I can't stand of her having so many male friends!

[DonJuanit0]

I know it's low game complaining about that staff etc, BUT I CAN'T LIVE WITH IT!! It would be easy to just brake up with her, but I'm happy when she is around me and since I've told her it is something that bothers me, she has improved a lot, but not as much as I would like to...

So, today we started arguing about her male friends again, I told her that it is impossible to have SO many male friends and everyone treats her as a friend since she is really beautiful ! There WILL be some guys that won't actually consider you are friends! I've met 3-4 of them and they were total AFCs! -So why do you worry? Cause I don't want my woman to be with a banch of AFCs trying to take something from her!

We ended up like this: Me being total angry with her and she apologizing to me and saying she will put some more effort to please me even more though she knows I'm overreacting!

Am I overreacting? Do you guys have problem with women who have WAY TOO MANY male friends?

I recall some posts pretty much the same as this one but I can't find them, if anyone has any link about it...

 

[backbreaker]

the real question you should be asking is why don't you have as many female friends.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Cause I get to **** them and I don't think that is called a friendship! I don't see why being friend with a woman... It's kinda weird but that's me... It has nothing to do with what I'm facing here though...

 

[Captain]

the real question you should be asking is why don't you have as many female friends.

This is gold.

Meet some more women and stop being so insecure. Don't dwell on it.

 

[zekko]

Backbreaker, it sounds like the girl in the original post has a lot of male friends, she may be an AW. I'm not sure it's altogether realistic to tell a guy to catch up with as many opposite sex friends as a beautiful AW. You know very well they're wanting more than just friendship.

Guys don't fall into that sort of situation naturally, they're not as likely to spurn the sex and just hang out with a bunch of girls platonically. I might also argue guys tend to not be as social as girls. Spin more plates, yes - go out with other women. Maybe the OP can characterize them as friends to the girl.

OP, if your girl's lifestyle is that far off from what you want, maybe she's not a good match for you. It's better to accept people as they are and find a good fit rather than try to force them to be something they're not.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

Dealing with her many guy friends. I've dating women like this and unfortunately, it's rarely solvable.

My stance is this. When the girl is single, she should mingle with her guy friends as much as she wants. When we enter an exclusive relationship, it needs to be toned down.

This isn't an issue of insecurity, it's one of respect.

Don't allow a girl to walk all over you.

Instead - you do the walking, in the form of ending the relationship.

 

[Warrior74]

I have a couple of female friends, girls I've known for some years and I can tell you this. The ones who are decent girlfriends dissapear when they are in a relationship, you know when they show up? When they want attention, want to have fun, want to cheat. The one's who never dissapear I have found to always have a slew of guys around and are usually sleeping with one or two or thinking about it. It's disrespect plain and simple. Most of my female friends I've either ****ed in the past, or never would (not attracted). The ones I've ****ed in the past I make an extra effort to stay away from when they are in a relationship, because if I hit one, I can hit twice, all it takes is their man to slip up and for me to step up. Too easy. So it's not worth it.

 

[Ease]

Its insecurity and you know it.

Dont lie to yourself and everyone else when you say its because you dont want the AFC's to get surround her and want something from her and bla bla.

Say it straight up, you dont like the male friends because you are insecure. You are jealous and feel insecure of other guys. You are too dependant and not confident in yourself enough.

Dont lie to yourself. When you act like this to her and write this post, this is exactly why and everyone can see. Dont fool yourself into calling it disrespect or 'rules' or views. Its 100% plain and simply insecurity and jealousy.

The key thing is this: once you show her your weakness, you show her how to manipulate you. The only way to make the flirting and guy friends to dissapear, is to stop giving a reaction to it. If she knows secretly that she can manipulate you with it, she will keep doing it. She'll make you jealous and annoyed, and then apologize and beg and plead straight afterwards. However get this, the apologies and the begging and pleading are all fake. Think about this carefully, realize what she is doing.

If you keep up this weak, insecure behaviour, her interest in you will die more and more, she will manipulate and make you jealous more and more, untill your relationship ends.

 

[DJDamage]

If that were a problem from the begining, then you shouldn't have made her your g/f.

Your g/f is a typical young attention wh0re and at her young age you are not going to be her last c0ck anytime soon which is why its a bad decision to invest long terms with girls in their early 20's.

You are just frustrating yourself and stuck in a no win situation. I say don't worry about the guy friends, just enjoy your time with her.

