I Did Everything Right And Still Got Rejected

[Mr. Bungle]

Today I saw this cute girl at the food court. I'd seen her before at the gym on campus here. I'm in grad school, and my program has about one desirable female in it (the rest are fat, married or 40+, or all three), so I usually have to meet girls at the library or out at bars and parties (which is not easy since people are very cliquish).

Knowing I'd hate myself completely if I didn't talk to her, I sat near her and started talking to her (intro using a boring question - what are you studying?). She was really friendly and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. We talked about the gym and she said she would be there later today. Then out of the corner of my eye I see some guy kind of looking at her and standing there. I then said to her "Uh, I think your friend is here". The guy was her friend from class. Doubtful if he was a boyfriend, but he didn't seem too happy to see me. Seemed chumpish, I overhead them talking about how he "always tried to stop by" to see her. Anyway, I finished my lunch and got up to leave. At that point, I <i>told</i> her I'm going to the gym later and then asked what time she'd be there. She said "around 4". I said "see you there" and left those two. Guy still didn't look too happy.

Anyway, at the gym we talked some more and I finished my workout. She was still on the treadmill at this point. Not wanting to hang around there like a dork waiting for her I walked up next to the treadmill and told her I was leaving and that she should give me her number. She said "Well, maybe some other time." I said "ok, well then, I guess we'll see each other here again soon. When do you usually work out?" She said "usually at 6 PM". I said "I'll see you again!" and left it at that and gave her a big smile as I left.

Well, everything seemed to go right for me, I teased her a lot, made jokes, some kino, blah blah. In a way, it wasn't a total rejection since she could've said "No" to me or "I have a boyfriend". Who knows, maybe next week I'll see her again and get a phone number.

It's times like these that really piss me off. I truly know looks don't matter, since lots of girls say I'm cute, but it doesn't seem to help. Did I fail somehow today? Should I have beat this guy up who approached her? Should I have told her she better run faster on that treadmill b/c she looked fat in order to be c & f?? I don't think so.

It really annoys me when everything seems to go so right - I take the risk of talking to a stranger, I continue even though some other guy is there ****blocking me, and I still get shot down.

I wonder how often, later on in life, these ditzy early 20-somethings really feel bad for rejecting guys. They don't know what they're missing! Or maybe they're right, I'm too old (26) or not in their social circle, or I wasn't wearing the right clothes, or I didn't have enough money, so forget it. So stupid.

I wonder what you all do to deal with situations where you feel everything is going perfect and you still get shot down. I can't help but feel it's my fault. It enrages me to no end. And I fear I'll get into a cycle of rejections where I come off as desperate, which leads to more rejection and more anger. Weeks go by and it gets worse.

Meeting random girls like this always seems hard, though. I bet the odds are really against you. Yet walking up to random girls and DJ-ing them seems like the real idea behind this site.

 

[Demon]

Replying to the topic: " I Did Everything Right And Still Got Rejected".

Obviously, you did something wrong if your plan wasn't to get rejected.

 

[matius]

Listen man, how do you know what you are doing is correct or not? I mean, you didn't punch her in the face - so this is good. But people are people are people...there could be one of two million different reasons for her not wanting to give you her number. Is it something you did? Maybe. Is it something going on withe her? Possibly. Don't beat yourself up about this. Try again. You did good by making a move. Next time, the girl will say sure. Or it might be five times from now, but you see my point. I think she was just trying to be nice by saying, not at this time jimbo...then you become the guy who walks around the gym looking at her and waiting for a signal until she waves you over or gives you a green light- which won't happen...or it might. You be the judge...

Props for going up to her and asking her out. Well done. On to the next round.

 

[HuuBinh]

I have a feeling that shes not attracted to you bc you waited too long to approach her. You said that you've seen her b4 and she might have seen you too but you didn't approach her then. In her eyes, you were not confident enough, but it could be other reasons.

 

[whoami]

Replying to the topic: " I Did Everything Right And Still Got Rejected".

Don't sweat it boy, Rejection is part of the game. find another girl and start doing things right ... and put this into infinite loop... don't stop...
WhoAmI

 

[honeyshark]

It's never all about you. Even if you supposedly do everything right, sometimes a girl just wont be interested. It's not just about you failing, it's about how she feels at this point in her life as well. Also, I know from personal experience that you can make all the right moves, have a great girl who is extremely interested in you, and still fail because of other circumstances out of your control which you may or may not understand. Just accept this and move on, the universe stops for no man.

