"I can't wait!!" beatjunkie's journal

[beatjunkie]

long story short. 26 year old male. trilingual and lived in 11 countries due to my pops occupation. despite this ace card i've been major afc since 2009 till about 8 days ago. mistreated and disregarded over and over by exs who made promises they couldn't keep. on antidepressants since 2009 but just told psychiatrist to ween me off them for good. Why?


Because gentlemen, I have had it. no more will i be stay weak (mentally and physically) starting this very minute things change. Got my workout plan, got the supplements. Got my goals and objectives set for myself. in a ****ty country cuz of work but will elevate myself out of this. i cant waitttt to smile on my problems and recover myself again.

MGTOW

and this is my journal. stay tuned.

 

[beatjunkie]

So I'm on day 9 of No Contact. My thoughts are;

1) this is for me. i have to forgive, accept and move on
2) it's hard not replying to her "how are u" text 9 days ago but replying now would make things worse
3) not been eating the last few days but today is a bit different. planning to eat as much as i can and let my body do the rest
4) reading Book of Pook helps. wish I knew this before
5) i still have the urge to contact her and win her back but this is a lady who said to my face "i love him" and that broke me.
6) as you think you shall become. repeat that over and over and over

 

[beatjunkie]

oh also;

today is day 1 of my 'quit smoking weed' challenge. wish me luck! wanna clear my head and gain my inner-self again. as much as i love it, i dont think its gonna help me now

 

[VenX]

Hey man. It looks like you're on your way to doing well. We got your back whenever you need it

 

[LearningAndImproving]

Kerp it up man. Work on yourself, your body and mind, **** the hoes no need for extra stress in the life.

 

[beatjunkie]

thanks guys! will keep at it. honestly SS has been a life changer; and i'm only getting started!

going to gym in an hour.

sending nothing but positive vibes your way gentlemen!

 

[beatjunkie]

back from gym

made a new friend; my gym coach. he saw i dropped weight like crazy over the last week or so. asked whatsup, said i have anxiety....which i do. this is my first official friend since i arrived here a year ago....a note to others, dont let ur girl become ur life...i let mine do so and im paying DEARLY for it.

country i'm in is religiously strict (islam) so the gym was segregated..no chance of picking up there.

back home now and still don't have my appetite. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

gonna try meditation now.

peace and gdnight from this side of the world

 

[narcissist]

Good job man. Keep up this journal. Post in it everyday, no matter how banal.

In a years time you will go through your journal and see so much progression you wont even believe your eyes.

Nothing but positivity sent your way.

Let me know how the meditation works out!

 

[beatjunkie]

so day 2 with no weed and alcohol. feeling good. emotionally stronger. worked out and ate better today. also bought dinner but couldn't finish it so i wrapped it up and gave it to a poor woman + child. felt better.

did meditation today, it helps a lot. i'm on a good path and hope i will remain strong and keep off all my evils.

 

[beatjunkie]

Guys so I just left the country for work related activities and to visit family. I work for an international organization that issues recognized diplomatic passports for its staff so that we get our jobs done without the burden of visa applications and so forth. Mine expired. Guess who is the one who has to renew it? HER. So it doesn't get renewed in time for this trip (her fault or not, not sure) but lucky I have a visa in my personal passport for the country that I'm in now so I still managed to fly out.

Now, when in the airport I get a call from the HR Assistant (she was the one I gave my passport to to give to my X; following office protocol) and she is very apologetic and says she tried to call her (my x) this morn as a last ditch attempt to get it renewed (all it needs is a signature from the top dog) but she didn't answer the phone. I told her (the HR Assistant) that it's ok, thanks for trying, but i knew this would happen. a few more polite words and end of convo.

No big deal right? Well now I'm outside the country wishing that I didn't sound too bitter on the phone. Emotions rising again and now I wish I had responded to my X's "how are you???" text message a few days ago.