Make sure you have plenty of female aquiantances around (noticed I said acquiantances not "friends") so when the time comes and your girl bolts then at least you have other options at hand.

 

[Black Dog]

Don Juanito one thing I know..is that you can't change girls. I can't give the most, or best advice here that I'm sure of that. (also everybody who posted above me said everything needed to be said really)

Your're a fellow DJ & I respect you so I'm not trying to be a **** but you're coming off like a girl in your posts...hah. Don't be so insecure! You even said yourself, they are AFCs theyre wasting energy right cuz their game is limp. If your girls cool then she won't cheat on you..and you won't get her to stop talking to her friends cuz you'll come off as INSECURE and push her away,

The only benefit I see from your constant whining and arguing with her is hot, sweaty makeup ****ing--from all the drama you know? Hot arguments are great transitions into hot sex. Next time you yell at her for hanging with other dudes, grab her ass and be like, "Hell naw ain't no other man gonna be around an ass like this but me! *smack* This my property & my property only!"

(lmao disregard my last paragraph; thats just a personal way of how I'd handle the situation but I'm not being serious lol)

 

[AmIAFC]

It's a no win situation. If you openly express your concerns to her, the first people she'll immediately contact for advice will be her friends, and they'll crucify you and put all sorts of crap in her head to flip it against you. Or she'll call one of her AFC enablers. Either way, you're giving premium ammo to your secret enemies and competitors to finally use against you.

If it bothers you that much, leave her and find you a more reserved mate.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Just break up with her and date her instead. If you can't do this, just break up with her completely. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Your time would be better spent learning how to pick up more women so that you don't turn into such a whining p*ssy when you have one hot chick around you.

 

[DonGorgon]

they are not friends they are men who have fed her are waiting to f her are hoping to f her... she knows this but she keeps them around cause she loves the attention and will ocasionaly sleep with them by mistake when she is drunk or had a fight with you....

it's what women do you can't change this.... best bet is to always spin plates and have backup ready for when she decides to jump to the next dude and leave you...

 

[jophil28]

My stance is this. When the girl is single, she should mingle with her guy friends as much as she wants. When we enter an exclusive relationship, it needs to be toned down.

This isn't an issue of insecurity, it's one of respect.
.

Indeed. This is not about male insecurity (as much as women's magazines would like to preach) This issue is all about HER (un)willingness to make your relationship with her a priority over her adolescent need to bask in the ego glow from the fawning attention she is getting from those other chumps. They are not seeking pure "friendship", they are waiting for their moment to jump on her..like circling buzzards. She knows that and she loves the inner glow that she gets from knowing what they want.

One of the requirements of a successful LTR is that the parties relinquish their freedom to see other members of the opposite sex in a one on one setting.

So I ask the OP, is she willing to make that deal ?
It goes without saying that women who deserve your committment also need to show a willingness to make sacrifices and adjustments to their relationships with other guys.

How do you enforce this ? By SUBTLY and indirectly sending her the message that your committment needs to be earned though her behavior.

You cannot ever debate or negotiate with a woman about her other relationships. Women do NOT want to make one tiny change to these because they bring pleasure and emotional security. By getting angry you are telling her that you NEED her to change to suit you. Your position may be absolutely correct, but trying to negotiate with women like this is never going to bring you the outcome you want.. She will just agree with you to shut you up, and then meet with the other guys in secret and lie to you .

So, what do you do? You do a "disconnect".
Firstly slowly withdraw your affection and attention without explanation. Be harder to get and unavailable.
Secondly, take up a hobby, join a club. or start up in a recreation which does not include her. Try Salsa classes (lots of hotties there). Go on some 'hang out' dates with other women.

Thirdly, when SHE then comments that you are pulling away say NOTHING.

If you can get this far you have 90% of the frame back in your grasp.

There is one more step that I will leave for another post at time.

 

[Joe Stud]

When tommy lee of motley crew started dating pam anderson, he got into fights over this, as well as over the photohogs. Even wound up in jail.

Vince neil (his band partner) told him "look man, if you're gonna be dating these beautiful women, there's always gonna be guys after them. So you better be ready, because it's gonna happen".

Same thing here. If you are gonna have a HB, to a certain degree... there's gonna be guys orbiting. I'm not saying it's right, and yours is probably an AW, and OVERDOING it.

