hear her complaints as the universe giving you signs about your life. Is watching TV right now the best way to use the moment? Sometimes you need the recreation, but sometimes you are just being lazy, trying to forget the responsibilities you have created in your life.
Did you purposefully lie to your woman about cleaning the garage? Or did you just let it slide, like you do with so many commitments you make in your life? Can you really blame your woman for being hurt by the lack of integrity that shows in your life?
If she can't trust you with living your life from your deepest wisdom and fullest capacity, she can't trust you with her life. She can't trust your masculine impeccability, so she naturally will compensate by overdeveloping her own. She is not only being masculine for herself, now she's being masculine for you. If she's got to remind you of the job interview or the mess in the garage, she's supplying the masculine direction for the both of you. And this results in stress. Her body will begin to show it. She will become less radiant and less relaxed in her feminine power and glory because she has to compensate for your failure.
The bags under your woman's eyes and the lines in her face may reveal much about how clearly you are living your highest purpose. Of course, your woman has her own unconscious habits to outgrow, but sometimes she is reflecting yours. Try to do your best to determine which of her "problems" are actually exquisitely sensitive bodily feedback to the way you are living your life. You know the amount of bull**** you are kidding yourself with. So does she. It just hurts her more than it does you.
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