I dont want this to fvck up my work life because i have an epic job that I really dont wanna leave. I'm guessing this adminstrative 'mishaps' may happen more now that I ignored her. I dont wanna fight her and wish her all the best so long as she stays the fvck away from my source of money.

Should I break contact and try to settle things diplomatically one more time? Wisdom and experience is needed here. I'm worried that NC is designed for those who don't have to deal with coworkers..

 

[TheSlasher]

So... is this girl your wife or just your girlfriend?

 

[beatjunkie]

So... is this girl your wife or just your girlfriend?

lol ex gf brah

 

[TheSlasher]

lol ex gf brah

Can't you get someone else to handle your passport stuff for you?

 

[beatjunkie]

Can't you get someone else to handle your passport stuff for you?

tried. read above man.

 

[TheSlasher]

tried. read above man.

Yeah, already did. Guess that was just one of the disadvantages of dating a co-worker.

 

[beatjunkie]

Lmao ^^^ yessss indeed. I learned...HARD.

Right I'm wrapping up my day. Was all over the wall today but things got sorted. I had a very long talk with my brother and much more focused now. Just need to get past this week and I'm off to some R&R in Dubai.

#familyfirst

 

[beatjunkie]

Today was a good day.

I'm able to control my emotions better and I am more focused on my work than I have been in over a month. Negative thoughts arise here and there about my past but I am able to take note of them and convince myself that I am stronger than I think. I have been rekindling ties with my family and I am slowly learning that life really is short.

Thanks to the help of SS and its users I am on a track to change my life. I'm so glad that I found this site. I am even more grateful to be in this position. Honestly this break up was one of the best things to happen to me in a while. I needed to hit rock bottom to get my sh!t together.

Haven't gone to the gym in over 3 days (in a different country) but I am watching my diet. Can't wait to get back and hit those weights.

Started reading the Book of Pook and other posts on here. Want to start reading more literature

Anyone have any ideas of good book? Non-fiction preferred.

 

[beatjunkie]

Ok so today didn't start to well. Woke up feeling like crap and that feeling seems to be sticking with me. At work now and leading a training workshop. Not my turn to present so I thought I could get a journal entry done.

Last night I read a few articles from the Book of Pook and had a strong resolve to implement his 100% true philosophy. I've decided to do two things in the next month or so; (1) workout like an animal (2) cut off all contacts with my past.

(1) is self exmplanatory; better body, better mind.
(2) came about because of some serious thinking i've been doing. i've recently look at a twitter page of one of my exs. One actually who i truly loved and the breakup completely destroyed me at a certain point in time. well we became 'friends' later or more like penpals. I looked at her twitter page last night and found one post that made me realize things

"I just realized I never said 'i love you' to the only man i ever truly loved."

A statement like that would've thrown me off a few months ago but it made me realize one thing;

THESE WOMEN ARE DECEPTIVE LYING ANIMALS.

This someone I almost died for. And this is her true colors. This is ALL their true colors.


My turn to present. Will post later.

 

[beatjunkie]

So I just finished and went for a cig. Was all sulky and down until i saw the waitress at the bar.

Started chatting. Remembered everything from the DJ bible and Pook. Escalated, kino. Got the number. Meeting her after work at her place for "coffee"

POST EX PLATE 1

HAHA

 

[beatjunkie]

bros, I just came back from banging this plate i met earlier today. escalation game is still on point. i smashed it twice. and guess what? only thing i paid for was a bottle of water at a cafe. HA! $1 pvssy u dig? shes a solid 7 too.

the worst/best thing was when her husband called her from overseas right after i turned her out. and she answered. and her son called her right after i hit it the second time. she answered again. BOTH TIMES she was laughing and acting all innocent on the phone tsk tsk tsk. BOTH TIMES i was thinking 'SS saved my life and pointed me in the right direction, this breakup could be a blessing in disguise'... because DAMN these b!tches are ruthless so we must be too.