Peace

 

[trajhenkhet]

In these endeavors, failure is par for the course dude.

 

[Unbridled_1]

Maybe she 1)had a boyfriend 2)wasn't physically attracted to you 3)Getting over past relationship 4)Having a problem at her job or many other reasons. There is no perfect approach, and even if there was it does not guarantee you anything. It's practice, and that much closer to a yes.

 

[SamePendo]

If you THINK you did it all right, its because you THOUGHT about it. Dont think about it, just do it. By now you should be used to approach girls. Like driving, first you put all your attention in it, but WITH PRACTICE, you can almost do the moonwalk (ok, not moonwalk, you cant moonwalk while seating. But you can whistle, put your attenion on other things while driving). Practice a lot, make it be as natural as farting.
Relax, dont think too much about all this frenzie. Do your thing, which is finding women. Women is plural. What you are doing is finding woman. Find women, not woman. Plural plural!

 

[BGMan]

Yeah, man, just forget about her. "Maybe some other time" = "I'd sooner give my number to Jack the Ripper."

Girls will lose interest just like that. Actually, guys can too -- I have myself. The girl in question still likes me, but if she talks to me, I'm thinking, "uhh, get away from me!". Also, I went on a date a couple of weeks ago with this one girl who seemed to really like me, was cute and interesting, and so forth, and I had a lot of fun (in other words, I "did everything perfectly"), but when I tried to ask her for a second date a couple of weeks later, she said, "I don't think so." Yowch! Next!

There are other fish in the sea. A definite NEXT is applicable here.

BGMan

 

[Monkey]

Originally posted by honeyshark
It's never all about you. Even if you supposedly do everything right, sometimes a girl just wont be interested. It's not just about you failing, it's about how she feels at this point in her life as well. Also, I know from personal experience that you can make all the right moves, have a great girl who is extremely interested in you, and still fail because of other circumstances out of your control which you may or may not understand. Just accept this and move on, the universe stops for no man.

Read this then read it again, this is the reason.

 

[Tyler]

Hey man,

I actually registered for this site just so I could post a reply to your message, as I've had to consider something similar lately. Let me tell you that if you know that you did everything right, THEN YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT. As long as you KNOW that you are doing everything right, then you are NOT failing, and rejection does NOT matter. You will get rejected. For some guys it's 2 times out of 3, for some times it's 9 times out of 10, but as long as you're not the guy who's 0 for 0, YOU ARE DOING FINE!

 

[Mr. Bungle]

Thanks for the feedback.

Very interesting advice, SamePendo. I hope I can get in that kind of mindset....women, not woman!

In a way, I do think way too often. Can't help it. I'm constantly thinking of the next thing to say, making sure it's not stupid or chumpish. Making sure it's a 60/40 convo. Maintaining a sense of mystery. Throwing in jokes. Ok, so it's not completely natural, but it's the best I can do for now.

For example, I used to forget girls' names like 2 seconds after I met them. Needless to say, that was back in the day when I got zero poontang. Recently I developed a habit of saying "Nice to meet you, Amanda" when meeting some girl named "Amanda". that way I don't forget it. that little habit is now so natural I don't have to think about it. I guess I'm getting there.

What Tyler, trajhenkhet and others say I'm beginning to accept. It's not easy, but the way it goes. Rejection used to destroy my confidence altogether. To some degree, the DJ advice can be a bit misleading since I've read stuff on here that says things like "With this technique you'll have a 100% success rate. I got 10 phone numbers from 9s in 1 hour using this. It never fails!" As if.

Girl was a real ditz anyway. Oh well. Why do these girls all seem so vacuous??

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Mr Bungle, the man with four posts.

What makes you think that you can become as suave as the other aspirationals in just a few days?

DON'T give up. DO realise it will take a bit of time.

You may have gotten down the perfect approach and done everything you think is ok, but you could have missed all of the minor details which CANNOT be thought out and are in fact part of your CHARISMA. Girls pick up on the way you feel instantly, as the quote in my signature below describes. So if you feel nervous and insecure, the girl will know that you are a nervous and insecure guy.

Never concentrate on one girl for more than a day or so when DJing her, if you do, then its time to move on.

