I did NOT just get LJBF -- wtf is this?

[faiNt`]

This LJBF crap seriously did not just happen. When I explain the situation you'll understand why I'm so confused and figure I must be understanding something wrong, which is what I hope someone can clear up for me.

So this girl I've been seeing for 8 months hits me up the other day. She is the one who usually initiates contact between us. We haven't talked for a week.

So we have a conversation that's sexual like usual, joke about what I'm getting her for Christmas etc. Everything is going fine. Eventually we start talking about the past and how I hurt her by getting with other girls when we weren't exclusive. She says that I hurt her because I don't want to "just talk" sometimes and I want to do stuff.

I told her in a a round-a-bout way that I need to get off and that what she wants is what friends are made for. This was her reply:

"You should be my friend ... thats what we are .. you introduce me as your friend... so then why can't we act like friends instead of being ... active?"

I took that as me not paying enough attention to her besides sexually, and not as "let's just be friends." Maybe I'm reading into it too much, or wrongly, or rightly, who knows. I'm just really confused. I took this girls' virginity and I do not do AFC crap; I mean c'mon, she complains to me that I should be nicer more often, and I'm ALWAYS playing it off with C&F.

Someone shed some insight on this one, it's killing me.

 

[SharinganUser]

Can I ask why you started talking about the past with her? I've always thought that this is a bad idea...

 

[faiNt`]

The Ultimate "Am I in the Friend Zone?" Test.

I'm going to reveal this test to all of you today. It will provide a definitive answer on whether or not you're in the friend zone.

Okay, here it is: Next time you see her, kiss her.

See, it's not so hard. Just be your normal self and kiss her. She kisses back, you're not friends. She rejects you, well play it cautiously from here. Be persistent, you never know why she rejected you the first time but if she constantly rejects you then your in the friend zone.

We playfully reject each other all the time, so Idk about that one. I see where you're coming from, but our relationship is more playful than most so it might not be completely true.

Can I ask why you started talking about the past with her? I've always thought that this is a bad idea...

Yeah, I actually just thought about that after I went to bed. I'm never going to do it again now. It's completely pointless. It kinda just came up because she criticizes me about how I hurt her, yet we weren't exclusive and she got with another guy too. It's hypocritical really. Her telling me I need to be nicer is proof, to me at least, that I'm not in the friends zone. That's how I feel until someone explains otherwise.

 

[faiNt`]

Another thing ... she specifically said she doesn't feel safe ... like she's "always on edge." I took this as a plus for me keeping her off balance, but the fact she brought it up makes me think twice. Ideas? I'm guessing that I'm overdoing C&F and need to be a little nicer/more validating? Ideas?

 

[Scion]

She wants a exclusive relationship, not just sex. But I could be wrong.

 

[Die Hard]

"You should be my friend ... thats what we are .. you introduce me as your friend... so then why can't we act like friends instead of being ... active?"

So you introduce her as your "friend" to other peeps? That seems to be hitting you back in the face now...

 

[dig it]

I have reached max posts, so i will put it here, not to take from my reply below, it is still quoted by the O.P


My advice is still the same then......you are making her feel like a friend....and mate, thats all you guys are. honestly.


What you need to do is treat her life your gf....sounds like feelings have developed from you to her, but not reverse.

Sounds like she wanted more but you were not making her see you in that light

Sounds like she boat has sailed. She will most likely hook up with you less and less

Sounds like this is not a win-win situation anymore, for you for a set of reasons and her for a set of reasons (both differing)

Dont be confused, her pyssy does not tingle for you.


And I honestly think she can't be with someone who doesn't admire her enough say its his woman....OR she thought you two were different.

You gotta find out, talk about it. Or just stop contacting her. Its not hard.

 

[faiNt`]

it could be ANYthing as to the reason.

sounds like she is having doubts to me....doubts about you and her.

this can lead her to rationalize a situation whereby you two should not be together. its uncomfortable to think about that if you were her, she obviously likes you to some degree.

lets be friends is a softening blow for "lets get the **** out of this relationship"

this happened to my flatmates boyfriend on the weekend actually what a tool.

In his situation what brought it about was an incomplete relationship.....i.e he wasnt present in the relationship to a 90-100% degree....in his case, it was sex and appreciation he lacked. he fails to innitiate physical contact with his girlfriend, he does not listen (really he is an idiot) and she is constantly unimpressed by his lack of desire for her.

So she gives him a variation "I see you more as a friend" He whinges, they have a fight, he gets kicked out, and I come home and he is whinging to me. what a sook. I told him to **** her hard - because he is not ****ing her. and pay more attention to her.


In other words, he is not really in the relationship at all, and the whole friends frame comes from that fact that all they really do well is share stories, etc. Thats not a real sexual adult relationship. Its bull****


it could be anything for you. is the sex up to scratch? Are you paying her enough attention? Do you lift her self esteem? Do you innitiate? Do you lead? Is she the one who has to do most of the work in the relationship?

check those things. If you are going to convince her otherwise, you must be better at the relationship. Why dont you call her up for once? Because, dude, I'm not trying to be rude, its just that if something is lacking in an area, you need to fix it or you dont deserve her, because all chicks want to be happy with their man, not their male friend.

I expect someone to come in with a typical hate post saying "Oh, dude, she's met someone else and is sucking his c0ck right now"

No, you fix the relationship areas that are lacking....you both need to put in. Don't let her doubt your commitment.

Otherwise if you dont care enough to do that, leave her alone, because I can tell this girl wants a proper time of it, whether you see her lots or little. You are just not doing it for her now, but you have the power to change it.

Another thing....you introduce her as a friend? That is lowering her social value and she must feel sh...it mate. She is your girlfriend. Its powerful when you introduce someone as something....it makes it real in the imaginary headspace all round. The prob here, is that you said that and you cut her down.

Another thing is you dont want to talk about the relationship...should have put that above. But you dont and she knows it. You dont really want to be with her like that and its probably shown up in your behavior.

You need to own up to yourself. You just want to **** her, but you have tarnished your relationship with her to the point that she no longer feels it for you.

Sorry, you need to fix it or let her go. If you try and fix it she may look at you in a much better light, or she may not. Who knows, but you need to do something.

Yes, brush up on your relationship with her. I do not know why a lot of guys think a girl ends with her p.ussy. You gotta love all a girl, mate.

You've been letting the flower die. I dont blame her at all.

1) we aren't in a relationship, we've just been hooking-up for 8 months

2) we don't have sex - she is afraid of being prego (yes I took her virginity)

3) we talk a lot, but go to different colleges so it is difficult, but we visit each other

4) I introduce her as my friend because she is my hook-up buddy, so friends with benefits if you will, not my girlfriend

I'm still confused

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

She likes you and doesn't just want to be a *** receptacle for you. She wants to actually be able to have a conversation with you occasionally rather than just meeting up -> wham, bam, thank you ma'am. She'd probably go for a relationship but I don't think she's asking you for that. She wants to bang and wants to be friends. It's not rocket science. She just wants you to be there a little more outside of the bedroom it would seem.

 

[jtlancer]

So you introduce her as your "friend" to other peeps? That seems to be hitting you back in the face now...

How do you introduce your plates? I've struggled with this.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

How do you introduce your plates? I've struggled with this.

Why not just leave titles out of it and introduce them as "This is so-and-so" i.e. "this is ___" and say her name. Keep it simple.