However you should just learn to handle it. Look at it as the "cost" of having a HB. Would you rather have a fattie? Or a homely chick? No. Just deal with it. You are allowed to choose NOT to make her a wife, but have fun with it.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Indeed. This is not about male insecurity (as much as women's magazines would like to preach) This issue is all about HER (un)willingness to make your relationship with her a priority over her adolescent need to bask in the ego glow from the fawning attention she is getting from those other chumps. They are not seeking pure "friendship", they are waiting for their moment to jump on her..like circling buzzards. She knows that and she loves the inner glow that she gets from knowing what they want.

One of the requirements of a successful LTR is that the parties relinquish their freedom to see other members of the opposite sex in a one on one setting.

So I ask the OP, is she willing to make that deal ?
It goes without saying that women who deserve your committment also need to show a willingness to make sacrifices and adjustments to their relationships with other guys.

How do you enforce this ? By SUBTLY and indirectly sending her the message that your committment needs to be earned though her behavior.

You cannot ever debate or negotiate with a woman about her other relationships. Women do NOT want to make one tiny change to these because they bring pleasure and emotional security. By getting angry you are telling her that you NEED her to change to suit you. Your position may be absolutely correct, but trying to negotiate with women like this is never going to bring you the outcome you want.. She will just agree with you to shut you up, and then meet with the other guys in secret and lie to you .

So, what do you do? You do a "disconnect".
Firstly slowly withdraw your affection and attention without explanation. Be harder to get and unavailable.
Secondly, take up a hobby, join a club. or start up in a recreation which does not include her. Try Salsa classes (lots of hotties there). Go on some 'hang out' dates with other women.

Thirdly, when SHE then comments that you are pulling away say NOTHING.

If you can get this far you have 90% of the frame back in your grasp.

There is one more step that I will leave for another post at time.

We had a converstation about what happened and that I don't like her being with other male guys, I explained her that it's not normal to have male companies, (she couldn't argue that I have female ones, cause I don't, I don't like having female friends) I explained her that when someone is in a LTR it's rather strange to go out and drink/dance with someone of the opposite sex, even friends! I explained her that if she had true friends, they wouldn't matter and they would understand that she is in a LTR now!

We went out with my father, all the three of us, so that they will meet each other and we started saying little things for fun like, George is being a little overreacting and staff like that, so I said to my father, which I think is a pretty logical person and educated about that matter with her friends, he told her that NO there is no friendship between a woman and a man only in a false state! Even he explained her what I was telling her and it was a bit funny, he told me not to overreact though and staff...

The conclusion was this,
She told me that I am right and hadn't really thought of it...
She told me that she can't cut off her friends entirely but she has cut them a lot since we've been together (which is true as I wrote when I started the post, she doesn't go out for drinks or nightclubs when her friends invite her) but she will try to please me even more and decrease it cause she just wants to be with me...

The reason I am not giving up on her and just break up is that when we met she had many disadvantages, like going to nightclubs, stay out late, talk on the phone while being with me, act immature in front of me, asking me to be all the time with her instead of being with my friends and now, after 5 months she is a completely different person! I changed her and I really like that I made her what she is now, a LTR material! She doesn't do ANYTHING of what she was doing! The only thing left is her f*cking male friends! That annoys me ! Yes it does!

I'll just wait and see her response on this matter after the conversation we had... I gave her a chance, I'll just wait for now...

Thanks for the replies, helped me a lot on what to say...

 

[terran2k]

way to let her have emotional control over you. you're calling those other guys afc's? new's flash: you're acting like an afc

 

[DonJuanit0]

way to let her have emotional control over you. you're calling those other guys afc's? new's flash: you're acting like an afc

Thanks God you don't know me and you don't really know what an AFC is...

 

[terran2k]

k; I'm not going to argue with you. I'll just wait until you post "she dumped me, how 2 win her back". I'll help you when you really want help and not in denial

 

[DonJuanit0]

k; I'm not going to argue with you. I'll just wait until you post "she dumped me, how 2 win her back". I'll help you when you really want help and not in denial

You are really funny... You just registered on this forum and you think you know everything! I'm in the bad position to let you know that you know nothing! =(

If you even had taken the time to read the entire post you would have seen that I have changed that woman! No AFC would do it and no one did before me!

I've dumped her once and she actually was the one trying to be back together with me...

I would never ask here on how to gain her back! LOL I would never try to get an ex back...

Stay back soldier and learn some things before you think you know everything and answer to everything...

I won't f*ck my post further more cause of you... Go troll somewhere else, ksou!