 

[aguynamedwill]

walk away more

its been a while since i've even risked a rejection, so feel free to ignore me.
you may have over-exposed yourself to her that day. you could have said goodbye to her at the food court, then a few days later, met her 'coincidentally' at the gym. you talk for a few minutes, telling her how much fun you've been having as of late, then leave her alone. then maybe another time you see her outside of class, have a longer discussion and invite her out for tea.

i used to workout at a gym, and even if a chick was super-hot, i didn't want her to bother me while i was excersising. i even flat out told one girl that she was bothering me. so don't take it so personally. it may have been bad timing.

but i went 0 for 0 this weekend, so what do i know.

-Will

and i agree that cliques suck

 

[Sir Jeffrey]

You asked her too soon, but man seriously you had the balls to do what you did, that takes nuts. Remember that rejection is the key to sexual prosperity. Don't let your negative emotions get in the way. *****es aint ****. Money over *****es. Bros before hos. Gz up hoez down.

 

[Lone_raider]

Hey, I say that you gave it a really good shot, better then a lot of people do. And even though you were rejected I'd sum it up as a success. Why? Because you approached her, sounds like you created some good conversation, and you asked for her number before you left. You can't do much more then that! Some women just don't like you and you can't control that, and as others said maybe there are different circumstances going on. Either way, just keep doing approaches, don't dwell on this one to long, and evnetually you will get a date. I think one of my worst fears originally was rejection. First I would hang around to long dwelling on all the possibilities of how she could say no before I approached or called, then if I got rejected I would get depressed, then angry and not ask out another girl for 2 or 3 months! Don't fall into that trap, take the rejection, chalk it up to experience and go after another one!

You can read about taking rejections and analyze it in your head untill you go crazy (like I did) but you have to get them in real life. Sure the first few are rough, but after that you get this mindset like, it doesn't matter anymore? There are plenty of other women who would want me, this one doesn't realize what she just lost! I was rejected this month, but I can honestly say it didn't effect in even the most minor way. I had another girl lined up, and if she ends up flaking out I'll just go get another one. That's the attitude you have to have, and the desperation just goes away

 

[One on One]

It takes guts to approach like you did and I give you props for that, but I think you made some critical gaffs. First of all, you may have come across as a stalker. You asked when she'd be at the gym and planned your schedule so that you could see her there! That is not the way to go about things. Additionally, why did you invite yourself out of the conversation when her friend showed up? Don't belittle yourself - she'd rather talk to you than him, of course!

Just keep practicing.

 

[Mr. Bungle]

How can 4 posts be a bad thing? Do my skills somehow increase the more I post on a message board? Well, hey, I'm at 5 posts now!! Hooray!

I'd say my skills increase out there in the real world talking to girls. The worst thing is it's been a string of rejections lately, this one #3 or 4 over the past couple months. Dumb girls. DUMB. DUMB. DUMB.

Ok, I think I was probably showing signs of some desperation, so that could've done me in. Plus I gave her two compliments and she was like "Wow, so many compliments!".

I hate to go on and on about it, since looking back she seems like a stupid airhead not worth my time anyway. It was funny, she looked about 23 or 24, but she was a freshman! Yikes.

It was an odd situation, I had been talking to her for 10 minutes, and this dork shows up and screws everything up. He was standing there, like they planned a meeting, and then they started studying. I guess I felt going for a # at that point was too fast, and she said she'd be at the gym anyway that day, I just figured I'd see her later, then ask for the #.

I hate over-analyzing anyway, I guess I'll just go out there some more and see if I can get out of this rut.

The gym actually is REALLY HARD for meeting girls. Everyone's got headphones on, and girls move around a lot from place to place. And I know that I can't concentrate on a convo if I'm about to finish mile 4 of 5, so forget it.

 

[Imbrondir]

Imho your gym ain't a good place to get women anyway. If it doesn't work out, you'll be stuck with hundreds of awkward moments when you see eachother. Perhaps almost everyday. In the gym your focus should be improving your lifts/endurance (whatever you're doing there), not scanning for targets and openers. If I were you, i'd rather try making her to a 'friend'.

But then again, Im the most asocial person you could ever think about in a gym. Funny thing tho, is that some women are checking me out anyway. And I'm very averaged sized in there. Go figure?