I can't seem to nail conversation

[Akyu]

One thing that is really frustrating for me, is that I never seem to have good conversations with people. They are always boring and end up in a pause and then the conversation ends. The most frustrating part is that I know I can have good conversations, and be that guy because I've done it before. Just the times I have, it seems very natural and everything just flowed. And because of that, I can figure out an exact way on how I did it. I've read the threads in the Bible about conversation, but honestly all of that stuff seems too basic and boring.

One good example of this is this one girl I know. She IMs me everytime I log on AIM, but honestly our conversations really suck any more. When i first met her I talked and really made a good connection. But anymore theres just nothing to talk about. And I feel like I'm coming off as really boring to her. I'm not hoping to go anywhere with this girl, so I've experimented with a lot of stuff with her, and even with that mindset I just cant converse with this woman, maybe I'm just a boring guy, or maybe my standard for a good conversation is way too high. I might post some conversations later tonight so you guys can point out any flaws i might be missing

 

[Akyu]

Alright heres a conversation I just had... I don't think I handled it too well but here it is...
Female (6:41:13 PM): omg
Female (6:41:14 PM): andyy
Akyu (6:41:58 PM): omg what!
Female (6:41:27 PM): i lloveeeee you
Female (6:41:30 PM): lets shower naked
Akyu (6:42:19 PM): Sure(yeah i think this was a pretty big mistake, should have played around with it a bit)
Akyu (6:42:46 PM): lol
Female (6:42:28 PM): lol
Female (6:42:30 PM): fo sho
Akyu (6:43:13 PM): so whats up
Akyu (6:45:05 PM): ?
Female (6:44:41 PM): nm listening to my ipod
Female (6:44:47 PM): hbu
Akyu (6:45:35 PM): not much im listening to music too
Akyu (6:47:11 PM): so are you ready for school
Female (6:46:45 PM): yeahh kind of hbu
Akyu (6:47:43 PM): same
Akyu (6:48:28 PM): the only things im not looking forward to are homework and you
Akyu (6:48:30 PM):
Female (6:50:18 PM): and me?
Akyu (6:51:17 PM): yeah im going to have to actually see you
Female (6:50:47 PM): sooooooooo
Female (6:50:49 PM): haha
Akyu (6:51:29 PM): its bad enough just talking to you on here
Female (6:50:53 PM): why do u talk to me then
Akyu (6:51:36 PM): cause im a nice guy
Female (6:51:04 PM): ur sooo meannnnnnnnnn
Female (6:51:15 PM): what the **** did i ever do to u
Akyu (6:52:22 PM): haha chill
Female (6:51:55 PM): are u messing with me?
Akyu (6:52:48 PM): maybe
Female (6:52:16 PM): lol
Akyu (6:53:03 PM): if i told you that would ruin it
Female (6:52:37 PM): u like when i flip out dont u
Akyu (6:53:25 PM): yeah its kinda funny
Female (6:52:55 PM): yeah i get that alot
Akyu (6:53:45 PM): and you wonder why steve and ryan make fun of you
Female (6:53:16 PM): cuz its funny
Akyu (6:53:57 PM): exactly
Female (6:53:32 PM): lol
Female (6:53:35 PM): is it a good thing
Akyu (6:54:53 PM): thats debateable
Akyu (6:54:58 PM): but
Akyu (6:55:00 PM): id say no
Female (6:54:27 PM): lol
Akyu (6:55:37 PM): you said you got a date to the soph? did you ask baker (note I wasnt planing on asking her, I already have a date)
Female (6:55:08 PM): no
Akyu (6:55:52 PM): oo
Akyu (6:57:37 PM): i hope they play that soulja boy song
Female (6:57:09 PM): i kno right
Female (6:57:14 PM): ill be doing it loll
Akyu (6:58:01 PM): im gonna be crankin dat soulja boy
Female (6:57:30 PM): ahah
Akyu (6:59:23 PM): alright well i g2g
Akyu (6:59:25 PM): later


I think maybe i went over the top with the negs, but this girl thinks shes hot as hell whens shes like an 7 at best.

 

[Randallpink83]

Yeah I'm assuming this is not the type of conversation you were going for. It was C+F and playful, but I'm thinking you wanted to go for something deeper..?

and the shower naked thing... nah, just small playing it is an ok strategy. Or maybe saying something very simple back.. like "Only if I can be on top"... i dont know, but the fact that she said it so early wouldn't have made me give it very much credit.

