I Can't Stop Bad Dreams About a Girl From the Past!

[Stavrogin]

I keep having bad dreams about a girl I used to work with and would like to make them stop.

I haven't seen this girl in two years and haven't spoken to her in one year. All the guys at work thought she was hot and used to ask me why I didn't ask her out. I didn't ask her out for two reasons. First, she was about eight years younger than me. I thought that was way too young and worried what others (including my parents) would think. It also didn't help that she looked about 14 and hung out at all-ages clubs (!). Second, she sometimes acted childlike - I mean like a five-year-old - and I was looking for someone I could have a meaningful conversation with.

I didn't have "feelings" for her at any time. When she would tell me she went out with a guy, it didn't bother me. I still don't have "feelings" for her. I also don't think she was interested in me at all. However, I kick myself all the time for not making a move on her when (I think) I had the chance. I think the biggest reason is that I'm finding it impossible to meet women or get their attention. Now I'm having bad dreams about her. In these dreams, she's usually pregnant (not by me) or has a boyfriend. When I wake up, I feel like crap and kick myself again!

I just want to stop these dreams. I have no interest in contacting her. For starters, I called her several times last year after she e-mailed me and told me to call her. Since she never returned any of my calls, I take it she was playing games with me. I haven't heard from her in over a year.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Second, she sometimes acted childlike - I mean like a five-year-old"

1. Attention wh0re alert!

They are children in grown women's bodies entirely unsuitable for a mature healthy relationship.

2. An 8 year difference really isn't a big deal as long as a chick is legal. For example I'd have no problem if a 50 year old guy and an 18 year old chick wanted to get together as I am not a player hater.

3. Never go for a serious relationship if that is what you are looking for with a chick that is late teens early 20's as she has not experienced all that life has to offer yet and even if she says she wants a relationship what she is saying is she only wants an experience of one. She's not with you to make it last. Go for older and more mature chicks if you want a serious relationship and one that could last like say 26-28 range or older and just use the younger chicks who are about to enter their party years for some solid fvcking. Emotionally detach yourself from young chicks and with them instead just focus on fun. You'll be happier that way rather than hoping her immature words of love are true.

4. If you contact this chick and you set something up and she agrees she is a fvck and a chuck at best or a nice summer fling you can get your rocks off with for a while. Never emotionally invest and give a true relationship to an Attention Wh0re. You have been warned.

 

[reset]

I have dreams sometimes about chicks. They do have a big effect on you. What seems to happen to me is each time a certain girl appears, each time she's more human than the last dream, like she won't be as pretty, she'll be kind of boring and in the dream I think "wait is this the same girl I was all hung up over?"

And this is probably the effect of me continuing to be more realistic about women and to take them off the pedestal.

It's your subconscious working out bigger issues. Probably because you haven't forgiven yourself for making a move, that's the issue. Not HER specifically. Like KontollerX is saying, not all girls are worthy of making a move just because they are "hot".

It's the scarcity mentality in us that places such a large importance on these girls.

 

[hithard]

Possible you wanted to grudge fuk this woman and now it’s turned into some sort of unconscious oneits.I don't know your situation , but sounds like you need to be involved with some real women and not just the ones in your dreams. Either you are unhappy in your current situation or if you are with someone she just isn’t doing it for you

 

[Stavrogin]

Yes, I'm angry at her for cutting off contact with me for no apparent reason. She always seemed to look up to me and always asked for my opinion, so I'm still surprised that she threw me under the bus. The explanations offered by the last two posters make sense to me: subconscious issues surface in dreams.

The thing is that there are a couple of other women out there who have done things like this to me. There was one girl who I wanted in the worst way for YEARS. I felt VERY strongly about her. (I didn't act out on these feelings because she had an O.J. Simpson-like boyfriend.) I don't even have the occasion to complain that she won't return my calls: she took off without leaving any contact information. I never dream about HER.

 

[joekerr31]

ok, this is going to sound like a crazy hypothesis that im saying just to be dramatic, but im serious.

im not saying this is the issue, but you should take a moment to think about it.

i think your bad dreams come from guilt. you say she looked 14! which means, you had the hots for a woman who looked like a 14 year old. which means you find 14 year olds hot.

i think your nightmares are coming from some serious inner conflict over that fact.

im not saying you are prone to pedophilia, in fact, quite the opposite (an actual pedo wouldn't be having nightmares, he'd be having wet dreams about actual 14 year olds). i dont think your brains knows what to do with the fact that you were attracted to a woman who looks 14, so you are having nightmares. her being pregnant is a logical extension - the fear of impregnating a 14 year old (even though she wasn't 14, you get my drift).

all of this is potentially an internal conflict you are having over being sexually attracted to this woman.

the solution? stop worrying about it. as long as you know that you'd never bang a 14 year old then you can put that to bed in your mind and move on.

personally i like the slim chics with small boobs - i think they are calling them 'spinners' now a days (i guess that's implying chics who exercise a lot).

anyway, it has nothing to do with them looking 14 (cuz they don't). i like the thinner look because they are easier to toss around in the bedroom.

 

[DJDamage]

Big deal. Its a fvcking dream.

I too on rare occassions have dreams about past girls whom I still wish I could be fvcking.

This dream shouldn't bother you if your current reality is good. I think you are not happy with your current life and instead of moving forward, you dream of your regrets and live in the past.

Let her go, get back on track and start picking up those hot babes.

 

[Stavrogin]

Actually, I remember feeling disgusted with myself for thinking she was hot, so you might have a point. But I don't feel that way anymore. I think the last poster is right. I'm stuck in the past.