... it's okay to start out with all the c+f.. maybe one or two of the negs and then start to move to more a normal conversation. The best way to get a good conversation would be probably be to honestly be curious about her or whoever you're talking to. If you're TRULY intrested, you will ask the question that count, and you will REALLY hear and understand the answers which should intrest you to ask the correct questions again.. if there is such a thing as a correct question.
of course a convo isnt just one sided... so make sure to share yourself also... a simple thing to always share is WHY what she is saying is intresting you...

like for example....

HER: ...I went camping last week
ME: oh yeah? where did you go?
HER: up north in the woods.
ME: yeah! How did you like it.
HER: blah blah blah, fun blah blah, (if she says anything over the top here like she was attacked by a bear, then bling bling you hit jackpot... how could you not be interested?)
ME: Thats cool you lucky dog, I love camping, I try and get out as much as possible, My favorite thing is to sit in front of the camp fire at night and just watch the stars... did you have a camp fire?..(leading her more into the conversation and she knows why, because you love campfires and you want to know if she shares your feelings on soming.. even if its trivial)
HER: yeah, and me and my dad took turns farting in it... want to shower naked?
ME: only if I can be on top.

=P I dont know lame examples, but you should understand what i'm saying... Be interested, sincerely interested... thats what conversations and human interaction is about... Sadly, a huge percentage of it, alot of people fake the sincerity, Women are masters at that. They will have the deepest conversation with another girlfriend and then totally burn them down behind their back. haha. But I like people enough to be sincere.. people absolutely intrest me.

 

[Carbine]

"One thing that is really frustrating for me, is that I never seem to have good conversations with people. They are always boring and end up in a pause and then the conversation ends. The most frustrating part is that I know I can have good conversations, and be that guy because I've done it before."

Join the club.

 

[ElStud]

Not really going to critique that convo because I've never really had a convo on AIM but I will give you some general tips on conversation.

Questions not statements

Try making statements and not asking questions. It's basically the difference between saying "Did you have a good day today?" or "You look like you had a good day today".

Try to have fun with the girls, make things interesting

I notice A LOT of people generally don't do this. But have fun with the girls or the people you're socializing with. Be funny, tease her, don't just try for rapport and asks questions, that's what a lot of people do and that generally makes the conversation boring, no matter how LONG it goes on. A good way to be funny is to neg her in a playful way or just be ****y and funny. Face to face conversations are usually the best though, because they can be a lot more fun.

 

[Kev07]

No offense here Elstud, but I'm going to have to say don't listen to Elstud's advice about conversation. From the looks of how your FRs go, you have a lot to work on, so don't go around giving advice about conversations.


It really hurts to see guys that just neg for no reason at all. It's obvious that she already likes to talk to you, why go around putting her down all the time.

And as for actual conversation, just say something open ended, something that you can't just reply with a yes no or lol.

Also remember that you dont HAVE to keep talking, if the conversation lags, let it lag. Go do something else. Something pops into your head, say it, don't go digging through your head just for something to say to keep a girl entertained.

 

[ElStud]

No offense here Elstud, but I'm going to have to say don't listen to Elstud's advice about conversation. From the looks of how your FRs go, you have a lot to work on, so don't go around giving advice about conversations.


It really hurts to see guys that just neg for no reason at all. It's obvious that she already likes to talk to you, why go around putting her down all the time.

And as for actual conversation, just say something open ended, something that you can't just reply with a yes no or lol.

Also remember that you dont HAVE to keep talking, if the conversation lags, let it lag. Go do something else. Something pops into your head, say it, don't go digging through your head just for something to say to keep a girl entertained.

Hey, girls are laughing at what I'm saying and I'm getting the attention of the group, so don't tell him to not listen to my advice. You hardly have ANY FR's and yet I still take your advice. But no, don't go around telling people who or who NOT to listen to, especially when you know the person giving advice is getting positive results(Girls laughing, getting the attention of the group). The dudes not stupid, he could look at my latest FR and see that what I preach actually works.

 

[nicenomore]

Questions not statements

.

correction : Statements ; not questions.

also agree with Kev07, chuck the negs.. be open , be funny , tease. Negs are meant for a particular usage only. Dont go for that now.

MOst importantly ; dont be the one to talk . Make her talk. Read Dale Carneige's "How to make friends and influence people" Its one of the best , if not the best books out there

 

[nicenomore]

i forgot to add.. dont be logical.. girls never are logical creatures. be emotional.

 

[Kev07]

Hey, girls are laughing at what I'm saying and I'm getting the attention of the group, so don't tell him to not listen to my advice. You hardly have ANY FR's and yet I still take your advice. But no, don't go around telling people who or who NOT to listen to, especially when you know the person giving advice is getting positive results(Girls laughing, getting the attention of the group). The dudes not stupid, he could look at my latest FR and see that what I preach actually works.

i have FR,s not here though.

Anyone can get a girl to laugh bro, you're not making a good impression of yourself to girls.

Just GO WITH IT, you're trying too hard to think of something witty to say and it shows. the FRs you show seem to be more talkshow than an actual conversation.

 

[Randallpink83]

i forgot to add.. dont be logical.. girls never are logical creatures. be emotional.

yeah.. but guys are logical... are you saying we should act like chicks to pick them up?

just messing, but i kind of hit a point.

And yes I would watch your "neg hit" usage.. its not the end all be all... But I wouldn't be afraid to bombared with C+F... and sometimes being ****y will neg her..

I dont know, if I had a choice I would rather come off as an a$$hole then a nice guy.

 

[nicenomore]

i have FR,s not here though.

Anyone can get a girl to laugh bro, you're not making a good impression of yourself to girls.

true.. any one can be a dancing monkey. Natural humor is good , but being deliberate sucks big time..
Its all in the extent you do in a set.

yeah.. but guys are logical... are you saying we should act like chicks to pick them up?

just messing, but i kind of hit a point.

And yes I would watch your "neg hit" usage.. its not the end all be all... But I wouldn't be afraid to bombared with C+F... and sometimes being ****y will neg her..

I dont know, if I had a choice I would rather come off as an a$$hole then a nice guy.

an example , straight from "the Game" by neil Strauss aka Style

Style while attempting to kiss a girl, the girl says " Only on the chhek" or something to that effect. Guess what Style does. He doesn't try convincing her why he should kiss her on the cheek. He merely puts finger on her lips and says "Shhh......" and makes out with her.

Getting logical is one of the surest ways a girl will allow you to loose her. It is one of the ways an AMOG will remove you from your state. Thats a hit to kill way you shoot yourself in the foot. Thats why don't be logical. You'll be blown out. Very easily

I'm not good at C+F. I'm more ****y than funy. But I'll tell you this. C+F is like push - pull. You need both.

As far as egs are concered , don't EVER do it to the extent the girls value will be lower than yours. you'll definatly loose her. I only do it incase a girl does a **** test on me.

A wrong neg and you'll be blown from a set.

And Kev07, you give intelligent advice , where do you post your FR's

 

[girl_in_a_boy_forum]

Get away from the internet. I've yet to have an interesting conversation over IM. And if a guy can only communicate to me through IM, eww.

Talk to her face to face, buddy.

For me, I get bored talking about day-to-day fluffy filler stuff. I'd rather discuss ideas or events. I like to see a guy's brains. Some of the best conversations I've ever had with my bf were about books, racial and ethnic identity, religious crusades, and capital punishment.

I'm not saying you need to start a debate, but discuss an actual topic. It's much more interesting and much more memorable. Oh, and get off of IM.

 

[nicenomore]

Get away from the internet. I've yet to have an interesting conversation over IM. And if a guy can only communicate to me through IM, eww.

Talk to her face to face, buddy.

For me, I get bored talking about day-to-day fluffy filler stuff. I'd rather discuss ideas or events. I like to see a guy's brains. Some of the best conversations I've ever had with my bf were about books, racial and ethnic identity, religious crusades, and capital punishment.

I'm not saying you need to start a debate, but discuss an actual topic. It's much more interesting and much more memorable. Oh, and get off of IM.

gotta gree with above..

though i'm not sure how many girswould love to talk about books, racial and ethnic identity, religious crusades, and capital punishment.

 

[Bling]

No offense here Elstud, but I'm going to have to say don't listen to Elstud's advice about conversation. From the looks of how your FRs go, you have a lot to work on, so don't go around giving advice about conversations.

No offense here Kev07, but most people on this board have less game than ElStud. They don't even talk, and they still give advice. I don't like when people suck at their own life giving me advice, but sometimes, their advice is great because they know what to do they just can't do it themselves.

 

[Docs]

Because its Pimp.

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

Get away from the internet. I've yet to have an interesting conversation over IM.

Lol.

 

[(JJ)]

though i'm not sure how many girswould love to talk about books, racial and ethnic identity, religious crusades, and capital punishment.

especially cuz this is the high school forum. talking politics w/ most hs girls is a bad idea

 

[Kev07]

No offense here Kev07, but most people on this board have less game than ElStud. They don't even talk, and they still give advice. I don't like when people suck at their own life giving me advice, but sometimes, their advice is great because they know what to do they just can't do it themselves.

True too, I probably came off to harsh on Elstud, what I meant was, take his advice with a grain of salt, like most advice thrown around on this board.